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| - Defense was a high early priority of the new Stoner administration due to the Black Hand Unified School District's repeated attempts at recapturing the school by force. Tiffany I's first official act after being elected Queen was to order 4,000 refurbished M16A1 rifles, 100 Hummers and 50 M1 Abrams tanks from the US government and create the SHS Imperial Army. Under the "armed campus" doctrine, every student is trained in firearms use, unarmed combat, and urban fighting tactics. These skills are honed by a bimonthly paintball tournament. The current Paintball Champion is Air Force Major P.K. Mancini, Class of 2006.
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| abstract
| - Defense was a high early priority of the new Stoner administration due to the Black Hand Unified School District's repeated attempts at recapturing the school by force. Tiffany I's first official act after being elected Queen was to order 4,000 refurbished M16A1 rifles, 100 Hummers and 50 M1 Abrams tanks from the US government and create the SHS Imperial Army. Under the "armed campus" doctrine, every student is trained in firearms use, unarmed combat, and urban fighting tactics. These skills are honed by a bimonthly paintball tournament. The current Paintball Champion is Air Force Major P.K. Mancini, Class of 2006. The school now also has its own Navy, Air Force, and Marine Corps, all of which were created after the discovery of a large oil deposit on the baseball field. Persistent rumors of a nuclear program being developed by Mr. Oppenheimer's AP Physics class have yet to be definitively substantiated, and the school is not a signatory to any atomic treaties. The use of an enormous cannon and a mushroom cloud during a border skirmish against the Black Hand Unified School District suggests the Stoner nuclear program is highly developed (see section on the Board of Governors). The elite SHSIA Queen's Dragoon Guards were chosen to lead the coalition drive on Baghdad during the Iraq War and reportedly inflicted terrifying casualties on the Saddam fedayeen. The King's Dragoon Guards landed with the British forces in the south and helped capture Basra. Current SHS deployments to South Korea, Japan, and Taiwan are reportedly the subject of much discomfort in Chinese and North Korean military circles. Most fearsome is the SHS Imperial Air Force contingent. While the pilots are technically nothing more than "exchange students" they have been reported some of the world's most dangerous in joint exercises. The proportion of Stoner High's budget that is spent on defense is comparable to that of Singapore. The main concern is the threat posed by the Black Hand Unified School District, which considers Stoner High a renegade province and has repeatedly threatened to retake the school by force. At present, however, the BHUSD is more afraid of Stoner than Stoner is of BHUSD, the latter's military power having been eviscerated by a very bad series of syphilis cases. This has freed up SHS forces to undertake various other missions around the globe as described above.
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