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| - for most people and is said to be worse. Mac OS X : You have the prettiest two Jersey cows ever seen. They have the shiniest eyes, and can lick their own ears with their tongues. New cowbells are available every month for download. However, manufacturers still only make milking machines for Frisians. Windows Vista : You have two cows minimised on your desktop. Taskbar>Switch between cows. All cows are scrollable. Nice Windows Vista (2): You have two cows. Is this OK? The cow moos. Is this OK? OpenBSD : You have two cows, anyone can do whatever he or she wants with them. People can trample babies with them for all you care. You will never feed them undocumented feed or use undocumented equipment, because you believe in true Freedom. OpenBSD 2 : You have two cows. It is rumored they have security holes, but those are leftover vulnerabilities from NetBullSD which were patched in 1997. OpenBSD 3 : You have two cows. Their milk became proprietary after version 1.2.1, so you created OpenMilk which is a lot more popular. OS/2 Warp : You have a cow. It's hideous. It's also a cripple. It's own mother killed it and adopted another cow. NetBSD : You have two cows. You use one of them as a web server, and one of them as a router. NetBSD 2 : You have a toaster and an old Sun workstation. You milk the workstation and make a web site about it using the toaster as a web server. Plan 9 : The new, improved Moonix from Bull Labs. Instead of making a farm out of two small cows, you make a single cow out of two small farms. DOS : You have two cows out of a maximum of 4. Only one can produce milk at a time. Shareware : You have TUCOWS. Gain : When you download two cows from Gain, we will give you pop ups in return. Kazaa : You have two cows with viruses. Bittorent : You have two cows. They take four days to milk. You can only get 99% of the milk you need. Photoshop : You have two cows. You cut-and-paste their heads onto naked women's bodies. Epic Fantasy Story : You have one cow that tells the truth, the , the other has POV Math : You have two perfectly spherical cows. Algebra : You have two cows. They follow the path y = 4x2 − 2. Solve for the cows. Geometry : You have two cows. You will never use them again. Geometry 2 : You have two cows. Grass = Cow A. Cow A = Cow B. Cow B = milk. Prove that grass = milk. Formal Cowculus : You have two cows. Take UNIQ4199b6cd51d010-math21f6799e57546d000000001. UNIQ4199b6cd51d010-math21f6799e57546d000000002, your cows are within ε of the derivative. Analysis : For all ε>0, there exists a δ>0 such that you have δ cows. UNIX : You have two cows. You can't do shit with them unless you have a brain the size of a blue whale. Visual Simulation : You have 3 cubes. One is red. Chemistry : You have two cows. These cows combust according to the formula H2Cow + O2 Æ CowO2 + H2O + 512KJ. How much heat will be released in the combustion of 3.2¥1023 cows with an excess of hydrogen and oxygen? Physics : You have two cows. One gets in a spaceship and leaves Earth, traveling near the speed of light. The other cow remains on Earth. A certain amount of years later, the cow in the spaceship returns. However, he has aged less than his twin on earth due to the theory of relativity. Quantum Physics : You have two really tiny cows. They exist as both cow particles and cow waves. You can't really measure them because attempting to measure them will make them collapse into a penguin. Your two cows are intricated : whenever one of your cows is milked, the other is milked too, and your two cows lose their phase and only their amplitude remains. You decide to forget about them and buy two chickens instead. You're much better off. Biology : You have two organisms that produce milk, and have four stomachs. They cannot reproduce because you have no males of the species. They will soon die of natural causes, a microbe infecting them, or damage to vital organs. Evolution: You have two cows. A hundred bazillion quadrillion years ago they were bumblebees but a series of completely natural random mutations caused them a bunch of genetic changes that at the time were meaningless. However, many people call you "evil" and would like to kill you, just because you've got better milk. First Year U.S. History : George Washington had two cows. What contributions did his two cows make on America today? GCSEs : You have two cows, but your dad can't help you milk them because in his day, they were called O-levels. AS Philosophy 1 : You have two cows, but one is merely a metaphor for the human condition. AS Philosophy 2 : You have two cows, and as a Utilitarian, does it suit the best interests of yourself and both cows to milk them, or could it be said that the interests of yourself, as a human, come above those of the cows, who are, after all, inferior to the human race? Aristotle would claim that this is correct, although Peter Singer would disagree. AS Sociology : You have two cows. One is a Marxist, the other investigated the 'Tearoom Trade' 35 years ago. AS Sociology : You have two cows. Your friends and family believe that the cows do not constitute a real qualification A-level Maths : You have two cows. A notice is issued apologising that they're impossible to milk, which comes as a surprise because you managed to do so with no problem. A-level Physics : You have two horribly-mutated cows that are supposedly easier to milk than the regular kind. Eight years and £1million later the government realises this isn't the case. French 1 : Vous avez deux vaches. French 2 : Vous avez deux vaches qui sont cools. Spanish 1 : Tu tienes dos vacas. Como estan las vacas? Muy bien. Estan en un fieldo. Spanish 2 : Tenias dos vacas, cuando tu aseo tuve una problema. Spanish 3 : Mira, porque dos vacas habran venido a las seis. Ya he comido todo el queso. Spanish 4 : Tienes dos vacas, tu madre y tu hermana, y los cuernos de tu padre. Portuguese 1 : Você tem 2 vacas. Portuguese 2 : O/A senhor/a tem propriedade de dois animais do género bovino de sexo feminino. German 1 : Sie haben zwei Kühe. German 2 : Sie haben zwei Kühe. Die Regierung nimmt die beiden für die Steuer. Jetzt sind Sie arbeitslos. Die Regierung gibt Ihnen ein Kuh zur Arbeitslosversicherung, und Sie haben freies Gesundheitswesen. Japanese : You ale being have 2 cows !! Cows are be giving miruku !! You being ale having cows ?? ^______^ Wapanese : You have two kawaii cows, baka! Kekekekekekekekeke! ^_______________________^ chan desu Chinese : You have two woks. Chinese 2 : 你有两头母牛 Engrish : All your too cwws are belong to yoo beaucse havgni too cowss. Rot13 : Lbh unir gjb pbjf. Hippie : You have two cows you get stoned and the police catch you and ask if the cows are yours you answer " i own them as much as anyone can really like own anything you know what i mean comrade giraffe" The police send your cows to jail for possession of drugs. Baseball : You have two cows. One more and you're out. To solve this problem, you take steroids. You lie about taking steroids until you retire and write a book. One week before you release your book, you go on 60 Minutes and tearfully confess to using steroids but say that you didn't know what you were using. Football : You have two cows. They live vicariously through professional cows after they "blew out their knee" during their senior year of high school. If only the goat hadn't missed his block, the cow could have been starting QB for the Cowboys. Hockey : You have two cows. Neither cow can agree with the other as to how much milk should be made, and thus, no milk is made. Football in Britain : You have two cows. They have married a bull, just for its looks. They cannot get on with the farm hand, and therefore are sent off the farm. Soon the farmer will sell them and buy some foreign cows. Eventually your farm sells all the local cows and produces more milk. The new cows are still as bad tempered as the other cows and are sent off the farm very regularly. You get to the top of the premiership and have loads of fans. Then another farm produces more milk than you and all your fans go to that farm. Cricket : You have to collect thirty buckets of milk with two cows remaining, while a strange man runs at you and chucks small red objects. BOFH : You have a healthy cluster of cows that you obtained by blackmailing the owner of the farm. However, the idiot cowboys keep you from getting any work done, so you arrange for them to be trampled, demand more compensation for working in such a dangerous environment, and end up with another two cows. 1337 : d00d, j00r 2 c0w5 ar3 UB3R-1337 h4x!!!!111one 1337 2 : 1 0wn j00r 2 c0\/\/z!!!!?!?! 1337 3rd : U |-|4\/3 7\/\/0 (0\/\/5, |)u|)3! AOL Chat room : Savethemooses: Hey, anybody have 2 cows? ILOVEJUSTIN: OMG AMERICAN IDOL IS ON!!!! deathandbones: clay aiken is a fag UNCTarheels: lol Savethemooses: Anybody? ILOVEJUSTIN: SHUTUP CLAY AKEN IS A QT tigerclaw: y don't u stfu HotLola18: COME SEE MY HOT WEBCAM, IM TOTALLY NAKED! HotLola18: COME SEE MY HOT WEBCAM, IM TOTALLY NAKED! HotLola18: COME SEE MY HOT WEBCAM, IM TOTALLY NAKED! Savethemooses: 2 cows, that's all I need HotLola18: COME SEE MY HOT WEBCAM, IM TOTALLY NAKED! Something Awful Forums : You had two cows, until one of them was banned. If you want to milk your remaining cow, it'll cost you $10. If you want to drink the milk, it'll cost you a further $10. Now you're banned. eBaums World : You have a healthy cluster of cows that you obtained by blackmailing the owner of the farm. However, the idiot cowboys keep you from getting any work done, so you arrange for them to be trampled, demand more compensation for working in such a dangerous environment, and end up with another two cows. Two cows provided by eBaumsWorld.com eBaums World 2 : You had two cows, until someone from EBaums World stole them. Now anytime somebody looks at the cows, your IP is spammed. eBaums World Forums : You have two cows that refuse to acknowledge the existence of the main site but still get blamed when the main site steals something. Other cows from 4Chan can't get through the barbed wire around the ranch. One of the two cows turns out to be a bull. EvaMonkey is still British. Konami Games: You usually start with two cows unless you enter the Konami Code (Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start) during the title screen. You now have thirty cows. Shareware: You have two cows but only if you register for the full version. MySpace: You has 2 cows. MySpace: Two Cows is in your extended network. MySpace: You have two cows on your friends list. One is named Tom (aka Richard Moodoch). 'Tom' release a bulletin scrapping suspicions that Moospace will require payment to use in a fortnight. MySpace2: You have two cows that are cutting themselves and dressing up like vampires/anime cosplayers. MySpace3: You have two sexual predators. They are stalking two cows. Livejournal: You have two cows, but nobody understands them. You threaten to slit your wrists unless people leave you comments saying how much they love your cows. Facebook: You have two cows, but you can't see them unless you went to the same school as them. They have nothing to do but take quizzes and add apps. Facebook 2 You have too cows. You click on them every day. Your friends wish you'd shut up. Ezboard: You have two cows. One day the board administrators announce that a hacker has wiped out everyone's cows, as well as the back-up cows which were stored on the same server for some reason. They assure you they're working around the clock to restore as much of your cows as possible. Six weeks later, all they've managed to restore is one hoof and one teat, so you buy two more cows, store them on MyBB, and maintain your own back-up cows from now on. Teaching Assistant : You have two calves. Your supervisor has one cow who manages the milk from your calves, of which you get only the amount not to drop dead. Anyhow, you get out for drinking beer and telling sordid jokes. Netscape : You have two cows, you are bought by AOL and your cows soon become irrelevant. you try to save them by marketing them with a dual ability to produce both milk and something that tastes like cough syrup, but somehow it does not work. MediaWiki : You have two cows (I have three). Vandalism in Progress/Two Cows on Wheels! ASCII art : (__) (__) (oo) /(oo)---\/ /-------\/ || / | ||----|| * ||----|| ~~ ~~ ~~ DeviantART: =Cowman has 2 message centre items: (2 COWS) |Logout DeviantART2: You recolor two screenshots of cows and upload them. The one with the cat ears and oversized utters gets 1,000,000,000 favorites. "THX 4 THE FAV. ^_____________^;;" Podcast: This week on iCow we ask, "Is having two cows enough to keep up with the accelerating rate of agricultural change?" Wikipedia: You vandalized the "You have two cows" page. Uncyclopedia: “I have two cows...”~ Oscar Wilde on Having two cows Digg : You have two cows. Another digg user has two cows as well, He clams your cows are dupes. Digg (2) : You have two cows. Other digg users have two cows as well. They decide that yours are not as good as theirs so they set your cows on fire and/or bury them. Totse: You had two cows. They huffed raid. You now have no cows. 4chan You spend your free time learning absurd phrases. You troll other people's two cows and get your two cows trolled, but you stick around for Cowturday. You did it for the MOOLZ. 7chan You're sick of 4chan's two cows. 12chan You have disgusting photos of two calves doing naughty things. You post them on the Internet. Newgrounds You have two cows. "This is my first grass, VOTE 5!!!" Newgrounds 2 You have two cows. You upload them only to receive comments that read "FUCK YOU MY LIVE IS GOIN BAD ATM AND ITS UR FALT" and "THIS IS FOR BABY CRAP AN GRLS I HAVENT WACHD IT BUT I NO IT IS U SUCK" and they get blammed. SecurROM You have two cows, but you can only milk them three times and you must re-authenticate them every ten days. After dairy farmers complain, the rules are changed so you can milk them five times. RM Cowmunity Cownect 3 You have four cows. Two of them keep falling over. You are accused of pushing them over. You are not allowed to make them better, even if you are a veterinary surgeon. You are not allowed to milk them yourself. Many milking accessories that work with standard cows do not work with these cows. Meanwhile, people are not getting their milk. Scratch You have two cows. You can raise them very easily but in a very limited number of ways. They are good at producing small amounts of milk, they start to slow down once you start demanding more. These cows are good for hobbyists but don't try to make a living off of them. Steam You have two cows. Buy eight more cows from us for the Bovine Manager badge. Steam (2) 73 out of 78 people (94%) found this review helpful 4 people found this review funny Recommended I counted how many cows. There were two. 10/10 amazingly accurate. Klik & Play You're in the the 90s, and you can make your own cows out of clip-art. Is that rad or what?
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