Reserved for Orian57 07:01, October 20, 2009 (UTC) I'll try not to get out of this within 24 hours. 21:18, October 26, 2009 (UTC)--Sorry; saw your note. 22:02, October 26, 2009 (UTC) I'll give this to Why do I-- 21:56, October 31, 2009 (UTC) Oh and I dont have any pics at the moment so spare me the "doesnt have pics" part-- 21:59, October 31, 2009 (UTC)
| Attributes | Values |
|---|
| rdfs:label
| - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Get Out Of A Relationshit (second Opinion)
|
| rdfs:comment
| - Reserved for Orian57 07:01, October 20, 2009 (UTC) I'll try not to get out of this within 24 hours. 21:18, October 26, 2009 (UTC)--Sorry; saw your note. 22:02, October 26, 2009 (UTC) I'll give this to Why do I-- 21:56, October 31, 2009 (UTC) Oh and I dont have any pics at the moment so spare me the "doesnt have pics" part-- 21:59, October 31, 2009 (UTC)
|
| dcterms:subject
| |
| Mcomment
| - Average of above, not counting Image score.
|
| Pcomment
| - Some of your prose I liked, but there a great deal of spelling and grammatical errors that got in the way. I think your formatting is fine. I'd like to see you flesh this out a little more, adding another sentence or two to each part. Also I think you might want to give a reminder once or twice that this is a relastionshit you're talking about and not a relationship. Yes, I know you use the word "relationshit" several times, but many readers can get to where they start reading that as an alternate spelling of "relationship." Readers tend to be lazy, so sometimes writers have to help them along a little.
|
| Icomment
| - I know you didn't want a comment about there being no images, but that's a basic part of the Pee Review and also of this template. The template won't work at all if I don't give you a score, and the automatic score for no images is zero. I think a combination of images of a "mad couple" "happy couple" "loving couple" "one person in the couple kicking the other one's ass/hitting them/shooting them/something like that" would work.
|
| Pscore
| |
| Ccomment
| - I think getting out of a bad relationship works as a concept, but can use more development as described above. I almost gave a lower score because I'm still not sure the concept's clear. Your introduction includes "hate each other" and, with other parts, seems to imply a relationshit isn't something you want to repair, but is something want to get out of. But your article talks about improving relationships, or changing a relationshit into a good relationship. I'd recommend working on your intro so it fits the article better, or working on the article to better fit your intro.
|
| Cscore
| |
| Mscore
| |
| Hcomment
| - Building a relationshit with your reviewer I have a habit of telling the reviewee about myself so you know how unqualified I am. I was NotM for Sept. 2009, and just got nommed for RotM for the second time, so some people think I don't totally suck. As to your topic, I've been both the dumper and dumpee in relationshits, and have helped heal some.
I put Prose and Formatting comments in with Humour for the most part so I don't repeat myself unnecessarily. Also I get nitpicky, but I've found reviewees often like that as it helps them fix grammar that ain't no good, speeling errers, etc. In this article, I'm just going to point out a few.
I think this article has potential, but can use some improvement. Hopefully, my review will help make that easier.
Your introduction
:"aquintances to best friend forever"--mixes plural and singular, and also this sentence seems a little awkward. "...one of the best things in the world, besides winning Survivor."--I'd cut out "one of." "However there are people you have...."--I'd look at each phrase, for what you have here would read as "However there are people you...two parents fighting" and "there are people you...hate each other." There are conflicts like these in a number of the sentences. I'd recommend you rewrite this article, then when you feel you've done what you want, put the tag on it. Then someone can help fix these nitpicky problems that, unfortunately, can make even a great article difficult to read. For the rest of this review, I'm going to largely ignore these, and get at the meat of your article.
Relationshit at School
:Your article's title seems to be telling us how to get out of a relationshit, but this section seems to be telling us how to get into one. In Method A, we're given the solution before we've seen the problem . I think it would work better if we saw the relationshit we wanted to get out of, then saw how to do it. In Method B, the reader isn't told what we want to get out of. You might want to check out some featured HowTo's and see how they did it. And I'd check out HowTo which has useful information and links.
Relationshit with Parents
:Method A is fine, but I don't see the humour. In Method B, how is a kid getting spanked gay? Is this article saying spanking, or wanting to be spanked, is gay, or is this just a general gay insult? Method C is like Method A; I don't see the humour.
Relationshit with Girls
:If you are a Guy--In Method A and Method B, I don't see the humour. I do see some in Method C, where doing what your wife tells you works 40% of the time. I don't get the "Aye Aye. Good song!" reference here and below, but that may just be my ignorance.
:If you are a Girl--This could use humour.
Actually, this article could use more humour throughout. I'm pointing out the parts I found humorous; you can assume I think the rest could use some more.
Relationshit with boys
:"If you are a Boy--Method B recommends "Threesome with a girl "--it seems to both be recommended and not recommended.
:"If you are a Girl--Method A I found amusing, although not every religious person is Christian, but that's not necessarily a problem. I found Method C funny.
Relationshit with Authority
:I didn't see the humour here.
I think your article could use some kind of conclusion, even if it's only a sentence or two.
|
| Iscore
| |
| Hscore
| |
| Fcomment
| - I think this is a workable concept, but needs more humour and more development. I hope this helps, and good luck with this and future articles!
|
| dbkwik:uncyclopedi...iPageUsesTemplate
| |
| Signature
| |
| abstract
| - Reserved for Orian57 07:01, October 20, 2009 (UTC) I'll try not to get out of this within 24 hours. 21:18, October 26, 2009 (UTC)--Sorry; saw your note. 22:02, October 26, 2009 (UTC) I'll give this to Why do I-- 21:56, October 31, 2009 (UTC) Oh and I dont have any pics at the moment so spare me the "doesnt have pics" part-- 21:59, October 31, 2009 (UTC) I just saw your note. I can do this, but can't guarantee 24 hours--48, yes. And sorry, but you will get a note about there not being any pics--it's a basic part of the Pee Review process and even the template--I can't even do it if I leave out that part. 03:51, November 1, 2009 (UTC)
|
![[RDF Data]](/fct/images/sw-rdf-blue.png)