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| - :Gatsby: I come down here to think every night and gaze at that green light. It's where the love of my life lives. Daisy Buchanan.
:Nick: Um, I hate to break it to you, but that green light you've been looking at is a gay gym called the Pump House. [nervously] I ... I only know that because I ... I saw a coupon that came with my rental.
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:Gatsby: You know, sometimes I just wanna jump off this balcony and into that pool down there.
:Daisy: So do it.
:Gatsby: Yeah, I know right? [chuckles] Do it!
:Daisy: Yeah, do it.
:Gatsby: I know, I totally should, right? Here I go. One ... two .. three ... Whoa! [laughs] Can you imagine?
:Daisy: Yeah, I can imagine. It would be fun. You should do it.
:Gatsby: If only it here that easy, right?
:Daisy: It is. It ... it looks deep enough. It's your pool. It's your house. You can do whatever you want.
:Gatsby: I know right? Uh, you know, I can't right now. My pool guy's cleaning it.
:[RJ is shown to be the pool guy]
:RJ: Are you going to bone her?
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:Daisy: Nick, have you met Jordan? She plays golf and is what kids will someday call a duff.
:Nick: Hey, yeah. Nice Tam o'shanter.
:Jordan: I'll drink your finger bowl if you don't want it.
:Nick's Narration: In the book, I actually go on a few dates with Jordan. We're gonna skip all that.
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:Tom: I'd like to add another bit of pointless confusion that will make sense later. Let's everyone drive someone else's car.
:Gatsby: Someone can take my coop.
:Nick: I'm riding with Gatsby, I don't care which car.
:Jordan: I'll take someone in Daisy's car.
:Tom: I don't think Daisy said you could drive her car.
:Daisy: Tom, why don't you take Jay's car?
:Tom: Who's Jay?
:Daisy: Gatsby.
:Tom: Okay, I have never heard anyone call him that.
:Nick: Look, if you're in your own car, you're in the wrong car.
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:Nick: So, you've seen any good movies lately?
:George: We just saw Woman Tied to Railroad Tracks 5. Pretty similar to 4.
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:Tom: Hello, room service? I'd like a bottle of your second most expensive champagne.
:Gatsby: And I'd like your most expensive bottle.
:Tom: Wow, walked right into that one.
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:Tom: I hear Gatsby didn't even fight in World War I.
:Nick: Wait, why is he calling it that? [worried] Is there gonna be another big war?
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:Tom: Hi, Huckleberry Finn.
:Huck: Hi, Tom Sawyer. You're Tom. I'm Huck. [to the camera] Everybody good?
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:Pap: Hey, I'm your abusive dad and I've been drinking all day from this here jug.
:Huck: [Notices the jug has XXX on it] Oh my God! Is that a jug full of porn? Hey, Widow Douglas, I wanna live with my dad!
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:Huck: I wish you wouldn't drink so much.
:Pap: Stop counting my drinks! Now, get over here so I can hwip you!
:[Pap starts whipping Huck]
:Huck: Ow! Pap! No!
:Pap: Yeah, that's right bitch and now it's your turn.
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:Huck: I know. I'll fake my own death. I just need enough blood to make it look real.
:Pig: Hey there. You must be Huck. Great to finally meet you. I hope you like it here.
:Huck: I'm gonna stab you for your blood.
:Pig: Oh, come on. I just got shot in the pool in the last one.
:[Huck stabs and kills the pig]
:Huck: I can't remember why I needed the blood.
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:Huck: My name's Huck Finn. What's half of your name?
:Jim: Jim.
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:Huck: Hey, what's that sound?
:Jim: Oh no. It sounds like a waterfall!
:Huck: Hold on!
:[Huck and Jim fall over the waterfall and die]
:Jim: We died.
:[Huck and Jim were seen alive in the next scene]
:Jim: So, wait. We didn't die?
:Huck: I don't know. It's all just jokes.
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:Huck: Oh, did you see that?
:Jim: What?
:Huck: I just skipped that rock six times! That's a once in a lifetime skip!
:Jim: That's nice.
:Huck: You don't believe me, do you?
:Jim: I believe we've been out here a long time and a man's mind begins to play tricks on him
:Huck: It happened for real! I can't believe you didn't see it!
:Jim: [thought] Of course I saw it. Most amazing damn thing I ever did witness, but I wasn't gonna tell Huck, cuz he claimed he didn't see me hook shot that apple core into the garbage from way far away.
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:Huck: Hey, what if it's spelled with an "A" at the end of it. Is that okay?
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:Huck: Tom Sawyer! What are you doing so far from home?
:Tom: Rush is playing here tonight. They wrote a song about me.
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:Slim: Hey there strangers. Welcome to Phelps Ranch. People call me Slim.
:George: Ironically, I assume.
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:Slim: Alright, you guys are doing great. Hey, listen, my dog just had puppies and I thought since you're covered with feces and I barely know you, I'll give you a delicate, snow white, newborn puppy.
:Puppy: Okay, just don't give me to dead eyes over there because I've already been killed twice in the other two stories and I don't wanna ...
:Lenny: Puppy!
:[Lenny squeezes the puppy and it dies]
:Puppy: Aaaah, fuck!
:Lenny: This puppy doesn't work.
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:George: So, I should be home by 10:00. It's just this piano bar/cabaret place called Tinkles. Rory told be about it.
:Lenny: Who's Rory?
:George: You remember him. The field hand who gave me a shoulder ride back to the house. That was Rory. Anyway, it sounds like it's just a hoot.
:Lenny: Wow, maybe you'll meet a pretty lady to get married to there.
:George: [nervously] Yeah, well, that's the idea.
:Lenny: While you're gone, can I touch myself?
:George: Uh, again. You don't have to schedule that with me.
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:Curley's Wife: Well, hello there. If it isn't the sexy imbecile.
:Lenny: Oh, hi. Sorry about what I did to your husband earlier.
:Curley's Wife: Yes, that was quite a hand job you did on him. You know, I'm not so bad at those, myself.
:Lenny: I'm not gonna lie to you. You're wasting your double entendres on me.
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:George: Bye bye Lenny. [shoots Lenny] Good night, kids. Good luck with those book reports.
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