Ravenix 16:02, 27 August 2008 (UTC) Hey all, just looking for some opinions on my page, i.e. how I can improve it and so on. You're also welcome to add to the Vampire Ninja mythos.
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| - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Vampire Ninja
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| - Ravenix 16:02, 27 August 2008 (UTC) Hey all, just looking for some opinions on my page, i.e. how I can improve it and so on. You're also welcome to add to the Vampire Ninja mythos.
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| - your prose and formatting were sub-average. i'll give you a proofread, and should you improve this article and need another proofread in the future, simply place on your page somewhere and someone will be along shortly. i'll correct your headings, too, as they seem to be inconsistent. lists are bad and leave a lot of whitespace, and your article in general was extremely short. add some content; look to the wikipedia pages on vampires and ninjas for inspiration.
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| - two images. both were ok as long as you keep their respective things in the article; however i did recommend removing both of them so i will suggest some alternative images: a vampire and a ninja for starters. also maybe a tea party if that's waht calms them down.
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| - *intro: 1
not a good start. three quotes, none of which are humorous. having oscar wilde quotes on a page is really tough to pull off nowadays, as it's been done to death. quoting yourself in an article is frowned upon at best. also, the content of your intro is lacking; it should draw the reader in and make them want to read the entirety of the article. explain what vampire ninjas are and give some background.
*origin: 7
actually not bad, much better than i was expecting after the intro. really short, but this might actually serve as a solid introduction, if you were to put this first . i'm not sure about the PMS comment, but the rest of it was pretty good; try to draw the idea out more.
*actual story: 5
hmmm some random stuff here. it can be tough to distinguish random stuff that most people would consider funny from random stuff that will mostly fall flat . if you're going to use good ol' vincent valentine as your origin, you might want to keep in mind that anyone who hasn't played FF7 or one of the 84 offshoots will have this concept fly over their heads .
*modern day vampire ninja: 4
hmmm lists. lists are almost universally frowned upon. however, these lists aren't so bad. i would recommend keeping them, trimming them down, and putting them into the form of a coherent paragraph. you seem to borrow some stuff from monty python, which is also frowned upon - come up with something original! i personally don't like the PMS angle, it kind of brings the rest of the article down.
*enemies / what to do: 6
nothing really too humorous about this section, although i do like the idea of offering a cup of tea being the only reliable defense - i'd like to see expansion on that. don't sign your name at the bottom of your article.
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| - my preview button tells me that your final score is 24.5. don't fret! i think you have a decent idea which can blossom into at least a solid article. i see you are relatively new, and you spent less than two hours on this article. one section in HTBFANJS states that the more time you spend on an article, the more people will like it. so: spend some time! keep working on improving it and it will get better! on that note, read HTBFANJS. a lot. it always helps, especially when you're stuck. if you need anything else feel free to harass me on my talk page. good luck!
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| - Ravenix 16:02, 27 August 2008 (UTC) Hey all, just looking for some opinions on my page, i.e. how I can improve it and so on. You're also welcome to add to the Vampire Ninja mythos.
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