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| - Caitlin drove along the streets of Toronto, counting building numbers before coming to a stop. She mumbled, "Now I know what a soccer mom feels like." An annoying young girl stormed out of her large home. "You never let me do anything!" she shouted behind her, as her mother frantically hurried with seven pink suitcases. The mother set down one suitcase in front of the RV and sighed, "Jessica's been all worked up about this trip, she originally packed thirteen cases. I hid six of them and told her that they disappeared." Jessica continued stomping, passed by Caitlin without uttering a word, and took a seat in the RV. "Uh-huh. Well, I'm sure she'll get over it soon enough," Caitlin assured. Jessica's mother laughed. "Ha! That's the best joke I've heard in a while. Well, take care of my baby! I'm off to get a foot rub." Caitlin noticed that the luggage was still on the sidewalk, and shrugged. "I'm not picking that up..." Jessica frustratedly glared out the window as she and Caitlin picked up the next competitor. The RV screeched to a halt, and as Caitlin opened the door, she was run over by a boy. He gasped, "This is so cool! I love it all! Who are you?" He jerked a finger towards Jessica, who ignored him. Caitlin stood up, and unsteadily walked back to the driver's seat. "Nice to meet you too, Brendon." "Oh, sorry, Caitlin! That's your name, right? Sorry, sometimes I just get so involved with everything else that I can't remember! I love your name, by the way. It has seven letters, just like mine! I know lots of people with seven-letter names. Want me to list them? Abigail, Allison, Andreas, Beverly, Bradley, Britany, Cameron, Camille..." Jessica took hold of his shoulders and shook him. "How about you calm down!?" Brendon opened his mouth to say something, but Caitlin slammed on the gas. In the middle of the highway, Brendon began to hum "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall", but Jessica kicked him in the groin before he could get to 97. Caitlin stopped the RV again and asked, "Who the heck lives here?" The house was completely covered in bubble wrap, and a sign on the front door read, "No Entry Without Decontamination Suit". Just then, a nervous male was shoved out of the door, followed by a voice that barked, "Hurry, you're letting all the ozone in!" The door slammed shut, and the boy shuffled over to the RV. He flinched as Caitlin opened the door and said, "You're Timothy, right?" He nodded and entered the RV, but stumbled backwards after Brendon ran over to him and hugged him. Brendon cheered, "Woo! New person!" Timothy shrieked, and removed a small bottle from his belt. He then sprayed himself with the contents while chanting, "Disinfect! Disinfect!" Caitlin, Jessica, and Brendon all awkwardly stared at him. "... I guess we'll keep on trucking," Caitlin said for the sake of the silence. The next destination was an average house, with a teenager eating chips on the lawn. Caitlin smiled, "Angie! Welcome!" Angie, startled, picked up her luggage and walked over to the RV. She noticed that the chips had dirtied her hands, and offered Caitlin a hug. Caitlin complied, and Angie took the opportunity to clean her hands on Caitlin's backside. From the window of the RV, Timothy gasped, "Health violation!" He jumped out of the RV and repeatedly sprayed Caitlin's back with the contents in his bottle. Angie shrugged and entered the RV, where Brendon was now taped to a seat. Jessica innocently kicked a roll of duct tape underneath her chair and lied, "I don't know how that happened." Brendon made muffled noises, leaving Angie speechless. "Get away from me!" Caitlin shouted, chasing Timothy into the RV. "Alright, let's keep going. We've still got twelve more teens to pick up!" Caitlin stopped in front of another house, but the contestant was nowhere to be seen. She wondered, "Is this the right place?" Angie suggested, "You should get a GPA." "I think you mean GPS," Jessica corrected. "GPA, GPS, PSP, they're all the same thing!" Angie complained. A knock on the door of the RV was heard, and as Caitlin opened the door, a small boy waved to the group. Jessica, Angie, and Caitlin all moaned, "Awwwwwww!" Caitlin kneeled down, and in a motherly tone, asked, "Hi! Can you get your big brother, Mitchell, for me?" The boy frowned. "I am Mitchell." "I don't believe I know a teenager under four feet," Caitlin joked. Mitchell sighed and took out a copy of his application form from his suitcase. "I'm a 'midget-dwarf-thing', as most people would say." Caitlin chuckled, "Mitchell the Midget? Ooooh, that's catchy." Mitchell's face turned red, and he threatened, "If you were a dude, I would pound you to the ground!" "Totally..." Caitlin dismissed. While driving to the next contestant's house, a loud thump was heard on the roof of the RV. "What was that?" Angie wondered. Someone then knocked on the door of the RV, each knock getting louder. Caitlin opened the door, and a tall girl wearing a helmet sprang into the RV. Caitlin asked, "Er, who are you?" The girl spun around, removed her helmet, and threw it out the window. "I'm Claire! Sorry about that, I was skydiving, and I missed my target. Hey, you're Caitlin! And I signed up for this show! What a coincidence!" Caitlin nodded, "Good, one less house to go to. Ten to go!" Shortly after, they continued driving. Claire had her head stuck outside of the window, shouting, "Woo! I feel so... so..." "About-to-die?" Jessica suggested. "No, silly," Claire chuckled, "That's what the kid laying on the street feels like!" Caitlin slammed on the brakes, and a large screech echoed through the neighborhood. Inches away from the van, a teenage boy was flat on the ground, face up, limbs extended, and completely awake. The boy noticed the RV stop and groaned. Caitlin flipped through her papers and concluded, "Oh, you're Luke." Luke frowned. "I don't wanna go on this show!!" "Ugh. Get in the RV, dangit," Jessica ordered. Caitlin and Claire pulled Luke into the RV, kicking and screaming, while Jessica pulled out the roll of duct tape again. The eighth contestant pounded on the door of the RV. Caitlin opened the door, but no one was seen. "Boo!" Caitlin yelped and slammed the door of the RV shut, panting. "Oh, please, that wasn't scary," Claire frowned. Caitlin scrambled back to the driver's seat. "Are you kidding me?" Angie looked out the window, then observed, "Hey, look, some short kid's pounding on the door." Caitlin opened the RV door again, this time armed with a can of mace. The eighth contestant laughed, "Oh, don't worry, I don't bite. Except for winning I'm chewing! Ha!" The other seven contestants are stared at her blankly. Caitlin whispered, "Who are you?" "The name's Amanda. I'm a born commander! Get it? Because Amanda and commander rhy—" "We get it!" they all shouted. Caitlin welcomed, "Hello! You're Brandon, correct?" "I'm right here, silly," Brendon chuckled, now untied. Brandon set his luggage down in the RV. "Oh. Is your name Brandon too?" "No, I'm Brendon," Brendon replied. Brandon smiled, "Alright, then, Brendon. I'm Brandon. Nice to meet you guys." After a short silence, Angie whispered to Amanda, "So, which one is Brandon?" "No clue!" Amanda whispered back. Caitlin's jaw dropped as she approached an extravagant mansion, with an impatient girl tapping her foot on the paved stone floor. "It's about time!" the girl snapped, her butlers loading her luggage on the RV. Caitlin snapped out of her state of shock. "Well, hello, Ivy!" Ivy ignored Caitlin and took a seat beside Timothy, who inched away nervously. "What's your damage?" Ivy inquired. "N-N-N-Nothing," Timothy stuttered. Angie whispered to Ivy, "He thinks you're dirty." Ivy's eyes widened, and she turned to Timothy. "Excuse me!?" "Moving on!" Caitlin told them, and she slammed on the gas. The eleventh contestant boarded the RV hastily. "Finally! Geez, what took so long?" Caitlin narrowed her eyes at the girl. "Well, Sydney, there's this thing called 'traffic'." Sydney rolled her eyes and sat beside Claire. "What's up?" Claire blinked, giving no response. Sydney nodded, "Cool, cool." The next contestant jumped into the RV. He roared, "Raaah! I. Am. Brian!!" The bus was silent except for Jessica's hysterical laughter. Brian walked over to her. "What's so funny? I wanna laugh!" Jessica folded her arms. "Oh, nothing. Besides the fact that you're skinnier than Claire's eyebrows." Claire mumbled, "... Cheap shot." "What? Skinny? Me? Ha!" Brian chortled. He continued laughing, then coughed. "Ow. I have a low lung capacity due to my size..." "Point proven," Jessica smiled. The thirteenth contestant walked in with six-inch high heels. She walked to the back of the RV, with her heels being the only audible noise. Caitlin held back her laughter. "Well, Valerie, those are some interesting shoes you have there." Valerie beamed, "I know, right? they were like, two hundred bucks, too." "Two hundred for a pair of sneakers on chopsticks!?" Luke gasped. Valerie glared at him. "Excuse me!? What did you say!?" "Is that the fifth time someone's said that today?" Brendon wondered. Caitlin counted in her head. "I think so." The next contestant was a male, wearing an outfit similar to a magician's. Valerie's eyes widened. "Oh my goodness. That's a fashion emergency and it needs an evacuation." Caitlin filled through her papers again and held her hand out. "Welcome, Mordecai." "Call me Cai," he mumbled, then walked to the back of the RV. In the back, he sat with Sydney, who asked, "So, can you like, do magic tricks?" Mordecai shrugged, "Well, I try to." "What do you mean you try to?" Sydney suspiciously asked. Mordecai shook his head. "Nevermind." The second-to-last contestant boarded the RV. He winked at Caitlin. "Hey. What's up? I'm Niko." Caitlin rolled her eyes. "Of course you are." "What's that supposed to mean!?" Niko demanded. At the same time, Caitlin and Brendon called out, "Six!" Niko was obviously confused. "Huh? What? What do these numbers mean!? Ugh, nevermind, I'll just go to the back..." "Oh, hey, there," Niko said to Valerie. Valerie lifted her foot in his face. "Talk to the heel." Niko touched the heel. "Is that a chopstick?" The final contestant walked into the RV, and noticed the others. "Oh, I'm last? Wonderful," she frowned. "Alright, Emilie, just take a seat so I can explain what's going on here," Caitlin instructed. Caitlin parked the RV, then stood up front and center. "Welcome, the sixteen of you. You guys are all contestants on the fourth season of Total Drama; Total Drama Stardom! Here, you'll compete in challenges as teams until only two of you remain. The two of you will fly with me to Hawaii, where the final challenge will take place, and where one will be crowned the winner! How will we only get down to one person? By eliminations, which take place at rest stops. I like to call them, 'Rest Stop Ceremonies'!" "How creative," Ivy commented. Caitlin continued, "There, the contestant who does not receive a candy bar will be forced to take the Motel Room Rental of Shame, and will never, ever be able to come back to the show." Niko asked, "So, what're the challenges gonna be based off?" Caitlin scratched her head. "Uhhhh, I didn't really think about that. I guess it'll take place wherever we end up. Oh, and by the way, you guys know about the confessional from the other seasons, right? Well, it's back again! It's in the passenger's seat of the RV." Brendon: (confessional, plays with the fuzzy dice hanging from the rear-view mirror) "Oh, and we're having a challenge today, based on wherever we are right now..." Caitlin unsurely informed. "And where the heck is that?" Niko asked, staring oddly at the grey clouds. Caitlin beamed, "We're in St. Johns, Newfoundland!" Jessica frowned and shook her head. "Newfoundland? That's so last season." "So is that top," Valerie pointed. "I'll have to help you on your wardrobe." Jessica gasped and claimed, "She is not on my team!" "Well, the teams'll be decided based on the results of this challenge," Caitlin explained. "And what exactly is the challenge?" Ivy impatiently asked. Caitlin pointed to a series of small boats on the shore, and then to a group of buoys out in the ocean. "Your first challenge in our four-part marathon is to collect a flag from one of the twelve buoys out there by rowing to it, after pushing your boat off the shore. Each buoy only has one flag, so four of you will be flagless. You four will be eliminated from the challenge, and will lose the chance to become a team captain!" Jessica: (confessional) I have got to become a captain. I do not wanna wind up on some lame-o team with what's-his-face, Teddy? "On your marks!" Caitlin began. "Get set..." "Go!" The contestants rushed over to the shore, and each entered their own boat. Amanda hopped into the boat beside Luke, who groaned. Brandon and Claire both ran towards the same boat. "Oh, did you want this one?" Claire asked. Brandon backed away. "Oh! No, it's fine, really, you take it. There's enough for everyone, isn't there?" "Yep, there is. And, uh, thanks!" Claire smiled, then hopped in and pushed ferociously. Brian cheered, "Yeah! Let's do this!" He attempted to jump into a boat, but ended up landing head-first on Jessica. "Ew! Get off of me! I have to challenge to win," she scoffed. Mordecai pointed his wand at a boat and chanted, "Ocean filled with fish galore, get this boat off of the shore!" Nothing happened, and Mordecai tapped his wand in frustration. The boats finally made it off the shore, and Caitlin reminded, "Remember! There are only twelve flags! So, if you wanna be a captain you'd better grab one and go!" Amanda began humming, "Row, Row, Row Your Boats", and Luke hit her boat with his paddle. "Hey! What gives?" Amanda whined. Luke faked a gasp. "Oh! I'm sorry! I was just paddling." From behind the two, Emilie raised an eyebrow. Emilie: (confessional) That Luke person doesn't seem to realize that he's always on camera... The first few people to reach the buoys were Brendon, Niko, and Claire. They each grabbed a flag and began rowing back, as Sydney approached the buoys. As she was halfway-through the return trip, she passed by Luke, who was tied for last with Amanda. Luke whispered, "Hey, I noticed that you're a bit of a power-player in this game. Wanna make a deal?" Sydney frowned, "What kind of deal?" "You give me your flag, and I pick you on my team if I win." "And if you don't win?" Sydney pointed out. Luke paused, then sighed, "I'll.... help you win the next challenge, considering we're both on different teams and neither of us get eliminated." Sydney agreed, "Deal!" Luke: (confessional) Easy pickings. Luke, Claire, Brendon, Niko, Angie, Valerie, Brandon, and Mitchell had all grabbed flags and returned with them. Emilie rowed past Sydney, who was sleeping in her boat. "What the heck?" Emilie wondered aloud. Jessica, frustrated, paddled by Emilie and stuck her tongue out. "Oh, sassy, are we?" Emilie grumbled. Ivy, Timothy, and Jessica each grabbed a flag, and only one remained. Amanda and Brian glanced at each other from their boats, then paddled wildly. Jessica whispered to Ivy, "Hey, look, battle of the nerds." Ivy snickered, but quickly stopped. Ivy: (confessional) I'm more sophisticated than all of these other... vermin. I won't stoop down to their level. At least, not just yet. Brian grabbed the flag as Amanda made a wild dive for it, and cheered, "Yes! I have the power!" Climbing back on her boat, Amanda stuck her tongue out at Brian. "Alright! Let's see who's advancing to Round 2," Caitlin began. "Angie! Brandon! Brendon! Brian! Claire! Ivy! Jessica! Luke! Mitchell! Niko! Timothy, and Valerie! You twelve will advance on. As for Amanda, Emilie, Mordecai, and Sydney, you'll have to wait back in the RV." Mordecai, Amanda, and Emilie grumbled as they moped back to the RV, while Sydney stayed asleep in her boat.. Caitlin turned back to the other twelve contestants. "As for you guys! Your second challenge is right here on the shore. As you can see, there are tons of oysters scattered along here. Some of these little guys contain pearls in them! But there are only eight pearls. So, four of you will be joining the other guys in the RV!" "Sounds... fun...," Jessica frowned. Luke slid over beside Brendon, and nudged his shoulder. "Hey, uhhh... Brandon?" On Luke's other side, Brandon asked, "Hmmmm...?" Brendon clarified, "Oh, he was talking to me, he just got my name wrong." "But, he's standing next to me," Brandon pointed out. "Maybe he meant me?" "But he touched my shoulder," Brendon added, now slightly annoyed. "Ugh, forget it!" Luke scowled. Caitlin shouted, "Ready? Go!" Angie picked up an oyster and opened it. She stomped her foot. "No pearl. Dam—" The RV horn honked, startling her. "Gah! What the heck?" Caitlin jumped out of the RV. "Censoring words actually costs money on TV, so, we can't afford that." "Uh-huh. Oh, by the way, how many oysters are on the shore?" Angie asked out of curiosity. Caitlin shrugged. "Twenty, thirty, forty thousand? Who knows?" Angie's jaw dropped. "And only eight have pearls!?" She began shaking the oysters violently, listening for any sounds of a pearl. Over to Angie's left, Timothy and Mitchell were desperately opening and closing oysters, and tossing them to the side. With every oyster he opened, Timothy muttered, "Ew, ew, ew, ew..." Mitchell cried out, "Woo! Got one!" He ran over to Caitlin, and bumped into Luke. Mitchell's pearl fell into the sand, and Luke picked it up. Mitchell roared, "Hey! That was mine!" "Huh? What do you mean? I had one too, I was just walking over to Caitlin. Yours must've rolled away somewhere," Luke lied. "Oh. Sorry about that," Mitchell apologized. Luke waved, "Not a problem!" He turned around and snickered, "Sucker." Many hours later, the only contestants to have found a pearl were Luke, Niko, and Claire. Caitlin sighed, "Hurry up people, I'm not getting any younger!" Angie shook another oyster and gasped. She opened it up and found a pearl, then shouted, "Got one!" Across the shore, Valerie called out, "Same here!" Brendon and Brandon put their hand on the same oyster. Brendon pulled on it. "Uh, this one's mine." Brandon also pulled on it. "I totally grabbed it first!" "Brandon, just let me have it, there's like, a 0.0001% chance of the pearl being in it anyways," Brendon argued. "There's still a chance!" Brandon snapped back. They both pulled on it fiercely, until it flew out of their hands and into Jessica's. Jessica opened the oyster and found a pearl. "Oh, awesome!" Brandon and Brendon gasped, then glared at each other. Brandon scowled, "That was so your fault!" "Was not!" Brendon defended. They continued checking oysters, then both shouted, "Found one! No way. Ugh!" Caitlin hit the RV horn again and called, "Round 2 is over!!" The contestants gathered around, and Caitlin concluded, "And the people advancing on to Round 3 are Angie, Brandon, Brendon, Claire, Jessica, Luke, Niko, and Valerie!" Mitchell glared at Luke, who innocently shrugged back at him. "As for Brian, Ivy, Mitchell, and Timothy, you guys are out!" Ivy frowned. "Ugh! I'm so tired of this." Niko: (confessional) Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaz. Caitlin walked into a lodge beside the shore. "C'mon in, this is where we're doing the third challenge." Inside the lodge was a log table with eight chairs around it, four on each side. On the table were twenty-four large bottles, each labeled on the side as "XXX". Caitlin gestured, "Take a seat. Your third challenge is to down three of these bottles. The first four contestants to drink three bottles wins the challenge, and will move on to the final round!" "So, uh, what's in the bottles?" Niko asked. "That's a surprise," Caitlin chuckled. "Go!" Each contestants grabbed a bottle and began drinking, and each immediately coughed wildly. "VINEGAR!?" they all complained. Caitlin was laughing hysterically, leaning against the window. Angie moaned, "Ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick." Brandon and Brendon both leaned against each other, noticed, then continued drinking. Claire coughed out a small metallic disc, and laughed, "Oh, that was from Truth or Dare last week!" Jessica's eyes widened, and she threw up on the floor. Luke was nearly done with his first bottle, but stopped and coughed on Niko. Niko complained, "Augh, gross!" Valerie shrugged and drank the vinegar normally. "Don't see the big deal." "And we have our first member or the final round, Valerie!" Caitlin announced. Valerie: (confessional) Tasted fine. Don't get why everyone's going crazy... Brandon finished his final bottle, and yelled, "Done! Ow, my throat hurts." "And Brendon will be competing with Valerie in Round 4!" Caitlin smiled. Brandon corrected, "No, I'm Brandon." "But I can go to Round 4 if you want," Brendon joked. Claire finished her third bottle, with a pile of metallic objects beside her. "Done!" Angie pointed to the pile. "Is that a credit card?" "Oh! That's my mom's!" Claire gasped. Luke also finished his last bottle. "Done!" "And the contestants moving on to the final round are Brandon, Claire, Luke, and Valerie!" Caitlin pointed to the losing group. "Angie, Brendon, Jessica, Niko, you four can go back to the RV, and, uh, drink some water." The four of them walked out of the lodge, coughing madly. Caitlin addressed the remaining teens. "Now! You four!" She led them out the other door of the lodge, to a dock. "You guys are going to go fishing!" she began. "Lame," Valerie frowned. Caitlin ignored her and continued, "There's tons of fish out in the ocean, but you're searching for three colored fish. A gold fish, a green fish, and a silver fish. The three contestants who catch one of those fish will become team captains! Any questions? No? Go!" Brandon, Claire, Luke, and Valerie dashed over to the edge of the dock and grabbed a fishing rod. They each cast their lines out in the ocean, waiting for a pull. After a long silence, Claire sighed, "Sooooooooo..." Brandon, Claire, Luke, and Valerie: (confessional, split-screened) Fishing sucks. Finally, Brandon yelped, "Whoa! I feel something!" He reeled in his line quickly, and cheered, "Woohoo! Silver fish!" Caitlin complimented, "Well done! Come back over here." After another long and awkward silence, Luke felt a pull on his fishing rod. "Oh, yeah!" He reeled in, and pulled out a green fish. "Nice." Luke walked over to Brandon and Caitlin, and waited for the final team captain to be decided. Claire asked, "So, how's it hangin', Val?" "Don't call me Val," Valerie snapped. Claire inched away. "Touchy." Valerie's fishing rod twitched, and she squealed, "Yay! I got it!" She reeled in a gold fish, and ran back over to the lodge. Claire sighed. "Back to the RV, I know, I know." Caitlin corrected, "No, actually, you stay here, the losers are gonna have to come over here!" The contestants were all lined up on the dock, except for the team captains, who were next to Caitlin. "Congratulations to Brandon, Luke, and Valerie, our winners!" The other thirteen contestants clapped unenthusiastically. Caitlin continued, "Now, they'll be choosing the teams for this season." Emilie noticed, "Wait a minute, there's sixteen of us. Three doesn't go into sixteen evenly." "That's right, Emilie," Caitlin grinned. "What's so funny?" Amanda frowned. Caitlin pointed to a small boat which docked itself. "Anyone know what this is?" Brendon gasped, "Oh my gosh! The Boat of Losers from Season 1!" Caitlin turned to the team captains. "And the person who isn't picked on a team is gonna be riding it! Today!" The contestants all gasped, and Caitlin shook her head in disappointment. "Seriously? Not one of you saw that coming?" "Alright, let's start choosing teams!" Caitlin ordered. "Brandon, since you caught the first fish, you choose first." Brandon, without hesitation, pointed to Claire. "I choose Claire." Claire smiled and walked over beside him. Caitlin glanced at Luke. "Luke, you chose the second fish, now it's your turn." "Sydney," Luke chose, keeping his word. "Valerie, now you choose," Caitlin told her. Valerie frowned, then shrugged, "Niko." Brandon paused, then decided, "Angie." Luke pulled Brendon over to his team. "Brandon. No, wait, Brendon? Who are you!?!?" "I pick Ivy," Valerie stated. Brandon sighed, "Alright, fine, Jessica." Brandon: (confessional) She looked like she was about to shoot me if I didn't pick her. "Uhhhhh, Emilie," Luke chose. Valerie complained, "I was about to pick her! Ugh, fine, I pick Timothy." Only four contestants remained, and Brandon selected, "Mitchell." Luke looked at Amanda, then Brian, then Mordecai. "Uhhh, I pick Cai." Amanda and Brian looked at each other nervously. Caitlin increased the tension. "Valerie, the contestant you do not choose must walk down the dock and board the Boat of Losers. What is your decision?" "I... pick..." Valerie hesitated. She exhaled, then chose, "Amanda." The rest of her team groaned. "Awww, seriously?" Brian frowned. "Alright, well, see ya guys." Brian walked over to the Boat of Losers and departed, leaving the three teams of five. "... sooo anti-climactic," Jessica disproved. "Anyways, congrats, teams!" Caitlin cheered. "Now, if you remember from last seasons, each team had names." She walked past Brandon's team. "You guys are the Credit Cards!" Then past Luke's team. "And you five are the Cash Collectors!" And finally, to Valerie's team. "And the rest of you are the Studded Stars." Caitlin pointed back to the RV. "Teams, head back into the RV and get some shut-eye! You'll really be needing it for tomorrow, trust me." Luke: (confessional) My team could be better, I guess. But, hey. I've got it all covered. I'm winning this. Angie: (confessional) ... I guess it could be worse. Amanda: (confessional) I almost got eliminated! That was scary! Just like your face! Ahaha! (from outside, the other contestants shout, "That's not funny!!") "And that ends the first episode of Total Drama Stardom. Tune in next week to see who wins, who loses, and all of the nail-biting tension I love making! See you next week!"
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