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| - GIR: HI, COWW!!! Zim: [from inside the Voot Cruiser] GIR! Get in here! GIR: [waves] Bye, cow! Zim: No playing with the dirty cow monsters, GIR! This is serious work we do! GIR: Oooooh… [pops up next to Zim] Zim: We’ll switch. You man the tractor beam, I’ll pump the cows full of human sewage. GIR: [whispering] Cows are my frieeeeends… Zim: …I don’t like you. The controls, GIR. GIR: [waves arms] WHEEEEOO!! Zim: As soon as I’ve tainted the humans meat supply with filth, they will be ripe for conquest. Soon the name of Invader Zim will be synonymous with DOOKIE!! GIR! Bring me cooow… GIR: [switches to duty mode and salutes] Yes, sir! [switches back to normal mode] I like dooky! Zim: Sometimes I’m afraid to find out what’s going on in [cut to GIR's point of view. Zim's voice is metallic and robot-like, and the screen is surrounded by a view screen] that insane head of yours… Dapper Weenies: Dance with us, GIR! Dance with us into oblivion! Zim: GIR! What are you doing?! GIR: WEENIES!! WEENIEEES! Play with the weenies, da da na na naaa… Zim: Stop! You’ll blow our ingenious cover! Zim: It’s time we did something about your behavioral glitches, GIR. GIR: Doo dee doo dee dooooo... WAFFLES!! Zim: I’m going to attempt to lock you into Duty Mode with this behavioral modulator. Zim: What? GIR: …Doody. Dib Hologram: I will make YOUUU suffer LARGE, alien! Zim: GIR! Attack! GIR: Yes, sir! Zim: No more distractions, GIR! Attack the human! Zim: ...this time on a dangerously HIGH setting! GIR: Yes, sir! GIR: Doo dee doo dee doo dee doo dee doo dee doo dee dooooo! Zim: Attack! GIR: Yes, sir! GIR: [in a more malicious tone] Doo dee doo dee doo dee doo dee doo dee doo dee- GIR: Sir, target is a hologram and therefore not a threat to our mission! Zim: And what IS our mission, GIR? GIR: Blend in with the indigenous life, analyze their weaknesses, prepare the planet for the coming badness! [puts hand behind back] Yay. Zim: Yes, yes…Yes! With you fully functional and by my side, we shall rule this world sooner than without you by my side…not being funny… ahh, let’s get outta here. Zim: You are now the evil henchman I so rightly deserved all along, GIR. An assistant worthy of me. I AM ZIM!!!! Now, with your amazing new programming, investigate that sound! GIR: Sir, it is merely a police siren- Zim: Do as I say! GIR: Yes, sir! GIR: Opening door! GIR: Running! Runninggg! Zim: GIR! What have you done? This isn’t information retrieval! Are you insane?! GIR: I have captured the enemy for meat testing! Praise me! PRAISE ME!!! Officer: All my bones… jammed up into my neck! Officer: Huh…? Aliens?! Zim: Great. Now I have to wipe his brain to make him forget all he's seeeeen! Zim: This memory transplant will take hours! I planned on spending this afternoon experimenting on the happiness centers of that Earth child’s brain… Nick: I’m so happy! All the time! Just great! Officer: Please! I have a house, and children, and pets, and a toilet…and.. toilet children… Zim: Make silence now, human! GIR: With all due respect, you must know the SIR Unit code enables free will in the event that the mission is threatened. This Police human was a threat. Zim: You dare tell ME what I already know?! GIR: Didja know that? Zim: Of course I…nngh… your legs are stupid!! Zim: Go upstairs and…um, monitor Earth broadcasts until I think of something better for you to do! That’s a good GIR… Zim: GIR? GIR: Right away…S-Sir… GIR: Observing… observing… observing…! Mr. Elliot (playing a waiter on a TV commercial): Do you suffer from intestinal itching? Man: I do! GIR: Television is stupid. The master is not utilizing me properly! I will show my ‘Master’ how information collecting is done! GIR: An information center... Excellent. Robot Scanner: Retinal Scan... Robot Scanner: Rejected! Librarian: I’m sorry, you have two discs overdue. We'll have to confiscate your retinas! GIR: I require access to all human knowledge!! Librarian: Hm… hmmm… Librarian: That would be under reference! GIR: Not acceptable, Library-drone! Squidman: My tentacles!! Where are my tentacles?! Zim: Don’t worry, officer. You are in a filthy earth brain hospital. Your feelings are normal. There’s a squid brain in your head! Police Dispatcher: Calling unit twelve! Unit twelve! Squidman: Something’s wrong! My ink!! Why can’t I shoot ink anymore?? What kind of squid can’t shoot ink?! Squidman: Squid!! Police Dispatcher: Situation at the public library: Flying metal child draining the brains of citizens. Respond immediately! Zim: Oh, it’s GIR! I've got to stop him before he ruins everything! That horrible robot! Squidman: Please! Just take me back to the sea! Zim: Relax, humans! The police are- ewww!! GIR: The knowledge… it fills me… it is neat! Zim: GIR! You’ve drained enough humans today! GIR: Data canister is not yet full! Zim: I command you to get outta here before we’re noticed… some more. Zim: Hey, quit it! GIR: You are no commander! You are a threat to the mission! Your methods are stupid! Your progress has been stupid! Your intelligence is stupid! For the sake of the mission, you must be terminated! Zim: You dare speak to your master in such- Zim: Squidman! Assist me!! Squidman: Uhh… ink…not…working! All that comes out is… you don’t wanna know what comes out… Zim: GIR! Listen to me! We have to get out of here! You’re malfunctioning! GIR: Stupidity is the enemy! Zim is enemy! Squidman: Wait! Don’t leave me on land! Zim: GIR! GIR, is that you?! GIR: Target found! Eliminate moron! Zim: Curse you, snacks! Curse yoooooouuuuu!!! GIR: For the good of the mission, you must be terminated. Zim: GIR… you were my servant once! Remember? GIR: Yes. I didn’t like it. Squidman: Hey! Over here! GIR: Vision…impaired! Can’t see!! Squidman (teary-eyed): My ink! I did it! GIR: Hi, floor! Make me a sammich! Zim: That’s better!…I guess? GIR: Sammiiiich!! Nyee hee hee! Sammich! Nyeh heh… Squidman: I want to thank you. That was quite an adventure! The car wreck, the library fight, and then the galactic space battle that happened on the way to this beach. Zim: Yes, yes, very nice, now into the ocean with you, where you can tell no one of these things. Squidman (with his arms in the air triumphantly): I’m coming home! GIR: G'bye!! G'byyye! G'byee! G'bye, g'bye!!! GIR: He’s gettin’ eaten by a shark.
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