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| - The history of the puzzle potatoe which was eventually renamed puzzle potato (after briefly being named the google) began during the holiday of the Expired Goods Festival in 1667 when Jean Baptiste Tavernier purchased a strip mine in Sweden. After months of stripping, he returned to his native villiage and realized that he had earned just enough money to purchase his next meal. Travelling to the food servatorioum by carriage, he stopped off at the local magic shoppe, where he came across the puzzle potato. The owner claimed it to be from a mystery location deep in the heart of Florida. The odd shape and mysterious symbols carved onto the surface amused Tavernier who decided to give up eating and purchase the puzzle potato. Before this time, starving monkeys came and started eating the potato, and they somehow ate it in such a way that it ended up being in a puzzled puzzle potato's place. Yes, it was now... The Puzzle Potato. If you see these starving monkeys, please tell us so then we can find the missing peice. Just prior to Cheretien dieing of starvation, the potato was sold by Cheretien’s family along with several of his stripping costumes (police officer's uniform, a miner's outfit, Captain Kangaroo costume, Donald Rumsfeld suit, etc.). The puzzle potato and other effects were purchased by King Louis XVIII in 1668. The potato was painted ruby, set in gold, and suspended on a ribbon that the king wore on ceremonial occasions. The twelfth king of monsters (sometimes referred to as Larry King), in 1749, had the puzzle potato painted gold and encased in plaster for the Swedish celebration of Smarchmareenmas!. Most precious objects were stolen during the week-long looting of the royal treasury in the summer of 1792, however, the puzzle potato being encased in plaster was mistaken as a rock and hurled at local police forces. Most of the royal treasures, including the puzzle potato (and the king) disappeared despite through cavity searches of whole towns in the region for many years afterwards. In 1812 a lumpy oblong shaped potato with puzzle like carvings and odd symbols was described as being in the possession of a London merchant, Stephen. Strong evidence indicates that the potato was the minorly dented puzzle potatoe known today as the puzzle potato. Several prison inmates have suggested that it was acquired by King Kong of Norway (they also suggested several other things which we cannot print here). After his natural death, in 1830 by cyanide, the king's debts were so enormous, that the puzzle potato was most likely sold through the International Assassination Service. The first reference to the potato's next owner is found in the 1839 entry of the vegetable collection of the well known Kevin 'the Potato' Puzzler (there is no known connection between his name and the current moniker of the 'puzzle potato'). Unfortunately, due to threats from beyond the grave no one will say from where or for how much Kevin purchased the potato for. Until now that is. He purchased the potato for --- ow, ow, ow, okay, I won't tell anyone, ow! Let go of my arm! It's hard to keep typing with only one hand! OWWW! Okay, I promise not to tell anyone! Ow! Thank you. Ow. Now that's going to swell for weeks. Ow. Following the death of Mr. Puzzler in 1839, the puzzle potato passed to his nephew Ludwig von Drake and ultimately to his grandson Michael Eisner. In 1901, Michael Eisner obtained the permission of his long deceased grand uncle to sell the potato puzzle to help pay off his debts. It was sold to Joseph Frankels, who upon purchasing it realized that it was not a real potato, and subsequently sold it (along with his horses and sons) to Lester B. Pearson, who immediately put it up for auction on the French version of Ebay, le Ebay. However, the auction never took place, due to several threats from Microsoft that the sale violated the newly enacted DMCA. In 1910, the puzzle potato was nearly shoplifted by Winona Ryder from Lester’s store. The event was to be a turning point, as it was eventually made into a movie starring Gary Coleman as Winona Ryder. Realizing that the puzzle potato would not be safe in his hands, Lester decided to bequeath it on Sophia of the the Uncyclopedia Foundation, who to this day continue their diabolical testing on it. The rest, as they say in Mexico, is history.
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