| abstract
| - The thick forest and the foliage up above make this place as dark as...well, black. Except for the wide expanses of the Autobahn, there is little room to move for giant robots. Smaller humans, and human-sized robots, however, can move about more freely and hide in the underbrush. Contents: Rammstein Air Base Steel Foundry Obvious exits: Northeast leads to Berlin, Germany. Northwest leads to Brussels, Belgium. South leads to De-Militarized Zone. Southeast leads to Zurich, Switzerland. Fly Hawkeye has arrived. Boomslang has arrived. Blowout transforms and rolls out! Hawkeye leaps into the air, transforming into an AH-64 Apache Helicopter. &r Ahh, the Autobahn! Nothing else quite like it on Earth. It's broad expanse, unfettered by speed limits, make it a perfect place for the Autobot racer Blowout to practice his craft. Weaving amongst the shiny luxury sedans, Volksvagons, and transport trucks is a blue car with it's unearthly stylings and splatters of hot pink paint, careening down the highway. "WOOOOOO YEAH! This is even better than a racetrack, lots of distance to build up to maximum speed! Reminds me of the ol' dragways on Cybertron! Bet you can't beat me to the next off-ramp, Hawkeye!" Combat: Muscle Car compares his Velocity to Helicoptor's Velocity: Failure :(You say Autobot, I say Autobahn! While Blowout rips around every piece of pavement, Hawkeye soars above the German landscape in his Apache Attack Chopper mode. Although the Autobot would prefer to navigate the area in ways more befitting of his sharpshooter function, what are the odds any Decepticons are hidden in the Black Forest? With the foliage so thick, how or why would anyone want to spend their day in there? Back to the task at hand. Racing Blowout. "I think there's a few less trees on Cybertron Blowout, but I'll be more than glad to take you up on the race! Catch me if you can!!"
* WHOP* *WHOP* *WHOP* In a matter of seconds, the chopper darts towards the next off-ramp, pulling up to wait for the party-painted race race. "Let's pick up the pace Blwout! We've got a few more checkpoints to get to on our patrol of the area. Kup said he wanted to make sure this area was bad-guy free." Check this checkpoint. Fix that sensor. Patch that bulkhead. Weld that tank. Blah, blah, frickin' blah. Seriously, what's the point? The checkpoints are going to get blown. The sensors are going to fail. That bulkhead was designed by a retard in the first place and by Primus, that tank will BLEVE if you breathe on it too hard. That is life, men. Life as we know it. And no crotchety old coot like Kup is going to change that, regardless of how many stupid patrols he makes the Autobots run. Stupid old coot. But regardless of how leaky his gaskets are and how stupid his face is, Kup pulls rank every time, forcing the black smoke churning from a struggling engine of an orange hotshot semi tractor as it pulls onto the Autobahn amidst the expansive forests of Bavaria. Of COURSE there's Decepticons in here somewhere, Kup. You grumbly old fart. By the very virtue of Huffer being here, there's going to be something that blows all to hell. I guarantee. "Huffer to... Whoever the slag is running this ridiculous patrol run. Tell me where the hell I'm supposed to be already. Geeez." We love you too, Huffer. "Well, YOU'RE the eye in the sky, you tell me if there's anything comin'!" Blowout replies, pulling out to pass a smoke-spewing transport truck, and breaking ahead of the pack. His big-block engine rumbles, but he's hard pressed to keep up with the chopper in the air. Blowout isn't the fastest car around, which is why he usually runs in the more violent full-contact races instead of pure speed events. He shifts gears to try and outrun Hawkeye, but it's a losing battle. And speaking of losing, here comes Huffer's droning over the radio. "Uh, yeah. Huffer, just follow the highway. And let us know if you get shot."
* WHOP* *WHOP* *WHOP* Hawkeye continues his low-level sweep over the dense Black Forest as he notices Huffer bring up the rear. "Hey Huffer, so nice of you to join us for our trip around the block here. No need to get your tailpipe backed up though. Take it out on the Decepticons if we come across any out here." And that's an omen of BAD things to come for the trio of Autobots. Hovering for a second, Hawkeye goes over his navigation computer, finding the next waypoint on the radar screen. "Let's make a break for Checkpoint 8B on the other side of that hill up ahead. Kup said the sensor's been acting up lately." Nooooo. Really? A sensor "acting up"? What a shocker. "Of course Kup said the sensor's been acting up. I could've told you THAT before we set foot in this mess." The mock diesel chugs a moment, skipping a few beats from a failing glow plug or two, only to let forth a massive *POW!* and an explosion of black smoke and benzene-filled death. The trees seem to recoil from its presence amidst the purity and cleanliness of the forest canopy, but to good ol' Huffer, it's just one more nail in the coffin of the day. "You know, I can promise you that the sensor is junked out from some Decepti-clod. Someone moron like Galvatron sitting on it. And I'd bet my rations that gimp is still there, just sitting and WAITING to put a bullet in your faces. But NO, we won't know that because we don't have any pre-trip aerial recon. Shoot from the hip, he says! Stand up and act like you have a carburetor, he says! He's not the one out here fixing this stupid, broken sensor. Crapface Decepticons." Locomotive says, "Earth. In the upper atmosphere, a glowing red ball of fire is careening downwards on a carpet of flame and molten metal. Another pod is having a really bad day. Circuits short and spray sparks across the cramped interior, splattering on the dull sooty armour that fills every spare inch and makes the cramped pod even more claustrophobic. Computers shrug their digital shoulders and mutter something along the lines of "Dunno, guv'nor." in cybertronian before a violent short causes the screen to explode. In the suddenly red lit dimness, a virulent curseword floats out under the thunder of re-entry. A brilliant trail of fire stretches across the clear sky as the pod arches down, now clearly aimed for the dark forests of Germany. Not that the entirely helpless and disorientated occupant can tell that. With an ground shuddering boom, the molten pod smashes into the soft earth amongst the trees and comes to rest, hissing as the exterior plating cools." There he was, at thirty thousand feet, as the story usually begins. A capsule burns down through the atmosphere, streaking across the sky like a meteorite... and broadcasting a Decepticon tally! Boomslang, on an otherwise uneventful patrol over Northern Europe, calls it in and adjusts his heading to intercept, opening up the throttle and descending. No doubt the Autobots saw this too... this could be trouble. Blowout is rather enjoying his joyride on the Autobahn, but duty calls and all that jazz. He takes an off-ramp, and tries to make his way towards the cooridinates specified. "Huffer, we've GOT aerial recon, Hawkeye is going to scope the area out while we're en route. Besides, think of it this way; You can spend a whole day out here just to fix ONE lousy sensor, instead of being back at Autobot city doing back-to-back maintenance shifts and oilchanges and - Holy ten-car-pileups, what was THAT?" Blowout's brakes squeal as he rolls to a halt, the glare of the distant fireball relfecting in his widnshield. <> Blowout calls out over the radio. <> Before Debby Downer there was Huffer. If anyone knew how to suck every bit of excitement/fun/pleasure/optimism out of a normal day, it was the guy who just pelted the forest with his back-loaded *POW* of displeasure. "Alright, alright Huffer. We get it. You woke up on the wrong side of the re-charging bed again. Maybe Kup's right and Galvatron is waiting for us up ahead. You'll have the chance to slap that evil grin off his face! That'll be fun huh?!" The Autobot chopper moves ahead of the pack, focusing his sensors on the forest ahead. Cue the STREAKING FLAME in the sky. "What the?!? Looks like we've got something to investigate after all! My sensors just went berzerk with that thing in the sky! I'm moving up ahead for some recon. Let's get there as soon as possible!!" Leveling his rotor, Hawkeye plots an intercept course to the crash site, hoping to get there as soon as possible. It's not every day flaming fireballs fall from the sky. Dirge descends from the skies above. Dirge has arrived. Low oil pressure, left inside dual needs replacing, steering linkage bearings are worn, how in the love of Primus is an Autobot supposed to maintain a constant vigil over this world and the people on it if we're constantly running stupid patrols because some dolt in Ops Management can't maintain a proper maintenance schedule on these site sensors? Even a dunderhead like Inferno could figure THAT out. Galvatron taking a squat on the sensor would only add insult to injury to the whole mess. Besides, the way that left rear leaf spring is squeaking, there's a 99.863% chance that the shackle is cracked and THAT'LL mean-WHOA! Finding purpose amidst all the grinching and pessimism, the visage of Grinchmeister 5000 that Huffer carries is relpaced by an odd, special sense of duty. It's moments like these that always seem to work best in snapping the little truckbot from his reverie, to the extent of actually making him sociable and decent. At least compared to his normal self. "Well I'll be pinstriped and chromed... Hey, wait up! You boys don't get yourselves too deep without ol' HUFFER to back you up!" A Decepticon is in discomfort. This, in itself, is not unusual. What is slightly less usual is that this Decepticon is upside down, partially balanced on his head. A low growl fills the pod and heavy hands claw at the emergency escape hatch. It's fused shut. What a surprise. An explosion of steam signals the occupants frustration and visibility disappears completely. "Great. That was just wonderful." he growls to himself, and begins attempting in earnest to kick the pod apart. Several heavy blows finally spring a gap between two panels that he can get his fingers into, and like the world's ugliest egg, the pod splits open. Smokestack emerges. A tall figure as Decepticons go, large enough if not strong or crazy enough to stare Grimlock in the face, his soot coloured iron plating sizzles as it slowly cools, patches of orange heat fading to black. Looking up at the sky, he grunts and begins trying to figure out where he is. Experimental F-15 is just a little poof of flame and smoke as it slides out of orbit and into the upper atmosphere, and then a dark blue speck against the lighter blue sky as it streaks downward toward the ground at a seemingly reckless supersonic pace. F/A-18 Super Hornet reaches the landing zone first thanks to his 'good fortune' of being the nearest Seeker on patrol when it came down. Banking around the column of smoke, he spirals down, airbrakes open, until he's low and slow enough to transform and touch down just outside the impact crater. "Ahoy in there, Decepticon! You alive? What's your codename?" The F-18 produces that distinctive transformation sound as it flips around and pops out limbs to assume a humanoid shape. Muscle Car wishes he could fly over the dense forest, but at least he's got enough armor plating to drive through the underbrush relatively unscathed. His day-glo paint suffers for it, but as long as he doesn't hit a tree he'll be ok. Suddenly, he breaks out from under the canopy into the sunshine, and the blue sportscar find itself in the smoldering scar the landing caft has carved into the landscape. "Huh, a landing craft! Couldn't he just find an /airport/ somewhere?" Blowout mutters. He drives ahead cautiously, armor-plated tires carefully rolling over the stumps and sticks, flicking on his headlights to illuminate through the hazy smoke. "HEY! YOU! Tall dark and smoky! What're you doing crashing our party?" If this were 1947 and if we were in Roswell, New Mexico then every U.S. military member in the area would be flocking to the crash site with weird-looking radiation detectors. However this was 2031 and naturally, a group of huge robots instead were racing towards the impact site. Hawkeye was currently ahead of the Autobot pack, but what worried him was how soon Decepticons might respond. Flying into visual range of the crash site, Hawkeye arrives on scene just before Huffer and Blowout. Immediately, he spots other energon signatures on his radar. Picking up the forms of Boomslang and an unknown robot, the chopper rises, taking a defensive position. "Decepticons! You guys take many strolls through the forest around here?! Surrender now, and we won't let Huffer take his aggression out on you!!" Combat: Muscle Car sets his defense level to Guarded. Combat: Helicoptor sets his defense level to Protected. And like the stumpy-legged little people of our political correct yesteryear, the once dour, now enthused Autobot known as HUFFER peels off the Autobahn in pursuit of Blowout. Quickly finding the forestation too thick to manage via axle, the grumbling machine quickly transforms, waddling his heavily plated form through the brush and leaves as fast as his legs can manage. But as clumsy and bulky as he may be, experience is a friend of the Autobot and it tingles the nape of his neck with a certain warning of its own, even as Blowout's declaration wisps through the trees from his position far up and away. "WAIT UP! You carrier bearing brained dolt, not EVERYONE is stupid enough to dive face first into a nest of Decepti-punks!" Huffer the Truck changes into Huffer the ROBOT OMG! "Which one is Huffer? Is he the guy with the corrosive gas that comes out of the stumps he has in place of hands?" asks Boomslang, autocannon snapping out of his left forearm and spinning up with a whir as he takes cover behind a large piece of the drop pod and covers Hawkeye with his weapon. Combat: Huffer sets his defense level to Guarded. Deep set red optics glower at the trees around him, backhanding a sapling aside as he climbs onto the wreckage of the pod to get a better view. There has to be some sort of civilisation around here. Hunkering down for a moment, he considers. The pod might or might not have been broadcasting an identity signal as it went down. Pity there wasn't more data on the planet's asteroid fall patterns to tell him how regular this sort of impact might appear to hostile sensors. Best assume that he has been taken note of then. He curls his right hand into a fist and internal valves click inside the piping that leads to the back of his hand. The weapon seems intact, and he's not desperate for the attention that setting a forest aflame would gather him. Not yet. Any further consideration is halted by the arrival of a jet, whose short range IFF and insignia both tag him as an ally. At least in theory. Practically on the heels of the jet's arrival, a gaudy Autobot slews into the smouldering clearing. Smokestack hates him on sight. The helicopter that hovers into view is less hated, but only relatively. Drawing himself up to his full height, a jet of dark grey steam and soot explodes from his twin smokestacks and he answers in a low rumble. "I am Smokestack. I am not interested in you, Autobots. Leave here, and I will hurt you some time when it has some tactical meaning. There is nothing for you to gain here!" Experimental F-15 twists and angles upward in a maneuver that would rip the wings off of its Terran counterpart, igniting its afterburners to halt its downward fall. A sonic boom resonates in the surrounding forest, and behind it is a wash of the distorted rumble of engines. Before it stops entirely, the jet transforms. Dirge drops to the ground like a stone, armor still glowing from reentry. Some of the leaves and grass beneath his feet blacken in the heat. "Boomslang," he rasps, drawing himself up straight. "What have you found?" The blue Experimental F-15 warps, bends, and reconfigures itself into the form of Dirge, Decepticon warrior! Combat: Boomslang sets his defense level to Guarded. "A Decepticon. Codename Smokestack," Boomslang calls to Dirge, waving him over. Do you know him?" Boomslang doesn't have a good head for names. Gaudy? GAUDY? Blowout is /sexy/ and ready to rock out. "Hey now Big Guy, no need to SPLIT when the party is just getting started!" Blowout replies, his engine rumbling, an engine which looks suspiciously like a large-bore GUN pointed at Smokestack. "You don't want to bust a move just now, fine. Just fill me in on what you're DOING here, and I'll /think/ about letting you go without a fight." Ohhhhh boy. Here we go again. As Huffer, King of the Stumpy People, finally makes his way into the clearing, the newly discovered machine rises from his phoenix-esque cocoon to make his opening statement to the world. Taunting! Threats! Deadly destruction and the cacophany of chaos! Raaahhhhhr! As Huffer literally rolls his optics and lets out a loud "pfffft", he drops his own veiled threat, as close to sabre-rattling as the minibot will ever get. "Blah, blah, blah. No wonder we're out having to repair some sensor. YOU clowns probably tripped over it as you were busy raping and pillaging some poor goat farm." Shooting a sidewards glance at Blowout as he sets the stage and direction of this little foray into war, the minibot begins to rub his face in what looks to be an oncoming headache. "For the love of Primus, just shoot the goof already. We could've already been done." Well, there goes that sense of heroism and duty. Welcome back, grumpy. "You don't get to ask the questions!" Boomslang shouts at Blowout from behind the drop pod. "You don't have to answer that," he adds to Smokestack, firmly. That voice. It sounded familiar...like someone he ha....BOOMSLANG! While, the flaming fireball of a wreck and other Decepticons were a genuine threat, Hawkeye didn't have to go back into his memory banks fire to know how dangerous Boomslang was. The two had squared off before on the battle field in one heck of a sniper duel and besides that, there was more history that Hawkeye chose not to recall. Noticing the arrival of Dirge now, the Autobot sharpshooter transforms and falls to the ground in his robot mode. Landing with a soft *THUMP*, Hawkeye quickly withdraws his 75mm sniper rifle from subspace, leveling it at the enemies (namely Boomslang). Following up Blowout's words, the visored-bot activates the power-pack in his weapon. "Like we said before Decepticons. We're taking you back to base and we're taking that pod as well. Come out with your hands up and no one gets hurt." Ah, nothing like famous last words for the lowly Autobot. With a flurry of sounds, the AH-64 Apache Helicopter transforms into Hawkeye, Autobot Sharpshooter! Dirge smiles eerily as he paces toward the crash site, ignoring Boomslang's question. "Autobots.." he says, drawn out but flat. "Have you come to bring murder to the lost one? Have you come bearing nothing but a sword? How.. heartless." If not for the emotionless quality in his voice it might seem as if he were taunting, but as it is he might seem more grim, or bleak. "If that is your purpose, we can only oblige you an end of suffering." Nodding his squared off helm once to Dirge, keeping an eye on the Autobots, he rumbles "Direct from Cybertron." Chosing not to say anything further in front of their audience, he slowly turns back to the growing gaggle of machines glaring at them across the crater. His rolling voice is heavy with flat derision. "I have not travelled to this world to bandy words with a clown car. Your bravado is as ridiculous as your armour. As for you, elder, I have pulled devices from the scrapheaps of worlds ten aeons dead that were in better condition than you." He cocked his right hand, readying the nozzle of his flamethrower, pipes lining his right arm filling with volatile fluids. "Where are your tactics? You charge into this place, ready to fight and for what? A ruined drop pod? It would cost more energyto recover it than it could ever be worth. Find a battle that is worth your pursuing, because right now you are just wasting my TIME." Combat: Smokestack misses Muscle Car with its Furnace Cannon attack! "Poor choice of words," Boomslang remarks, standing up from behind the wreckage with his hands up. Being a seeker, his guns are of course attached to his hands. "Watch the little guy, they're crafty squats," he warns Smokestack as he fires several quick bursts of autocannon after Hawkeye. Combat: Boomslang sets his defense level to Guarded. Combat: Boomslang misses Hawkeye with his Integral Autocannon attack! [Pulled -3] Maybe the only benefit to the Autobot's current predicament was that the Decepticons weren't hiding anymore. At least he hoped no others were out there in the woodwork. As Boomslang's volley of autocannon fire whizzes by him, Hawkeye ducks behind one of the many tree trunks in the area. "You'll have to do better than that Boomslang! You don't have the advantage of surprise this time!" Swinging around from behind his defenses, the Autobot fires a 75mm shell at the Decepticon's pod, hoping the impact sends some shrapnel in his foe's direction. "Autobots! Defend yourselves!" Muscle Car 's engine roars, and the car leaps into reverse, pulling back and swinging to the side to escape the great gout of flames. ""Hey now, you almost hit me there!" Dirt and debris spray up underneath his tires, and the car goes back into drive to try and flank the big, and presumably slow, Decepticon. "'Sides, I'm not here for the droppod, you can keep it. I'm just looking for a little EXCITEMENT, y'know? Maybe you don't. All black, not even a touch of orange or electric yellow to spice it up? Boring boring BORING! Ok Mr. Tall dark and boring, try this on for size!" He spins, and angles his bulky engine front n' center again, and fires off a blast of condensed soundwaved to try and crack open the big black 'con's drab armor. Combat: Temporarily restricting the SHATTER effect from all of your attacks. Combat: Muscle Car sets his defense level to Aggressive. Combat: Muscle Car strikes Smokestack with his These Go To ELEVEN! attack! [Pulled -2] And wouldn't you know it, the sage words of the Huffmeister are finally taken by someone with half a lick of sense. Too bad those words were taken by the Decepti-turds, but hey. Beggars can't be choosers. So as soon as the flames begin to spew, Boomslang's arm cannons begin to puke, and Dirge begins to do his best impression of a dead guy in a freezer, Huffer makes his move. Silly, ungainly, and rather humorous move, but a move nonetheless. And that consists of the minibot's stumpy legs pistoning him across the battlefield with his characteristic left-right weeble-wobble, pushing the half pint brawler forward toward the towering, soot black Decepticon and his group of friends. "Great. Now I have to kick the fuel out of this goof. THANKS, guys." Muttering under his breath in a Popeye-ish, curt tone, Huffer continues his run toward the assembled bad guys. "Jerks." Insert weaponsfire here! Pew pew pew! Suck hot laserbeams, Dirge, because you happen to be available and haven't been shot at yet! Combat: Hawkeye misses Boomslang with his Pod Shrapnel (Pistol) attack! Combat: Huffer sets his defense level to Fearless. Combat: Huffer strikes Dirge with his Laser attack! Boomslang puts his back to the pod's hull, shrapnel pocking into the dirt, thwocking into the trees and clanging into the pod's remnants- but none of it hits Boomslang, who has made himself flat enough that it just whisks past. He twists his arms sharply, guns stowing, and flicks his combat knife out of its compartment in his wrist, tossing it in his hand for a moment. Which way, which way. Left or right. Hawkeye must be watching the cover Boomslang's behind, but he can only watch one side at a time. Boomer decides to split the difference and go over the top. With a blast of jet exhaust, he springs over the pod and comes down towards Hawkeye with one hand outstretched to try to catch the Autobot and slam him to the ground! Combat: Boomslang sets his defense level to Fearless. Combat: Boomslang strikes Hawkeye with his Flying Takedown (Smash) attack! Smokestack grunted under his breath as the car jerked aside. Speedy little pest. Noting the jerky approach of the smaller, more worn out of his foes, the Decepticon's attention is entirely taken up by a sound blast that vibrates through his chestplate uncomfortably and jerks loose systems already damaged by the crash. Growling, he shoved one foot into the soft earth and turned, trying to get the brightly coloured Autobot back into range. "You're exactly the sort of idiot that makes this war even more stupid and destructive than it has to be, all pistons and no brains! As if your idiotic altmode wasn't enough of a clue!" Clenching his fist, Smokestack cast out another molten tongue of flame at the nimble road car. Combat: Smokestack sets its defense level to Aggressive. Combat: Smokestack misses Muscle Car with its Furnace Cannon attack! Dirge is struck dead center in his torso, the laser punching a small burn-rimmed hole in his canopy. He looks down at it, then back up at Huffer, pale yellow optics flickering dimly as he evaluates his attacker. "When all is done, Autobot, remember this was your desire." With uncharacteristic alacrity, the Seeker draws an archaic Cybertronian assault rifle out of subspace, snapping it to his shoulder and firing a terse burst back at the Minibot, ducking around behind some tall foliage as he does so. "Lost One," he rasps harshly at Smokestack, "you have fallen from the sky as a symbol of apocalypse, come to deliver these unto Death. Pray that Death is not disappointed." Combat: Dirge sets his defense level to Guarded. Combat: Dirge strikes Huffer with his Automatic Machine Gun attack! And so Boomslang vs Hawkeye III was underway. Probably the only thing missing were sexy round-card girls to break up the monotony of robots trying to blast each other into smitherines. Maybe Hawkeye should stop worrying more about bikini-clad babes and more about knife-wielding Decepticons. The sharpshooter has his visor locked on the left side of the Pod, when he's suddenly staring at Boomslang's camouflage. "Hey! Where did you...UFFFH!" belts out the Autobot as he's hammered to the German soil with a *CRUNCH* that would make Snap, Crackle, and Pop jealous. This is the one position sharpshooter's hate being in and Boomslang probably knows it all too well. Hawkeye fumbles around with his 75mm sniper rifle, but alas it clanks away out of reach. "If that's the way you want to play then I better fight fair!" Pulling his standard-issue, Autobot Tactical Pistol from subspace, Hawkeye stares into Boomslang's evil optics as he tries to put a few rounds into the Decepticon's mid-section. Combat: Hawkeye strikes Boomslang with his Autobot Tactical Pistol attack! "HeyheyHEY! This car is hot stuff, ok? I'm famous on the underground racing curcuit!" Speaking of hot stuff, the big black 'con tries to cook Blowout's goose again, but Blowout has seen lots of flamethrowers in his time, and this one ain't no different. There's not enough room to stay in car mode all day, and the racer flips up into his robot mode, gripping his chubby snub-nosed noise rifle in hand. "Destuctive? You're the one who crash-landed in an occupied country, knocking down half the forst with your landing pod and NOW you're about to burn the rest of it down! you should've taken a space-bridge from Cybertron and saved us all the trouble. If you don't want to fight, then why don't you pack up and leave? And take your Seekers with you?" He lines up a shot, and fires an armor-piercing blast at one of Smokestack's towering column-like legs to try and disable the big guy before things get too rough. The beefy Cybertronain racer transforms into Blowout! Combat: Blowout strikes Smokestack with his Noise Rifle attack! OWWWW! The only thing providing the minibot known as Huffer any cover is the sheer fact that he wobbles back and forth when he runs. Legs be damned as Dirge unloads his morbid payload into the fearless Autobot, raking across his form with a deadly diagonal precision that leaves its wake obvious to all as the sparks that visibly fly leave a heavy scent of ozone hanging stiffly in the air. The impact is great enough to force the Autobot from his feet, sending the Huff tumbling in a wadded up ball of minibot that quickly comes to rest against a massive oak with a loud *CLANK!* His movement slow in recovery, the Autobot eventualy finds his feet and begins to scan the field. "Stupid Decepti-dorks. Oh, Huffer! Go fix that sensor! Oh, Huffer, go on patrol! It's so scenic and pretty! It's always quiet in Europe! The buildings are so... THERE you are!" If not for Huffer's array of scanning sensors and detection units, Dirge's effort at sliding amidst the trees would've gone undetected. And far be it from Huffer to let that slide. "Hey. Dirge." His pistol whines as it charges. "Don't hassle the Huff!" Combat: Huffer misses Dirge with his Disruptor attack! Boomslang grimaces at the impact of Hawkeye's shot, wrestling for control of the slightly smaller Autobot's gun while he tries to get him into a submission position so that he can finish him off with the knife. "I'll make this quick," he hisses down through his teeth, "and dirty." Hawkeye may be disadvantaged in close combat, but that doesn't mean he's lost his sting, and Boomslang is hard-pressed to use his elbows and knees to try to keep Hawkeye from bringing that sting to bear again. Combat: Boomslang sets his defense level to Guarded. Combat: Boomslang analyzes Hawkeye for weaknesses. Dirge sidesteps the oncoming blast (which probably singes a branch somewhere), closing the distance with the smaller robot as he shifts quickly around some more obstacles. When he gets closer, the rifle is gone, replaced by a large poleaxe tipped with a long, sharp spike. The last few meters of approach consist of Dirge leaving the ground and blasting forward with his jets, using the tip of the halberd almost as a lance as he sails past. "I am here, Autobot," he rasps. Combat: Dirge strikes Huffer with his Halberd-y Lance-y Thing (Punch) attack! The soundblast catches the big Decepticon dead centre, sending Smokestack staggering backwards hunched up around his midsection. His fiercely glowing eyes track Blowout and he allows the motion to collapse him into train form, feet flipping up to become the leading wheels and upper body hinging down to slam into his locomotive mode. Steam hisses from his chimneys and he grits out "Death takes everything in the end. Machines, names, civilisations. I've no fear of cheating death of his due. But as for you! Your reckless lust for excitement is going to get you hurt." The lumbering transformer aims himself for Blowout and his drive wheels screech into motion, aiming to simply flatten the trees in his way with a head on charge. Combat: Smokestack misses Blowout with its Ram attack! Owww again! As the tide of battle begins to swing toward Dirge in this conflict for the ages, epic defiance and herculean will begin to rise within the minibot known as Huffer. Either that, or the Autobot simply is too disgusted with the circumstances to lay down and die. So as the halberd-y lance-y thing begins its fateful plunge, Huffer's dour, grumpy attitude maintains the day as his hands reach out for purchase on the passing seeker, fingers splayed, clawing for every inch the Decepticon will give in an effort to bring him to the ground for a little pain, Huffer-style. "Yay. Jerkface." His face contorts into a grimace of excrutiating pain as the lance runs him through. Only fate (and a good roll) will reveal how the rest of this exchange will carry out. Combat: Huffer strikes Dirge with his Weightlifting attack! Out of the corner of Hawkeye's visor, he could have swore he just saw Huffer zoom past into a tree. Things might be bad for the mini-bot, but for now, the sharpshooter had his own worries. And by worries, he meant an energon-fueled killer that was currently prepping him for cutlery fun. There was something frightfully scary, but also something weirdly appealing to Hawkeye in facing Boomslang. Maybe it was the idea of good vs evil and all that stuff. Or maybe it was just that he actually growing a rivalry with this particular Decepticon. "I'm not looking for quick and dirty Boomslang! Why don't you give me some space to think about what I /do/ want?!?" And with that, Hawkeye puts his metallic legs together and tries to fling his foe away with a double-booted kick. Combat: Hawkeye misses Boomslang with his Double-Booted Kick (Kick) attack! "Yikes, the big guy is a /train/!" Blowout cries, leaping aside as the lumbering train comes barrling down on him. Good thing trains always go in a straight line! Blowout rolls on the stump-filled forest floor, and comes up in a crouch, facing at the back end of a very big train. "Huh, for how often you've actually hit me, you might as well have just left and called it even! So far being reckless hasn't exactly hurt me very much! How about you, pal? How has being big and slow and boring been workin' out for you?" He quips, and fires off some pesky lasers at the back of the lumbering locomotive. Combat: Blowout strikes Smokestack with his Laser attack! Dirge pivots around his grabbed arm and smacks into the ground, as the halberd flies loose to impale a tree. "You choose battle over slaughter," he rasps, planting both hands on the ground to push himself up. As he stands, he spins around quickly, flinging a heavy foot out at Huffer. "As so many of your kind before you. Where are your heroes?" he asks, almost conversationally as he brushes debris from his dented armor. Combat: Dirge strikes Huffer with his Spin Kick (Kick) attack! "I can already guess what you want, which is to shoot me, right? We can't both have what we want. Hence the fighting," Boomslang explains, shifting his weight to allow Hawkeye to kick him- but holding onto Hawkeye, he tries to bring the Autobot with him in his roll and brings the knife up towards Hawkeye's unarmored armpit in hopes that the inertia will drive it deep. Combat: Boomslang sets his defense level to Fearless. Combat: Boomslang strikes Hawkeye with his Quick and Dirty attack! "I have seen the ruins of entire civilisations while punks like you have been out cruising for the most fashionable altmode and updating their paintwork! Arrgh!" The big transformer lurches forward, splitting into robot mode as his internal circuitry is jarred by the blast. A smouldering chunk of plating fals free of his body to crash into the earth, and his awareness of his increasingly crippling damage becomes ever more urgent. Raising his voice, he call out to the others "I did not travel here to be dismantled by this likes of this fool! I must retreat, I am too badly damaged!" Seeking time, he releases another roaring flame blast that drains his energy reserves dangerously low.
* CLANK!* Dirge's kick lays effortlessly across the shielded cowl of Huffer's head, forcing a deep crumple in the steel and bringing the Autobot to his knees. The cumulative effect of the damage as well as the force behind the impact squeezes a jaw-clenched "Nnngh!" from the minibot, the dust from the burned streak of forest whipping up in tiny blackened rivulets. But a fight is a fight is a fight, regardless of how many eyerolls and snappy comments ol' Huffer makes. The fact simply remains that this Decepti-creep may walk away, but in this small story amidst the greater war, he'll be t least walking away with a limp. "Heroes are sandwiches, stupid." Firing up from the ground with as massive an uppercut as the minibot can manage, Huffer growls through his statement and the energon pouring from his mouth. "Blah, blah, blah. Shut your facehole." Combat: Smokestack sets its defense level to Fearless. Combat: Huffer strikes Dirge with his Punch attack! Combat: Smokestack misses Blowout with its Furnace Cannon attack! Alright, so maybe Hawkeye wasn't the greatest of melee fighters. That was pretty obvious by his pathetic attempt to kick Boomslan...wait a minute...it was working. It was working! Somehow, the Autobot sticks his boots into his attacker's chest and it's all down here from here. Going along with the momentum of the kick, Hawkeye is about to fire off a good-guy-exclamation of sorts when he realizes what's going on.
* FWWOOOSH* is heard as Boomslang's razor-sharp knife slides into Hawkeye's un-armored armpit like it's a slab of warm butter. Immediately, the Bot's visor brightens in intensity as he grimaces with pain. The only good thing about Hawkeye's position was that he was now within grasp of his prized posession. Reaching for the weapon, he aims the already-cocked rifle into Boomslang's chest. "Shooting's what I do. Can you blame me?!" Combat: Hawkeye misses Boomslang with his 75mm Sniper Rifle attack! "Did you see any civilizations with a sensor of humour? Or any fashion sense? I think you were to obusy looking at the BORING ones and you missed all the good stuff!" Blowout replies, leaping aside from another giant blast in intense heat, seeking refuge behind a chunk of the crashed landing pod. Those flames were close, but not close enough. Good thing Blowout is only a little guy! "Go on, you're too much of a drag for this party. Take your smoke and your pistons and get lost!" He shouts, and fires off another blast with his rifle to make his point. Combat: Blowout misses Smokestack with his Noise Rifle attack! [Pulled -5] Not even a bang. Not even a click. If Hawkeye were to look down right now he would see Boomslang's left hand wedged between the rifle's hammer and pin, preventing the hammer from falling. "Isn't about blame. By now we've all got it coming anyhow," he says wryly, wincing. Releasing his knife, Boomslang's right hand goes to his hip and snatches his revolver out of its compartment. He fires from the hip... Combat: Boomslang misses Hawkeye with his 75mm HVAP Anti-Tank Revolver attack! Dirge doesn't really have a chin, so catches the uppercut in the torso. It helps that he's much taler than the Minibot. Rolling with the blow, Dirge ascends on his jets, flipping head over end as he transforms. A low rumble raises in intensity until it's a cacophonous shriek, sending fractured waves of sound scattering through the forest. The jet tightly spirals up, directly over Huffer's head as if flying around the edge of a tornado leaving the Minibot in its eye. Cutting through the warbling howl is a low voice, like a whisper, "I bring with me the tide of long-dead, Autobot. It is the path of your kind to contend in vain and to end in ashes. See them in death surround you, and follow..." Combat: Dirge sets his defense level to Neutral. In a flurry of arms, legs, and wings, Dirge reconfigures himself into the form of an Experimental F-15 fighter jet. Combat: Experimental F-15 strikes Huffer with his Petrifying Tone attack! "When a civilisation dies, their fashion dies with them. As does their music and their art. Stones and machines endure. Fancy paintjobs wash away in the rain and rust. Why can't you see how futile this idiotic battle is? You won't damage me irreparably, and they won't you. There's nothing *here* worth dying for!" Smokestack transforms into his locomotive form, grinding trees beneath him as he dodges Blowout's sonic attack, then twists at the fractured sound of Dirge's weaponry. "Board me if you're coming, but I'm leaving now!" he roars, a heavy gush of smoke venting from his stacks and the steam whistle giving a shrill cry. Combat: Smokestack begins retreating, leaving itself vulnerable to parting shots from Experimental F-15 and Hawkeye Combat: Smokestack sets its defense level to Guarded. And just as soon as Huffer believes the battle has turned, Dirge unleashes his own version of the echoes of the dead. It assaults the minibot with reckless, unforgiving soundwaves, so much so that it drives the Autobot back to his knees, hands quickly going to his audial receptors as his optics pinch shut. Regardless of the cacophany, Huffer can't resist his inner nature, even through the pain. "Are you done yet? This is stupid." Slowly trying to find his feet as his systems work to counteract the aural attack, he remains helpless. For at least this moment... Combat: Huffer takes extra time to steady himself. [Pass] "Well maybe we do all have it coming, but I'm not ready to meet Primus just yet!" With a bit of strength behind his defiant exclamation, Hawkeye sends a solid elbow into the barrel of Boomslang's powerful revolver, sending the shell whistling into a large tree with a *KAASHOOOOK* Finding just a second to scamper away, Hawkeye leaps into the air to transform into his alternate form. Once, the Apache Attack Helicopter finishes assembling in the air, it's mounted chain gun immediately swivels towards the conehead.
* RAATAAAT* *RRRAAATTAT* went the G.I. Joe Comics. Hawkeye leaps into the air, transforming into an AH-64 Apache Helicopter. Combat: AH-64 Apache Helicopter strikes Boomslang with his M230 Chain Gun attack! [Pulled -1] A cloud of white smoke blankets Boomslang's position as a barrage of HE shells bursts all around him, showering him with shrapnel and blasting him to the ground! "Ugh... losing the initiative here," he groans, limping away from the scorched and pockmarked ground to take cover behind a tree and assess the battle. "The recruit's free, Dirge!" Boomslang calls out, spooling up his jets with a high-pitched whining sound. "We can disengage!" And disengage he does, rocketing over the treetops and transforming just above the deck to go blasting away too fast for the much slower helicopter to follow. Combat: Boomslang sets his defense level to Guarded. With the usual ratcheting sound, Boomslang spins and flips and turns into a fighter jet. Combat: F/A-18 Super Hornet begins retreating, leaving himself vulnerable to parting shots from Experimental F-15 Smokestack slams into train form, releasing a blast of smoke from his chimneys. Experimental F-15 transforms and descends back to land near Huffer, the wash from his engines dying away in the distance. "Nearly," he rasps in answer to the question. He aims one of the missiles on his arm at the staggered Minibot. "Tell me your sins, that I might remember them to those who survive the long night." The blue Experimental F-15 warps, bends, and reconfigures itself into the form of Dirge, Decepticon warrior! Combat: Dirge takes extra time to steady himself. [Pass] Building up speed rapidly, the heavy trainform tears through the forest, plowing trees under the guard that protects his front couplings. Leaving a straight line trail of devastation in his wake, he finally breaks out into the open, finding a long straight road to follow while he searches for suitable tracks. A dirty grey streamer of smoke slowly dissipates behind him, the final scream of his whistle fading into the distance. Combat: Locomotive takes extra time to steady itself. [Pass] Ask, Dirge, and you shall receive. Rising up to one knee, Huffer slings his badly damaged head up toward the Decepticon, scowl heavily painting his face as energon and lubricant leaks down his split lip. But even through the scowl, the wisps of a smile threaten the corners of his mouth as he pauses for a split second, giving the seeker exactly what he asked for. "One time, back in the Ark, I changed out all of Pipes' hydraulic fluid for butter when he was in recharge." Rising up slowly, Huffer finds some balance on his wobbly legs. "One time, I rebuilt a bulkhead in Metroplex with legos." Finally, the rare smile completely takes over Huffer's face as his squat body assumes its full height. "One time, I kicked the lug nuts off of a Decepti-punk because he got on my nerves. Jerk." Anything else? Combat: Huffer takes extra time to steady himself. [Pass] The military chopper watches on as his HE rounds pepper Boomslang and the ground around him. As the Decepticons start to fall back, Hawkeye could pursue them, but with Blowout nowhere in sight and with the damage he's already taken, the Autobot decides enough is enough for now. That's when he notices one Decepticon hasn't left the scene just yet. Dirge. Knowing he'll probably get some flak from Huffer for helping him out, Hawkeye decides to lend a hand anyway. Or in this case, a few stinger rockets. "Huffer! Watch out!" emits the chopper as it locks on to Dirge, sending a bright pair of streaks at the raspy-voiced-bad-dude. Combat: AH-64 Apache Helicopter strikes Dirge with his Stinger Rockets attack! Is Dirge really just standing there and listening to Huffer babble about pranks? Seems so. The Seeker stares balefully at the Minibot as the seconds tick by and the words spill out. Long enough for a certain helicopter to fire a successful volley. Dirge takes a step back, raising his arm to shield his face from the barrage of rockets. He loses a few chunks of armor in the blast, which leaves his side pitted and scored. He is blackened but shows no evidence of serious internal damage yet. He turns bright yellow optics toward his assailant, lips twitching downward at the edges. "I will remember you," he hisses softly at the helicopter, then turns to loom toward Huffer. "The future holds more pain than this, more than all the past. And you will see it, you will see much more. Your savior is not your friend." The Seeker leaps into the air over Huffer's head, transforming and rocketing away into the sky. In a flurry of arms, legs, and wings, Dirge reconfigures himself into the form of an Experimental F-15 fighter jet. Combat: Experimental F-15 begins retreating, outrunning all pursuit. Huffer dusts off his hands, surrounded in a swirl of dust to give him the image of a Pig-Pen-like character, small, squatty, and covered in dirt. Any other Autobot would growl as he blasted into the distance, curse the escape of the Decepticon, or even find solace in the safety and wellbeing of his friends. But this is Huffer. His voice is low and annoyed as he spits out bits of black particulate from the burned section of forest. "About time. What were you waiting for, an invitation?" Transforming and working his way back toward the highway and eventually to the sensor that was the whole reason for being here, the minibot grumbles under his breath in that all too familiar Popeye-esque tone. "Stupid Kup and his stupid patrols. Stupid sensors. Bah." Huffer changes into Huffer the TRUCK OMG!
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