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| - Racing through the grasslands, with Ryan just behind me, I could practically feel every second of time that passed slipping away. Time that could mean it would be too late. Shaking my head, I forced my mind away from that thought. Away from the image of a sick and broken Fuzzears lying curled up in her nest, awaiting one thing that only I could bring her. Redemption with her son. Blackheart. Briefly, I paused to consider whether the black-and-white tom would even consider my question. After all, I had helped him and Lilyshade settle out of the Clan and finally be happy together. Now I was going to ask him to come back to the cats who had ridiculed and accused him, making him feel like he didn't belong. But he had to. Surely he would recognize how important this was? "Where do we go here?" I panted at Ryan; I had no clue how to navigate the terrain outside the SpringClan border. He flicked his tail. "This way. There's a small stream behind that copse of trees; that's where I first saw them. Hopefully they'll still be there." Hopefully. I didn't know what I would do if they had decided to move farther away from the Clan. We padded through the little copse quickly, and I was reminded of the night Minkpaw and I had gone out to investigate Shinecloud's murder at High-Rock. Though this wasn't a murder, the night felt just as eerie, and there was the added pressure of knowing that Fuzzears didn't have that much- I cut myself off, but the thought finished itself anyway. A small whimper escaped my lips unwittingly as the full force of what was happening hit me full on. I was losing Fuzzears. Ryan glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, and seemed startled. "Hey... um... you okay?" "Yeah," I said hastily, blinking quickly to get rid of the traitorous tears gathering in my eyes. I could tell he was just as awkward with emotions as me, because he didn't say anything, but stopped walking and stared at a root for a while. I stared at it too, while I tried to get a handle on myself. Finally, I cleared my throat. "We can get going again." "Okay." In a sort of impulsive way, he darted forward and gave my paw a squeeze. "Hey. Don't worry about it. Things happen, and we- we just have to deal with them." It wasn't an Oakstar-worthy speech. It wasn't even Minkpaw-clever, or Daisypaw-cheerful. But it was... it felt really good to hear him say that, for some reason. Like he wasn't just saying it in a "you have my condolences" way, but in a "I've been through some tough stuff too" way. And that was much easier to accept. About that moment, I realized our paws were still touching, and jerked mine back- then felt like a rude pig for doing so. To cover it up, I paused and nodded ahead of us. "There's the stream." "Right. Er, I think it's this way." Ryan took a few steps, tripped over a stick, righted himself, and continued walking. I followed, keeping my senses sharp and ready in case there was any sign of Blackheart and Lilyshade. As luck would have it, just then the sound of laughter drifted down to us. Turning, we saw two cats scampering down a hill on the other side of the stream. With the moon's rays shining down on them and turning the white on their pelts to starglow, and clear blue water in front of them, they looked like the perfect couple. A perfect, romantic night... about to be ruined by me. At this point though, I didn't really care. "Blackheart! Lilyshade!" I splashed through the stream in their direction, Ryan right behind me. Blackheart glanced up, his eyes widening as he recognized me. "Breezepaw? What are you doing out here?" "Breezepaw! I can't thank you enough for everything-" Though I felt bad cutting Lilyshade's thanks off, I snapped, "Fuzzears is dying, and she wants to see you, Blackheart. I think you know why." The tom froze, gaping at me. "Wha'...?" "Fuzzears," I repeated urgently. I could practically see the moons rushing past him as he was shot back in time. I wondered if he remembered being a little kit with her- or did he not have any memories of her as his mother at all? Who had raised him? Lilyshade touched her tail to her mate's shoulder; he had obviously told her who his real mother was. "Why should I come?" he finally said, and I could hear the old rudeness in his tone that he used to present to all the Clan. "She was never a mother to me." Moving closer to Ryan while I tried to calm my temper, I said, "She gave birth to you. Sounds like a mother to me." "Me too," Ryan added voluntarily, and just the sound of his supporting voice made me feel better. Giving a little snort, Blackheart glared at the sky. "That doesn't make you a mother." "Well, my mother died when I was a kit," I said, my voice cracking. "I'd give anything to have her here in the Clan, even if I never spoke to her or acknowledged her - and I don't even know why you do that to Fuzzears. So you better have a reason more important than the apocalypse for not wanting to come see her when she's dying." That showed him. I could tell. He took a step backwards, as if he was afraid I'd actually eat him or something. "Breezepaw, did you ever consider the fact that there's a reason no one knows Fuzzears and I are related?" Yes, of course I'd considered that. I wasn't born yesterday. "No." "There is a reason." "Is it good enough that you can't fulfill her dying wish?" Everything was silent for a second or two. Then Blackheart sighed. "The Clan will never let me back into camp." I smiled, relief flowing through me. "We'll see about that. Come on." Once again, our reception wasn't that great when we entered the camp. Luckily, this time I stopped Blackheart from getting tackled by screaming, "I ATE THE PURPLE QUAIL!" While everyone was staring at me, too shocked by my stupidity to move, I shoved Blackheart towards the elders' den. "No one touch him," I snapped defiantly, eyes flaming. "He's here for his own reasons." Quailfeather blinked. "Breezepaw. I want you to listen to me, okay? Did you touch the catmint in Lionpatch's store?" "No! I'm not on- I didn't-" I threw up my paws. "I'm helping Blackheart, Quailfeather and Oakstar. It's important." Nearby, Specklepaw, Lily, Chamomile, Daisypaw, and Minkpaw had emerged from the apprentices' den(Ryan and his sisters were staying there while they helped the Clan) and were giving me classic Breezepaw-went-insane-again looks. I shot them my I'll-explain-later look in retaliation, then padded over to Minkpaw. "I did it." Her eyes glowed, and she hugged me tightly. "I knew you would. Now. Should we go in there?" "Together," I agreed, and we headed towards the elders' den side-by-side. Creamflower, Redbelly, and Grayfinch gave us soft looks as we entered. I could tell from their expressions that they had long ago pieced together the missing link between Fuzzears and her son's identity, but had kept the secret for their friend's sake, despite her grumpiness. I could only imagine how wonderful it was to see them finally together. When my eyes fell on Blackheart and Fuzzears, all the emotions I'd been holding back poured out. I collapsed into helpless sobs, sinking against Minkpaw, who gritted her teeth and clenched her jaw, clearly angry that Fuzzears was leaving this world. "Fuzzears?" I whispered, wiping away snot unceremoniously from my nose. "Breezepaw," she croaked softly. "Minkpaw. Thank you both... you taught me... more than anything else... how to love." She buried her face in Blackheart's fur. Upon closer inspection, I could see tears glistening in the tom's eyes. "It doesn't matter what happened in the past. I love you," he told the elder softly. Then, he added in a quiet breath, "Mother." The word drifted softly in the air for a precious second, and then was whisked away by a small puff of air that was Fuzzears' last breath. Dawn was too short and yet too long. I padded along numbly, my paws cold and chilled, to the burial site. Blackheart remained for his mother's vigil, but left after that, because he had to get back to Lilyshade. I knew no words could express what was going on inside him at the moment, so I hadn't tried to talk to him. I'd just accepted his thanks, hugged him, and uttered a silent, heartfelt prayer to StarClan for him and Lilyshade. After the burial, I sat alone in the middle of the camp, wishing I could rip off Hawkeye and Duskwatcher's heads. The stupid toms wouldn't stop talking about battle plans for defeating Claron and the rogues. Sure, I understood that they were still a problem we'd have to deal with. But right now, when a Clanmate had just died, did they really have to bring that up? "I'm so sorry, Breezepaw," a gentle voice said from beside me. In a single motion, I buried my face in Ivyrose's fur, and for the second time in two days, began to cry. I didn't even have the energy to be disgusted with myself. I was tired of pretending I was strong. I just wanted to cry forever, and then hit the world or whatever idiot made Fuzzears die, and then cry some more. "It's not fair," I choked out. "No," she said, stroking my fur with a paw. "It's not." "I hate everything." "I know you do." My head swam and hurt at the same time, and so did my heart. I felt like I was going to be sick. "I'm gonna go back to the apprentices' den and sleep," I mumbled in a slurred voice. Bending down, Ivyrose said, "You know that Goldenburst and I are always there for you, right?" "I know." She gave a soft sigh. "Things never seem to go the way we think they should, do they?" I nodded. "Yeah. Life is stupid." With a laugh, she added, "But sometimes, it's all we have." Too tired and numb to ask what else we could possibly have, I stood to my paws and began staggering away. "Oh, and Ivyrose?" "Hm, honey?" "I lied about eating the purple quail. It wasn't me. Honest." Her eyes widened. "Breezepaw. Go to sleep." So I did.
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