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| - Allrightly then... A parody of another Uncyc article eh? Hmm... Well, I had not actually read HowTo:Turn Your Computer On before deciding to review this so I gave it a quick read after reading your article...
A note about MrN being a bastard in this review: When reviewing something from people who I consider to be friends of mine on Uncyc I generally dispense with the normal pleasantries, and cut to the chase. As we both know, you are a much better author than I will ever be, so I really don't see the point of mollycoddling about. You know I'm not trying to insult you and I know you will not be offended by anything I say. I'm assuming that you are thinking VFH, so I'm going to be harsh. OK, enough of that Bollocks and onto the review...
Turning on a robot out to kill you
8 I liked the intro. I guess a big part of the joke of this article and HowTo:Turn Your Computer On is that the reader will initially think it's about turning it on and not the sexy type stuff which it is actually about. Well I say I liked the intro but after reading HowTo:Turn Your Computer On I could not help but notice that it's just the same joke repeated again. I'm not sure about this parodying Uncyc articles idea actually, but will leave my comments about that to concept section, and try to do my best for each section...
Turning on a robot out to kill you 7. Really just another lead in sentanse I guess, but it's kinda short on funny. What's the marriage thing about? That appears to be just dropped in there and I don't understand how it relates to the rest of the article.
Why Terminators Are Hard To Turn On
6 Did Cajek write this? Na. This section is not the best, and I could find the funny. I think you could MrN the flow of the sentences a bit to make it easier to read, but where's da jokes n stuff? I think I see a glimmer of an idea in the "But they have been very difficult in reaching out to me." bit but not my favourite section.
Sexual Preferences of Terminators
6 "It's hard to understand why, but terminators will not have sex with you unless marriage is involved" Eh? This section was more kinda odd than funny to me.
Methods
5.5 Now you blow the gag by "Unless you're talking about actually turning them on: all you have to do is flick the huge "ON" switch on their foreheads." I don't think you should mention this, the reader will know by know, so there is no need to tell em again.
The Safe Method
7 OK, what the hell is going on. Either I have been spending too much time at VFD again or this article is actually starting to bore me about now. Sorry dude, you know I love your work, but at this point I would normally have stopped reading. Where is the Bow chika Wow Wow! Is that the correct expression? It's hard to keep up with you wiper snappers these days!
This section is also kinda confusing. I thought I understood what was going on, but then this section through me right off. Are we assuming that the terminator in question is actually trying to kill you, or is it just some random terminator we met in some bar somewhere? Loose the bit about the painted heart. You can probably also get this section down to 3 or 4 lines without loosing anything good.
OK, I'm obviously in one of my more grumpy moods! Sorry man!
The Slightly Unsafe Method
9 Bloody hell, thank God. Great section. I was beginning to think I had lost my sense of humour altogether, but this is awesome. I would change "Terminators are easily bored. If you aren't an interesting human, the terminator may even stop chasing you. You don't want that." to "Terminators are easily bored. If you aren't interesting to them they may even stop chasing you ..." On a completely unrelated note... I watched the whole thing last night with the revert war, the picture and stuff, and what happened afterwards, and I hope you would not think I'm a dick if I say that I actually think that ZB's judgement was spot on... I really could not see what your grievance was. OK, I am being a dick now... Did you notice that ZB just did a Pee Review? Go tell him it was a pants review. :-) Go on, I dare ya! I think I would actually piss myself laughing if you did. Seriously. I have a full bladder and everything... Lol. No, seriously! don't! I'm joking! Really joking! Do not!!! Anyway, why the hell am I talking about this here especially when you both agreed to forget about it!?! Sorry to both ZB and Cajek, I'm just trying to smooth the waters...
OK, on with the review... Why do I like this section? Well, the previous ones were pants, and this one is not. "Whoa whoa whoa, what the fuck are you doing???" Lot's of Lolz. Really. I was totally taken by surprise here, and the way that the terminator politely refuses Johns sexual advances is just awesome. Cajek is back! Thank God!
Oh, "Be sure that, when attempting the slightly unsafe method, that you are no where in the vicinity of the robot's "climax". The climax includes a bunch of lasers firing out of its eyes accompanied with horrible, horrible screaming." is pants. You are the master of random, but after the brilliance of the previous section, I thought this was a bit lame...
The Incredibly Risky Method
7 Better than the start, but not in the same class as the previous section. Again, I'm not sure what the context of the plot is, and this section makes me even more confused.
Terminator Sex
7 Did I mention I was in a grumpy mood?
Description
7.5 Maybe you could do something related to "Girls gone wild""Girls gone wild"? "Terminators gone wild"? Don't look at me like that pretending that you don't know who "Girls gone wild" are, I know you do!
Safe Terminator Sex
6.5 Another average section. "One of the more popular sexual episodes for a terminator involves grinding things into dust with one's teeth." Eh? I'm just not feeling it dude. Sorry.
Terminator Porn: A Future Alternative
8 "She was squeeking and hollering for me to get off, but I know she liked it.". A great line. The rest is average, but this one line really pulls the rest of the section together.
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