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| - ❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅ They are the hunters, we are the foxes... and we run! — Taylor Swift, I Know Places I AM SLOWLY going insane. My entire life has turned into a lie. Despite the fact that I am trying to convince myself that I need to stay on Greer's good side, I can't bring myself to eat any of the food she sets out for me. There's no doubt that the asara is in the prey anymore. With every passing day, the effects of the drugs weaken. I can feel more. The numbness is gone. Training sessions are torture; despite the fact that I'm physically in shape, my pain tolerance is not far enough above the average cat's to endure what Greer is used to putting me through. I can't risk stopping her, though; I can't let her know that I've stopped taking the drug. Forget that, I'm not even sure if I can let myself stay off the drug. With every passing day, the withdrawal symptoms grow worse. I ignored them at first, telling myself they were only side effects of my new vulnerability. But the headaches, body aches, and dizziness are only increasing. Everly makes sure to hunt a little extra every day, and she never fails to drop off some prey for me because she knows I'm not eating as much as I usually do. Everly. If she only knew... The other big lie in my life is Dawnlight. Weight isn't the only thing I'm losing; I'm losing sleep, too. I wake up countless nights after nightmares full of blood, vivid images of killing her playing through my mind over and over. And every time Everly references Riverfrost and Dawnlight, the guilt threatens to crush me into a million pieces. My solution to this is instantaneous, something that my old self would be able to do immediately: I stay away from Everly. Any other cat wouldn't even care that I'd killed Dawnlight; they'd tell me I should've finished the Collection and killed Riverfrost too. Everly's the only one who would be devastated if she found out what I've done. But I can't do it. Can't stay away from her. She is the only safe place I have right now. The only cat who doesn't think I'm a monster. How can I destroy that? If she finds out about Dawnlight, she would never forgive me. I am caught between the merging of my two worlds: the Lucifer I was before, and whoever I am now. Suffocating. Cecily and I have always been as close as could be, given the circumstances, but things are different with Everly. With the asara wearing off, I am letting my guard down more and more around her. It's not just that, though. It's something else--not something about me, but about her. She's easy to talk to, and she doesn't look at me like I'm a monster--the way I'm starting to look at myself. Sometimes, when my self-loathing rises to toxic levels, I look into her eyes and try to find myself in them, to see the way she sees me. But that ultimately fails, because when I look into her eyes I can only see her. I know her best friends are Farrah and Sasha, but I am, pathetically and unstoppably, starting to refer to her in my own mind as my own best friend. I've never had one before, but I've gathered what it means: someone you can tell your secrets to, someone to talk to and think of when life starts to hurt. Someone who you can also count on to accompany you on whatever harebrained schemes you might come up with. At the moment, we stand in a corner of the main cavern, arguing quietly. "Everly, come on. I have to get more answers, and the boreas lux is the only place I can think to find them." "It's too risky, Lucifer," she says, her brow furrowed in a frown. "We've gotten lucky before, but this time Greer might catch us. She already has enough reason to be suspicious." "I need to know. Please." I take a deep breath, trying not to make a fool of myself. I don't understand yet how to work the mind of a normal cat, how to stop myself from spilling out of my shell like a waterfall. "Everly, I don't know who I am anymore, and the boreas lux is the only place that has ever given me true answers." She pauses. Does that funny thing, where she moves her eyes over my face in a flash, yet somehow still seems to sense everything I'm thinking in that split second. Then she nods. "We'll be careful." Relief flows over me in a wave. I try to thank her, but the words get stuck in my throat. Instead I say in a brusque tone, "Hurry up. Greer will be back soon." We know the way to Greer's quarters well by now. Soon we are standing in front of the hollowed tree stump, gazing down at the silvery vapor twisting within. I feel a twinge of fear, suddenly unsure if I can take anymore secrets. "Are you ready?" asks Everly. I close my eyes and nod. Together, we dip our noses to the boreas lux. Pine-scent and cold wind surround us. We spin in nothingness for a few seconds, and then find ourselves sprawled on a rock floor. We are in a cave of some sorts. A deep voice reverberates off the arched stone walls. As I climb to my paws, I see something that makes my heart stop beating. Greer is standing across from us. But she isn't looking at us. She is looking past us, like she can't even see us. This is a past version of Greer, I realize, noting that she looks younger, though still cruel as ever. Beside me, Everly presses close to me. Though I know we are invisible and insubstantial to everyone in this time and place, I can feel her, the warmth and softness of her fur. At first I think she's seeking comfort, but then I realize that I am shaking so violently my claws are clacking on the cave floor. Everly is trying to comfort me. The deep voice is still speaking; it appears to be the thing Greer is listening to, and it is exuding from a small silver object on the ground, a stone. Greer looks directly at the rock as if it is a living being. "He shall be the angel of Thorn Mountain?" I tense. What is going on? "The wolf," Greer says. "I don't want to save the Clans," says Greer. "I may not be the Wolf Vanquisher, but Thunderclaw is a SnowClan tom I know well. He has a son, too, who's an apprentice right now." "So when Thunderclaw's son has a son, he will be the Wolf Vanquisher. The most powerful cat on Thorn Mountain." "Lucifer. It's such a nice name, actually." "No. A fallen angel. I think... it would be fitting if this third son were called Lucifer. And if we called the wolf DiAngelo." I exchange looks with Everly. She looks utterly bewildered. A talking silver rock that Greer asks for advice? Wolf Vanquisher? Thunderclaw? A wolf called DiAngelo? Then I feel my paws leave the ground; we are being transported back to our own time again. The colorful swirls of the boreas lux surround me, and the next thing I know, Everly and I are lying back on the floor of Greer's den. I barely have time to register this before I register something else: pawsteps, getting closer. It can only be one cat. I spring to my feet and grab Everly in my jaws. I just have time to duck out of Greer's cave and shove Everly into one of the narrow gullies carved into the tunnel walls before Greer rounds a corner and comes face-to-face with me. If I had moved to save myself first, I might've escaped before she found me, but I don't regret my choice. I can't let Greer link Everly to me. Anonymity is Everly's best protection right now. Cats who are linked to me always end up dead. "What are you doing here, Lucifer?" Greer asks sharply. "Nothing," I say evenly. Her eyes are almost supernaturally green, paralyzing me. "You're lying to me, Lucifer. You have been a lot lately. And I think it's time you pay for it." "But--" "Time to train." I don't dare disobey; we are way too close to Everly's hiding place, and I can't risk her staying here and finding Everly. We've barely reached the training cavern when Greer lights into me. I don't see the first blow, senses dulled by lack of asara, and it sends me slamming into the wall. While I struggle to pick myself up, Greer hits me again. I let out a growl of anger and spring at her, knocking her to the ground. She drives her back legs into my stomach. "Nice try, Lucifer! I know you haven't been eating the prey I've been giving you." Stunned, I fall back. How could she know that? "You are weak. Do you know why I always give you that extra prey? To keep your strength up! And you throw my efforts back in my face!" She slaps me across the face, claws out, raking three bloody lines down my cheek. "Ungrateful wretch! Fight back! Show me strength! Do you have nothing?" She drives her leg into my belly. I yank my paw back and hit her with all my strength. She skids across the floor, and I'm on her in a flash, jaws on her throat. "No! Not a chance!" She lets out a peal of mad laughter. "All this because I won't eat your drugged food?" I snarl into her ear. Her lips curve into a deranged smile. "So you know about the asara. And your solution is to deprive yourself of the leaves? You are weakening yourself. You cannot take me like this." She throws me off her. "Do you know how many moons I have poured into making you what you are? You are my masterpiece. I took so much time to cultivate asara, to tend to it, to gather it, in order to have a constant supply. Yet you are putting me back in my project, wasting all my hard work..." She pushes me to the ground and slams my head against the ground. Again and again. I am slipping away from consciousness, falling through the shadows... "STOP!" The world comes into sharp focus. I see a brown blur streak through the air and throw Greer off of me. No. I spring to my feet and see Everly grappling with the silver she-cat. "Leave him alone, you monster!" If Greer is confused as to why this strange non-Clan she-cat is attacking her, she doesn't express it. "And why should I listen to you, gresser?" she sneers. She drives her claws into Everly's throat. I see red. I slam into Greer, knocking her away from Everly. "You shouldn't have come!" "What, and let her kill you?" Everly sounds outraged, and I am almost bewildered. Cecily and I cared for each other as much as we could, but Cecily had let her mother torment me time after time. Pain is a part of life on the mountain; why would Everly risk everything to save me? "We've got to get out of here," I tell Everly, and then I sling Greer against a rock as hard as possible. She slumps, but we've only got a few minutes at best. "Come on!" We tear out of the training cavern. In the main room, a group of other Guard cats sits talking. I run right past them, but Everly stops. "Guys, we've got to go!" "Not them!" I yell at her. "Just us! Forget them!" Everly ignores me. "Sasha, please," she begs a small she-cat who has always acted like I'm her worst nightmare brought to life. "You have to listen--we're all in danger. Greer's going to take revenge on me and Lucifer, and she might hurt you guys to do it." A black Guard tom called Jett stands. "Everly, what's going on?" He gives me an accusing look. "Long story short, we attacked Greer. She's not who she seems--she wants to kill us." A little she-cat called Plover says, "Where can we possibly go?" "The valley, but we have to be quick. Greer will wake up any second. Please, you guys--you can't stay here." "You guys go," says a gray she-cat called Ruta. "I'll hold Greer off, feed her an excuse." Everly lets out a breath, clearly relieved someone believes her. Plover and Eider step forward. "Take them," she says to me. "I'll be right behind you with Sasha and Farrah." "What about Calder?" asks Farrah. "I'm not leaving the peak," says Calder, looking scandalized. "You shouldn't either, Farrah. It's not safe in the valley." "Right now, Greer is our worst threat," says Ruta grimly. "Go with Everly, Calder." "You trust her and Lucifer over Greer?" "Yes." Calder shakes his head, but then sees Farrah follow Sasha and Everly. He scowls. "We're going to regret this." I'm already outside with the twins. Everly joins me, flanked by Sasha and Farrah, Calder still grumbling behind her. "We'll go to our hiding place," says Everly, looking at me. I nod, and not until we've already started moving does what she's said register in my mind. The hiding place in the valley woods. The place where she took Dawnlight and Riverfrost. She's going to find out I killed Dawnlight.
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