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| - (After the shortened version of Channel Awesome logo, we cut to the Nostalgia Critic 2017 opening. It is a direct homage to The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest intro: we are shown the dark, red-striped canyon with clips from various episodes, mostly from 2016, being lightened up on the rocks as the camera is moving. In the foreground, we see some recurring characters floating by: Hyper Fangirl, Chester A. Bum, Satan, Santa Christ riding in sleigh, Ralph Bakshi (with Julie Taymor and Spike Lee as wings), Devil Boner, Creepy Dad, Aunt Despair, Black Willy Wonka, Bill, Darth Vader breakdancing, Wonder Woman and Superman. The screen explodes, and the Nostalgia Critic himself walks from left to right, blowing away smoke from his handgun. After the main title forms, we are shown NC...not in the r
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| abstract
| - (After the shortened version of Channel Awesome logo, we cut to the Nostalgia Critic 2017 opening. It is a direct homage to The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest intro: we are shown the dark, red-striped canyon with clips from various episodes, mostly from 2016, being lightened up on the rocks as the camera is moving. In the foreground, we see some recurring characters floating by: Hyper Fangirl, Chester A. Bum, Satan, Santa Christ riding in sleigh, Ralph Bakshi (with Julie Taymor and Spike Lee as wings), Devil Boner, Creepy Dad, Aunt Despair, Black Willy Wonka, Bill, Darth Vader breakdancing, Wonder Woman and Superman. The screen explodes, and the Nostalgia Critic himself walks from left to right, blowing away smoke from his handgun. After the main title forms, we are shown NC...not in the review room, but in the living room) NC: (looking offscreen; sighs) As flattered as I am that you would use me as a couples' therapist, (he is addressing Hyper Fangirl and Devil Boner, who are looking upset) it is my nonprofessional opinion that you should seek an actual professional. HFG: But you're the only one crazy enough to understand us. DB: Yeah, and to be fair, we do usually get along better when we take you against your will. NC: (revealed to be bound by chains to a chair) Well, I've been kidnapped so many times, at this point, there's probably a plumber constantly being told that I'm in another castle. DB: (as he and HFG hold hands) What can I say? We're bound tighter when you're bound tighter. HFG: And I can practice my arts and crafts on your manacles. NC: (his arms are manacled together; the manacles are a girly pink) Yeah, they're lovely, thanks. So, let's get to the heart of the argument. DB: (he and HFG abruptly withdraw their hands) I'd rather not talk about it. NC: Good, I'd rather not hear about it. (holds out hand) Key, please. HFG: (frustrated) It's just that we thought that we agreed on every single thing, and we found out that there's (holds up index finger) one major hiccup! DB: The Evil Dead movies. NC: (putting his hand on his head) Yeah, if I had a nickel for every couple who's broke up... HFG: He prefers the remake, even though the original is the cult classic! DB: It's gooier and more realistic! HFG: It's demons possessing people! How is that more realistic? DB: I can tell you some things! NC: The funny thing is, it's kind of amazing we're having this conversation at all. (Footage from the original Evil Dead is shown) NC (vo): The original Evil Dead, a horror film about a group of people being possessed by spirits, is still considered a cult classic. It put (image of...) Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell on the map, led to hugely (posters of Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness pop up) entertaining sequels, and still stands as one of the most uniquely corny, yet somehow badass horror films ever made. So, when it was announced a remake was coming out, people reacted how (a shot of a crowd people giving a thumbs-down is shown) everybody reacts when they hear a remake is coming out: (a shot of a man about to smash a computer with a sledgehammer) "It was betraying what was perfect!" "Don't fix what's not broken!" Something about "fucking your mother with a chainsaw–" It's the Internet, you know somebody said that. NC (vo): Yet when the movie came out, many people were surprisingly open to it. They said it was different enough to be its own thing, yet had just enough callbacks and practical effects to make it a loving setup. The blood hit the fan, and a lot of people seem to have a gory good time. NC: (gesturing toward HFG and DB) Well, most people. DB: Oh, come on, that never works! I know you can hear me! I know you can hear me! Oh! (takes his gun) Hey, hey, can you not hear this?! (he fires his gun in the air repeatedly) Can you not hear that?! Oh, can you not hear that?! It's an old– NC: (shouting) HEY! DB: (to HFG) Oh, you can hear him, but not me, huh? NC: DOUBLE HEY!! (again, their noise stops as they look toward him) Now, a good therapist will tell you that disagreement is the core of compromise, and being open to a new point of view helps you grow as a couple. Thankfully, I'm not a good therapist, so I say fight until somebody wins. (HFG and DB cheer; NC looks toward camera) So, strap yourself in... whether you have a choice or not. (looks back toward HFG and DB) I don't have a choice, do I? (they shake their heads) Yeah, kinda figured. This is Old vs. New: The Evil Dead. NC (vo): The one thing to keep in mind is we're only doing the first Evil Dead movie, not any of the sequels. (picture of Ash with chainsaw hand is shown) So put away your "foam and chainsaw hand for badass credit points" card. HFG: Aw, but this is the literally the only time that I could ever use this. DB: Don't worry, punches. I'll find other times. NC: Let's start with Story.
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