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The Attack of the 500-foot Jesus will begin on a Tuesday, not far from the Independence, Missouri bus stop you normally pass on your way to work. At approximately six seconds past six minutes past six hours into the day (that's 06:06:06, derived from the number of the beast), 500-foot Jesus will rise from the depths of a nearby underground train station, cracking the ground as He rises up. He will carry two train carriages all the way to downtown Kansas City; the carraiges which will then be thrown into the two tallest buildings in the vicinity.

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rdfs:label
  • Attack of the 500 foot Jesus
rdfs:comment
  • The Attack of the 500-foot Jesus will begin on a Tuesday, not far from the Independence, Missouri bus stop you normally pass on your way to work. At approximately six seconds past six minutes past six hours into the day (that's 06:06:06, derived from the number of the beast), 500-foot Jesus will rise from the depths of a nearby underground train station, cracking the ground as He rises up. He will carry two train carriages all the way to downtown Kansas City; the carraiges which will then be thrown into the two tallest buildings in the vicinity.
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dbkwik:uncyclopedi...iPageUsesTemplate
Revision
  • 319271(xsd:integer)
Date
  • 2005-12-07(xsd:date)
abstract
  • The Attack of the 500-foot Jesus will begin on a Tuesday, not far from the Independence, Missouri bus stop you normally pass on your way to work. At approximately six seconds past six minutes past six hours into the day (that's 06:06:06, derived from the number of the beast), 500-foot Jesus will rise from the depths of a nearby underground train station, cracking the ground as He rises up. He will carry two train carriages all the way to downtown Kansas City; the carraiges which will then be thrown into the two tallest buildings in the vicinity. But on which day, exactly will these events occur? To discover the horrific truth about that, we must plunge into the mysterious and wondrous world of numerology, Mayan calendars, and Microsoft Project 2.0. The answer is, of course, that this horrific event will take place on January the 1st in the year 2019 [just a few short months from now! - ed.]. The explanation for this is very simple. As we all know from our introductory-level World History courses, January the 1st 2004 was the 40² anniversary of the first 404 error (aka the day when the sky went blank, another cosmic-scale disaster), which took place in January the 1st in the year 404. Since 2004 minus 404 is 1600, which is also mysteriously the same as the number 40 squared, we can cancel out the duplicates in the key numbers 404 and 40, leaving us with a single "4", which would of course be the number of either days, months, or years left from January the 1st 2004 until the day when the gigantic Jesus is unleashed. And, since January the 4th and April the 1st of 2004 have both already passed without the attack of the 500-foot Jesus actually taking place, the "4" must refer the number of years from January the 1st 2004 until the fearsome event, which would place the date at January the 1st 2008. Strangely enough, that day also "happens" to be a Tuesday, and the year 2008 also just "happens" to be a leap year. In addition, 2008 is the year in which George Bush ends his term. Coincidence? Thus we must now surmise that the attack of The 500-foot Jesus will take place at exactly 06:06:06 on Tuesday the 1st of January, 2008, on the dot. (AM of course; PM would just be a waste of time.) By these calculations, the 500-foot Jesus therefore has exactly 1,815 days to wreak massive cosmic-scale havoc until the dark day of December 21st, 2012 (or 20121221, using ISO date formatting), when the world will finally end and the omniverse shall collapse into itself. The year 2012 also "happens" to be leap year, just like 404 and 2008. See? Thus will Nostradamus finally be proven wrong, since he stupidly predicted that all of this would occur a full three days later.
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