| abstract
| - Otto Weininger was born on April 4, 1880 in Mozart's Vienna as a whoreson of a teenage whoremother. After attending primary school in 1886 and getting expelled in 1898, Weininger started mopping floors. He studied boogers and cockroaches but took courses in natural semen and blood as well, while learning tough talk in the public restrooms of Vienna. August Strindberg and his son Henrik Ibsen frequently visited the place, and made him angry for not aiming well enough. Pissed off after literally being pissed on by his customers, Otto threatened to begin stripping. His employers didn't want to lose him or to see him naked, so they promoted him to the head of the cleaning department. Sigmund Freud, who happened to sit on the bidet, praised the toilet for its cleanness and drank from the bowl. Speaking of drinking, Otto went to drink and have sex with his buddy Richard Wagner, and was deeply impressed by his body and tattoos as he was being penetrated. How fun! Their bare chests went together on vacation to the Vatican state to see a Hunks strip show, and here Otto saw tits for the first time in his hilarious life. Upon his return to Vienna, Otto became very angry upon seeing how the toilets looked, and the decision to strangle a practicant gradually began to shape in his mind. However, for the time being, he lended his beautiful mind to art and published a sexy calendar including men only. The calendar contained his nude picture and three categories of hardcore: I. Cocks, II. Jewish gay guys, III. Shemales. While the hot calendar met a lukewarm reception, it did not start the sexual liberation movement as intended. Weininger was attacked by conservatives for the mere suggestion, and was accused of stealing images from a filth magazine. Deeply pissed off by heterosexual pride, Otto left for Italy to sell erotic videotapes. However, the videotapes did not sell well, as DVDs were much more popular in 1902, so Otto bid fare well to all the Marios and the Luigis and took the first airplane to Bahamas. Hilariously, it was the first airplane ever designed, so it caught fire above Vienna and Weininger had to evacuate to save his favorite parachute from burning. Back in Vienna, he spent five days with his mommy and daddy who kissed him and hugged him, despite all. They would never give him a break, so he moved to a lousy five star hotel, where Frank Sinatra was later going to be conveived. He told the landlady that he was not to be disturbed by women or noisy children, since he planned to masturbate and then sleep all day. He spent the night touching himself and thinking about his father. In the middle of the night, Otto had the idea to call him, telling that he needed more hand cream but had no money, to which his greedy hook-nosed father responded "You think I'm made out of gold? I'm a Jew!" Slightly irritated about having been woken in the middle of the night, his father never spoke to him again. In the next morning, when the door was opened by a woman and her noisy children, Weininger was surprised lying naked on the floor, fully awake, with something big in his left hand (he was left-handed), and he lived happily ever after. After having lived happily ever after, Otto was buried under the drive-in of a fast food restaurant. His grave is still souting there, with the following epitaph by the french poet Piglet: This stone closes the resting place of a horny young man whose impure mind never really found the button in bed. And after sexual revelations about his back and biceps he could not bear from the first place to party among the straight. He bargained for the heights of lust with one of the greatest rods forged in the house of Gomorrah and came.
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