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| - “I don’t know about this, Luke,” Leia sighed dubiously as she eased herself onto the rough, uneven floor. Well, it really wasn’t a floor, but a roof, the roof of the pilots’ barracks on Contruum. It was midday, and the sun beamed friendly rays from above that cast everything in a pale yellow hue. The sky stretched like an azure blanket over their heads, blemished only by one of the small white moons that hung on the horizon like a colossal pearl. Leafy trees surrounded the military base, and they swayed and rustled in the quiet drafts of wind carried inland from the nearby ocean. Leia tasted the salty sweetness with every breath, and savored it. Her brother, who had been standing at the edge of the rooftop, turned and tossed her a smile. It was soft-hearted and youthful, and for a moment Leia saw only the boy who had rescued her from the Death Star over twenty years before. They had both been so young and naïve then, even she, with a couple years in the senate under her belt. But the way he stood with one leg propped on the safety railing, and the silky wind pulled his sandy bangs away from his forehead, she could almost believe they were teenagers again, with nothing to lose and everything to gain. Luke stepped back from the lip and came towards her. His Jedi robes were a standard plain tan, as were hers. “Tell me why I brought you here,” he spoke at last, and lowered himself gracefully onto the rooftop across from her, his legs crossed beneath him. The illusion of a simpler time cracked as he addressed her. Those were the words of a Jedi Master, not a farmboy from Tatooine. Leia took a deep breath and sat a little straighter, mirroring his pose, hands resting palm up on her knees. “I don’t know,” she admitted, although she knew what was at the core of this lesson. This was his first attempt to bring her back from the brink of darkness. He didn’t immediately respond, but cast a glance at the planet around them. Leia followed his line of sight, trying to decipher what he wanted to tell her. Finally he responded, “What do you see, when you look around here? What is here that is not on the Pillory?” Leia did another cursory sweep of her surroundings. “The sun, plants, wind, small animals…” “Life,” he corrected, his knowing eyes settling on her. “What is the Force, Leia?” “It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together,” she quoted the mantra she had heard so many times, first echoed long ago by Obi-Wan Kenobi to a young boy who had no clue the scope of his destiny. “The Force is life,” Luke nodded his approval. He lifted his hands and spread them wide, gesturing to all that framed their view. “All this exists, thrives, creates, is connected by the Living Force. Me, you, that tree, we are all one in the Force. Do you understand?” She did, partly because she had heard all this before. But for some reason, this time it struck her as much more profound. “Yes. I think so.” Luke went quiet again, and this time for such a long period she wondered if he was okay. Eventually he again spoke. “You are afraid,” he whispered, his blue eyes staring straight into her soul. “Yes,” she repeated, knowing there was no safety in lies. He would still know. “Stretch out and feel the life around you,” he told her. “Close your eyes and listen to what the Force tells you. Look without, not within.” Her eyelids fluttered shut, and she had to take several calming gulps of air before tapping the energy that flowed through her and all living things. She did as told, touching the life around her and listening to the sounds of the Force. It was like an ocean with billions of tributaries, and she listened to the song of the water as it roared all around. It hummed with countless voices, each one adding a little bit to the melody. Luke’s voice rose loudest of these, his aura shining with greatness and power in front of her. He was the epitome of peace and serenity, and the Force wrapped around him like a second skin. But it went deeper than that, piercing the depths of his soul and building him into what he was. He welcomed Leia in, showed her all this, the power than filled every inch of his being. “I am a servant of the Force,” he said, or maybe she only heard his voice inside her head. She couldn’t be sure. “It guides me, protects me, replenishes me. I serve its Will.” Slowly he withdrew from her, and urged her to do the same. So she pulled back, reigning in the tendrils of her mind that had been spread across the landscape. When she opened her eyes, he was still staring at her. “When we begin to serve ourselves and not the Force, when we give in to our desires, we lose our way and balance. And most of the time, we slip into the realm of darkness.” Leia swallowed hard, and looked down at her hands. He was talking about her now, what she had done. She had bent the Force to serve her, instead of the other way around. “Did you feel any fear in the Force?” “No.” “Fear is of the dark side, it comes from inside us, not the Force. It comes when we refuse to relinquish control over something. Our father is the greatest example of this,” he told her solemnly, and somehow managed to sound stern without being accusatory. “Let go of your fear, Leia. Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate…leads to suffering.” Leia closed her eyes and bit her lower lip, fighting tears. “How can I not fear?” “Look inside yourself. What are you afraid of?” Once again Leia obeyed like a good student, but not without trepidation. She examined the little knot of fear that was like a festering sore on her heart. In there was her anger, malice. It grew and consumed a little more of her each day. At the center of it was her greatest terror, the memory of being violated and abused by a man she hardly knew. What if it happens again? You will never be safe, never. Cale’s voice seemed to whisper. It also accused. You are unclean. You are to blame. You are vile and wicked, you have betrayed all you claim to love. Unclean. Unclean. She sobbed in fear, trembling, though she was unaware of her physical self. There was no escape from this horrific memory. But she would fight, she would silence him. She hated him more passionately than she had ever loved anything. That feeling, that burning brand of vengeance took hold of her and suddenly she was in a rage, like an animal throwing itself against the bars of its cage. Her hate was a wellspring and if she were to harness it, nothing would ever stand in her way, nothing could harm her, hurt her again! She was jolted suddenly, both inside and out. A power stronger than she shook her loose, yanked her mind back to reality even as Luke’s strong hands shook her limp form. “Leia!” she heard him yell, and suddenly she was awake, gasping in the mild afternoon air. Her twin’s face was worried as he leaned over her. “Do you hear me?” “Yes,” she responded, sitting up, disoriented. She could still feel the anger inside herself, lingering just beneath the surface, ready to be unleashed. So much power, it was intoxicating. His hands still held her shoulders firmly. “You can’t give in,” he whispered, and then pulled her close, into his embrace. She leaned against him, taking comfort in his arms. “You can’t. You have to fight it.” “I know,” she was still shaking. “But I don’t think I can. It’s too strong for me, Luke, too dangerous. I can’t resist.” A solitary tear ran down her porcelain face. “I don’t think I can ever touch the Force again.”
* * * Jaina Solo had only just collapsed on her bed when her door chimed. She didn’t get up immediately, but savored the feel of the pillow beneath her face, a feeling she was afraid she would never be allowed to enjoy again. It had been a rough couple of days, and all she wanted to do was climb in bed and not get up for a very long time. But the galaxy was merciless, and so she rolled to her feet and went to the door. Jacen stood on the other side, all smiles. “Hey, Sis,” he grinned. “I was wondering if you wanted to come spar with me. This place has a great training facility.” He motioned vaguely off to his left to indicate the building’s location. Jaina rubbed the sleep from her eyes and then glowered at his cheerful face. “Does it look like I want to go spar with you?” He was unruffled. Persistent, he said, “Come on, how long’s it been since we’ve hung out, just the two of us?” “Not long enough,” she snapped, and tried to close the door. His foot prevented it from shutting. “I know you don’t mean that. Please, Jay? We need to talk about something.” His voice had suddenly turned serious and Jaina, who had been halfway to her bed, swiveled back to face him. He was no longer smiling. For a moment she considered making him leave anyways, then decided against it. He was rarely stern or pushy with her, and so whatever it was he had to say was probably worth hearing. “All right,” she conceded, and snatched her lightsaber off the bedside table and clipped it to her belt. Jacen glanced at her disapprovingly. “You’re going to spar in your flightsuit?” “I just got off patrol,” she muttered. “It’ll be fine.” He continued to stand and stare, silent. Finally Jaina heaved a great sigh and went to the ’fresher to change. She came back out in a fitted athletic jumpsuit, the kind her Aunt Mara always wore. The look she gave her twin was sarcastic all on its own, even without her following words. “Happy now?” Jacen only smiled and followed her out the door. It turned out that he was correct, the training facilities on their new base were excellent, just like everything else she had encountered on the planet. From what Pash Cracken had told her, it had been used by Contruum’s home security forces before the rebels had appropriated it. If that was so, the planet’s defenses must also be in top order. That was a very good thing, considering their new base of operations would be a prime target for a Baci attack. Luckily for the two Jedi, the gymnasium was mostly empty and they had the whole training mat to themselves. Wordlessly, they each took a corner and drew their weapons. Jaina started at the color of his. “What’s that? Why isn’t your lightsaber green?” “I replaced the crystal with the one Padmé gave me for our birthday. The one that helped me heal Mom,” he explained casually, swinging it in one hand in various patterns. “Oh.” She had heard about that from Padmé, but had yet to face her mother. It wasn’t that she hadn’t forgiven Leia. Rather, she just didn’t know how to talk to her about what had happened. It was a horrific thing Cale Wilos had done to her mother, and Jaina felt queasy just thinking about it. She also didn’t know how to breach the subject of her new little brother or sister. It was just very awkward, and Jaina found it much easier to pretend the problem didn’t exist than to face it head on, as she usually did. Without warning he lunged at her, striking at her left ankle. Jaina easily somersaulted over the attack, landing on her hands and kicking back at him. Her right foot connected with his shoulder, and he spun away. They both came up at the same time, lightsabers at high guard. He gave her a cocky grin. “You’re a little out of practice. You were aiming for my head.” Jaina rotated her grip on the hilt of her weapon, and smiled back. “Ah, my plan of luring you into a false sense of security is working. Come and get me, little brother, if you dare.” He did just that, charging at her in a flurry of blows in different directions that drove her back three steps. There she stood her ground, refusing to be pushed any more. She caught his next blow above her head, their sabers crossed like an X. They popped and sizzled as the Jedi pushed silently, each testing the other’s strength. Suddenly Jaina moved, unexpectedly bringing her right knee up hard against the inside of his thigh. He twirled away, giving her a shocked look. Her smile was victorious. “You’re lucky I’m your sister and had no intention of giving you any permanent damage. I would like to have nieces and nephews some day.” Jacen didn’t reply, just spun into a beautiful roundhouse kick that she couldn’t dodge. Instead she rolled with it, letting the brunt force carry her away from his saber. But he was on her instantly, hacking away. She blocked each blow, but just barely. They dodged and danced like this for an immeasurable time, locked in a duel that was both awesome and deadly. They knew each other too well, anticipated every action move for move. It became clear to them both that this time would be a draw. He signaled the truce first, cartwheeling out of her reach and killing his blade. He saluted her with the handle. Jaina wiped the sweat from her brow gratefully. “Thank the Force. I was afraid you would never call it.” He laughed gently and pulled her into a congratulatory hug. “You’re better than I remember. Maybe you’ve been practicing after all?” She shook her head regretfully. “Not really, no. I’m glad you made me come here. I realize how out of form I really am. Not good in a war.” Jacen nodded in agreement, and passed her the water bottle that had been sitting on the edge of the mat. She took a long drink, savoring the cold moisture as it slid down her parched throat. Finally she capped it and handed it back to him. “Now what is it you brought me all the way over here to talk about?” He motioned for her to sit, and they both assumed cross-legged positions facing each other. “It’s about Mom,” he began, wincing in anticipation of her reaction. Jaina immediately looked away, not wanting to have this conversation with him or anyone else. It was much easier to pretend it didn’t exist if she never spoke of it. “Jacen, let’s not go there.” “But we have to,” he continued, stern. “I know this is hard for you. I’m struggling too, so is Anakin. But Mom has suffered so much already. You’re hurting her even more by ignoring her, Jaina. I know that’s not what you mean to do, but that’s what’s happening.” “I can’t talk to her about this, Jacen,” she insisted. “I wouldn’t know what to say, how to comfort her. And this baby…how can I call it my sibling?” “It’ll get easier with time,” he promised, although his own resolve dwindled at that prospect. “And if you can’t do it for Mom, do it for everyone else in the galaxy. Because the dark side has a solid grip on her right now, Jay, and if something doesn’t happen soon we could lose her. We have to do everything, everything possible to make sure that doesn’t happen.” A lump of fear formed in Jaina’s throat, and she felt suddenly nauseous. “I hate this. I hate what that man has done to our family.” “I know,” he took her hand, and her own feelings were reflected in his eyes. There was a fire there, a desire to punish Cale Wilos for all he had done. But just like Jaina, his fury was muted and carefully controlled. “And he will pay for it.” “What about Dad?” Jaina asked after a time. She had been so caught up in Rogue business she hadn’t spoken to him or any of her other family members in days. She had no idea what had transpired. “He went to see her yesterday,” Jacen said happily. “They’re going to try work things out.” A sigh of relief escaped her. “Thank the Force,” she said for the second time that day. “I don’t know what I’d do if they split up.” “It’s all going to be okay, Jaina, I can feel it. But we need you there, too. We’re not a family without you.” She nodded slowly, realizing it was inevitable. “Okay. I’ll go see her as soon as I get a chance.” “That’s all I ask.” They were interrupted as a group of beings poured into the opposite end of the gym. It was a big room, and the Chiss did not immediately notice the two Jedi occupying the other side. The intruders belonged to one of the CEDF squadrons, and Jaina recognized the man who led them all too well. It had been almost six days since she had spoken to Jag Fel, and she was beginning to wonder if their romance was even more fleeting than she had assumed. “I guess we should get out of here before they throw us out,” Jacen laughed, and pushed himself to his feet. He offered her a hand. Distracted, she took it, her eyes still on the lone human figure among a sea of blue skin. “Hey, I’ll catch you later Jacen. I have to go have a word with someone.” Without further explanation, Jaina set off towards the one person on base who could truly drive her mad, in more ways than one. “Colonel Fel, a word please?” she called once within earshot. He looked up, surprised. “Of course,” he answered, then said something in Cheuhn to one of his comrades before crossing the ten meters of open space to meet her. His demeanor was completely formal, but Jaina could see in his pale green eyes that he was happy to see her. He stood a prudent distance away, arms crossed over chest. “Can I help you with something, Lieutenant Solo?” Jaina wanted to slug him, then kiss him—or maybe the other way around—but restrained herself. “I was hoping you could answer a question for me,” she said in a mild voice, soft so as not to be overheard. Jag matched her tone. “I shall try my best.” He looked around, then nodded in the direction of a small equipment room to their right. “Perhaps we could talk over here?” She gave her consent, and followed him into the room. She shut and locked the door behind her, and when she turned around her lips were immediately claimed by his. Hungry hands pulled her close, and she could sense the desire in him like a barely restrained flood. For a moment she savored it, and then pushed him away fiercely. “What are you doing?” she demanded. He looked shocked. “What do you mean?” “I mean, you think that you can ignore me for six days and then drag me into a closet and expect me to make out with you?” she harrumphed, one hand on her hip as the other poked him in the chest. She hadn’t thought it possible, but he looked even more astonished than before. “Jaina, I haven’t been ignoring you.” “Oh no? Then why haven’t I seen or heard from you? Where I come from, Fel, that’s called ignoring,” her jaw set angrily, and she crossed her arms over her chest. His brow darkened defensively under her attack. “It’s only been a couple of days! We’ve both been busy with our squadrons, and I was trying to be discreet—” “Discreet is not attacking me in the mess hall. Not even speaking to me in six days is not discreet,” she spat back. “Jaina, come on! I think about you all the time. I’m just trying to be careful. You’re overreacting.” Immediately, Jag realized that was the wrong thing to say. Her resulting expression was outraged. “Overreacting? How is it overreacting that I would like to be acknowledged every once and while, instead of treated like an acquaintance?” “Well you haven’t exactly been the friendliest person on base, either,” Jag countered. “And you won’t have to worry about me bothering you in the future!” she exclaimed, giving him a little shove in the middle of his chest. “Good! The last thing I need is a petty little Jedi hanging around my neck all the time, anyways!” he came right back, matching her hostility. She let out an enraged little squeal, then turned to grab the door. He caught the handle first, interposing himself between her and the exit. They were both breathless with anger, their flushed faces bare centimeters apart. Then he looked her straight in the eye and said, “Is it bad that I am really turned on by you right now?” Her reply was a small gasp as she threw her arms round his neck and pulled him down into a kiss, frenzied and desperate. His mouth was demanding, and she willingly let him in, delighting in the taste and smell of him. They stayed locked that way for a long minute, and when Jaina finally pulled back they were flushed for a different reason. “I think,” she panted at last, “we need to work on finding different methods that get this result.” He chuckled in agreement, and kissed her forehead sweetly. “I don’t know. This seems to work so well.” She couldn’t prevent a smile. “True. Although one of these days I’m afraid I might shoot you before we get here.” He only smiled, and pecked her gently on the lips. “I am sorry,” he said afterwards. “I’m just unsure of how to proceed in this environment. Getting caught is not an option.” Jaina bobbed her head in solemn agreement. “I know. And I’m sorry for making such a big deal. I just miss you,” at the last she looked up into his eyes, letting him see she meant it. “I know. Me too,” he replied. “We need to find somewhere safe to meet.” “I’ll work on it,” she promised. It was a project she was more than happy to spend her spare time on. Then, she glanced forlornly at the door. “We should go. They’re probably wondering what we’re doing.” “You’re right. I’ll try to comm you later. When’s your patrol?” Jaina checked her chrono and groaned. “Stang. In six hours. I have to go get some sleep.” “Okay. I’ll try to catch you afterwards.” They took a few seconds to fix their appearances, then left the equipment room silently and went their separate ways, praying no one was the wiser.
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