69.244.129.141 16:49, September 6, 2010 (UTC) ITS GOOD LIKE YOUR MAMA !!! YES I KNOW YOU FIND IT A LITTLE FUNNY BUT IM WATCHING YOU !!! I'll do this.-- 07:30, September 18, 2010 (UTC)
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| - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Ed, Edd n Eddy
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| - 69.244.129.141 16:49, September 6, 2010 (UTC) ITS GOOD LIKE YOUR MAMA !!! YES I KNOW YOU FIND IT A LITTLE FUNNY BUT IM WATCHING YOU !!! I'll do this.-- 07:30, September 18, 2010 (UTC)
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| - The biggest problem in this section is your style of writing. It’s not that good. To be frank, it gets damn confusing in many parts. You need to just slow it all down. Always re read your paragraphs after you have written them to make sure they make sense. Complete nonsense can be funny at times, but it hasn’t worked here – it just ruins the humor and makes it impossible to understand.
I find there are also a few spelling and grammatical mistakes/typos throughout the article. Make use of the tag by placing on it your page, so a user can come to fix it up. But when writing, always remember to proofread your articles yourself before saving them.
On the subject of formatting, your article is nothing horrible. So I don’t have to say much on that.
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| - Save for the poster, and maybe the Sarah tantrum pic, none of your pictures are particularly funny. But they are very strange – which means they have some potential for good subjects. Always try and play on the subject of the picture when you write it’s caption – well written captions are great.
Some of your images are poorly photoshopped. I don’t know if they’re suppost to look bad, but I think someone needs them to do them better. You can submit them to Reefer Desk where they can be improved.
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| - I have never actually watched this show – only heard of it and caught glimpses of it on a friend’s TV. I don’t think it would be highly rich with humor potential, but you can still do more with this, as I have gone into in the above section.
The main thing here, however, is you have only gone into the characters. I always recommend checking Wikipedia articles for ideas. Just go on the Wikipedia page for this show and you will find sections for plot, episode format, DVD releases, video games, awards and nominations and critical reaction. As you can see, there is much more to write about a show then just it’s characters. So really try and juice as much as you can out of this!
On that note, however, don’t make your article TOO long, or it will just start to get a bit boring.
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| - There are a few funny moments here. The line ‘He can lift houses and cars and trains and break through walls just like that, and has supposedly lifted Rosie O’Donnell’ made me chuckle. Thing is, there wasn’t much else. And considering the length of the article, I can see we need some more humor in this.
At the moment it’s basically just random facts. At points I see attempts at parody or some good humor, but they are weakly done, such as the car joke in the ‘Sarah’ paragraph. Other times there a good ideas like in the ‘Jimmy’ paragraph, but these haven’t been used very well either. Then there are paragraphs like the Eddy section, which are just completely impossible to understand. I’ll go through some of these things later – we can fix up these problems in a sec. But first we need to put some more humor into this.
As I said, this is mostly just random things you have made up. At points you try to blend it in with fact, but the complete absurdity of your sentences just ruins those attempts. So, your humor needs improvement. I’ll help you with that…
I’ll go through a few ways you can put humor into your article. Check out the Eragon article. To fully understand my comments here, either watch the movie itself before continuing, or just look it up on Wikipedia, which will be quicker and easier . Now, check out the Plot section. See how the author has blended fact with fiction to create something funny? The line ‘Eragon realizes he has stumbled upon another bad plot line; his simple "poor farmer" lifestyle of good old-fashioned hard work and hay for breakfast is shattered’ also plays on the predictable cliché plot. On the other hand, YOUR facts are much more unrelated, therefore don’t garner the laughs you are aiming for here. Either get rid of your current ideas, or try and blend them with fact as the author did in the Eragon article.
You also should put some other types of humor into this. At points you put in comments and opinions, such as the ‘Typical little sister bitch’ comment in the Sarah section. Don’t misunderstand me – this can be good! You’ve just got to do it better. How? You have to have good concept to play on. Find weaknesses in your article and use them to create these comments, and spend some time on writing them perfectly.
The other thing to help improve the randomness is to first clarify what you want to say about your subject, what impression you want to give your readers of the character or show. Some paragraphs are just completely random - you have to take a step back and think "What do I want to say about this?".
On the other hand, you seem to bring up too many ideas and not use them properly. For example, in the Sarah section, in just a few sentences you tell us she is a typical little sister bitch, super strong, can only be silenced by having her vocal cords being ripped out, and she had killed Eddy. Each of these ideas could be fleshed out into something large and funny.
Here I highly recommend checking out HTBFANJS, as well as checking out the Featured Content, especially those articles that are about TV shows and such. Reading these can not only improve your humor skills, but give you inspiration and ideas. I’m not asking you to plagiarize, just get ideas.
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| - As you can see this still needs a bit of work, but can be improved with a bit of effort. I highly recommend checking out HTBFANJS, and looking at featured articles as well to improve your humor. The humor comments here are especially important, and if you concentrate on them, then this article will improve!
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| - 69.244.129.141 16:49, September 6, 2010 (UTC) ITS GOOD LIKE YOUR MAMA !!! YES I KNOW YOU FIND IT A LITTLE FUNNY BUT IM WATCHING YOU !!! I'll do this.-- 07:30, September 18, 2010 (UTC)
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