| abstract
| - It's mid-afternoon at one of the many seedy establishments that can be found away from the higher glitz hotels and casinos that make up much of Efavan City. The lunch crowd has died down, and the runway (complete with poles) sits empty for now... waiting for Happy Hour. A few patrons sit at the bar, wasting away their afternoons, and Lucinda leans back agains the counter behind it. She looks older than when Sel left just over a year ago... more worn down, and right now she looks kind of bored or dejected, something like that. She's keeping an eye on the customers to see if they need anything, two of them are chatting with each other though, and the other one seems to be keeping his own counsel, filling the air with the distinctive perfume of a cigarra. The room is half-dark, with only a few shafts of sunlight breaking into the gloomy picture. The door opens and a short but broad hooded figure enters slowly, hesitatingly, looking around slowly. But once inside the establishment the hood is slowly pushed back and reveals a young blonde woman, who only seems broad, because the cloak also covers a baby on her arm. She has pulled her hair back into a tight bun that shows off the genuine diamonds in her earlobes, and applied only little make up. She is wearing a figure-hugging grey woollen wrap-around dress and high heeled black shoes. She looks surprisingly mature and almost like a business woman. But she seems tense and hugs the infant, dressed as usual in a pink jumper, tightly to her chest. Once her eyes get accustomed to the gloom and she spots the figure behind the bar, she swallows hard and advances to the counter without speaking, blue eyes staring at Lucinda only. Lucinda had started to fall into a reverie of her own, standing there alone behind the bar. She shakes herself out of it as a new customer approaches. "Afternoon, what can I get..." she starts out, voice dry and deadened to match the rest of her appearance and bearing. She stops cold though, mouth half open and eyes widening fast. "Sellie? Is that you... is that really you?" She draws a breath heavy with anticipation, certain she's seeing her daughter yet not certain that Sel really stands before her. Serenella automatically stiffens when she hears the old nickname... that connects to so many bad memories. "My name is Serenella.", she replies stiffly and tightens her grip on the baby as if needing something or someone to hold on to. "Hello Mom." She takes a step forward to the counter, but doesn't make a move to sit down or something. Lucinda twists up her face a little as a rush of different emotions crashes through her mind. The one most visible, though, is pained... and she stiffens a bit as well, stopping herself from rushing around the bar to give Sellie a hug. Instead, she stays frozen for a moment, at last saying, "okay, sorry. It's good to see you honey..." she pauses again, eyes tracking to the bundle in her daughter's arms, and back up to Serenella's eyes. "And who's that?" Now it's Serenella's turn to deal with several conflicting emotions within herself in a brief span of time. She grits her teeth, then swallows and finally relaxes her stance and her grip on Tara, to turn the baby around, facing Lucinda. "This is Tara.", she introduces her and swallows again, "She's... your granddaughter. I figured you might like to meet her." Breathless surprise comes over Lucinda as she looks back to Tara, and hears who it is. It seems to take a minute for the statement to sink in. "Oh," she begins, when she can manage to speak again, in a bit of a trance from this sudden surprise. "A... granddaughter? That's," she looks back up to meet her daughter's eyes again, smiling softly, "she's beautiful, Selli... Serenella." She winces at the slip, old habits and all that. But the soft smile returns and she presses on, starting to shift her body into motion. "You want to come sit down for a while? I want to hear everything." Serenella hesitates for a moment, still not really sure about all this apparently. But finally she nods. "OK. I suppose I have a little time while my companion loads the cargo..." Eyeing the few patrons settled at the counter, she gives her mother a wary look. "Can we go somewhere... private?" Lucinda takes in the request and nods, "gimme a minute," she says, ducking back through the door into the kitchen to round up someone to take over the bar. A grungy, youngish Vorzydiak returns with her, to assume those duties and Lucy makes her way around the bar. Before leading the way elsewhere, she opens her arms, hoping to hug her daughter... but a little hesitant, given the treatment she's getting already. "It's good to see you again," she says... Serenella lets the hug happen, a bit stiffly, using Tara almost like a shield between them. The baby at least provides her with a good excuse why she needs her arms instead of returning the hug. "Is it really, Mom?", she asks, still defensively, when the hug is done with and takes a step back to be led to a back room or wherever they may have some privacy. Lucinda does lean over Tara, careful not to squish the baby while giving a smei-hug to her daughter. Stepping back, she offers a somewhat wistful smile, and a more assertive nod. "Yeah, it is," she answers. ""I... I'm really glad you came back. I mean, I know it's probably not to stay, but... I've worried about you and Inanna, a lot." She's still wrestling with a lot of emotions here, but seems to genuinely prefer that Sel has returned. She waves for you to follow, and leads the way across the room... up over the stage and into the backstage area which seems deserted. Through the usuall hive of passageways and nooks and crannies, all packed with costumes and props, she leads on to a dressing room... with more racks of costumes and paraphenalia. Four chair sit in front of makeup mirror, and she waves absently toward one, as she turns another of them around for herself. When we're finally seated, she looks back to you and Tara, saying "so... tell me what you've been up to, and how I come to have a granddaughter, hmm?" Serenella follows along in silence, the backstage area bringing back too many memories for her own comfort. Mostly sour memories that do nothing for her mood. She takes a seat in the dressing room and sits Tara down in her lap. The little girl has learned to sit up recently, but still prefers to pretend that she's a sack of potatoes, flopping against Mommy lazily. Although she had mentally prepared for this for a long time, she remains silent now, not sure what to say or how much. "I got married.", she finally explains stiffly, looking down at Tara and trying to keep her in check when she begins to reach for some of the fascinating glitzy stuff on the little table in front of the mirror. "I got pregnant. I lost my husband. I got a wonderful daughter.", she offers, leaving pauses between each short statement and finally just shrugs sullenly. Lucy takes the first statement well... straightening up a little, looking hopeful. Maybe she's thinking Sel got a good marriage, and things are really good in her life? But she can sense there's more, and lets her daughter talk. She nods gently at the mention of pregnancy, and lets out a slow breath on hearing about the loss of the husband. She offers a somewhat pained, sympathetic look at that, trying to manage to pick it up so a bit brighter smile at the last comment. "Yes... she really does look wonderful. I can't believe I'm a grandmother... that will take some getting used to." I'm So Old! she must be thinking, somewhere mixed with everything else. "Is she a Jordain girl, or does she have... your husband's name?" she asks, hesitating a bit as she asks, "how did you lose him?" She knows this is probably a touchy question. It usually is. But she needs to at least put it forward to see what you will say. "She's a Jordain girl.", Serenella replies, her voice still cold, her attitude defensive, "She'll be the first Jordain girl who won't grow up in the muck and the shit and the sleaze!" Since she's still looking down at Tara, the bitterness seems to directly affect the sensitive little girl who begins to squirm restlessly and Serenella shifts her around, away from the glitzy stuff on the table, hugging her tightly until she has a grip on her emotions again. "My husband is dead.", she only offers, "The why and how does not matter. What matters is that Tara has a mother who cares for her and will later tell her what a fine man her Daddy was... once. She will at least grow up knowing who her Daddy was... and that she wasn't some accident after a cheap [lay]." Ouch. Serenella bites her lip, but the words are out and there's no taking them back, so she gives Tara another cuddle, focusing her attention on the girl. The dagger drives deep, and it shows. Lucy winces, trying to retreat into her chair a bit, and casts her eyes down to the floor. "Is that why you came?" she asks, sullenly, "to lambast your [horrible] mother for everything that's wrong in your life? Dump some blame on my doorstep, and then disappear again, with a lighter conscience?" She sighs. "I did try, you know. I tried the best I could with you girls, and I kept a roof over your heads. But I know, now at least, that it wasn't enough." She looks up again, tears in her eyes, looking altogether like someone beaten down past the point of trying to get back up again. Serenella snorts. "My life's fine now, but not thanks to you!", she replies angrily, "You never did nothing for me! I hardly ever existed for you except as a nuisance, the fallout to deal with after an accident. You left Inanna to care for me so you could go on hanging out with all your men, letting them screw you around! I won't make the same mistakes... I'll make sure that Tara will be proud of her Mom and that she'll grow up never wanting anything..." She falls silent after the outburst and finally shrugs. "I just came because I was on Vorzyd anyway and thought you might want to meet her." Great... _twisting_ the dagger, now that it's in. Mom's really enjoying this reunion... the pain crosses her face in waves as she takes in the comments... but she sets her jaw a bit, meeting the barrage now. "I know I wasn't a good mother to you," she admits. "And I know it wasn't the best childhood or family setup. But it's the best I could manage." Her tone doesn't exactly try to defend herself, and she stops there... seemingly to just let the subject stand in the way Sel has stated it. After chafing a moment under the heavy atmosphere that has come into the room, she looks again to Tara, and asks, "can I hold her?" Serenella struggles a bit with the question but seeing as Mom has actually admitted how [screwed up] things were instead of getting all defensive, she lets her own guard down a bit and nods. "Sure.", she mutters and hands Tara over, watching them both carefully while she sits back in her chair, arms folded over her chest now. Lucinda at least remembers how to hold a child, and she holds Tara with care. She forces on a small smile for the girl. "Well hello," she says. "I'm Grandma. I hope we get to see each other from time to time, but right now that depends on your Mom. I'm really glad I get to meet you, though." She glances over to Sel again, thinking to ask, "are you in touch with Inanna at all? Do you know how she is?" Serenella watches the pair with a carefully neutral expression, part of her relieved that Lucy has taken the idea of being a grandmother well, but there's a part of her that resents seeing them together like this. "Ina is fine.", she replies, grateful for the change of topic, "She and I run a cruiseship together. We're very succesful. We've done good." Lucy's eyebrows lift in mild surprise, "A cruiseship? That sounds interesting... what do you do there?" Her eyes return to Tara again, but she's still all ears. She's not exactly bouncing the baby on her knee, all smiles and joy, and she might be a little uncomfortable with the overall situation too, but she'snot going to let that stop her from meeting her granddaughter. She also thinks to ask, a bit hopefully, "is the ship here at Vorzyd?" Serenella shakes her head. "No, I'm just here with a small ship to pick up some cargo.", she explains stiffly and smirks. "It was just coincidence that it was Vorzyd of all places. Or maybe not. Seeing as the cargo consists of gambling machines for the ship's casino. I'm the entertainment manager there. I do concerts myself and hire guest stars. And I keep my clothes on all the time.", she adds a bit sharply. Lucy nods at the comments, her eyes still on Tara. "Well at least there's that," she replies, to the last part, seeming actually pleased to hear it, and taking the sharpness of the words as she's started taking the rest of the abuse. "Do you enjoy yourself? You said things are going well..." eyes flick back over to take in the form that is not quite the daughter she knew before. "You've really grown up. You're a woman now," she observes, though her thoughts about this are hard to read. Serenella snorts a little at the last remark and shakes her head. "I've been a woman for years, but you couldn't be arsed to notice.", she replies bitterly, "This shithole of a planet makes you grow up damn early if you wanna survive. So yea, things are going well and I'm enjoying myself. The ship's a success. I've got friends. I meet interesting people. And I've got her -", she nods to Tara and smiles, her tense features finally softening, "She's the best that ever happened to me." Lucy senses the softening, and responds in kind... she smiles in return, sensing that the worst is now over. "I'm really glad for you," she says. "I... well, there are some things that have taken me a long while to figure out. I didn't understand until after you left... what I've always wanted for you is for you to have a good life. But I thought I could give that to you here, that being together as a family was the most important thing." She swallows, then forces herelf to finish, tears welling up a little in her eyes again. "I've realized, though... I have to let you go find your own way. You kind of just /went/, and I couldn't understand it until after I got past that. But I'm glad to know that you've found it, despite me. And I'm sorry." Serenella hmmms to that... softening doesn't mean she's entirely pacified yet. Instead she narrows her eyes at her mother. "If you think that being together as a family matters so much... why did you never give a shit for Ina and me?", she asks at last, "You were never there for us! Always hanging out in your damn bars and clubs with some jerks and losers... leaving us to struggle for ourselves... letting Ina take care of me until she couldn't deal with it no more and ran away... leaving me alone in the shit here... Of course I had to get out! I wanted more than this sorry shit here!", she says bitterly and points around the small dressing room. Lucy hangs her head a little, again acknowledging that Sel is right. "I was trying to provide for you... it takes a lot of hard work, as you might be starting to figure out, or will soon. Especially with no father around," she winces a little, but that's said, she can't take it back. "I was just trying to keep up with all our expenses... keep food on the table, and Dex at bay... you remember him? I'm not trying to justify everything I did, I know I didn't treat you well... but I was /trying/. I was even trying to find you a father. But I've never had good luck with men." Serenella snorts a little. "You don't find a father by sleeping around.", she points out and shrugs, shaking her head. "Of course I remember Dex. You should've shot him years ago..." But she falls silent... bad luck with men is something she can relate to by now. Pausing again to mull over things, she sighs. "I didn't want another father... I just would've wanted to know who my father is. Who I -am-.", she finally admits quietly. Lucy chuckles drily at the comment about shooting Dex,and sighs a little, either from that or the rest of your comments, it's hard to say. She looks over again briefly, to say, "but you're Serenella. How is finding your fatehr going to change that? You're already who you are..." she pauses and sighs again. "The biggest regret in my life, is that I couldn't tell you who your father is. Inanna wasn't much better off, her dad was a wastrel. But... I know it must be hard, not knowing. I'm sorry about that too." They had this conversation before. Probably more than once. And yet, Serenella can't really let go of it. "I still want to know... need to know... who he is. Can't you understand that?", she asks almost angrily, C'mon, Mom, you MUST know something about my father... you must know who you screwed around with nine months before my birth? It can't have been too many men to remember... I'd hope", she adds with a grunt. Lucy finally flashes back with a bit of anger of her own, tired of being attacked. "Of /course/ I know who I slept with that month. But there were four... well, really, three guys it could be... and other than Dex, the guys didn't even stick around. I don't know their names, or what really happened to them, or anything. And what good would it do? There's no way to find out for sure which one is your father, in a blood sense. They were /gone/ so they weren't going to be a father in a family sense... Dex is Dex, so I didn't /want/ him moving in full time and trying to father you girls anyway. So what else am I supposed to do?" She apparently doesn't know that there's such a thing as a paternity test. Serenella scrunches up her face at the very idea of Dex being her father. "Mom, don't be silly, these things can be tested.", she points out sharply, "All you need is a piece of the guy - a hair, a piece of skin, whatever - and his DNA can be compared to yours. Or the blood. Or whatever.", she shrugs. She didn't have to go to great lengths to figure out Tara's paternity after all, once the kid turned out to be Force sensitive. "Get me a hair or something from Dex. And tell me whatever you know about those other guys.", she finally says. "Oh." She's stunned back into silence. And she repeats, "Oh...they have a /test/ for that?" She digests this news for a moment, and Tara squirms in her arms. Getting more emotional about things, she's not holding the child as gently, and she realizes, offering her over, "you want to take her back now? Give me a minute. I... this really changes things, doesn't it. Mom [screws up] again. But..." she pauses again, still digesting, finally calming a bit as she says, "I want to make this right." Serenella quickly takes the baby back and hugs her gently, cooing into her ear. "It's alright, sweetie... Mommy's here... Mommy just... needs a bit more... time, okay?" Then she looks up at her own mother and quirks an eyebrow. "Make it right how? Do you help me finding my father or not?" Lucy gives a nod in answer. "Yeah... like you said, I can get you something of Dex's to test... that shouldn't be hard. And I'll tell you what I know." This realization that there /is/ a test just threw her off, since for so many years she thought she simply couldn't figure out the answer to the question and be able to tell Sel. She draws a deep breath, steadying herself, and nods again to herself, as if confirming this. "Okay, well... this isn't the nicest of stories, but maybe that just fits in with how things are going today. Between not knowing who your father is all these years, and what I'm about to tell you, this is the darkest corner of my life, that I'm most ashamed of." Serenella smirks a little, but nods. "Okay, tell me.", she says and gently rocks Tara, hoping that maybe the girl will fall asleep and not get to hear whatever sordid story is coming up. Even if she doesn't understand it anyway. Lucy seems to be focusing on Sel now, and on her own past... determined to reveal this black corner, in her effort to do something right for her daughter. "Back then, I was working at the Naughty Kitty. I was still in my prime, and as you pointed out... I slept around. So one night, a few weeks before I realized I was pregnant, there was this group that came in." Ironically, the thought causes a small smile. "This rowdy group of young guys, mostly... half human, half vorzydiak... a few women. They took the large corner table and got this party going there, all night long. The other waitresses and I, we started to pick up on things... you hear stuff, you know... and we figured out that they were planning to join up with the resistance. Fight against the Empire. This was their big bash before joining up the next day... and they really had a lot of energy. The whole room reacted, and it was a fun night. My waitress friends and I... we got caught up in it too..." Serenella quirks a brow at the story and smirks. The word gang bang hovers in the air, but not even she says it out loud. Instead she keeps rocking Tara gently to sleep while she waits for her mother to continue the story. Lucy does indeed continue. "So, there was one guy in the group that caught my interest. A younger guy... maybe in his early twenties. Blonde... pretty, is almost the word that described him best, and a bit shy. But he was trying to keep up with his buddies. And he spotted me, and started blushing and trying to avoid my gaze. All flustered. And that just endeared him to me even more, so I started flirting with him. He managed to respond a little, but obviously didn't know his way around women. His buddies introdued him. Athor, or Anath or something like that. Anyway, some of them started joking around that he and I should go get a room. I joined right in, asking in a teasing way if he wanted to. He surprised me, and said sure. So off we went... found a back room, and... yeah." The sex part. No need to give details about that. Serenella listens in silence and a half goes up to her blonde hair almost unconsciously when the man's blonde hair is mentioned, but then Lucy is blonde too, so that doesn't say much. "Right.", she says and smirks, "So that's ... candidate number one? A young blonde rebel whose name is Athor or Anath or something? It was a one night stand?" Lucy pauses to take in the questions, and nods in answer, "well, two, after you count Dex. But yeah... a one night stand with a young blond rebel." And since there's more to tell, and she's on a roll now, she keeps going. "So... when we were done, I said I should probably get back to work. Sleeping with the customers in the back may be fun, and good for business even, but the tips are for serving drinks, or taking off your clothes out in the main room. He said he wanted to stay back there a bit... just collect his thoughts or whatever. He went back to beign very shy and sweet... he gave me a really nice kiss, and thanked me for the memorable night. And I left him there to get back to work." She pauses, expression turning a touch more serious. "The party was still in full swing... the place was really hopping, and it didn't take me long to get caught up in the mood again. That's really my only justification, if I even get to have one. You can't imagine how electric it was that night, with all these guys committing themselves to the fight. Freedom Fighters of Efavan, I heard they were called. Or that was the unit they were joining, or whatever. All very hush hush and underground, but we knew." There still seems to be more to the story, but she pauses again, swallowing and clearing her throat. Serenella just quirks her eyebrow and snorts. "Yea right... so you left one guy behind in his room and went back to the party to screw the next one.", she states dryly and notices with some relief that Tara has closed her eyes and dozed off. Lucy presses her lips in a thin line, and gives the slightest of nods to confirm it. "Pretty much. There was another guy that I think joined the group while I was gone, because I don't remember seeing him before that point. And when I came back out into the room, /he/ spotted /me/ and started making eyes right away. Very different from the young one. This guy was actually around my age or a little older. Tall, dark, chiseled features, very masculine, very confident... I don't remember his name at all, but I remember his face clearly. The blond is a little bit more of a blur. So tall dark and handsome starts flirting with me, I get into it and flirt back... and he asked how soon my shift would end, and if he could take me out on the town. Said he wanted to take me out, where we could both enjoy the night properly, instead of me working. I was nearly done anyway, so I agreed... I finished up my work, and then we left... went around clubbing a bit. He said he was part of the rebel group already, and was recruiting the others, something like that. And after some dancing and drinking, I took him back to my place." Sel already figured out the rest. "When I left the club with the dark one, I saw the blond come back out from the back room again... he saw us and he just froze. I could tell he knew. And I've been ashamed of it ever since. But... it happened. So there you go. Your three candidates for a father. I know both those guys went off to fight the Empire, but after that, I have no idea what happened to them, or where they ended up." Serenella nods and hmmms. "Well, at least you had the good sense to not mess around with Imps.", she murmurs more to herself and chews her lip. "So you don't know who the dark one was? Sheesh Mom, didn't you even ask for the names of the guys you screwed?" "I did ask... I've never slept with a guy, and not known his name at the time," Lucy answers back, a little sharper than she might have meant to. She tones herself down a bit as she explains, "I just can't remember what it was. Once I realized I was pregnant, I knew it was probably one of them. Like I said, I really HOPE it's not Dex, and /is/ one of them. I thought about trying to contact them, but I couldn't really remember Athor's name well... whatever it was... and couldn't remember the other one's name either. And they were off fighting the war, and since we had that triangle going already, I didn't need to complicated it further by bringing a kid into that situation. I thought maybe they'd come back some day. The group said they were going to have another party at the Naughty Kitty when the war was over... but of course that didn't happen." She pauses, searching her memory, and shrugs, "that's really the extent of what I know." Serenella sighs and wrinkles her nose. "I don't see how that's gonna help me to find them...", she sighs, "I... I know a few people who are part of the New Republic now... but..." She shrugs. There's no way she'd share this sorry tale with someone like Luke Skywalker in the hope that he could help her identify the men. "I... I gotta think about this.", she finally says with a sigh but forces herself to give her mother a weak smile. "Thanks for telling me this." Lucy returns the soft smile. "I know it's not much. That's why I never figured it out on my own, and told you. I just wrote it all off as impossible. But I didn't know there was a test. Maybe you'll find a way to track them down. I hope you do... and if I can help any other way, let me know. If you come back tomorrow, I'll try to have something of Dex's. You said a hair would work?" Serenella nods. "Yea, I think so.", she replies with a little shrug and can't help smirking. "I never needed to worry about a paternity test. I -know- who Tara's father is. Or was. And that he was my husband..." She leans down to kiss the baby's cheek softly, the rises to her feet. "I... I'll come back tomorrow morning before we depart, okay? I think we were planning to depart today actually, but I guess my companion won't mind another night in Vorzyd on company costs.", she smirks. Lucy nods and stands as well, stepping forward wanting another hug. "Thank you for coming back," she says softly. "And for letting me meet Tara. I guess I'll see you tomorrow..." Serenella nods and this time actually shifts Tara to the side, so that she can place one arm around Lucy and return the hug, albeit quick and rather limply. She opens her mouth as if to say something, but realizes that she has no words. "I'll see you tomorrow, Mom.", she finally just says and heads out. Lucy offers another nod, and watches Sel go.
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