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| - Anchor: In the end, even Mysterious Mysteries doesn't know what or who is haunting this fork. Maybe it's this guy! Anchor: The truth... is a mystery! Dib: Wow... What if it IS that guy? Anchor: Next on Mysterious Mysteries, the mysterious, the horrible, Chickenfoot! Dib: Wait, that looks like a guy in a Mr. Chicky Licky suit! Dib: You can see the zipper! Dib: That IS a guy in a Mr. Chicky Licky suit! What kind of idiots do they think we are!?! Prof. Membrane: Hello, son! I'm giving these world leaders a tour of our home! Japanese world leader: Who is the big-headed boy? Prof. Membrane: This is my son, Dib, the future of the Membrane empire! Dib: Actually, I'm a paranormal investigator! Prof. Membrane: He's a bit insane at the moment, but he'll get over it. Dib: Dad, paranormal investigation is a legitimate field of study! Anchor (voice over): We asked a legitimate paranormal investigator what he had to say about Chickenfoot. Bill: Chickenfoot is not a real chicken. Bill: He's a space chicken... from a planet where pig demons rule! Japanese world leader: Paranormal investigator? Your son believes these things? Are the rest of the people in your country crazy like this boy? Prof. Membrane: We'll discuss this later! Dib: But I don't believe in Chickenfoot! Dib: Mysterious Mysteries is getting desperate for ratings! This Chickenfoot story is undermining everything that serious paranormal studies stand for! That I stand for! It must be stopped! Hobo: I want my slaw! Eric: You have your slaw, sir! Hobo: I want my slaw! Eric: You have your slaw, sir! Hobo: I want my slaw! Eric: You have your slaw, sir! Hobo: I want my slaw! Maria: What kinda chicken you want, mister? Eric: You have your slaw, sir! Hobo: I want my slaw! Dib: Actually, I want some information about Chickenfoot. Eric (in background as Dib talks): You have your slaw, sir! Hobo (in background as Dib talks): I want my slaw! Maria: Don't say that name 'round here! He is the demon beast! We've lost three chicken cookers since he come around! Dib: Chickenfoot ate them? Maria: No, they got better jobs... But I hate that chicken beast! Get out! Maria: Get out now! Before you get a better job too! Eric: Maria, don't make a scene! Eric: Young man! Eric: Perhaps you should try a Mr. Chicky meal! Are you thirsty for chicken? Dib: Don't try to throw me off track! Eric: No, no! The Chicky meal! It comes with a dirty chicken toy! The head comes off and can be used like a little grappling hook! Dib: That's... a weird thing for a chicken to do! Eric: That dirty chicken has a seeecret! Dib: Okay, what's the secret of Chickenfoot? Eric: Ask... the dirty chicken! Dib: What is the secret... um, dirty... chicken? Dib: Quit it, quit it, quit that. Eric: Chickenfoot is a mass of chicken evil! Eric: He has come back to avenge the souls of all his chicken brothers! Eric: Ooooohooooh! Dib: Oh come on, it's a guy in a chicken suit! Don't you have any hard facts? Dib: I want hard facts! Eric: Don't hurt me! They say Chickenfoot lives in an apartment building on third street. Eric: Ooooohooooh! Dib: The mass of chicken-y evil has an apartment? Dib: Govern, Rodriguez, Trueheart, Smacky... No Chickenfoot! The old man lied to me! Turkeyneck: Excuse me. Dib: Hey... Dib: Wait! Dib: Stop! Stop! Dib: Give up, Chicken- Dib: Give up, Chickenfoot! I've got you! Turkeyneck: Wait... You wants Chickenfoot! Ho ho, see. I'm Turkeyneck! Turkeyneck: Chickenfoot's two doors down! Dib: Why did you run from me? Turkeyneck: I thought you were one a those darn kids after me lucky neck meats! Turkeyneck: They're always after me neck meats! Dontcha know? Turkeyneck: Ya see me neck meats? They're lucky! Dib: Chickenfoot? Dib: Chickenfoot! Chickenfoot: Eh? Go away! Chickenfoot: Don't look at me! Dib: I just wanna talk! Chickenfoot: Don't look at my face! My horrible face! Dib: What happened to you? Chickenfoot: It's a sad, sad, revolting tale! Chickenfoot (voice over): I was once a man, just like you. I worked in a chicken restaurant, just like you. Dib (voice over): I don't work in a chicken restaurant. Chickenfoot (voice over): DON'T LOOK AT ME!!! Dib (voice over): I wasn't! Oh... just go on! Chickenfoot (voice over): My name is... was... Chuy Rodriguez. Chuy (voice over): I lived... Chuy (voice over): I laughed... Chuy (voice over): I loved! Chuy: But one fateful day, my destiny collided with a defective microwave oven... of doom! Maria: Potatoes are bad! Eric: These potatoes are great! Maria: Potatoes are bad! Eric: These potatoes are wonderful! Maria: The potatoes are nasty and bad! Eric: These potatoes are the best potatoes in the world! Maria: They are not they're bad nasty bad potatoes! Maria (slow motion): Nooo!! Maria (slow motion): Nooo!! Chuy (voice over): I survived, but the accident had caused an unholy fusion of man and chicken! And now... Chuy (voice over): I must survive on the fringes of society! Chuy: Neither man nor chicken! Something in-between! A... a chicken-y man! Dib: The explosion probably just stuck the zipper! I could pull it loose! Chuy: You speak madness, boy! Everyday that goes by, I become more grotesque! Dib: That's because you don't bath! Chuy: I can't even leave the apartment anymore! Chuy: Now the chicken meal toys are my only friends! Chuy: My one regret is I never got the dirty chicken toy. Dib: Wait, you mean this? Chuy: Ah! Ah! Gi... Give me that! Chuy: Give me thaaaooo! Dib: Hold on! Only if you promise to come to the hospital with me! I think I can put an end to this once and for all! Dib: Yes, send a news crew right away! I have the real Chickenfoot story! Doctor: Ooh, let's go over it again. Okay. Doctor: Here's the chicken head. Here's your head inside looking out the mask. Doctor: See? Right there. Okay. Dib: Ya see Chuy? It's just a costume. Let us take it off before you make a total mockery of paranormal studies! Chuy: No, it's not true! It's impossible! Doctor: Wu- we can just unzip the back. Chuy: No!! You taunt me! I'm a freaks! Chuy: I'll always be a freak! Dib: It's really hard to wanna chase somebody who smells that bad. Dib: Chickenfoot! Come back! You're not a freak! You're just stupid! Dib runs out of the hospital. He sees Chuy in the parking lot pecking at the ground and hoping around. Chuy runs into a truck causing one of the eyes of the costume to pop out. He gets up and sees his reflection on the plating of the truck and screams again. Chuy runs back to the hospital. Dib unhooks the beak of the dirty chicken which pulls out onto a string. Dib tosses it and it hooks on Chuy's zipper. Dib pulls on it but can't hold back Chuy. Chuy drags Dib along as he runs into the hospital. Chuy runs through a door and rolls through another door. The door shuts before Dib gets through so Dib smacks up against the door. The news crew is in the room Chuy runs into. Chuy keeps on running but since the dirty chicken is on the other side of the door, he can't get anywhere. News crew guy: Uh, eh, Chickenfoot! Reporter: Chickenfoot? Chickenfoot, over here sir! Over here! WHUH 6 reporter: Chickenfoot rocks! Chuy: The curse is lifted! Thank you! Dib: It was just a costume! Reporter: Chickenfoot was a fraud all along!?! Dib: This just proves that paranormal studies isn't a bunch of crazies believing in anything! We also disprove the frauds! Reporter: I bet this means bigfoot is a fraud too! WHUH 6 reporter: And UFOs! Reporter: And hobos! Dib: No wait! Those are real! Except the hobos. Wait, no. They're real. I... I guess. But- what's wrong with you people!?! Anchor: And so, the legendary Chickenfoot has been exposed as a fake, calling into question all other monster sightings. Dib: Well, that didn't turn out like I planned, but at least it's finally over. Dib: Mmmmyep. Krazy Taco man: Nooooo ho ho hooo!!! Oh ho ho hooo. Oh, I'm a taco!
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