| abstract
| - Eric Saward lands in BBC Television Centre. He despairs that his job has turned out to be much more JNT-riffic than he expected when he took it, and that the only writers who will work for the show nowadays are crap. The White Guardian appears on his scanner and informs him that his predecessor, Chris Bidmead, despite having been erased from Doctor Who, is still alive. He calls up Bidmead and pleads with him to write an episode, and Bidmead agrees. The scene switches to JNT twirling his mustache. He's on to Saward's plan, and he has a dastardly scheme to ruin it. Since Bidmead had been fired for insisting on trying to make a dark and serious sci-fi show instead of a monster-of-the-week show, he'll force Bidmead to write a scary monster-of-the-week story. Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha. Bidmead senses the trap, and his companion begs him not to walk into it, but he insists that it's the only way to save the people of Doctor Who Fandom, so he has to try. He pulls out his sonic screwdriver and gets to work, and turns in the scariest monster story since the Hinchcliffe-Holmes era. And then the trap is sprung. JNT informs Saward that the monsters are too scary and will cause Mary Whitehouse to awaken from the watery deeps and destroy civilisation. After all, you can't have someone using human body parts as part of their machinery when kids are watching. So he forces Saward to make the Tractators less scary. But this was all part of Bidmead's counter-plan—he's snuck the destruction of the TARDIS past JNT, which will force the story to have some real conflict in it. But this is only phase one of JNT's evil plan. He goes to the costume department and gets them to design monster costumes without testing whether they're actually wearable. He next uses his hypnotic powers to convince the set designer to commit suicide, and then has guest star Peter Arne murdered in his own home. And he erases composer and Radiophonics man Paddy Kingsland from Doctor Who when the score is only partly completed, forcing them to just use the same little sequences over and over until you want to smash someone over the head with a synthesizer Kompressor-style. Finally, for the first time given a script that's actually set partly in a quarry, JNT decides to shoot the entire thing on a soundstage. Bidmead exclaims "Oh, my giddy aunt!" Cliffhanger! But the production goes on. Given something to react to, Mark Strickson finally reveals that he can actually act, and Peter Davison reminds us that he's even better. The guest stars, aware that this may be their last performance before JNT has them murdered in their homes, display human reactions of horror and desperation instead of silly grimdark or panto cliches. Even the stock character of the arrogant young leader in over his head reveals hidden depths. Janet Fielding… well, she's still Janet Fielding, but Tegan is wearing the most totally 80s dress in the show's history, so that's something. Rewatching this story, knowing the Doctor will defeat JNT again only a few weeks later with The Caves of Androzani, only highlights the tension for the viewer. Will the Doctor's nemesis be able to ruin Doctor Who forever? Tune in next week to find out!
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