| abstract
| - As Shenner draws near to the address in question, she finds a rather simple looking house on the edge of the campus. While it isn't very large or fancy, it is kept in immaculate condition. There are combinations of flower gardens and coral gardens along the front of the house, with larger ones visible to the back of the house. The property borders along a cliff edge, with the ocean just beyond surging back and forth, pounding the rocks below. There are a few pieces of artifacts - large stone sculptures and the like, scattered here and there about the property. The house has large windows, especially toward the side facing the ocean. Most of the curtains are currently shut. Nervous, tense, Shenner hastens towards the nearest entrance she can find, after double checking the address with the scribbled note on the back of Paul's card. Yes; this is the place. She steps up to the door, and looks for a buzzer or a chime to activate. There is an old fashioned knocker on the door, in the shape of an octopus type sea creature, made of brass. Shenner swallows, grasps the knocker in her free hand, and then lets it fall against the door with a loud *TOK*. There is no immediate response to the single knock at the door. _This has gotta be the place... it's gotta...._ Shenner fidgets on the doorstep, and after a few moments wait, uses the knocker again, staring anxiously at the door as though she can make it open by sheer force of will. After a few moments, the door opens and the very large eyes of a very aged looking Mon Calamari looks at you. He blinks a few times and taking you for a student says, "I'm terribly sorry, but I'm not available for consultations or office hours today. The office will be open tomorrow and you can make an appointment with my assistant there." His tone is polite, but he looks as though he were concerned with something else and had not slept well the night before. Shenner starts, as though not expecting the door to actually be answered. Almost before the being before her finishes speaking, she blurts out, "I'm sorry to bother you, uhm, are you Dr. Canto? I'm lookin' for a friend of mine, it's _real_ important, and your office said you were here...?" Her green eyes reflect immense worry, slightly hollow in her thin face. The large eyes whirl about and focus you your face a little more intently. The tall Mon Calamari leans forward, as if to get a better look at you. "Yes, he replies after a moment, his voice carrying a natural quality of authority, "I am Dr. Canto. Now who are you exactly, and who is it that you are looking for?" he asks in return. "My name's Shenner, sir," the kid begins, keeping herself from babbling with a visible effort. "And I'm lookin' for my friend Paul, Paul Nighman, have you seen him? Please?" Standing back, the professor considers you for a moment, then opens the door wider and steps back, gesturing inward with one hand. "Please come in and take a seat in the main room," he offers, without commenting on request. Shenner swallows, then nods rapidly, and moves where directed. "Thank you, sir... if you can just tell me if you've seen him, I been told he's been hurt, see?" Shenner pads with trepidation into the house, looking quickly in all directions, as if perhaps hoping to see Paul materialize out of nowhere. The house is very simple and elegant inside, tastefully done with light cream colored walls and sea greens and blues for the rug, furniture, and drapes. There are many beautiful sculptures and artifacts carefully placed about the room. The room, however, is more of a showcase for the wall long window that faces the ocean. Here is both a seascape below of rushing water against rocks, but also a skyscape of giant slowly rolling clouds. You hear the door close behind you as you enter, and the Mon Calamari follows you in. From behind you the voice of Dr. Canto rumbles forth. "If you just wish to know whether I've seen him and how he is, then my reply would be yes and acceptable, respectively." The sight of the ocean is enough to give Shenner pause... and at any other time she might gaze at it in wide-eyed wonder. Now, though, she simply fidgets, standing in the middle of the room, one hand tapping restlessly against her thigh. As you speak, though, she whirls back to you, and pipes anxiously, "So he _is_ okay? Where is he? Please, I gotta find him....!" Dr. Canto watches the girl for a moment and then gestures to a large comfortable looking chair. "I'm afraid it is not that simple," he murmurs softly. "Would you please take a seat?" Shenner's brow furrows; something in the Calamari's tone reaches her, and, gingerly, she sinks down into the chair in question. But her expression is still urgent, still worried. "What's goin' on?" she blurts. Dr. Canto seats himself down across from Shenner, slowly, as if his age was finally catching up with him. Placing his arms on the chair's rest his gaze turns to the view for a moment and then back to Shenner. "First of all, since you are obviously concerned, Dr. Nighman is staying here and his health is an acceptable condition." At the 'Dr.' before Paul's surname, Shenner blinks a bit, momentarily wearing a 'huh?' expression, before it yields to vivid relief. Almost. There's a frown of query on her face, as she says, "But?" "I'm afraid that I need to ask you a few questions before I can allow you to see him, if you will permit me?" he replies, the eyes impaling you with the intensity of their stare ... or perhaps it is just their size that makes it seem that way. The girl blinks again, taken aback, her expression lapsing into confusion. "Well... sure...." The aged Calamari nods approvingly at Shenner's acquiescence. "Now, what I need to understand is who you are, what are you to Dr. Nighman, and why it is that you need to see him." Another blink of those big green eyes... well, big for a human youngster, at any rate. Shenner blushes a little, and stammers, "Well, uh, I'm... Shenner. He knows me 'cause he got me offa Belsavis, and, uh, well, left me on Tatooine, and then we run into each other on Palanhi, then we come here." You think you see a hint of a smile on the Calamari's face, but then who can really tell with that kind of a mouth? Dr. Canto shakes his head sadly from side to side. "My dear child, you will have to do better than that," he replies gently. "Try again." Shenner frowns, bristling. "Well... whaddya want me to say?" she snaps, voice cracking slightly, as she struggles to pretend there's no frantic edge to her words. She can't keep her hands from fidgeting restlessly in her lap, either. Dr. Canto frowns and then rises up, heading toward the door. "I don't think you need to say anything more, you've already shown me what I needed to know." He opens the door and turns back to look at Shenner. "I'll tell Dr. Nighman that you came inquiring about him." Shenner freezes, then her face goes white and stiff. Blinking rapidly, trying to clear a sudden welling of tears from her eyes, the kid rises and stalks towards the door. "Fine," she snarls, or at least tries to; her voice has abruptly thickened, as though she tries to speak around a lump in her throat. Dr. Canto watches the girl approach him and cannot help but feel a little sorry for her. Still, he has his priorities clear and she is not one of them. As Shenner reaches the door he adds, "I'm sorry I could not be of more help to you, but I will not allow anyone to disturb Dr. Nighman right now, and if you cannot control yourself, then you leave me no other choice." Shen determines that her hands are trembling; irritated, she thrusts them into her pockets. Not breaking stride, she tosses in a hoarse-edged voice over her shoulder, "Pardon the hell outta me for bein' worried sick about him, then!" And with that, the girl is out the door and in motion down the path away. The aged Mon Calamari watches the girl storm off and then sighs, leaning his head against the doorway. "Well," he murmurs softly to himself, "then that would make two of us, now wouldn't it?" His eyes turn concernedly back to the cliff view, frowning and then sadly shaking his head again, he closes the door and heads back into the house. Tears flow more readily as Shenner gets farther away from the house. Irritated anew by them, she halts by a tree, scowling, and scrubbing a hand across her eyes. _Can't control myself, huh?_ she thinks, viciously. _Gettin' _real_ karkin' tired of bein' called a kid...._ Molari sighs softly in frustration and walks toward the incredible view, staring out at the landscape, but with no pleasure in his eyes. He leans his head against the glass and stares at the edge of the cliff intently. "Paul I am so sorry ..." he murmurs softly. "I wish you would talk to me," he mutters to no one, since there isn't anyone around to listen to him. Fifteen minutes elapse; fifteen minutes in which Shenner struggles to calm herself down, and eventually, succeeds. With a long sigh, she turns, eyes the house, and strides back to it determinedly. Her thin hand lifts to the knocker, and knocks, once. After a moment, the door opens again, and the tired face of Dr. Canto stares out at Shenner, his eyes widening when he sees that she is back. He stands in the doorway, looking down at her with an expression that is both wary and hopeful. "Yes?" he intones deeply. Her face still white, but set and composed, Shenner says stiffly, "I wanna apologize for actin' like a child, sir, and if you'd be willin' to talk to me still, I really want to find Paul." The Mon Calamari nods at her request and opens the door to her again. "Please come in and make yourself comfortable," he replies. "Is there anything that I can get for you? Something to drink?" he adds in a tone both polite and inviting. Her hands once more in her pockets, Shenner slips past the Calamari, giving him a wary look as she does so, then managing a somewhat mannerly, "Thanks. Yeah, that'd be okay." Dr. Canto nods slowly and gestures with one hand toward the main room, then turns to head into the kitchen on his left. When he returns he is carrying two glasses of a slightly amber colored liquid with a piece of pink fruit floating at the top. He hands Shenner a glass. "Now, let us start again, and this time, let me explain to you why it is that I need to understand the circumstances surrounding Dr. Nighman and yourself." Accepting the glass, Shenner murmurs awkwardly, "Okay...." And, belatedly, another small thank you, as she sits. Dr. Canto sits across from Shenner and he gaze turns to the view yet again, frowning slightly. "I have know Dr. Nighman," and then he pauses and frowns again, "no, I have known -Paul- for a very long time ... since he was about seven years old actually." He takes a sip of his drink before continuing. Experimentally, Shenner sniffs at the drink, then tastes it, and, at last, is distracted by the notion of Paul as a seven-year-old. "Oh," she murmurs, listening now. The drink is light and has an almost smoky quality to it, mixed with a fragrant fruit flavor. Dr. Canto continues to stare out of the window and he continues with his explanation. "We've been colleagues for a long time now, but before that I was colleagues with his father ... that's how I first came to know Paul." He smiles gently at the memory. "He was an interesting child - extremely mature and intelligent for his age, but rather small of stature and physical build. It put him at something of a disadvantage I'm afraid ... being so smart that he skipped grades ... and smaller than most kids his own age, let alone upper classmates. He got beat up a lot," he murmurs, his mind traveling off on a tangent, "I can recall one afternoon working out the detail of a dig site with his father when Paul came home with a black eye, a bloody nose, and two cracked teeth ... he didn't cry, he didn't even said a word, just went upstairs with his school books." The Mon Calamari frowns again that this point, remembering the moment vividly, "And of course his father, well ..." and his tone winds away, obviously both angry and unwilling to speak ill of his colleague. "Well, he didn't have a talent for children." he finally finishes. Shenner might be seen to wince a bit at the idea of Paul getting beaten up as a child; that slides aside to a general astonished bemusement, as the girl listens to all of his, eyes dark. When you're done, she offers, "Okay...", shyly, by way of letting you know she's still listening. At Shenner's voice, Dr. Canto seems to return from his uneasy nostalgia and turns back to the girl. "I'm afraid you'll have to forgive me," he notes somewhat wryly, "I am after all rather old and have a tendency to ramble." "It's okay," Shenner says, tautly, her tone suggesting she's still somewhat uneasy and not sure whether she'll blow this second chance at finding her friend. Then she smiles wanly. Dr. Canto nods again and leans back in his chair again. "Well, what I am trying to tell you here is that Paul and I have a long history together and despite that, I have yet to have him call me friend to my face. He is an extremely guarded man and has never let anyone very close to him. I think that he would like to," he adds thoughtfully, "but I think he is too scared to ... which of course he would never -could- never admit ... to himself or anyone else." Taking another sip from the glass the professor clears his throat. "So in short, last night Paul shows up on my doorway looking like death himself and won't even talk to me, moves like a zombie." The Mon Calamari's face looks suddenly tired and even older than it's considerable years. "He allowed me to be more of a friend to him last night than in all of the 20 some years that I've known him, and yet he still won't talk to me." He turns his gaze back to Shenner's and again you get the feeling that you were being measured up by a large guard dog. "So, now I am going to do what I should have done years ago. I need to understand what is going on now, why he is like this, and before I let anyone see him, I am going to make sure that they are not going to hurt him any more." The girl swallows, forgetting about her drink, which she simply just holds there as you speak. Finally, uneasily, she asks, "How... d'you want me to start?" "I need you to tell me who you are, what you mean to Paul, why you want to see him, and if you know, what has been going on and what happened to him last night," he replies succinctly, placing his glass down on the table next to him and folding his hands in his lap. Again, the girl swallows, then she sighs, turning the glass about in her hands. "Well... my name's Shenner. I'm from Belsavis. I met Paul about a year ago, when he came to my homeworld and I-I, uh, needed to get off. I didn't have much money. But he took me anyhow, for what money I had, and for helpin' out on his ship, see?" The tall Calamari nods encouragingly, but says nothing. "So, uh. I wanted to go to the New Republic, and we were gonna do that, but Paul had to stop on Tatooine, and uh, well...." Shenner looks away, uneasily, towards the wide windows and the seascape beyond. "Paul... kinda got moody and upset, when we got there, he didn't tell me why at the time, and hone night he goes out, not tellin' me where he's goin'. I'm sittin' in the _Bolt_ and talkin' to Alx -- he's the computer -- when Paul comes back, drunk, I mean, _real_ drunk, and...." She slows, uncertain whether she should be saying this. "I only found out from him later that he thought I was somebody else. Didn't know it at the time. Uh..." "Serent," Dr. Canto fills in helpfully. "Yes, I know about her peripherally." "Oh..." That you know about the woman seems to comfort the kid, somewhat. Nevertheless, she starts blushing crimson as she mumbles, "Well, uh, he thought I was her, and, kinda kissed me, and, uh, I kinda hit him. And took off of the ship." Dr. Canto blinks in surprise. "Hmmmm-mm, well I didn't hear about -that-," he replies. "Go on," he urges gently. Still blushing, Shenner runs a fingertip around the top of her glass, then gulps down a mouthful of its contents, before she continues, "Well, so, I kinda ran off.... and found out the next day that Paul was gone. Took the ship and left. Didn't see him again till a coupla weeks ago on Palanhi... " She trails off, thinking hard, trying to decide how much of the intervening year she should talk about. Dr. Canto nods again. "Yes, he felt rather bad about that as I recall," he notes idly. "So how did you and Paul meet up again?" he asks curiously. Shenner sighs. "Well, uh. I was with some folks from the NR, see... they were lookin' for a friend of theirs, and I just... bumped into Paul on the streets of the city, yah know? And, uh, I-I kinda fought with him, but he apologized, and since it was pretty dangerous tryin' to find the guy we were lookin' for, Luke said Paul could stay with us on the _Dragon_... that was Luke's ship.... and so Paul did, and he and Luke and Grathix.... uhm, Grathix used to be my boss... they got into talking about doing this job findin' some artifacts somewhere, which I guess they're still gonna do. But we left Palanhi and came here." Molari's expression becomes somewhat confused as Shenner begins to speed up her tale. He holds up one hand for clarification, "Alright, so you met Paul on Palahni? And there was some kind of danger involved? And now you and Paul are what, friends? And who is this Luke person? You need to slow down a bit, I don't want to miss anything important," he notes gently. Her eyes crinkling around their edges in strain and agitation, Shenner takes a moment to visibly restrain herself. She finally explains roughly, "Luke is... Luke Skywalker. You know who Luke Skywalker is?" He nods affirmatively. "And so Luke Skywalker and this Grathix person are hiring Paul to do some archaeology exploration for them?" "Yeah... I don't really know much about it, see... 'cept that they're goin' to Mandalore, at least when they get everything worked out." Shenner calms a bit, with the subject diverted, at least for the nonce, away from herself. One eye widens slightly more than the other one for a moment, as if in recognition. "Alright," he notes, "So now you and Paul are what, friends or just ship mates?" At this, though, the girl looks down almost shyly. "Well... he's been real real nice to me, see, and I guess we're friends now, except after the other night... I'm..." Her face reflects internal struggle, as she tries again to calm herself. "I'm... kinda scared that... I made him mad at me." This comes out of her slightly overswift, as though she's unthrilled to be saying the words but wants to get them said as quickly as possible. The Mon Calamari regards you steadily and then leans forward, placing a hand lightly on your arm. "My dear," he replies apologetically, "I am sorry if I am making you uncomfortable, but I'm afraid I really must ask you why you think so." His expression is sympathetic. Shenner can be seen to blush, and her arm, touched, can be felt to tremble. She closes her eyes, and says as level a voice as she can manage, "I... kissed him, when he was drunk, and he wound up kissin' me, and... then I told him I loved him, and he... ran off." The Mon Calamari's eyes open up very wide at that and he grips your arm tightly, "Oh my dear, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean you had to tell me anything so personal!" He sighs regretfully. "I must admit I feel rather ashamed at putting you through this ... and I'm also not surprised that Paul fled after you said that, though I very much doubt he was angry with you in the slightest. So this was what happened last night?" Shenner mumbles, "Well, y-you wanted to know why I gotta find him...." "Well, yes, this certainly does clarify a few things. I just have three questions then. First, when did this ah, event, happen?" "Few nights ago," Shenner answers lowly, staring down at her drunk as if finding something fascinating in its color. A thoughtful look crosses the Mon Calamari's face, "So that would have been just before he came to visit here the first time," he murmurs curiously, as one more piece of the puzzle fits into the picture. "Alright then," he says, his attention returning to Shenner, "who is Jessalyn?" _That_ startles the girl. She looks up awkwardly, then swallows, and says, "She's... a Major. With the NR. She was with us on Palanhi, and she's here now, and.... she and Paul... fight a lot." "Fight? Really? How so," Dr. Canto inquires curiously. "Mostly about.... " Again, Shenner sighs, looking distraught, and wrestling with it. "About how... Jessalyn cares for somebody, somebody else, see, except it's makin' her miserable and Paul's been tryin' to help her feel better, except that it... just kinda keeps comin' out that they snap each other's heads off." Dr. Canto's eyes narrow slightly and he asks, "Cares for somebody else? Are you implying that she used to care for Paul and doesn't any more?" In answer to that, Shenner blinks at you, and blurts, "I.... I don't think so..." Her face suddenly falls, as though the notion of such feelings between Paul and Jessalyn hadn't occurred to her, and are now not striking her very well. Watching the girls suddenly depressed expression, Dr. Canto pats her arm reassuringly. "Well, just because they are fighting a lot doesn't mean that they are in love or anything ... they probably just aren't communicating well. Paul has a desperate need to help others and not himself. If she is suffering from unrequited love or some such thing, then I'm sure Paul is just trying to help her out." Then, in an effort to distract the girl he asks, "So what happened last night?" It takes Shenner another noticeable effort to compose herself before she stammers, "I.... I ran into Paul... in the square, while I was busking.... and.... he said he was gonna come back to the base where we were stayin'.... and we did. I-I went for a shower and when I came back.... he and Jessa were fightin' again. She left... and then... he left, and I was gonna go to bed, but I couldn't sleep, and... I was up talkin' to Luke. General Calhoun showed up, then.... said Jessalyn got hurt and she was in the hospital." Shenner sniffles, just a little. "I-I stayed at the hospital with Jessalyn, and.... then, this morning, General Calhoun said that some aliens tried to kill Jess, and he and Paul stopped 'em, but... Paul got hurt." She finishes desperately, green eyes fixing on you, "You said he's okay, right?" Dr. Canto draws himself straight up in the chair for a moment, his mind shuffling the various puzzle pieces, trying to match up the edges. "I see," he finally murmurs softly, and then his eyes turn to Shenner. "My dear," he says, his voice dark and a tad urgent, "I want you to try to talk to Paul ... he hasn't said much more than two words to me all day, so don't be surprised if he offers you as few. If I am guessing correctly, I believe that Paul thinks that he is somehow responsible for this Jessalyn's injuries, from what you have just told me and what he murmured in his sleep last night." He frowns slightly. "I know that there must be much more behind that to justify his reaction of last night, but that was the catalyst, I'm sure of it." Shenner's eyes turn very full, and she breathes, "So... you'll tell me where he is?" The Mon Calamari points out the giant windows toward the cliffs edge. "If you go out the back, you'll find a little garden path that leads to the cliff's edge ... there you'll find that you can climb down and perch there. He was sitting out there looking at the sea, last time I saw him." The young girl's face somehow... shifts, as if the same emotion filling her eyes tries to expand to fill her features, and cannot quite fit. She rises, setting her half-forgotten glass down in the first place she can find. "Thank you.... thank you," she murmurs hoarsely. Dr. Canto smiles at Shenner warmly, personally surprised that the girl didn't burst up and fly out the door seconds after he told her where Paul was. He leans forward toward her and says, "Good luck Miss Shenner," his voice hinting that he wishes her well in more ways than just getting Paul to talk to her. "I think you are just what he needs right now," he adds, his meaning vague. "Thank you...." Instantly, then, Shen's gaze tracks to the back of the house, and her feet carry her swiftly to the door. Out through it she goes, initially trying to keep to a restrained pace, then bursting into a run for the last few meters of the garden path. Around her, flowers and coral go unnoticed, holding no interest the moment they are marked as not doing the duty of backdrop for a particular light-brown-haired figure. Only when she reaches the cliff's edge does Shenner skid to a halt, momentarily floored by the stunning sight of that boundless expanse of blue rolling out to the horizon. The smell of the air -- crisp, clean, salty -- and the distant rolling of waves strike her next, and she pauses there, more than a little overwhelmed, before she remembers her purpose and drops her gaze downward to scan for Paul. And then, finding him, she swallows hard. While not instantly apparent, after a little more looking Paul's form becomes visible about 10 or 12 yards away. He is sitting cross-legged on a jutting piece of rock, his gaze facing out to the sea. From this distance you can tell that he is wearing only his pants, which seemed to be stained, and a rather large white bandage on the back of his neck. To call out to him, or climb down? Shenner unnervedly peers over the cliff, then resolves to do both. She starts clambering down to the rock, while calling out Paul's name. The wind whipping along the cliff's edge is brisk, but warm. The cliff is not very steep or all that deep ... Paul's form sitting perhaps half way between the top and the waters edge. Your voice sound very small against the roar and crash of the waves and the wind whisks it up and back over the cliff's edge behind you. All this wind.... Shenner squints into it, suddenly grateful her hair isn't long enough to get into her face. She skitters down a little further, then, reluctant to just sneak up on Paul, she calls out again, more loudly, "Paul? Hey, Paul?" As you get closer and closer to Paul, your voice finally reaches his ears and he turns his head slightly, the wind whipping his hair in front of his face. He immediately straightens his head though with a violent wince, his hand lifting to the bandage at the back of his neck. Shenner winces a bit in immediate sympathy, but with an effort, straightens out her face. "Hi, pal... uhm.... can I siddown with yah?" It seems like Paul would like to turn and look at you, but the injury to his neck seems to prevent him from turning his head much. Instead he settles for nodding in response and moving over to make room for you, his gaze still fixed forward on the ocean. As you sit down you can see that the stain on his pants looks like blood and that there is a little blood staining the bandage on his neck. His feet and torso are bare, and his skin is starting to turn just a hint red, as if he'd been outside and in the sun for several hours. Shen clambers down to sit beside you, uncertainly. She studies your rumpled appearance, eyes darkening a little at the bloodstains she can see, then she offers, "How you doin'?" Paul starts to turn his head toward Shen and then stops himself and instead looks at you from the corner of his eye. "I'm alright," he answers, his voice a little raspy. The girl doesn't quite look like she buys it, but she nods, consideringly. "I, uh, well... found out somethin' of what happened last night... had to come find yah. Hope you don't mind." She looks down, then out to the water, and adds shyly, "I was worried about yah." Paul's gaze wanders back to the ocean. When you mention the events of the previous night, the hands resting on his knees tense against the fabric briefly. "No, I don't mind," he replies, giving you two more words than he did Molari today. Shenner chews her lower lip, watching that brief tension in your hands, then says awkwardly, "Ain't never been this close to an ocean before... it's awful pretty..." Paul's eyes are squinted against the glare of the sun as he watches the waves pound the shoreline. "It's perfect," he murmurs softly. For awhile he just sits there watching it, and then out of the blue he adds, "It was nice of you to come Shen." She smiles a little, and, impulsively reaches over to pat your hand. "Hey... what're friends for, huh?" Paul turns his right hand palm up to take Shenner's hand in his own and then reaches out with his left hand and covers her hand as well, clasping it there. He stares down at their hands for a moment and then looks back out to the ocean. "You're a good friend," he replies softly. Shenner blinks, a trifle surprised by Paul's reaching so quickly for her hand, but she nevertheless just lets him do that, while gently squeezing the hand she's holding. "You too," she murmurs. Then, after a moment: "Been out here a while, huh?" Paul's hands squeeze yours briefly and then he releases his grip, leaving your hand in the palm of his right one and returning the left to rest on his thigh. He answers your questions in order by replying, "I don't think so," in a slightly bitter tone and then, after a short pause and in a lighter tone, "Most of the day." Again, Shenner squeezes your hand, keeping hers around it as long as you don't seem to mind. Unsurely, she asks, "Wanna talk about it?" "I don't think so," he replies faintly. He raises his head slightly, letting the sun paint light along the slightly burnt planes of his face. Then, despite his assertion he suddenly states, "I'm like an alkaloid - useful in small doses but in larger quantities, poison." The girl's brow crinkles. She doesn't know what an alkaloid is, but she supposes that, at least right now, she doesn't need to. Pondering a moment, she then smiles tentatively, and ventures, "Uhm, well. Maybe I'm buildin' up an immunity or somethin'." For a short moment, Paul's face cracks into a small smirk-like grin. He gives Shen another glance out of the corner of his eye. "Well, you've been warned," he notes in an almost teasing voice. As you glance at her, you might see her smile a little more, though her eyes are still very full, her gaze soft as it rests on you. "I'm warned," she acknowledges, and falls silent, unwilling to press you too hard to talk, equally unwilling to leave you alone unless you show some sign that you want her to. Paul shows absolutely no desire to see Shen leave. In fact as your hand remains on his he returns his upward grip, holding her hand gently in his large palm. He sighs and then suddenly asks, "And Jessa?" He winces then, as if he hadn't meant to say anything and then blurts out quickly, "I called the hospital and they said she was fine, but, well, you know how they are," he finishes lamely. "I spent the night with her at the hospital," Shenner tells you quietly. "She was sleepin' when I left her this morning. She was talkin' and stuff, though. And General Calhoun says she's gonna be okay, and I trust him, if that helps." Shen considers, then adds musingly, "She asked for you when I got there last night, too." Paul holds your hand tightly as you speak, his gaze on the distant horizon. "I can't face her," he replies, his voice sounding hoarse, and then after a heartbeat he adds, "It's my fault." "What is, Paul?" Shenner asks, very softly. "Jessa," he croaks out and then breaks off and swallows hard. "I'm always hurting people that I, that I care about ..." He pauses for a moment his gaze locked on the horizon like a lifeline. "We're always hurting each other, and now I'm responsible for her being in the hospital." Remembering Dr. Canto's question about whether Jessalyn cared for Paul, Shenner winces ever so slightly, now, at Paul's admission... and tries hard not to wonder whether it means what she thinks it does, as she says slowly, "Well, I... I don't think she's mad at you. She sounded worried. And... afraid that you... hate her." Paul just sits there for a long time before he finally replies, "No, I don't hate her, and she probably feels awful about slapping me ... we never stay mad at each other for long ... that's the problem ... just leads to us hurting each other over and over again. I think ... I think that I need to break the chain now." His voice gets softer and softer as he talks until it is nearly a whisper at the end, just barely audible over the crashing of the surf. "You're... gonna go away?" Shenner asks, timidly. But her grip remains on your Letting out a deep and heavy sigh, Paul turns his head, grimacing slightly, but keeping his head toward you nonetheless. In the bright sunlight his pupils are mere specks in the sea of his iris, floating in large circles of green surrounded by a hazel shoreline. "Shen, you know that I am leaving eventually ... I have a job to complete. Am I leaving now? No." "I'm glad," Shenner murmurs, looking up into your face. "Anything I can... do?" Paul continues to stare at you. "I dunno," he replies softly, "what did you have in mind?" The girl shrugs a little, shyly. "I dunno... just... bein' a friend, I guess?" The edges of Paul's lips curl upward ever so slightly in the approximation of a smile. "Well, that would be pretty novel for me," he murmurs softly. His smile is fleeting though, and slips away with the wash of the next tide. "I actually do need to ask you for a favor though," he says, as a thought crosses his mind. "I need you to take a letter to Jessalyn for me." "Sure thing, pal," Shenner murmurs back. "Anything you want." Paul nods and then turns back to the view and lets out a deep breath. "I'm gonna stay here until it's time to go, most likely, but you're welcome to come over whenever you like," he tells Shenner earnestly, "or any time you need to, day or night, y'know?" he tags on randomly. "I'd be happy to..." Shenner assures you, steadily, even as she watches you look away. A beat, then she adds, "... if you need the company." Paul reaches up with one hand to gently rub at his neck, his eyes far away. Thoughts flit through his mind, distracting him and making his speech patterns oddly disconnected. "Well, I'm okay," he murmurs, "I mean you're welcome to stay but don't feel like you need to baby-sit me or anything ... I've got Molari and I'll be fine on my own," he murmurs absently. "I need to pick up a few things ... some new clothes would be good ... that's the second shirt I've lost in less than two weeks ... and maybe something to play would be nice, yeah, that's a good idea. I'll need you to wait a bit while I pen a letter to Jessalyn, boy is she going to be pissed ... if she doesn't hate me now, she will after this," and his face seems to crumple a bit for a moment before he frowns and mentally shakes it off. "Probably just as well really ... but what a shitty cowardly thing to do," he growls, and it is obvious that he has somewhere along the line of his rambling forgotten that you are listening to all of this. Shenner holds your other hand all the time that you speak, waiting patiently, eyes liquid. "I'll be happy to wait while you write," she murmurs. Paul turns his head, carefully, once again and smiles gratefully, then frowns at the tears burgeoning in Shenner's eyes, and he leans forward, reaching up to her face with his free hand. "Shenner? What is it? Did I upset you?" he asks worriedly, his face frowning in annoyance at himself for causing even more distress. "No! No, I swear!" Shenner replies instantly, without hesitation. "It's okay, Paul. Really. I'm okay." Paul's frown of worry slowly dissolves, although a small crinkle remains between his eyebrows. His hand cups your jaw line gently, tipping your face up so he can examine your eyes more closely. "You don't look okay," he murmurs softly, "you look upset. Am I scaring you?" he asks, uncertain of what to do now. The girl swallows a little at the touch to her jaw; delicate little bones she's got, there. She tells you shyly, "I'm just... worried about yah, yah know?" Paul keeps his hand there for a moment longer before dropping it away slowly. "Well, don't worry," he murmurs soothingly. "I may crack a bit, but I don't break." Shenner half-smiles, beginning to look relieved. "Good..." And she squeezes both your hands, taking them in her smaller ones. Paul watches her for a moment longer and then gently disengages his hands from hers, saying, "Well alright then I'll just pen that note to Jessalyn now," and he begins to get up, slowly, since he'd been sitting there for a long time. After shaking the cramps out of his legs he looks down at Shen and says, "So do you just want to wait here and take in the view, or do you want to come back up to the house?" He raises his eyes to the horizon, the sun just beginning to sink down toward it. "If you like," he murmurs, "I could make us some dinner and we could watch the sun set ...." and his voice wavers off, as if he were uncertain of her response. "I'll come with," Shenner answers, rising with a young and uninjured body's ease. And she grins hesitantly. "You can cook?" Paul nods and without thinking about it, offers her his hand for the climb back up. "Yeah, if yer a bachelor and you want to eat, you learn how to cook," he notes wryly. "Anything particular that you like?" Brightening, as you seem to return more to your normal self, Shenner nevertheless quite contentedly hangs onto your hand as you both crest the cliff and make your way back towards Dr. Canto's home. The girl does cast a look over her shoulder out at the ocean, though, and you can hear her utter a soft gasp as she spies how the sunset is beginning to splash color and light across both the sky and the water. Pausing for a moment to let Shen look for a little longer, Paul turns around himself and grins. "Yeah, Molari really pushed to get this house ... think he even forced one of the Deans to sacrifice it for him before he accepted the position here." You looks at Shen's dazzled face and asks her softly, "You sure you wouldn't rather wait out here ... I'd understand," he adds, in case her worry over him was what made her come with him in the first place. Shenner starts, then looks back around to you, and says shyly, "I'll come with you...." Paul nods and pulls on Shenner's hand gently, leading her back into the house. Unbeknownst to both of you is the figure of Dr. Molari Canto watching your approach from one of the bedroom windows. His head leans against the glass in a gesture of relief before he slips from view, closing the drapes. Following her companion up into the house, Shenner smiles, now, letting herself be led, and watching Paul move as she does so. She takes in his expressions, too, and the tones of his voice. Letting go of Shen's hand, Paul opens the door for her, and gallantly waves his hand to indicate to her that she should precede him. He keeps humming softly under his breath as he follows her in. "You can take a seat in the main room while I rustle something up," he notes, pointing to the chairs. "That way you can watch the sunset for awhile." He looks about the room for a moment and then calls out, "Molari?" but when there is no response he shrugs his shoulders and heads for the kitchen. "He musta stepped out," he murmurs to himself as he pads across the hallway. Much assured by Paul's improved mood, Shenner settles herself where bid in the big comfortable seat Dr. Canto had had her use before. She wrestles with the urge to kick off her boots and tuck her feet up under herself, and, not sure whether she has that liberty in this place, settles for glancing into the kitchen and peeking at Paul bustling about. "Does he do that a lot?" she calls, inquiringly. Paul pokes his head out through a window like opening that bridges the gap between the kitchen and the main room. He's holding some kind of fish in his hands and looks puzzled. "Do what a lot?" he asks .. and then notes off the cuff, "Oh, feel free to make yourself comfortable." "Step out," pipes Shenner. She ohs, then smiles lopsidedly and moves to pull off her boots. "Can I help do somethin'?" Paul grins at Shen and replies, "No thanks, it's a surprise," and ducks his head back into the kitchen. His voice floats out, echoing slightly, "I couldn't really tell you ... I've known Molari for years, but this is the first time I've ever imposed on him this much." You hear Paul bustling about in the kitchen for a few moments, opening cabinets and every once in awhile ah-ing in pleasant surprise. "I think he has more than earned the right, considering what I put him through these last 12 hours." he adds belatedly. "He seems pretty nice.... I, uh, kinda hollered at him," Shen confesses. She listens to you bustle and smiles to herself, curling up in the chair, and finding herself astonished to be sitting on such a soft thing. There is a rattle of dishes and then a moment of silence before Paul says, "You did what?" His tone is part horrified and part amused. "Hollered at him," Shen repeats, ruefully. There is an even longer pause of silence before you hear Paul's voice again. "You hollered at him? And he didn't twist your ear off?" He sounds faintly astonished. "Well, uh, he kicked me out," the girl admits, voice small. The rattling starts up again and Paul's voice rings out, "Well, that sounds about right ... they don't call him The Beast of the Basin behind his back for nothing," he notes wryly. The clattering goes on for a bit, and Paul makes strange little contented noises before it goes quiet again. "So if he kicked you out, how did you find me?" he asks, his tone somewhat suspicious. Shenner pauses herself, before she admits sheepishly, "Well, uh, I quit actin' like a kid pitchin' a temperfit, and came back and apologized." Paul's clattering starts up again, "Very mature," he notes, "Molari would respect that kind of response." The noises continue for a bit longer and then settle down. You hear some chopping and scraping sounds intermingling with Paul's humming. Shenner feels a sudden glow spring up in her chest, and she beams foolishly, with Paul safely in the other room where he can't see. With an effort, she manages to keep her voice steady, as she calls back, simply, "Thanks!" Paul's voice starts to ask, "What for?" but is cut off by a sharp oath and a loud crash following it. It's quiet for a second and then you can hear him growling to himself. Shenner calls, "Sure you don't need any help?" "No," he barks sharply. Then as if realizing his tone was a bit harsh he tries again with a more normal voice, "No thanks, just me being stupid and forgetting I have a hole in the back of my neck. Everything is under control now." His voice turns a little teasing and he mimics an Enforcer by saying, "Nothing to see here, move along, move along," under his breath. For a moment, Shenner thinks, then calls into the kitchen, "Okay... well, you take your time, okay? I been hungry enough that I know how to wait for food." Paul comes shuffling out of the kitchen and smiles wanly. "Well, it's in the oven, so that part's done." He stares down at himself and wrinkles his nose. "I'm just gonna go see if I have anything a little cleaner to change into." Shenner nods to you, not _quite_ looking directly at you, as she tells you almost chirpily, "You go clean up, sure... I, uh, I'll wait right here, 'kay?" After realizing that not only did his clothes need a little refreshing, but himself as well, Paul took advantage of the fact that Shen seemed willing to wait and the food would happily cook itself. The only clothes left that were at all decently clean were his black breeches and his green vest with the black lining and brown trim. Putting these on, he began to head out toward the main room, only to catch a glance of himself in the mirror. "Jeez," he growled in annoyance, "give me an eyepatch and I could be a Corellian pirate of the deep seas." To break the image he sticks his tongue out at his reflection and then chuckles deeply. "That's better." Opening the door of his room, Paul strides back into the main room, his eyes casting about the room casually to see where Shenner might have wandered to, his nose appreciatively sniffing the scents wafting from the kitchen. Shenner has not, in fact, wandered anywhere. Still in the big overstuffed chair on which she'd parked, she has curled up against its back, head lolled slightly sideways; she appears to have dozed off, lightly. Paul tiptoes over to the kid and looks at her for a moment, uncertain if he should let her sleep or not. Glancing out the window he sees that the sunset is in it's full glory, the sun only just now touching the horizon, shooting bands of amber, pink, and gold upward through the violet and indigo clouds. The deep blue of the ocean is gilded in gold with touches of copper. He sighs softly, appreciatively. Hunkering down next to her he whispers softly, "Shen?" The girl exhales, and mumbles, "Hrmmm?" Paul watches her for a moment and tries to decide what to do. If she is really asleep, then putting her to bed would be the best thing. He touches her shoulder gently, "Shen, you wanna sleep or eat?" he murmurs softly, moving his head a little closer to hers. Shenner sits up, and smiles drowsily. "I'm okay.... just didn't get much sleep last night, yah know? Is the food down?" She rubs at one green eye with a balled hand, making herself look very young. Settling back on his heels, Paul eyes her with concern. "Yes, food is done and I was wondering if you wanted to eat inside or out?" he offers, nodding his head to the astonishing scape to his right. Shenner's gaze turns out to the windows, and you can see her gasp, her eyes widening. Paul chuckles deeply at her reaction and repeats, "So which is it? In or out?" "Out? Can we go out?" Even before she finishes asking the question, the girl is on her feet and hastening to the back door. Paul grins and stands. "Uh Shen, we might like to take some things with us ... like the food?" Startled, Shenner halts, looks back at you, then abruptly giggles -- a very rare noise for her. Belatedly registering the smells now filling the room, she blinks and beams. "Wow!" Paul chuckles again, "Damn but you are easy to please," he teases her and then brushes past her on his way to the kitchen. Calling back to her he says, "So why don't you take the picnic gear and I'll bring the food?" "What's a picnic?" Shen asks, blankly, as she steps into the kitchen in your wake. The vest covering Paul's shoulders ripples at his surprise and he slowly turns around. "You don't know what a picnic is?" he seems both surprised and charmed. "Nope.... should I?" Paul shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I keep forgetting you've had a deprived childhood." Bending down he starts rummaging through the shelves, pulling out glasses, a basket, dishes, silverware, and the like. "Do me a favor and pull that giant green throw blanket out of the hallway closet?" Shenner nods, bemusedly, moving to do as you ask. She comes back with the blanket curled up in a ball in her arms, and she says, "Okay.... now wh--" And cuts off as she sees all the things you're getting out. "Wow." Paul finishes stuffing the rest of the stuff into a large basket and hands it to Shen. "Can you this carry this alright, shouldn't be too heavy. I'll handle the food," he adds, standing up and picking up a large silver domed container with delicious aromas escaping from it. "Sure..." Clearly intrigued, Shenner takes up the basket, shifting the blanket over onto her other arm. "Out now?" Her gaze shoots back to the brightening sunset out over the distant water. Paul nods, letting Shen go first. "Yeah, just head back out the way we came and then find a spot to sit and watch the sunset ... I'll do all the work." The girl flashes you a radiant grin and hastens out of the house and into the open stretch of yard behind it, not quite running -- laden as she is -- but visibly eager to be out where she can have an unobstructed view of the horizon. She gets ahead of you quickly, and then pauses where she stands, gazing out raptly to the ocean. Paul eventually catches up and then gently takes the basket from her. "You stay here ... I'll call you when I'm ready for you," he says, and then turns away and heads off slightly to one side of the cliff, taking a different path down. You startle Shenner as you come up behind her, but she nods and lets you take the basket, most of her attention clearly on the breathtaking display of color and light spilling across the sky. A fair short amount of time passes as you gaze at sun bleeding onto the surface of the sea in a wash of magenta, gold and amber. Paul's voice finally comes over the cliff to your left, "Shenner! Supper's ready!" Unable to keep herself from grinning ear to ear, Shenner ambles off towards the direction you've gone in, calling back, "Comin'...." And she appears just up the cliff. This path, which is barely visible, leads to another little jaunt down the cliffside. Only this particular slab of stone has been terraformed. It looks out onto the ocean, the view unimpeded. There is a small hand made tidal pool with a plethora of tiny sea creatures darting about within it at the very tip of the rock. Behind that and facing the ocean is Paul and all the stuff. The blanket has been spread out and lying on top of it are two beautiful place settings of silver carved with oceanic creatures and beautiful crystal dishes. Paul is pouring some kind of bubbly wine into two tall fluted glasses. The silver domed container has been opened up to reveal a large piece of some kind of red colored fish, filleted and seasoned with a light cream sauce, and surrounded by a colorful feast of various cooked vegetables. In the center is a large stainglass lamp, not electric, but lit with a flame. Occasionally a warm breeze filters into the slightly protected alcove. Shenner actively gapes at the sight before her, actually distracted from the panoply of hues out over the water. Three heartbeats of gaping finally elapse before the girl makes her way down to join you, staring round-eyed at everything. "Wow." Paul finishes pouring the glass and then grins at her obvious astonishment. "I think I might have gone a little overboard," he notes ruefully, "but to a certain extent this still qualifies as a picnic." Gingerly, Shenner sits down on the blanket, and laughs a little, dazed. "Okay... I think I like it.... wow!" Paul cuts up the fish, which slices like butter and places a large slab on your plate along with some of the vegetables and a slice of some thick crusty bread that has been doused in butter and herbs. "Well, then dig in," he says happily, passing her the plate. Amazed, and delighted, Shenner obeys, attacking the food indelicately but all the more elated when she actually starts getting some down. Between swallows, she beams practically giddily at you, her features lighting up without assistance needed from the sunset. The blanket beneath you is thick and soft, protective against the roughness of the rock and fluffy warm to the touch. Paul turns his gaze back to the sunset after seeing the approval of the food in Shenner's eyes. He balances his plate on one knee with one hand and eats with the other. "Wow," Shenner manages again. She notices the champagne and takes up one glass to drink from, blinking yet again, and pausing to stare at the stuff. "What's this?" Paul turns his torso to look back at Shenner. He raises one eyebrow slightly and says, "It's a sparkling wine, do you like it?" She sips, considers, and grins again at you, bobbing her head. "It's great. All of this..." She gazes around herself, awed, wondering, till her eyes finally return to you. "It's great." Paul smiles warmly at Shen and then carefully turns back to the view before them. "Yeah, makes me tempted to find a nice academy with a good view and settle down myself," he jokes lightly. Shenner gazes longly, softly at the man across the blanket from her, as if finding him ranking among the amazing sights of the evening, though the chuckle she gives you is at odds with her melting look. "What, with a wife and nine kids and a cushy teaching job? No way!" Paul barks out a short laugh that flows into a trickling chuckle. "Yeah, I don't quite fit the part, do I?" he notes good humoredly. Paul continues to eat his dinner, enjoying the view, the company and the food. He occasionally looks at Shenner to make sure that she is enjoying her food and occasionally refills her glass. After finishing up the last few bites of dinner Paul casually asks, "So Shen, have you decided what it is that you want ...., er to do?" The last two words sound like they were very much tacked on to change the potential intent of the question. "Oh, well..." Shenner distracts herself with the wine and the view, and babbles a little as she answers, "Well, not really.... Jessalyn asked me if I wanted to go to Yavin with her, but I-I'm still kinda thinkin' about it all, I guess." Paul nods, his eyes narrow, but it's hard to tell if that is in response to the reflections off the water or something else. "Well, if you don't go to Yavin, what are your other options?" Shenner huhs. "Well... I could stay here, I guess... Luke and General Calhoun both kinda dropped hints at me before about hookin' up with the NR, but damned if I know what I'd do for 'em... or I could just busk, I guess.... I can make money doin' that. Ain't really got anywhere else to go..." The quietly lapping waves are your reply, the tiding slipping out and reducing the roar of the sea. "Well, then what do you -want- to do? What feels right to you?" Trailing off, Shenner slides you a shy look. "I wanna be with Jessalyn," she answers readily enough. "She's my friend. But..." And her eyes linger on you, unsure again. Paul takes another bite and then washes it down with a healthy swallow of the wine. "Well, that's good," he says a tad brightly. "Jessa really needs friends right now until she can get her footing again." He takes a few more bites and then, as if reaching a decision says, "Okay, well just because you make a choice doesn't mean that you're stuck with it for the rest of your life, y'know," he notes quietly. "You can always change your mind later and do something different." Shenner half-grins, swallowing down a good bit of her glass's contents before grinning more steadily. "Yeah. I'm young, right? Kid like me has all kindsa time... big ol' galaxy to look at, and all that." "That's right," he replies and then his expression gets a little more serious. "Which brings me to why I came back last night in the first place." He takes another sip of the wine and then puts it down. "What about what happened between us the other night?" he asks curiously, but his tone is anything but casual. Shenner abruptly blushes, though perhaps that isn't noticeably in the sunset's light. She _does_ noticeably jerk her gaze down to her plate, and she gobbles down several bites, along with a gulp of the wine, before she answers as easily as she can manage, "What's to say?" Paul shifts uncomfortably and then turns his torso again so that he can see Shenner's face in the dying rays of the sunset. "Well the first thing that -I- should say is that I'm sorry if I treated you like a kid." Surprised, Shenner looks up at you. "Thought I was a kid," she mumbles, trying to smile and not making it. Paul smiles slightly and shakes his head. "Well, that is a matter of opinion ... you're right on the cusp and depending upon where you go and what you do, people will judge you by one side of the coin or the other. The point is, whether or not you -are- a kid is irrelevant ... I shouldn't have -treated- you like a kid." "Don't see why not," the girl replies gruffly. "After all, if it squeals like a mookla..." Paul sighs softly and reaches out taking Shenner's chin gently in his grasp and raising it till her eyes meet his. "Treating someone as a child only reinforces that image to them and others. I had no right to assume that you are suffering from a crush, even if I believe it to be true. And even if I am right, a crush is nothing to trivialize." Shenner swallows, but looks up at you steadily enough as you lift her face to you. Weakly, she tries for another half-smile, even as she asks you, "You tryin' to... put me off easy, Paul?" Her voice is very small. At Shenner's question, Paul's expression becomes puzzled, but he doesn't release his hold on her face. "What do you mean 'put you off easy'?" he asks, obviously confused by the phrase. "You mean let you down easy?" You can feel her nod against your grasp, and her eyes are plaintive as they meet yours. His hand grips your chin for a moment before Paul can forcibly relax it. "If you think this is easy," he growls softly, "then you can think again. I didn't kiss you because I thought you were a kid." Her eyes widen, looking very green in the twilight, and for a moment, she stops breathing. "Wh-what're you... tryin' to tell me?" she whispers. Paul stares at you hard and then drops his gaze uncomfortably to the ground. His hand releases your chin and returns to his knee. "I'm telling you that I'm sorry and I'm asking you to tell me how you feel about all this." "I.... I kinda understand... why you... left," Shenner mumbles huskily. "After thinkin' about it, I-I mean." "And why do you think I left?" he asks, letting his earlier question slide for the moment. His gaze lifts again to Shenner's. Shenner answers hesitantly, "You... and Jessa been havin' all your problems gettin' along, and... well, you were drunk, and I didn't have no right just up and doin' what I did..." She looks away, uneasily, and adds in a mumble, "Sayin' what I said..." "So now you're apologizing to me?" Paul's gaze wavers and he looks out to the ocean. "Maybe I'm going about this all wrong." He turns back to Shen and his face has a tight set look to it. "Why don't I just tell you what I've been thinking and then you can respond, alright?" Again, Shenner swallows, and she gives you a wordless nod. Taking a deep breath Paul pulls himself away from you a little, as if gaining a little distance would help him. "You scared me," he lets out on a huff. and he eyes you for a moment before continuing. "At first I was furious ... I well, I hadn't gone out planning to pick anyone up, but then I met that woman and thought, "Well, hey, why not?"" He frowns as if knowing that this makes him sound shallow and deliberately doesn't look at Shen. "It's been awhile since I've slept with anyone, and it seemed like a nice idea at the time. When you interrupted in what I could only see as spite, well, I was furious ... but also confused and I guess a little intrigued somewhere in the back of my mind. That's why I went after you. Then you just kept pushing my buttons over and over again and that's when I just well, that's when I kissed you." He frowns in remembrance of his behavior. The girl across from you is silent as you say all of this. "Sorry I made yah mad," she mutters at last. "Didn't mean to." He shrugs his shoulders. "Didn't much matter ... didn't last long. I thought at first I would scare you, hurt you with the kiss ... but then you, ah responded," he murmurs softly and his eyes seek out the barely visible horizon. "I found that, ah, irresistible," he says in a muffled voice that can barely be heard, "and so I kissed you back ... for real." He waits to see if Shen has any response to this before continuing, his eyes fastened to the water on his left. Without looking at her, you cannot see her expression turn very full, the same sort of look Dr. Canto saw on her before... as though feelings in her head are swelling through her a little too tightly to be easily contained in her face. "Yeah," she murmurs, by way of acknowledgment, of signal that she's listening. Paul takes in a deep breath of fresh sea air, letting it flow through his system, strengthen him, before continuing. "What I told you was true ... I could very easily have not let it stop there ... but then I drew away for a moment ... and you were so willing, so eager ...." he swallows hard, uncomfortably, "and so helpless. Don't you see Shen, here I am, finally coming to my senses to find an innocent young woman in my arms being completely seduced ... I knew then that if I wanted you I could have you ... and that scared the shit out of me because I care about you and I came so ... so close to seriously hurting you." He stops for a moment, his face quite red and distressed. "And then when you insisted that you were ready, I thought that telling you would frighten you, scare you off ... and then you just came back with that "knowing what parts went where" line and that scared me worse." Taking another deep breath Paul closes his eyes for a moment to gather his thoughts. "I didn't wanna scare you," Shenner whispers, sounding aghast at the very idea. She scoots a bit closer on the blanket, and starts to reach a hand in your direction, though she pauses as if thinking better of it. Paul nods. "I know that wasn't your intention. The fear was more my own ... because I didn't know how to handle you, didn't know what to do. I also found it extremely hard to believe that you were in love with me. I just don't see how it is possible. I think that a crush is probable and I know that my behavior hasn't made things any easier for you. We had a somewhat tempestuous past to begin with, and then all the insanity that's been going on, and you're recently coming out as female, and then all of the attention that I've been paying to you..." Paul takes another breath. "That's why I think you should take your own advice Shen ... you are young, you have lots of time and a big galaxy to look at. I can't say that your age isn't a huge stepping stone to me ... it is. I can't tell you that I am in love with you, only that I care about you. If we were to, well to become involved as more than just friends I think it would end disastrously." He takes a deep breath and holds it for a moment before turning to you again, and his eyes are dark and his brow crinkled. As bluntly as he started this he ends, "I can see making love with you, but I can't see that without me hurting you .... badly." Shenner, you can see, is now sitting very still, her plate and glass abandoned beside her and forgotten. Her eyes look huge in her young face, glimmering tearily in the last vestiges of dusk; her hands have clenched into one another, tightly. It is with a voice that sounds like it's trying to make its way past an asteroid-sized lump in her throat that she mumbles out, "I.... I understand." Paul watches her for a moment. "You do?" he asks, his voice a tad suspicious and concerned that she might have heard something other than what he said. "What do you understand?" "I... know you... mean well, really, don't wanna hurt me, I appreciate that, I really do," the girl answers, the words coming out of her at a faltering pace -- first slow and then rapid, as though she's vocally staggering. She fastens her gaze on her hands, watching them fidget of their own accord. "I-I know it's prob'ly hard for you to open up, I-I-I-I mean, you're a real private guy, i-i-it's okay..." Paul's eyes narrow fraction by fraction as Shenner splutters, her understanding having nothing to do with what he was saying. His hands reach out and grab her arms in an overly tight grip. "Private?" he practically hisses, "You think that I'm being discreet or something here? You saying that I'm not being open with you? Damnit Shen I've been more open with you then practically anyone I've ever known!" he finally roars, his eyes angry and hurt. The girl's face crumples over, and her eyes flood with tears. "I-I-I know that!" she mumbles. "I-I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." She pulls away from you, or tries to, expression quite clearly devastated. Paul's features snap as Shen starts crying and with a muffled curse he stands up, pulling her with him and away from all the stuff between them and crushes her against him. "Shit, Shen please don't cry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he growls, his voice cracking with his distress. "Damnit it, don't you see, I'm hurting you already," he croaks out against her hair. Shenner can't help it; she sobs. Just sobs. Paul's frame goes stiff when she releases her anguish against his form. It is one thing to be a comforting shoulder, but when the shoulder that's being cried on is the same one that's being cried over, well, it is a completely different situation. With one quick sweep, Paul drags Shenner up into his arms and carries her away from the disaster site and back to the house, cradling her in his arms and making soft crooning noises and murmuring soothing words against her brow. His own eyes are wet with unshed tears and his throat feels like he just swallowed a handful of cotton balls. For the briefest of instants, Shenner's frame tightens when you lift her up, as though she fleetingly considers protesting. But she's still sobbing vehemently, and she cries all the harder when she's up in your arms. Shenner continues crying all the way back to the house. Once inside the house Paul looks around to find Molari standing there with a shocked expression on his face. Paul looks at his old mentor with anguish in his eyes and jerks his head, indicating, pleading, that he leave the two of you alone. His eyes are wide, but Molari nods in agreement and carefully withdraws, dimming the lights down as he leaves. Paul carries Shen over to one of the huge chairs and then carefully sits himself down it, cradling her against his chest, now soaked with her tears. He continues to rock her, almost desperately, although he no longer pleads with her to stop crying. He punctuates his soft words and comforting hands with small kisses that he places upon her brow. Many long minutes pass as the hurricane of weeping finishes blowing through the girl; eventually, she falls silent, and her shoulders slow and then finally cease their shaking. Paul holds her tenderly, his voice having fallen into a soft rumbling litany that he repeats over and over again against her brow. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's alright, you'll be okay, I promise you, I'm sorry, you're not to blame, it's all my fault, you're alright, shhh-hhh, I'm sorry, I won't hurt you any more, shhh-hhh, you're safe now, it's okay, I'm here for you..." As Shen's trembling form eases and her tears stop pouring down on him, the litany becomes softer and softer, till it is barely audible, but he doesn't stop repeating it. "But you're gonna _go_," Shenner mumbles, strangledly. "I-I-I better go, Paul... I-I better go..." Paul keeps his hold on Shenner but draws back from her slightly so he can look into her face. His own is wet with tears and his eyes tormented. "I can't let you go like this," he says firmly, if somewhat soft in volume. "'Mokay," Shenner mumbles thickly, trying to avoid your gaze. Paul goes still for a moment in astonishment at her easy acquiescence and hugs her again gratefully. He lets out a deep sigh and drawing back again stares at her ruefully. "So I make you this great dinner and then go right ahead and spoil the whole thing," he jokes, the humor genuine, but a tad forced. "You cook real good," Shenner mumbles, still not looking at you. Paul strokes Shenner's hair gently and after a moment replies, "Thank you." He remains quiet for a long time, seemingly content just to hold you and stroke his fingers through your hair, his gaze focusing on the stars and clouds outside the window. Shenner does not speak. She doesn't dare try. She simply huddles there, curled in as tiny a ball as she can make of herself in your arms. A very long time passes as the two of you cling together in the dark room. Paul struggles with what to do, what to say and finally after a long time he finally murmurs gently, "Shen, what can I do? What do you need from me? Honestly, no deceptions, no trying to avoid the truth, no trying to worm out of this ... okay? Please?" It is when he reaches the word "please" that Paul's warm voice rises slightly in pitch, almost cracking but not quite. She doesn't answer you at first. And when she finally does answer you, it's in such a tiny voice that she almost might go unheard: "Dunno if I can talk about this now." Paul sits still for a moment, his hand resting against her hair. "Shen," he whispers brokenly, "I'm so sorry, this is exactly what I was afraid of doing ... and the last thing that I wanted to do to you." The hand trembles slightly against her hair. "If I let you go, will you come back, or will you just disappear?" he asks hoarsely. "I'll go back to the NR base," Shenner mumbles, her voice sounding strangely dulled. Paul tightens his grip, "So are you telling me that you don't ever want to see me again?" he asks you very very carefully. Shenner still doesn't uncurl, still doesn't look up at you. And her voice is still tiny and wounded, as she tells you, "I dunno." Paul closes his eyes at the prick of fresh tears. Clenching his teeth at the unexpected rush of hurt, he waits for it to abate. Part of his mind says, "Hey, so you did what you set out to do, albeit a little clumsily," while another part rails at him for being the stupidest Corellian the universe ever had the misfortune of setting it's eyes on. In a strangled tone, of the likes no one has heard uttered from him in over eight years, Paul manages to choke out. "Oh." Does she sense your own crying? Perhaps, for you can feel her shift a bit in your arms, her face turning to your shoulder, and she tells you meekly, "I don't wanna not see you..." Something in her tone speaks of a raw ache at the back of her throat. Something in Shenner's tone, too, suggests that her words are something akin to 'I don't wanna hafta cut my own arm off.' Paul holds her tightly against him feeling flashes of pain and flashes of relief pulse through his system. A shudder rushes though his system as Paul realizes that you don't feel this strongly about people you just like. His hand moves of it's own volition, trembling as he prepares to say something he hasn't said to anyone in a very long time. He gently draws Shen's face away from it's buried spot in his shoulder so that she is looking up at him. His eyes are dark, still bright with unshed tears and his face is flushed. "Shen, I can't tell you that I am -in- love with you ... but I, I can tell you that I do l-love you," manages to say in a voice more breath than word. Her eyelashes glisten wetly, still; her eyes reflect out what little light there is in the room, as well as the starlight from outside. Shenner starts to wince, but the expression falters as you breathe your confession to her, and she winds up just blinking at you in dazed, startled confusion. Paul stares down into Shen's face, frowning in distress at her tears. He gently wipes them away with his right hand. His eyes don't seem to be able to meet hers any longer, as he busies himself with cleaning up her face. Shenner's eyes shiver closed at that gentle touch, and her head leans slightly towards your hand. Her mouth presses together. Paul wavers with indecision at Shenner's reaction to his touch. Fearing making the wrong choice in either direction he settles for something in-between and infinitely safer. Cupping her cheek gently in his hand he leans down and kisses her gently on the forehead before sitting back again. She shivers in your arms... and sniffles, once, before mumbling, "C-can I lie down?" Paul nods. "Yeah sure, hold on," he murmurs softly and then rising he softly quips, "Elevator, second floor, linens, pillows, stuffed animals, everybody out," and begins to carry you toward the hallway. Shenner lets herself be carried, as passively as an exhausted child might. A noise part giggle but mostly sniffle escapes her at the small jest. Paul carries Shen to his bedroom and kicks the door open gently with one foot. He lays her out on the bed gently and settles her in as if she were a small child. He covers her with a blanket and tucks it in around her and then resting a hand on hers he says, "Hold on one second," and is gone. There is the sound of running water and within seconds he is back with a wash cloth. He tenderly wipes Shen's face with the cool cloth, cleaning away the last of the tears. "Thanks," comes a tiny mumble in Shenner's husky near-tenor. She closes her eyes again as you dab at her face. "Sure thing," Paul murmurs soothingly. "Now, if you should have a bad dream or need me for any reason, any reason at all, I'll be right in the main room on the couch, okay?" Her head bobs a little, and she shifts, nestling down into the pillow, rolling onto her side. You can see her curling back up into a ball under the blanket you've draped over her. Paul stands slowly, wiping his own face with the cool washcloth before dropping it on the bedside table. Quietly he gathers up a spare pillow and a blanket and stares out the window, wondering if he should clean up first. A huge yawn on his part makes him realize that it can wait till tomorrow. He waits a moment, making sure that Shenner is asleep, and then he quietly tiptoes out, closing the door silently behind him. Paul walks into the main room to find Molari standing there waiting for him. "Well?" he intones gravely. Paul shakes his head and heads toward the couch, setting it up for the night. "Not now Molari, I've had a hard day." "Paul," the Mon Calamari replies, his tone insistent, "what did you do to that girl?" Paul sits back on his heels and stares at the wall for a moment. "I think I just broke her heart," he replies softly, almost as if he were in shock. There is a moment of silence before Molari tiredly asks, "Do you want to talk about it?" Paul stands wearily himself, turning to Molari and shaking his head. "Yes, I do, but not now," he replies. "I need to rest and I need to think .... and then tomorrow I need to impose on a friend," he sighs heavily, his eyes raising tentatively to his ag e old mentor's face. The Mon Calamari eyes Paul thoughtfully. "I never thought I'd hear you call me friend," he murmurs softly. "I'll be here tomorrow, and we'll talk ... old friend," he adds with a touch of humor. Paul lays a hand on Molari's shoulder, his face a mixture of gratitude and relief. "Thank you, it's nice to call someone friend for a change." And with that Paul turns away to try to get at least a little rest for the night. The Calamari watches Paul f or a moment longer before heading off to his own bed, looking forward to tomorrow with both anticipation and no small amount of trepidation.
|
![[RDF Data]](/fct/images/sw-rdf-blue.png)