| abstract
| - Tailgate glares as hard as he can at Steeltread, from across the room. Nightbeat has just left after getting his stomach pumped, and Punch is viewing several monitor screens, stroking his chin. "So..." he mutters to anyone in earshot, which sadly happens to be Tailgate. "Nightbeat's alibi becomes slightly more convincing. Perhaps it was the Syk dealers who set him up..." Tailgate gets distracted by Punch. "Huh? What sick dealers? Those 'appliance shop' guys? Thinly veiled fronts for robot bondage is what they are. Sick, sick, sick!" Tailgate shakes his fist. "And damn those cursed backstabbing Registrons, helping tally the profits!" Steeltread blinks at this. "Was he always off his processor, or does he practice at it?" Tec-Bike wanders into medbay. "Did Nightbeat make it back then?" he asks. "It was too hard to move him so I just told him to come back here and not run away. I followed him most of the way, but I had to stop off to refuel and I kinda lost him." The futuristic beige and crimson motorbike quickly flips around, expanding and unfolding into the robotic form of Mishap. "Syk..." Punch exclaims crisply to Tailgate. "Is an illegal artificial circuit booster. Improves efficiency at the cost of runtime." He slams a fist into the console. "If anyone would have, it would be Nightbeat, it makes so much sense...." He turns to Mishap. "Yes, but no dice..." NINE MILLION YEARS AGO: Doctor Talimus Gate, premier quantum electrodynamics physicist for the Autobot cause, develops a breakthrough method for harnessing the power of electromagnetism to increase Cybertronian fuel efficiency by nearly 100%. Lacking proper funding since the outbreak of the war, and therefore lacking appropriate testing facilities, he installs the prototype high-powered electromagnet in himself to save on costs. Unfortunately, he installs it right above his head. NOW: Tailgate says, "Yeah, totally sick, just like I said! Booyah, called it." Red Alert arrives in medical, in part because he's doing one of his normal rounds of the complex, but in part because he does need a bit of a refuel and he doesn't completely trust any of the other dispensers in the base. He doesn't completely trust this one, either, but he distrusts it the least. He takes one step into the room and instantly takes stock of everyone who's in here. Red Alert stifles a sigh. He can feel the processor-ache starting already. But instead, he forces what he thinks of as a professional smile (and it may be, if one uses a bit of imagination) and dips his head in hello to those gathered. "Greetings." "Planet XXX" Punch utters, turning as Red Alert enters. "A den of scum and villainy. Obviously Nightbeat made an enemy there. I propose we go there - IN DISGUISE as Decepticons, and look for intel" "What's so obvious about it, besides the assumption that Nightbeat's winning personality is liable to earn him a few grudges?" As Red Alert speaks, he walks over and requests his basic energon alotment, although he does watch the technician a bit suspiciously as his request is filled. "Its all we have to go on" Punch mutters back. "And its better than sitting about doing nothing. If not, we can strike it off the list. I trust you DO have your official disguise kit available..." "Ugh, I'm not painting myself black again" Mishap grumbles. "It took me AGES to wash it all off. And those red optic lenses really stung, you know?" "Of course not Mishap" Punch smiles. "I'm sure NO-ONE on XXX will know who you are, and they'll welcome you with open arms, won't they..." "Heyyy, everone knows me on XXX!" Mishap says with a grin. "I'm a really friendly guy! Of course there was that misunderstanding.. and that fracas.. well a rumpus, really." He pauses as if replaying certain events in his mind. "Fine" he sighs. "I'll go get the paint." "Of /course/ I do," Red Alert snaps, annoyed. "It's standard issue, isn't it? I don't really see the point, though. Anyone with even a moderately effective olfactory sensor will be able to smell the fresh paint, and a group full of fresh paint is just going to attract attention." "You're paranoid, Red Alert" Punch stares up as the readouts wash over him. "It doesn't have to be PERFECT, just enough to fool a group of drunken, slovenly aliens not completely familiar with Cybertronian psysiology. Now, shall we rendevous in 20 Breems?" Red Alert sighs. "I suppose /someone/ needs to come along to make sure you lot stay out of t-" He pauses, considers what he's saying, and corrects himself. "To make sure you all return in one piece after the trouble you'll inevitably get into." The Planet XXX and a scuzzy casino. Full of the most bizarre aliens in the galaxy, from mechanoids to meccanibals to giant sea-slugs. And into this den of sin and depravity comes an Autobot. Or rather, a Decepticon, since Punch enters, disguised as his Decepticon counterpart, Counterpunch. He instantly moves to the bar, slamming down a fistful of energon chips. "One Double-Throat-Rotter. The one where you get your eyesight back after two weeks, guaranteed" Mishap follows close on Counterpunch's heels, wondering how such a supposedly badass intel agent can have such a shoddy Decepticon cosume. He just looks like he put his head on backwards! Who's going to be fooled by THAT? Mishap on the other hand, he's stylin. Black and Teal, mmm. "You better watch yourself" he says, almost vibrating with terror as he elbows aside the alien next to Punch. "We're wanted mechs. He's got the death penalty in twelve systems." Rather than red and white, Red Alert is now done up in black and white. Looking at him, it would seem that his alternate mode is now a police care instead of a fire chief's car. A police car that... happens to be a vintage Lambourghini. Yeah. Where most police cars might have a symbol of their county or law enforcement, he sports a blue shield with a Decepticon emblem, and where a normal police car might say, "To Protect and Serve," he now says, "To Punish and Enslave." Suffice to say, Red Alert feels dirty. He arrives behind Counterpunch and settles down next to him, then leans over in a very, very quiet whisper (at least, by most people's standards) murmurs, "You realize your scent is /all/ wrong. They're going to see right through you," he predicts. "I'll ask you stop smelling me, I'm not like that!" Counterpunch snarls, pushing at Red Alert and downing his drink. "No idea where he came from" he mutters to the barkeeper as he nods to Mishap. "S-uh, NEMESIS MISHAP, get us some femmes, we are the hardest people in this establishment." He leans against the bar, looking all cool and stuff Nemesis Mishap nods. "Okay.. Spacepunch." He elbows his way back out into the crowd and heads towards two robotic females of some species or another. Probably part of the Lithone diaspora. It takes him a while as he stops every few paces to pick a pocket.. to maintain his cover, of course. Yesssss. "I'm Counterpunch!" Counterpunch utters. "I'm obviously Counterpunch, Nemesis Mishap, my OLDEST FRIEND. He watches Mishap as he moves towards the females. He starts to eye up a gigantic slug-creature in the corner, giving a wink at it, but in reality he is looking about at the various aliens in the establishment. "So..." he starts to speak out loud. "Met an Autobot the other day. Gave me real trouble. Some sort of blue car with flames..." "Black" Alert is pushed away by Counterpunch. "Hey!" he protests, and then remembers he's supposed to be evil. That they're all supposed to be evil. He tries to push back, growling, quite unconvincingly, "Don't do that again!" Then he settles down, muttering, "And I wouldn't worry, the paint almost drowns out everything else." He then orders a drink. It is a whimpy drink, one completely incongruious with a tough, evil bad-guy image. Mishap disapears from view for a while. A long while, in fact. And when the dimmunitive Decepticon comes back, he is sans-femmes. But he DOES have a dreamy smile on his face and an unsteady walk. "Heeeeeeey Spacepunch" he slurs. "Listen. The girls.. they said.. they said something, but that's not what I was, you know. Whatever." Counterpunch glares at Black Alert's drink. "I take it that isn't an umbrella but a Bargloon Floople-Spike" he hints strongly. "They use that to kill small animals." He then orders some more deadly drinks, and downs them all in a row. They are on fire :("SO!" he says again. "I met this Autobot, name of Nightbeat, gave me trouble, I'd like to kill him if..." He shakes his head as Mishap returns, waving a hand. "It's not working!" he hisses. "We need to prove to this establishment that we're hard-nosed space-terrorists who can gain their trust..." Wreck-Gar looks at a datapad and taps in a few details as he walks towards the enterance of the large casino. He shakes his head as he says to himself, "I've got no idea if he's been here... But If i find him so many things will be off my mind..." he sighs as he walks into the casino and walks towards one of the blackjack tables and coughs, "Hmmm, No, I don't wanna partake at the moment dude, I'm just looking for this... person or thing..." he smiles a happy smile as he presses a button on his datapad and show it to the dealer, The dealer slowly shakes his head and continues to deal, Wreck-Gar then looks back at the picture and says, Pak-Gor, Where are ya... Your the only one who can handle Dee-Kal... She's driving me NUTS!... Well more Nuts..." he sighs again and walks over to another dealer. "What? N-" begins Black Alert, then he stops himself, forces his voice to a lower register, and growls, "Of /course/ it i-" Then he stops again, narrows his optics, and starts looking around the room, his expression now twisted into that show of consternation that suggests /something/ has just triggered one of his sensors. "Relaaaaaax" Mishap says, pushing a cup into Counterpunch's hand, or at least in its vague direction. "You know what your problem is P..Spacecounter? You're too tense. Here, try some of this. High grade rocket fuel with good amounts of Soma additive." Counterpunch takes Mishap's drink and throws it over his shoulder. "Mmm just what I need" he exclaims, before double-taking as he sees Wreck-Gar. "Primus! He could ruin it all! Quick, we need to stop him before be blows our cover." He points towards Wreck-Gar as if that will do something. "I'm sure he will see reason...." "Hey!" Nemesis Mishap complains. "Thatsawaste of good Soma!" "NO! I don't want a free drink!" Wreck-Gar screams to a serving droid, "I may be stupid but i'm not an idiot... These flashing lights do not influance me, I've seen the movie Casino fifteen times, There is no way i'm gonna put any of my hard stole credits into these machines just for you." he looks around and sees another dealer and walks over while kicking over another drink serving droid as he walks over to the dealer and shoves the picture into it's face, "Look! You seen this dude?! HAVE YOU!" he's now shouting now. As the dealer cowers a pair of security mechs arrive and emits, "I'm sorry sir, You'll need to keep your audio emitters lower..." Wreck-Gar turns around with his optics glowing red and says in a low and seemingly dangerous tone, "If these people would listen... then perhaps i wouldn't need to raise my voice..."" Counterpunch can only stare, drink in hand as Wreck-Gar goes mental. "I hate Junkions..." he says, shaking his head. "Just as I hate AUTOBOTS!" He looks to see if anyone picked up on that, but just gets a Meccanibal winking at him "Black" Alert can only cringe as Counterpunch virtually shouts in his audio sensor, although it does serve to bring his attention back to the hear and now. As it turns out, he had been distracted by the smell of highly re-re-re-re-recycled parts. "Oh, great," he says, voice again very, very quiet. "So what's your grand plan on how to explain /without/ blowing our cover? Tie a note to a rock and throw it at him?" Mishap pulls his gun and aims it at Wreck-Gar, a burst of fear burning a lot of the soma from his systems. "Aaaaah!" he yells, in a not at all Decepticon like way as Counterpunch bellows and Wreck-Gar yells and oh god what is happening. "Did someone say...AUTOBOTS!?" The bar door swings open like a western saloon's, despite the architecture being completely different and therefore causing this to be physically impossible. Nevertheless, the door opens and in steps the most feared (kind of) Decepticon: SHOCKWAVE! Well, if Shockwave was thin and also a helicopter. "I despise those Autobots with every circuit of my being," SHOCKWAVE drones, lights reflecting off his body and showing all sorts of imperfections on his purple paint. Wreck-Gar hears someone say they hate Junkions, He looks around and walks slowly to where the noise came from, It's a talent when there is so much noise around from the machines and excited patrons but Wreck-Gar could sniff an insult like a bloodhound... He walks around a large bank of fruit machines and sees his target... he sighs as he says loudly, "Hey De-Septic tank-Con... When ya gonna disrespect a junk make sure you look around and make sure there isn't a junk around..." he turns around and sees the security mechs following him, "It's ok guys, I'm not gonna make any trouble as long as those slag heaps don't make any..." he walks towards the bar and takes a seat as he shouts loudly, "Barkeep! I'll have a fuzzy nipple, And hold the nipple." "Ah, SHOCKWAVE my friend!" Counterpunch echoes without missing a beat. "Architect of evil, now we can discuss our evil plans to destroy the Autobots!" An alien leech slides up to 'Shockwave'. "Here" he mutters. "You've lost a bit of weight, Shockwave. And... gained a hand. Well done, I guess. Have a free glass of Slurm" "Thank you, my frie- Er, I mean! My..comrade. I think." Shockwave snatches the glass in his hand, which has somehow been switched since the last time anyone saw him. "Yes, let us discuss our evil plans to destroy those foolish fools and their foolishly foolish lives. Fools." Counterpunch leans back against the bar, waving his hand towards Mishap in the 'kill him' signal for Wreck-Gar. "Now Shockwave, let us talk about how we plan on smuggling Syk and Mindrotter and Psycho Probes...." Nemesis Mishap looks at Counterpunch and mouths 'are you SURE'? The minibot..minicon just knows this is going to escalate into something serious, which might include him being hurt. That's the worst kind of violence! SHOCKWAVE swirls his drink around like some sort of wine afficionado. "Yes, let us speak of such things, considering I know exactly what they are and am highly knowledgable in such a subject. But, before I amaze you with my vast intelligence, let me hear what YOU have to say." Black Alert watchs Wreck-Gar sit down, declaring that he'll cause no trouble if the 'Decepticons' don't cause trouble. He watches Counterpunch sign for Nemisis Mishap to go over and 'deal' with Wreck-Gar. He notes the arrival of 'Shockwave,' accompanied by another overpowering blast of new paint smell. On top of that, he's currently listening to the real Decepticons detail the proper procedures and levels of allowable snickering, laughter, and cackling over the radio. 'And I suppose I really should file a report on that later,' he thinks absently. But as for the scene before him... it's all rather like watching a train wreck in slow motion. 'Black' Alert promptly decides he hasn't had near enough to drink, downs the energon in front of him, and orders another. Wreck-Gar takes his drink and has a small sip, "I said i wanted a Fizzy Nipple! Not a Fizzy Earlobe..." he shakes his head and puts the glass back down on the bar. He looks towards the decepticons and laughs as he considers them for a moment then shrugs and looks over his shoulder where the pair of Security mechs are still guarding him. Wreck-Gar grins and says, "Barkeep, Lets try this again... I want a Fizzy Nipple, Without the nipple... So that battery acid, Hydrogen, Some crushed glass, A single pea, Two british pennies and for the fizz, a little drop of arsnic... Can you get that right bub?" he laughs as he watches the barkeep rushing around. Counterpunch is about to reply, but as he does so, a gigantic insectoid alien wanders up to 'Shockwave'. "Hey Shockwave!" he exclaims. "Good to see you looking so trim, you've really sorted yourself out, we were worried about you. Now!" he leans into the 'Decepticon'. "You owe us that detailed mathematical data you sold us. Give me the formula for Sontax Crystals NOW or we'll cut off your remaining ha - oh." He looks down at Whirl's hands. "Oh." The bartender in front of 'Black' Alert decides he needs a bit of cheering up, and spikes the Autobot's drink with Nucleon! "Excuse me, er.. fellow Decepticon, for just a moment." SHOCKWAVE turns and stares up at the alien bugger who DARE interupt him and his Slurm drinking (It's highly addictive!). "FOOL! HOW DARE YOU THREATEN THE MIGHTY SHOCKWAVE!? I HAVE GROWN MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE!" Nemesis Mishap shrugs. Okay, if orders are to cap a junk, then he'll cap a junk. Stun rays only of course. He takes careful aim, opens fire.. and then runs away and hides under Counterpunch's barstool, not even bothering to see if he hit or not. Mishap strikes Wreck-Gar with his Circuit Freezing Pistol attack. The insection alien steps back from Shockwave. "Look look, it's not me Shockwave, old buddy old pal. Look, it's just the BOSS. He hates all those Autobots just as much as you, even had one poking about here a while back. But he wants what he wants, like. Here, I'll buy you a drink!" The aliens very very quickly gets 'Shockwave' a drink in what looks like half a coconut, with a giant straw, alien fruit stacked on the top, and a lit sparkler. And an umbrella Wreck-Gar feels a blast out of nowhere flash into him. He doesn't know whats hit him, for the first time in real history it's true... Slowly Wreck-Gar slides off the stool he was sitting on and falls to the floor, He can't talk or do almost anything. Wreck-Gar sits quietly as he starts to reset his systems internally.. it will take some time but... he then notice that no one is coming to aid this poor Junkion that seems to be in bad shape... Where were those blasted security mechs... He's gonna rip those pair a new exaust when he gets his legs back... and perhaps his arms aswell. Ripping someone a new exause really does need hands. He then hears a clink on the bar... Damn! The worst part of all of this, His drink has arrived... Now Wreck-Gar is really pissed. Counterpunch has a minibot skid under his stool, and has a horrible feeling things are getting out of control. Quickly he darts over to the fallen Wreck-Gar, extending his hand. "Greetings, AUTOBOT!" he announces loudly. "Obviously you did not realise you would fall into a nest of DECEPTICONS plotting against your fellows!" He makes this loud to keep up the act. "Because all of us, we are all robots in DISGUISE." He gives a heavy, obvious wink Mishap has already put his pistol back in his holster and is looking around for somewhere to hide. M..maybe he should stun someone else just to make sure? Maybe Punch is giving the game away by being too friendly...? SHOCKWAVE takes possibly the most embarassing drink in the bar and settles back down. "Yes, I know exactly how your boss is. Quite the boss, that he is." He takes a sip of the fruity concoction despite not having a mouth. "A very bossy boss with a boss-like life." "Yes he is!" the insectoid nods, in awe of 'Shockwave's' hard-core drinking. He takes his own glass and presses it against his eye, screaming in agony as the alcohol seeps in. "YESSSS!" he cries. And then, he looks at Shockwave, one eye bloodshot. "The boss wants to know - have the SWALLOWS begun NESTING over the WATER yet?" Red Alert begins to lift his drink to his lips, too distracted by the radio communication and his sense of smell too overpowered by the stench of fresh paint to detect that his drink had been tampered with. He opens his mouth... and then closes it, pulling the drink away before he's actually had a stip. He puts the glass down with a 'clink' and then frowns. "Hang on," he uses his normal voice, "there may be trouble." From the other side of the bar a slow hissing sounds as Wreck-Gar slowly starts to regain control of his body, He has heard what that stupid Decepticon said... Not that he cared what the slag heap said... and it winked at him! Like it was some kind of joke! Did the attacker walk up to him and say, Smell this flower *stun* No! It was a stun back... Wreck-Gar growls as he slowly moves his fingers... Yes, Just a little more time and these Decepticons will know what crazy ape REALLY means... Now where did he leave his drill and set... SHOCKWAVE throws his arms in the air, drink spilling all over the floor. "OF COURSE THEY HAVE, YOU FOOLISH FOOL! BEGIN THE OPERATION IMMEDIATELY!" He takes another sip of whatever is left of his drink. "OR ELSE!" "What... immediately?" the insectiod jerks in surprise, looking about. "Uh, really? You mean you calculated all the trajectories perfectly AND decoded the cyphers? Well quickly Shockwave, what do they say, the boss will want to hear immediately!" Counterpunch's hints havn't really worked, his quickly racks his brain to think of something Wreck-Gar will understand. "Ahaha, yes Junkion, we are certainly the LILY SAVAGES of the Decepticon world!" Yes, now is DEFINITELY the time to stun Punch, he's doing no good at ALL. Mishap takes careful aim, and.... You are temporarily incapacitated by Mishap's Circuit Freezing Pistol attack. Red Alert is painted as a black and white police car instead of a red and white fire chief's car, and is currently trying to pass himself off as a Decepticon. Actually, currently he's just trying to keep all the shouting and the smell of too-new paint from overwhelm his sensory array, while contemplating picking his second drink back up, because he thinks he just might need it. And then Mishaps fires on Counterpunch. Ah, slag it. 'Black' Alert picks up his second drink and downs it in one gulp. Counterpunch is then shot in the head by Mishap, and staggers into a full Blackjack table, where he collapses "YES, IMMEDIATELY!" SHOCKWAVE (who is obviously Whirl after experimenting with a can of purple spray paint) says. "Here, I shall calculate your foolish trajectories and what have you right this instant!" The obvious helicopter cockpit on his chest opens up and the most devious of Decepticons pulls out a sheet of paper. "Behold! My exceptionally large brain can deduct such formulas in almost no time at all!" He scribbles a bunch of random numbers on the paper and hands it over. Meanwhile.. "So, it's settled then? My men will transport your goods throughout the Empire and I will receive a thirty percent cut of the profits?" Ramjet asks in hushed tones, the sound of his voice likely caught by a particular -someone- in the room. He is seated in a booth off to the side, guarded by two un-marked Decepticon jets who stand in front of him. The large, black and red robot sitting across from Ramjet leans back, casting an air of doubt at the Air Commander. "So certain you are in this? What if Cyclonus finds out?" Ramjet smirks. "You let me worry about Cyclonus, Black Shadow. You worry about seeing to that my men get your shipment without arousing the suspicion of the Assembly of Worlds..." A load moan is heard from the other side of the bar as Wreck-Gar slowly gains control of his hands, then his legs.. Then his arms... Wreck-Gar slowly makes his way to his feet, He leans on the bar stool for a moment as he looks around and sees the Decepticons, One of them on through a blackjack table... Hmmm, Strange... And what was that crack about lily savage... Former Prime minister of the united Kingdom in 2009... These Decepticons are insane. He tries to stand up but slips off the stool and knocks into the bar. As he does everything moves into slow motion, the Decepticons talking to some freak gesturing about something, a chip flying across the room and the two security mechs looking stupid behind him. But that isn't whats caused this time dilation. He turns his head as his glass slowly rocks from side to side on the table, He almost dives for the glass as he almost spills, Time slows even more as Wreck-Gar's hand gets closer to the glass, but his miscalculates, the tip of his finger hits the stem of the glass and time rushes back in as the drink spills over the bar. With a scream of pain and the smell of something melting through the bar Wreck-Gar snarls, "And now you've made me tip my cocktail!" His optics blaze fire. Counterpunch slowly tries to rise from the blackjack table, but is immediately punched and kicked to the ground by the very, very angry gamblers whose game he just destroyed. Meanwhile, the Insectoid runs to the back room with the piece of paper, and scurries back. "The boss, the boss!" he squeaks to Whirl. "He wants to see you!" And from the back room, there is a *THUNK* *THUNK* 'aaaaie' as a burly helicopter robot emerges. Half his body is blue, the other half green. And in his hand is a small transformer, one side scratched, who he keeps flipping over. "Welcome Shockwave!" announces Powerlink Armada Two-Face. "Now, tell me of the rest of your insideous plans, so we may rule together!" Okay, things have got WAY too hot here. Time to leg it. Unfortunately, NEMESIS MISHAP is still half burned on high grade with Soma additive, so instead of scurrying for the door, he ends up.. scurrying over beside where Ramjet and his dodgy associates are doing their deal. It's a tricky thing to sort out everything admist all the background noise (of both the audio and olafactory sorts), but something does manage to catch Red Alert's attention, causing him to open his optics wide. He turns towards Punch. Then remembers that Mishap stunned Punch. "Uhm. Nevermind," he adds. He hops out of his seat and takes off through the bar portion of the casino, heading right by Wreck-Gar in his travels. However, he's not focused on finding Wreck-Gar - no, he's focused on finding the source of the VOICE he overheard. (Also heading towards Ramjet, but by a different direction) "Ah, how nice it is to see you once more, my eeevvvilll and brilliant comrade. As I am sure you have seen, I have brilliantly and INTELLIGENTLY used my computer brain to formulate all sorts of..formulas for our ingenious plans," SHOCKWAVE says, tossing the empty halfa coconut over his shoulder at Counterpunch. Black Shadow turns his head and stares. "Shockwave!?" Ramjet turns his head and stares. "Shockwave!?" Two Unmarked Decepticon jets don't need to turn their heads -- they're looking straight, stare. They echo, "Shockwave!?" "How in the seven severed head trophies of X'al do I always manage to perform these transactions when other, notable Decepticons are in the area!?!" Ramjet blurts out in total frustration. He brings his hand into a fist and slams it against the booth's table, which jangles an array of bottles and plates atop it. He swings his cone in the direction of Black Shadow and scowls, "Well! Convert quickly! I can't afford to be seen here, with the likes of you!" Black Shadow makes a face and reaches for a keypad at his forearm. He taps a few buttons and suddenly, changes colors! He becomes white and gold. "Now remember!" Ramjet says as he leans closely, whispering to Black Shadow. "Under this coloration, your name is Whiteshift and you are loosely -- LOOSELY -- related to that effective-if-stupid moron, Blueshift!" 'Counterpunch' finally manages to force himself past the spilled chips and angry gamblers. "Shockwave!" he shouts loudly. "Remember the mission, ask about Nigh-" And then the coconut smacks him right in the face, and he goes down, this time with an alien coconut lodged on his head. Powerlinx Armada Two-Face flips his minicon again, coming up on the scarred side. "Excellent!" he cackles, looking at the numbers. "Ah, fascinating, fascinating Shockwave. Had anyone else handed me these co-ordinates which seem to take us into a black hole, then I'd think them mad, but you..." He shakes his head. "Now, the Krunk-smuggling operation on the planet Gragulox is having trouble with unruly natives. Should we just shoot them, or have you got some genius science?" Catechism really just wants a drink and maybe to see if that waitress with the interesting nose decal is around. She is baffled to wander into a bar that is full of Decepticons. What are they all doing out here? Oh, and is that Shockwave and Ramjet? Catechism tosses a hasty salute and attempts to slip into a crowd to avoid any superior officers. They kind of kill the mood. Wreck-Gar roars as he seems to draw a massive battle axe out of a tiny pocket. Wreck-Gar snarls as he looks towards the two Security Mechs and says, "I think i'll make you twins.. Quins... i think.." he laughs a dark and evil laugh as he almost doesn't move at all. It all happens in seconds. The mechs were looking at Wreck-Gar Stupidly, there was then a flash of light and the sound of something swinging through the air and when everything slows down nothing has changed. Wreck-Gar turns around with his Axe held over his head as behind him the pair of mechs rip appart in small and very undramiatic explosions. Wreck-Gar shrugs and emits, "It looks better in Power Rangers." He then looks towards the Decepticons and the freak they are talking too. Wreck-Gar walks over fast and before anyone has moved he draws his axe around and impales it into the floor between all the Decepticons and 'Decepticons' and shouts, "So, Now i've got your attention... Who the slag stunned me?!" Normally Wreck-Gar isn't the most balanced of Mechs, But today he is a little more unhinged... being stunned would do that to a mech.... Nemesis Mishap skids to a halt just before he runs into Ramjet's table full of goons, sliding sideways into the next booth and next to.. a seemingly human woman and what looks like a floating metal breifcase. "...Hello" he says, not really knowing what else to do. Especially now that Wreck-Gar is on the rampage. "Come here often?" Ramjet looks around and spots.. Counterpunch!? His hands immediately slap against the sides of his cone. "Counterpunch!?! Unbelieveable! My legendary luck is lessening by the l-.. I .. don't.. know of any.. measurement of time that starts with an L," he coughs. "I better make a getaway before they notice me.." Suddenly, Wreck-Gar makes a scene. Ramjet thinks quickly! "He did it!" Ramjet shouts to Wreck-Gar as he points to Brick Alert. "It is all part of a brilliant and exceptional plan, my partner. Business partner, that is. As for the natives.." SHOCKWAVE pulls a jar of MYSTERIOUS CHEMICALS (water) from his still open helicopter chest. "Insert this into their main power supply and they will surely fall. Now excuse me, I have other matters to attend to." He shoves the jar at Powerlinx Armada Two-Face, shuts his cockpit, and points a finger at Ramjet. "You there! I demand that you present to me a ridiculous amount of paperwork!" That's what Shockwave does, right? "..he has you /there/, Ramjet." Whiteshift-nee-Black Shadow coughs. Ramjet scowls, "Shut up!" Counterpunch pops the coconut off his head and stares at Ramjet. Is that Ramjet, or is that someone disguised as him... this is going crazy. So he does the unexpected thing, and walks right up to Ramjet. "Evening Ramjet" he coughs. "I didn't know you were coming here with your... friends..." He stares at Black Shadow for a while, trying to place the face. The robotic Two-Face takes the jar and gives it to a minion, rubbing his hands in glee. "Excellent, excellent Shockwave! Soon WE will control all the narcotic smuggling in this sector, thanks to your brain and my genius! One final thing... how did you get to looking so TRIM? I've been having real problems, and you've turned yourself around in so short a time!" "Space Cocaine," SHOCKWAVE says. Black Alert is dealing with overwhelmed senses, a mission gone completely chaotic. He's also two drinks, one of them spiked with not-nucleon, and is not exactly as sober as he could or should be. And now he's being pointed at and blamed for /something/ by Ramjet. Yes, yes, he's quite sure it's Ramjet. His fists clench, and he protests, "I did /not!/" before leaping at Ramjet and snarling. "Dirty, lying, /Decepticon/!" Oh, yeah. He's definitely forgotten about staying in-character. Red Alert strikes Ramjet with Barricad'd!. Nemesis Mishap, meanwhile, seems to be having a great time. He's laughing at something that the floating breifcase just said while the human woman goes to get more drinks. This is turning out ooooookay. You send a radio message to Mishap: Mishap, quick, we need SOMETHING here. What's in the briefcase? Catechism could be Ramjet. It's entirely possible. Except she isn't. She wanders through the bar, trying to figure if that one waitress is around here... oh, hey, since when do they have a Barricade? And another Nemesis whoever? She's going to have to get whoever did their detailing jobs. You receive a radio message from Mishap: Um.. a very very smart machine intelligence? You receive a radio message from Mishap: What.. what kind of thing do you need? Like.. an Autobot datapad or something? A datapad owned by someone high ranking? "Oh, hello COUNTERPUNCH.." Ramjet groans as he fakes being congenial. "What.. a surprise.. to see you here. I didn't know you liked to have -fun-. On account of not having much of a /face/.. ah ha ha ha.." He trails off as he looks to the side, his fingertips drumming against the table. Where is Wreck-Gar with that sudden, ineveitable bar-fight!? Suddenly, Ramjet pauses. "..did it just get darker in here?" He tilts his cone up.. and sees Black Alert launching right at him. "D'AGHK!!!" squeals the Air Commander in surprise. He is slammed to the other end of the booth he sits at, an Autobot-in-disguise laying atop him. "Get off me, you fool! I haven't even been bought a drink!" Ramjet tries to illuminate that point as he kicks back at Black Alert to dislodge him. Ramjet strikes Red Alert with Mule Kick. Mishap sits there mumbling into his radio. The floating breifcase manages to look annoyed, bright colors flashing in a field around it. But hey, that human's back with some drinks Wreck-Gar watches as the Decepticon that accued the other attack the other... Is this bazaro world... again?! He looks around, Some mech is talking to a... thing the cons are fighting... he sees a little laughing thing in the corner... reminds him of Jabba the hutts laughing dohicky... Wreck-Gar heeves at his axe then after a strained few moment he drags the blade out of the floor. He then sees more Security mechs arrive, They look at the fallen Mechs then look at Wreck-Gar, then at the Decepticons brawling, then at the slug in the corner... then back at Wreck-Gar. Then At the very large and very sharp looking axe in his hands. After a moment the lead Mech turns to face the other security mechs and a low sound of beeps and whistles start to flow between the mechs. Wreck-Gar scratches his head as he slowly walks towards them swinging his axe around and cutting a stool in half as he does. The Lead Mech then turns back to Wreck-Gar then seems to hop back when he sees Wreck-Gar closer then he was. The Lead mech then points to the door and emits, "BEEP!" Wreck-Gar looks to the door and emits, "BOOP!" Red Alert is kicked off of Ramjet easily enough, and lands on the floor, a large dent now on his torso (and, if one looks close, lines of red beneath the black paint around that dent). From the floor, he shouts (or thinks he shouts - he's actually barely above a whisper), "What does drinking have to do with anything?!!" Despite the quiet quality of his voice, you can practically hear the double-exclamation mark. He is /that/ frustrated. Catechism comments, idly, "Multiple punctuation marks are a sign of madness." "I didn't think you came to places like this on account of them having a /minimum entrance IQ/, Air Commander" Counterpunch quips back, folding his arms as a horrid fight begins. "Now, Decepticons should not fight Decepticons!" he hisses, to Black Alert in particular. This whole operation is about to fall apart! Meanwhile, Two-Face has got a minion with a camera and is taking photos with him and Shockwave to put on the wall, next to the one of him and Manga Khan, and him and Master Mouth. "Space Cocaine eh? Never heard of it, I'll keep my eyes peeled. Hey now you're here, do you want to do your party trick? The Game of DEATH! Yeah!" He rings a bell, and a small midget on a chair with a chess set descends from the ceiling. "THE ULTIMATE GAME!" he yells to the whole casino. "PLAY THE SPACE MIDGET AND WIN A MILLION CREDITS. LOSE, AND YOU DIE!" "Game of death?" Mishap says, swivelling around in his seat and almost falling out of it. "A.. a MILLION credits?" Within the minibot there is a struggle. A struggle between the forces of cowardice and avarice. Oh, and the barbarians of overenergised illegal additives, but they're just hitting everything that moves. "I'm not mad!! I'm furious!!!" 'shouts' Black Alert, although once more he's shouting so quietly that it's hard to hear him. And then Punch reminds him that he's supposed to be a Decepticon. He makes an expression like he had just swallowed something extremely distasteful - he actually did earlier, and the taste /is/ still in his mouth. "But you are... right," the police Lambourghini allows. "I. Apologize. Air Commander," he spits out. Catechism exclaims, one hand on her hip, "Oh snap, the GAME OF DEATH." She figure that Ramjet can handle Barricade... er... Black Alert. Whatever. Catechism finally tries to get her own drink, that one waitress apparently not here today. Ramjet snorts at Counterpunch. "Big talk from someone who looks like they danced with a Mechannibal -- and lost! You look awful, Counterpunch!" When Black Alert speaks up, the Air Commander's brow crinkles. He leans forward and stares closely at the disguised Autobot. "Hnh.. you familiar. Eh, nevermind! Yes, you -should- apologize! Foolish plebian Decepticar!" Ramjet folds his arms over his chest-canopy and snorts. "You're lucky I am in a forgiving mood! Otherwise I'd have your tires!" The robotic helicoptor Two-Face takes out a microphone and wanders round the aliens in the bar. "The game of DEATH, designed from one of the most ancient arts in the universe, 'Chess'! The SPACE MIDGET! Known only as the KLUTE, he was found a naked child on the shores of the Silver Devastation. None can beat him - none but Shockwave!" He nods towards Whirl. "Who will challenge the KLUTE for his crown? Who will take the ultimate risk for the ultimate prize? You, sir?" He pushes his microphone into Catechism's face "Of course. Air Commander," Black Alert, or Barricade, or whoever replies to Ramjet through gritted teeth. He manages to clamber upright, after clumsily managing to get out from underneath the table. He surveys the casino. "Strange to see so many /Decepticons/ here, is it not? And yet, not a trace of that wretched Autobot /Nightbeat/, who is, I'm told, often in this area." Please. Please. Someone say /something/ that he can make use of. Catechism looks rather boggled, and she admits, "I'm kind of, you know, bad at chess. I may have... eaten some of the pieces in frustration last time I played." She pauses. "Wait, is this AIR chess? Because every Seeker owns at AIR chess." That's just how they roll. Shockwave has arrived. "What's air chess?" comes a voice from somewhere around Catechism's knee, as NEMISIS MISHAP has slid from his seat and stands unsteadily beside her. "And do you think you could win a million credits with it? I'll split it with you." "You want a Nightbeat?" the bartender mutters, mixing up perhaps the girliest drink in the world for Black Alert. It has cherries and umbrellas and sparklers in it The helicoptor Two-Face shakes his head. "No this is the GAME OF DEATH!" He pushes the microphone into Mishap's face. "What about you sir? Play against the Klute, if you win, you get one MILLION credits! Think of it!" Catechism replies to the voice near her knee, "AIR chess is when you get a whole bunch of jets and try to move them across turbulent cloud conditions in order to take out the other side's jets. The different cloud conditions influence move rates." She pauses. "I like to do it live. With ammo." Red Alert is not touching that drink. At the rate things are going, it looks innocent and all, but it has HORRIBLE METAL EATING ACID as a main ingredient or something. "It is natural to see Decepticons anywhere. We are an industrious and widespread species," says a giant purple space robot who has just come up behind Barricade. Could it be... SHOCKBLAST? Mishap is caught completely unaware, so he answers in the most stupid way imaginable. "Sure!" he says, his answer amplified by the microphone to all corners of the casino. Catechism likes horrible metal eating acid. She uses it as ammo. Catechism claps for brave little Nemesis Mishap! Or perhaps he is just foolish. Two-Face and all the aliens in the bar clap. Some of them gasp in shock, as a Meccanibal and a Nepsan bring over a chair for Mishap to sit in, and some handy chains to help him get comfortable. The chair has its own chess set affixed. The Klute looks at his own chess set and cackles. "SO BRAVE!" Two-Face utters, pushing the microphone into Mishap's face. "So brave sir, what is your name, and what will your tactics for this match be?" Barricade's shoulders slump as 'Shockblast' arrives behind him. He knows better, of course. He can smell the paint on Whirl. A trecherous little part of him suggests that maybe there's a /reason/ Nightbeat's so fond of the drink. Seeing the world as it is when you see so /much/ of it is not a pleasant thing. Then an idea hits him. He spins on 'Shockblast' and demands, "And just who are /you/? Some sort of Decepticon /impersonator/?!" Oh, Primus, he is /so/ dead. "Wait.. what?" Mishap says, suddenly realising he's made a HUGE mistake. "No! Wait.. I've changed my mind!" Catechism agrees with Mishap, "Oh course." She pauses, thinking. "You need a *cape* for this match." She pulls out a Nemesis cape and tries to drape it around his shoulders. "I am Shockwave. You should recognize me by now." He is scrutinizing 'Barricade' very closely. But then he scrutinizes everything closely. Does he have a sense of smell? Is he able to detect anything other than electromagnetic radiation? Ramjet's optics flicker. "There are TWO Shockwaves!?" He looks from Shockwave to Shockwave. "..What is going on here!?!" Mishap is too dumbfounded to do anything about the cape, and hey - free cape. Counterpunch isn't sure what to do. But since today he is Punch disguised as Counterpunch, he looks between the two Shockwaves and gasps, pointing at the new arrival. "Who is THAT?" Two-Face pats Mishap on the shoulder. "Okay guys, now keep back, we don't want to get too close when - IF this guy loses. Because ZAP! Let the match begin!" The Klute starts to move his chess pieces, keeping an eagle eye on Mishap Red Alert picks up on Ramjet's cry. "That's right! There's /two/ Shockwaves! Obviously one of them is fake!" Maybe they should make them race to prove who's the real Shockwave? Shockwave looks past Red Alert/Barricade to spy the other Shockwave. "This is unacceptable. Cease appearing to be me at once." Mishap would be sweating if he had the glands to do so. As it is he looks like he's about to spontaenously explode. He moves his hand over the controls uncertainly, his other hand nervously fiddling with the cuff around his wrist, the larcenous autobot attempting to stealthily free his other hand. "Hmm... yes.. a good move" he says, stalling for time "TIME!" shouts Two-Face and the Klute makes another move, without Mishap doing anything. "Intesting strategy" Two-Face mutters, staring at Mishap's untouched board. "Let him come to you..." "What? But.. Arg!" Mishap says, reaching down and making a move at random. Catechism snaps her fingers and exclaims, "I know! Let's make the Shockwaves race. The winner is clearly the real Shockwave." It worked for Optimus Prime! Ramjet strokes his chin. "We should ask Shockwave a question only the real Shockwave would know!" He then sours, "..I've.. never bothered to hang out with Shockwave long enough to know anything about him on a personal level." "I have a better idea," says Shockwave, brushing an elderly alien couple aside to make room to hover into the air. "The false Shockwave will not be able to do this." Shockwave undergoes a simple transformation, safety seals interlocking as he converts into a giant "laser." Shockwave swivels in midair, downblast searing the carpet and blowing poker chips and debris and alien hairpieces and fruity drinks with umbrellas in them everywhere. He aims his glowing barrel at the other Shockwave. "Now it is your turn." Counterpunch strokes his chin. "Well that could be anything really..." He then decides that with someone as intelligent as Shockwave about, his disguise might be noticed as more (or less) than just a disguise. "I shall go down to the cellar!" he exclaims as he leaps behind the door. There isn't a trapdoor down there, so he just pretends to walk down some stairs, sinking lower and lower. And then, when he is completely ducked under, he transforms to Punch, and 'rises' back up, dusting his hands off. "HAH!" Catechism asks, "Hey, Shockwave. Remember why you cannoned me?" The Catechism makes a face and remembers that she really doesn't want to talk about that. Whoops. Blast Shockwave and his accursed 'logic.' The jig will be up soon, and they've yet to discover anything useful about what happened to Nightbeat (or what Nightbeat happened to, for that matter). And this, despite having one of the two eye-witnesses right in front of him! Then 'Barricade' gets an idea. It'll probably work as well as all his other ones have. The police car storms up to Shockwave-the-gun. "If you're the real Shockwave," he demands, "explain to me, in detail, the events of the night of October 10th, 2029!" Mishap meanwhile, is struggling with this game.. he's making all the wrong moves, he's taking a long time.. but now he's got one hand free from its manacle, hidden under the NEMESIS CLOAK that Catechism slipped around his shoulders. Slowly he reaches for his pistol, unclipping it from its holster and waiting for the right time to stun the space midget next to him.. just have to wait until the Shockwave situation builds to a head.... Two-Face rubs his chin at Mishap. "Mmmm the knight doesn't move like that you... nooo!" He turns in surprise at the second Shockwave. "But... two... I don't.. understand!" Punch, now in his Punch mode, and mostly safe from getting found out by /everyone/ now realises he is the only openly Autobot Autobot in a bar full of Decepticons, real or fake. So he slides behind the bar again, next to the barkeeper's feet, and grabs a drink out of the fridge "Anyone can have their alternate mode and transformation changed," SHOCKWAVE says. "Forcing either of us to jump through such ridiculous hoops is illogical, and I suggest an alternate method to prove MY innocent be used." Barricade declares, "I say /my/ method be used." He is so. So. Dead. Catechism looks interested and asks, "Yeah, what *did* happen that day?" It has to be better than talking about when she was cannoned. "Silence, Dirge!" SHOCKWAVE drones at Catechism. Catechism wins! Dirge'll get blamed for this day, not her. Shockwave pauses in preparing to irradiate the other Shockwave. Maybe the question distracted him. Then the other Shockwave provides his argument. Shockwave keeps floating there but he doesn't shoot anyone, for some reason. Maybe he's curious. "Your method is absurd, Barricade." He swivels back to the other Shockwave. "What method do you propose, impostor?" Barricade crosses his arms and taps one foot. "Absurd, is it? I bet that's because YOU DON'T KNOW!" Mishap can't wait any longer, and pulls the trigger, stunning the SPACE MIDGET beside him. Hopefully this has gone unnoticed in all the shennanigans, as now Mishap is making moves all OVER the place. His rooks have ganged up to beat the crap out of his opponent's bishops, his remaining knight is hitting on the other queen, and his pawns have formed a union and are chain whipping everything in sight. It's brutal, man. Brutal. Barricade looks around at the others. "Notice how quick he is to dismiss my question? It's like he has something to /hide/. Seems supicious to me." "It is you who is the imposter, imposter!" SHOCKWAVE says. "There is only one option. A RACE!" He throws his hands in the air, a cardboard cutout of Shockwave's gun taped to one of them. "I accept your challenge on one condition," replies the other Shockwave. "That the race begin now, and consist of your attempt to escape before I irradiate you into an unrecognizable mass." 'Barricade' STARES at 'SHOCKWAVE,' exasperated as he manages to further /distract/ from their purpose instead of helping. Red Alert is /so/ going to change all the combos on all of 'SHOCKWAVE'S' locks the moment he gets back to base. It's petty, but it'll make Red Alert feel better. Two-Face is too distracted by the Shockwave argument to notice Mishap. "Look look uh, Shockwaves, maybe we can come to some agreement!" Meanwhile, the KLUTE has recovered from his stunning, and has actually left his chair in the middle of the game. Why? Well, to try to /rip off Mishap's head/ like a demented little dwarf, of course! "YOU are the one who is...irradiating...my..unrecongizable mass..." SHOCKWAVE mumbles. "IMPOSTER!" Shockwave strikes Whirl with Microwave. "I concur," says the other Shockwave, as he does just that. Punch looks up from the bar as it looks about to break into a very nasty and bloody fight, so he does the only thing possible... he runs to the fire alarm, and smashes it, sending FIRE-RETARDANT FOAM spewing out from the ceiling Mishap still has one hand chained down! How come the KLUTE gets to go free. "Ahhh get away from me!" Mishap says, drawing his feet up onto his chair and activating a forcefield. "Au..Decepticons! Help! Someone! I'm being attacked!" Catechism is a Decepticon and is therefore basically allergic to fire-retardant foam. When it comes down, she immediately goes into convulsions, a twitching mess. Mishap successfully activates a powerful protective forcefield around Mishap, shielding him from the next attack. Ramjet looks to Whiteshift. "At last, the sudden and ineveitable bar-fight has broken out! Now, scatter!" Punch races past the bar dwellers as they race about, the foam splurging from the ceiling. Unable to grab Mishap due to the forcefield, he wrenches off the entire chair, Mishap with it, and starts to drag him out. "Move!" he yells "Aiiiiieee!" SHOCKWAVE exclaims as he is zapped by a /very/ convincing imposter. As the electricity riddles through his body, he stumbles backwards, slips, and falls into a pile of FIRE RETARDANT FOAM! Unknown fact: foam totally wipes off spraypaint. When SHOCKWAVE gets up, he is revealed to be none other than WHIRL! AUTOBOT WRECKER! Red Alert is an Autobot, and what's more, he's a poli fire chief's car. However, the foam does seem to be taking off the layer of temporary paint, making it quite clear that he /is/ a fire chief's car. He starts running for the door. "Whirl!" he hisses as he runs by, "Come on!" Catechism flails around in the foam helplessly. It burns; it burns! Mishap has activated his force wall, so is protected from foam and midgets alike! "Whirl. I see." Shockwave sounds not at all surprised. "Prepare for exterminat... wait one moment." Fire retardant foam has gotten into his jets and causes him to tip over and crash through the wall of the casino, transforming to close the vents lest more get in! The giant "laser" unfolds back into a big purple space robot. Punch shields his face from the foam, and tries to throw Mishap-with-chair through a window to clear a way. Will he manage this amazing feat? Whirl points a finger at the crashing Shockwave, foam floating off his frame and onto the floor. "You'll never take me alive, FATHER!" He grabs a girly, half coconut drink with sparklers and fruit in it, takes a sip, and then takes off behind Red Alert. "WRECK AND RUUUULLLLLEEEE!" (You're leading my wayward son down a dark path, Red Alert!) thinks Shockwave, but he suppresses the emotion, as usual. "Red Alert, Whirl: This offense will not go unanswered," he says as he shakes off a trio of alien bouncers and tries to nail one of them with an ultraviolet laser, but a Nebulan gets in the way and pops like a microwaved tick. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" screams Mishap as Punch rips the stool his sitting on from the floor and hurls it through the window, minibot, forcefield and all. Golden force bubble flickering out of existance from the impact of thousands of slivers of astroglass, the minibot tucks and rolls like a champion survivor. Punch leaps through the window after Mishap yelling something that sounds like "I hate you allllllllllllll!" Red Alert leaps out of the window after Punch and Mishap. These scene is shockingly familiar. Why, he could have sworn he was doing something just yesterday! He hits the ground, but does not roll gracefully. In fact, he really just kind of scrambles upright. "Just head for the shuttle!" he grumbles at the others. Catechism would totally try to seek her revenge on Red Alert, but she's covered in fire-retardant foam and has shorted out. Pity. "Thanks for the cape!" Mishap yells through the broken window. "Call me!" That said, he transforms into a awesome looking black and teal motorbike and zooms towards the shuttle, the only Autobot that managed to maintain his disguise. He is just THAT good. Catechism also can't call Mishap... she doesn't have his number. Oh yeah, he's also an Autobot. Punch is already heading for the shuttle. Oh yes! Whirl /dives/ through the window behind Red Alert, landing flat on his face. It takes him a good, five seconds to get up, but after that he's off like a speeding bullet with skis! Shockwave gets Whirl in his sights, reactor primed and weapon set to stun, but something causes him to pause... he watches Whirl escape and does not take the shot.
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