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| - "Good morning Scotland! You’re listening to me, Tricia Bellerose on Pirate FM because The Ant Masters don’t like us talking. I’ll be here with you from nine AM to twelve on this foggy, rainy, and slightly less irradiated than yesterday, day – things are looking up! And although I have nothing to say I am going to talk right over the introduction to this song – you’ll never know" the artist's name! [Background] “Dad!” [Caller 1] “Argh argh noooooooo!” "Darren? Darren? Sorry folks, we seem to have lost Darren. If you can spare the water, help him get a wash!" ***
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| abstract
| - "Good morning Scotland! You’re listening to me, Tricia Bellerose on Pirate FM because The Ant Masters don’t like us talking. I’ll be here with you from nine AM to twelve on this foggy, rainy, and slightly less irradiated than yesterday, day – things are looking up! And although I have nothing to say I am going to talk right over the introduction to this song – you’ll never know" the artist's name! "Aye, it is good to hear music from the old days, which brings us nicely - and in no way scripted - to my question of the day: 'What do you miss most from before The Ant Masters invaded our beautiful country?' Please Phone in on 01847 ANTZ WATCH OUT – that’s ants with a Z because the only point of cultural reference we have here in the vault is archives of MTV and yes, that is because I iz black! And if you’ve managed to hide your mobile in your rectal cavity for the past six months, please feel free to text us on 0186969 because strange sexual positions break all the laws of breeding and are funny! Yeah homies, give me some metaphorical skin. And I'm talking over the introduction again – it's nostalgic." "And as the old saying goes we have a caller on line one – but down here in the vault we only have one line. So caller, what’s your name and what do you miss most from before The Ant Masters invaded our beautiful country?" [Caller 1] “All right Trish, my name's Darren and I’d just like to start by saying how much I love your show, you really sock it to those Anty cunts. Er, not cunts! Obviously you can’t swear on the radio, I’m sorry.” "That’s no problem Darren. Pirate FM is all about breaking taboos and socking it too those Anty cunts. Just last week I had a mostly needless threesome and posted the tapes to the Ant Headquarters – fuck you Queenie my ass ain't for your raping!" [Caller 1] “Oh that’s a relief. The Ant Masters make you swim through their shit if you say 'cunt'.” [Clicking and scratching can be heard in the background] “Oh no! No! Please, Ant Master – I only just got clean – make him do it! He’s younger!” [Background] “Dad!” [Caller 1] “Argh argh noooooooo!” "Darren? Darren? Sorry folks, we seem to have lost Darren. If you can spare the water, help him get a wash!" ***
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