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| - Given Literary Image:GoldStar.jpgImage:GoldStar.jpgImage:GoldStar.jpgImage:GoldStar.jpgImage:GoldStar.jpgImage:NoStar.jpgImage:NoStar.jpg, Novelty Image:BlueStar.jpgImage:BlueStar.jpgImage:BlueStar.jpgImage:NoStar.jpgImage:NoStar.jpg by Image:YZHSig.png Don't take this the wrong way. Judging on the first clip of the work (see below).... Pivorod, Your story needs reworking and polishing to become very well written. Here's a line by line analysis, something you might consider getting into a habit of doing to your entire story: Capitalize the first word of every sentence. This first sentence is an expository, and serves to disrupt the flow of your work. Is it necessary? I find that getting right into the story, leading with an anecdote, etc. can prove far more effective than not getting around to it. Also, spelling is important: 'worn' > 'warn', 'your' > 'you're'. The second line, a warning, isn't good either, because people expect that in stories. it kind of began along time ago; it was something that I must tell you before we can move on with the story. I must worn you that it could be a little more than your used to. What's a cram day? What's 'something bad well bad for the shi some one' supposed to mean? Read it out loud and ask yourself if it makes sense! Is this fantasy, science fiction, or realism? A person's name should always be capitalized, 'Max Spendilten'. It was a nice cram day in the town of vendor and it was the start of something bad well bad for the shi some one with great power was born and he was called max spendilten. Umm... This part is flow shattering. It disrupts the flow too much and is off-putting for readers. A better way would be to start off the story already with Max's point of view. You should have a period after 'story'. This is where I come into the story I'm max spendilten and I think that I should take the story from now on. Boasts, boasts... Try to avoid them? What does 'well will' mean? 'Well we'll'? Such a cliffhanger is artificial, meaning readers perceive them way too easily and get disgruntled. Use 'eleventh' instead of '11th'. Quit with all the pointless words, get to the point already! If you 'will like to go back to when I did not have any powers', explain what powers you have first, tell the reader why it's important, and why you want to start with a flashback. 'Powers' just by itself is also an artificial cliffhanger. I was born with great power well will find out what power I have. I did not know that I had powers until my 11th birthday but I will like to go back to when I did not have any powers. The prevailing convention is to use: < "Wake up Max, wake up!" shouted my mother Sara. > or < "Wake up, Max, wake up," said my mother, Sara. > That makes things clearer. I don't know what nationality you hail from, but I suppose that it has much to do with how dialogue is presented, having seen three forms myself. Oh, and get in the habit of using periods. Wake up max wake up (Sara my mother yelled) Try using other sentence formats, such as < I groaned. Why did she have to wake me up this early? "Mum, I'm awake, thanks to you," I said, annoyed. > Mum I am awake thanks to you (I groaned) Dressing gown?? Also, such sentences are mundane. You can replace it with < At breakfast, > (something happened). I got up and got my dressing gown on, and walked down to breakfast. With normal English formatting, the question mark comes right at the end of what the character says: < "Mum, why'd you get me to wake up so early?" I asked unpleasantly. > Mum why did you get me up so early (I asked)? Don't add extraneous info in parenthesis, especially if it isn't necessary. You can always add it in later. Also, try avoiding the use of too many ands. You should try using commas, periods, and semicolons. Dad (Quin-t-won) came in and sat down mum didn't say a word. Remember, pay attention to grammar and spelling. 'where' > 'we're'. Son where taking you to training (Quin-t dad said) Hope this helps, Image:YZHSig.png 16:18, 26 December 2007 (UTC) Given Literary Image:GoldStar.jpgImage:GoldStar.jpgImage:GoldStar.jpgImage:GoldStar.jpgImage:NoStar.jpgImage:NoStar.jpgImage:NoStar.jpg, Novelty Image:BlueStar.jpgImage:BlueStar.jpgImage:NoStar.jpgImage:NoStar.jpgImage:NoStar.jpg by F.＜話して～！！＞ Needs rewording, this does. Much polishing it requires.... ...Quite frankly, I don't get it. Don't take this in a negative context but that was quite frankly one of the choppiest things I've ever read. And what is shi? I think you mean qi. And may I ask just WHY the bottom few words are in gujarati writing? F.＜話して～！！＞ 20:48, 25 January 2008 (UTC) So...I suppose you want this deleted? Since you deleted everything and left a blank page categorized as a novel? --Nonimportant 21:48, 27 May 2008 (UTC) Nah, Wikia just doesn't output pages that are 1.5MB in text. So you'll have to select edit to read it (As for cutting this up into 500 parts, anyone feel like looking up the Wikibot API?)User:Serprex 00:08, 28 May 2008 (UTC) Where is the story? deleted? Davichito 16:57, 28 May 2008 (UTC) ...why do I bother to even explain things?User:Serprex 23:54, 28 May 2008 (UTC) Well, I am making a compilation of it. For those people who want to help, the source file is not in Deep vortex anymore, it is split into Deep vortex/Big-2, Deep vortex/Big-3 and so on. Pivorod, the story is fine, I am interested on it. You should correct the grammatical and spelling errors and it could be great. David 16:17, 30 May 2008 (UTC) Oh, God, it is better to make a program to split the story in 30 kb chunks. David 02:45, 31 May 2008 (UTC) Cue my Wiki API learning note for making a bot. Who's up for API reading?User:Serprex 13:12, 31 May 2008 (UTC) Well, me. I could learn it. But I don't know if a Windows program in C would be faster, to make I mean. Where can I find info on Wiki API? David 18:26, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
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