| abstract
| - Open to a scene that is mostly black-and-white with only some splashes of red. An older-looking version of Binky is looking at Arthur and Brain, who are holding a picture of Lakewood Elementary. All of them are dressed in Victorian-era detective clothes: button-down suits and ties. The music of the show Mystery! is playing. Fern: Lakewood Elementary. Peaceful, safe. Happy. Carefree. Fern: Try again. Fern: This shuddersome school is really the scene of desperate and dastardly deeds. Fern: Only a detective of the keenest abilities could solve this disturbing dilemma. Fern: A detective such as... Buster: (off-screen) Wait! This is all wrong. (record needle scratches) Try it again, pal. Buster: (narrating, film-noire style) There was some trouble goin' on. Big trouble. And big trouble needs a guy with big brains and big nerves to take care of it. Buster: That's me. Buster Baxter. Private eye in the city of the strawberries. Fern: Oh, please. You don't know the first thing about detecting. Buster: I know the first thing and a lot more. What's the eighth thing? Do you know that? I bet you don't. Fern: I guess we'll find out, won't we? Buster: I guess so. ~~~~~ Binky: "Binky Rules" (Binky blows and pops bubble gum, which pops, trapping him inside the title card.) Binky: Ohhhh! ~~~~~ Mr. Morris: (gasps) Binky rules?! Muffy This is the best song ever! Arthur: There should be a radio station that plays this song all day! Buster: We gotta find out what it's called. Francine: You are definitely gonna make the travel team, Binky. Binky: I never knew I had such talented feet. Buster: The end. Now we can hear the name. Radio Announcer: That's our most requested song today. The surprisingly popular... Francine: Was that a kick, or was that a kick? Arthur: Now we'll never find out the name. Buster: I heard the group is Finnish. Maybe we can call the United Nations. Mr. Morris: Binky, I want to talk to you. Mr. Morris: You may think if the chalk washes away, it's not graffiti, but it's graffiti, as sure as if you've carved it in stone. Binky: But I didn't do any graffiti-ing-ing, Mr. Morris. Mr. Morris: If I see anymore, you'll be spending recess with a scrub brush, not a soccer ball. Binky: (reading) BINKY RULES! (chuckles weakly) That's not chalk, is it? Mr. Morris: I'll get the brush. Binky: Thanks a lot for helping, guys. I never had to wash a wall before. Francine: You'd just better not do this again. Binky: I didn't do this this time. Or the last time. Or the next time. Arthur: Well, why would someone be writing your name all over the school. Buster: (no longer scrubbing) Very mysterious. Francine: Mysterious like in mystery. We need someone to solve this problem. And I know just who to ask. Come on! Arthur: Why didn't she ask you? You solved the missing quarters mystery. Why couldn't you solve this? (stands up) And why are we the only ones scrubbing the wall? Buster: Hey! Francine: (talking to someone off-screen) And now this mysterious graffiti has been left twice. Binky: And it wasn't me! Fern: (sliding down a slide and speaking in an assured tone) Of course not. A person who wrote graffiti using his own name wouldn't be very smart. Binky: Yeah! Francine: (looking as if she thinks Fern has a point, and not in the way Fern means) Yeah. Binky: (getting in Fern's face) It wasn't me! Arthur: Binky, you should be asking Buster. He's the real detective. Francine: What? Fern found my bracelet. Arthur: Buster found money. Real detectives find money. Girl detectives find jewelry. Muffy: (approaching the group) Then why is there one Nancy Drew, but two Hardy Boys? Obvious. They can't handle the work. Brain: (approaching from the other side) The Hardys worked out complex problems. Nancy Drew gets criminals to confess by wearing attractive pastels. Sue Ellen: (approaching from Muffy's end) Please! Girls are good at details. Boys just bully people. Arthur: Oh yeah?! The Girls: Yeah! Binky: Wait! I say they work together. That way, we've got one of each! Fern and Buster: (getting in each other's faces) Hmph! Fern: I think we should question Mr. Morris first. Buster: (seeming quite alright with that) Okay. Buster: (suddenly a lot more hostile) Well, who put you in charge? Fern: Nobody. Do you...? Fern: I'm the more experienced investigator. Buster: Oh? Well, I already found the first piece of evidence. Pink chalk used by the graffiti... ist. Ah-ha! Fern: First rule of detecting, Buster. Never sit on your evidence. Fern: So! You left that area un-attended while you left to get Binky?! Mr. Morris: It was only for a minute. Buster: (stepping forward) I'll take over the Q&A. Okay, put me wise. Buster: That song! Mr. Morris: Hey, it's almost 3. I've got to get back to work. Buster: Fooey! Fern: You distracted our witness! And what is that get-up? Buster: (turning to her) Don't blow a fuse, tootsie. What's next? Buster: Listen, pinky-crooker. This evidence stuff is a wet smack. All you're gonna is win the porcelain hairnet. Fern: (having gotten up) Am I supposed to understand what you're saying? Buster: (as Brain approaches) Brain, you know your goulash. Slobber a bib-ful, or Binky's gonna clutch the gummy. Brain: If you wanna know tomorrow's menu, it's posted by the cafeteria. (He walks away.) Buster: Mm-hmm. Aha. Very interesting. (He pulls a scrap of paper out of one his jacket pockets and writes on it.) Fern: Can we move on? Buster: Hey, gopher-ball. Whaddya know about the shenanigag on Binky? Muffy: (hands on hips) Just when I thought you couldn't possibly get any stranger. (She walks away.) Buster: Looks like Binky's taking the pancake fall. Fern: (gives a sort of growl/groan) Would you please speak English?! Buster: (taking off his hat) Nobody seems to know anything. I think that's very odd. Fern: You're the one who's odd, Buster. I think maybe Binky did write the graffiti and he's making me work with you so I won't learn the truth! Fern: (looking up at Buster, who is crushed in a tree branch) Were you spying on me? Buster: Hardly, foo-foo. I do my best noodle-work at high altitudes. Binky: (approaching from Fern's direction, carrying a soccer ball) So what have you found out? Buster: I've nearly solved it, Binky. Oh, and Fern thinks it's you. Fern: I do not! It's so obvious it's you, it's obviously not you. Binky: I'd better see some results soon. I'm so nervous about this, I can't even kick the ball right. Buster: Okay. Binky wants us to make the riffle. (Fern pulls his hat off.) Huh?! We need solutions! Fern: I have one possible idea. Buster: Well, I have an idea too. Fern: Okay, what's yours? Buster: (points at her) You first. Fern: No, you first. Buster: I bet you don't even have an idea. Fern: I do so. Buster: Then what is it? Fern: Well, what's yours? Buster: You first. Fern: (sighs and crosses her arms) Go tell Mr. Morris. Unless it's a bad idea. Buster: I'll tell Mr. Morris my idea if you tell him yours. Fern: Deal! Buster: Deal. Fern: Well, here's my idea. Buster: (stepping directly in front of her and wearing the hat again) It was tough, it was dangerous, but I have the solution. Binky has an evil twin! Buster: (voiceover) He's out to ruin so he can take over your identity. Binky: Wow! An evil twin. I wonder where he is. Fern: My theory is a bit more reasonable. Fern: (voiceover) A rival school is doing this to get Binky in trouble so he can't try out for the rival soccer team. Mr. Morris: (nods) That's possible. I'll make sure no troublemakers get on the school grounds. Binky: What a relief. Now that evil twin will get in trouble and not me. Francine: An evil twin? Oh brother. You sure showed him. (places her arm on Fern in solidarity) Arthur: A rival soccer team? (shakes his head) Oh brother. You sure showed her. Buster and Fern: Uh, yeah. Fern: Look, Buster... Buster: I want to... (He stands up.) Mr. Morris: (approaching) Didn't see anything today. No soccer players, no evil twins, no... Buster, Fern and Mr. Morris: BINKY RULES?! Binky: That darn evil twin. Fern: Some detectives we are. Buster: We let our client go up the river. Buster: Here. Fern Mustard-yellow paint. Looks acrylic. Buster: Mr. Geary. The hardware store. Fern: He may know who bought it. Mr. Geary: I've never seen this color before. I sure don't sell it here. Fern: That was our last chance. We failed Binky. Buster: Hey. It's that song! Fern: How can you think of music at a time like this? Fern: Ah! Buster: That's it! Mr. Morris: Binky, this is the last straw. Buster and Fern: Look! Buster: BINKY is the name of that new group. Male Dog-person: This is my fault, guys. I told my staff to go around town, stir up interest in this new band named BINKY. Guess they went a little too far. Start cleaning! Male Dog-person: To make up for it, free copies for everyone! Arthur: There are 32 songs. Which is the one we like? Francine: "Goodbye, Vaster Norland." Arthur: No, I think it's "Snowy, Snowy, Slushy, Slushy." Buster: Good work, detective. Fern: You too detective. Buster: (dancing with Fern) Hit it up, Skeezix! I'm in Nadaville! MATALII JA MUSTII Performed and arranged by VÄRTTINÄ Used by permission of Hoedown / Rykomusic
|
![[RDF Data]](/fct/images/sw-rdf-blue.png)