abstract
| - Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were two star athletes with a history of passiveness and conformity. They were also fans of popular music, and especially rap music. Their love for 50 Cent was matched by no man. They often dressed in expensive white Nike basketball shoes, white oversized t-shirts adorned with sports logos, backwards white baseball caps, and baggy boxers. Eric was fluent in Spanish and often spoke with a fake accent, and loved Mexican rap above all other types. It was not uncommon for him to bring his boom-box and play it in the kitchens of the pizza place called Jack Black's Pizza at which him and Dylan worked. Eric would translate it for all the people there while Dylan would set off pipe bombs to the loud applauding owner of Jack Black's Pizza. One time when Eric was in a mall with his friend Dylan, he lied about his age to a woman 73 years older than him, who was allegedly one of the 34 people that gave birth to notorious singer/songwriter Marilyn Manson. Eric was reportedly obsessed with playing the video game Doom, and when he wasn't listening to Vanilla Ice he spent all day creating maps and virtual sex dungeons. A friend of his claimed when he was over at his house once, he walked in to find Eric jacking off to his own uber map making skills. One could imagine the shock that registered on both their faces, however, because Eric was such a badass liar, he cleverly told him that he was just "rubbing gun powder on his manhood because he was just that fuckin' cool". Dylan's life was quite different; and he devoted his alone time hours to writing depressing journal entries and obsessing over girls that didn't exist. He was also a much bigger fan of country music than his buddy. So much so that he even started his own band called Vodka and The Cow-Tippers. Unfortunately, the Banjo player, Buckeye, had his anus overly penetrated by a horse a night before their first band tour. Dylan, rather than playing the Banjo himself, told his manager to "kiss his country ass" and left due to "extreme stress". This probably led to his downfall. Because of their love of sports, choice of music, and religious beliefs they were constantly harassed at school. The two were mainly harassed by the Marilyn Manson fans, who wore long black trench-coats and backwards brightly colored cowboy hats as part of their "I don't give a shit about the rules" uniforms. This popular clique of goths often teased them for their lack of black clothing and because they did not listen to industrial music. The only friends Eric and Dylan had were a small group of social outcasts who enjoyed rap, country music and water polo. Because of their love of white sports jerseys, they called themselves the "White Shirt Friendship Pack Alliance." Eric was known for spending massive amounts of time in the library researching on how to drink from a stranger's cup without getting West Nile bug. His experiments were regarded as violent and he often kidnapped fellow students and lectured them about the dangers of promiscuous sex for hours. On the day of the attack Eric indeed drank from a cup of a stranger and did indeed get West Nile bug. When asked about this in an interview months later, Eric noted that "he really didn't give a shit; and that he enjoyed the taste of the purple drank while it lasted". Dylan however was spending all of his time making pipe bombs and virgin Molotov Cocktails , however it should be noted that he ran out of pipes before he could finish the thousand bombs he hoped to make in a day. So instead just used condoms in place of actual pipes. It is unknown if he used Trojans or the Durex kind. Some students reported seeing some of those "fire and ice" Trojan ones, whilst others claimed they saw the "ribbed" Durex brand. Nevertheless, there were enough condoms for almost everyone.
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