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| - Mordecai & Rigby: Bam! Mordecai & Rigby: OOOOOOOOHHH! Rigby: Yeah! Finally done! Mordecai: Dude. Celebration hug? Rigby: Yeah, man! Mordecai & Rigby: AWW! SICK! Rigby: Dude, you almost hugged me! Mordecai: No way! You almost hugged me! Rigby: We mowed that lawn in its face! Mordecai: Yeah, dude. Let's go on break. Rigby: Now you're talking. Benson: Hold it! Benson: Nope. It's no good. Mordecai & Rigby: AWW, WHAT?! Benson: It's an inch too tall. Do it again! DO IT ALL AGAIN! Rigby: It's just one inch! Benson: Would you want to play Ultimate Frisbee in this? A guy could trip, skid, get severe turf rash, and BAM! Lawsuit. Now get to work. Rigby: But... but... but... Benson: Oh wait. Is that the sound of somebody who wants to be fired? (Rigby lowers his arms) That's what I thought. (Benson gets in the cart and drives off. Mordecai picks his mower back up.) Rigby: I can't re-mow the lawn! I'm a busy guy! Mordecai: No, you're not. Rigby: Yeah-huh! I got a meatball sub I gotta eat! My life sucks. Mordecai: Whatever. It's not like you can hire somebody to do your work while you slack off. Rigby: "Hire somebody?" (gasps) Duuude! (runs off) Mordecai: Hey! Mordecai: Hey, dude. Thanks for bailing on me. What is this? Rigby: I'm gonna hire a temp. Mordecai: This sounds like a scam. Rigby: Hey, if hiring a dude to do all my work and paying them a small part of my paycheck while I go get a meatball sub is a scam, then THIS IS A HUUUUUGE SCAM! (Everyone around walks away) Uhhh... Mordecai: Hm. Hm. Let me know when you want to stop wasting time. Rigby: So, tell me a little bit about yourself. Explosives Guy: Uh, I like pyrotechnics. (Fireworks suddenly erupt from his pocket, catching his pants on fire.) Rigby: So, what are you good at? Parrot: Raah! Pyrotechnics! (explodes) Rigby: Let me guess, you like pyrotechnics. Muscular Redneck: No, but I do like this. (pulls out harmonica) Rigby: Alright, alright, that's enough! Rigby: Ugh, man! I can't find one normal person in this town who wants a job! I give up! Doug: Well, time to find me a job! Rigby: Hey! Hey you! Come here! (Doug walks up to the stand) What's your name? Doug: Name's Doug, sir. I'm looking for a job. Rigby: You've come to the right place, Doug! But first, tell me about yourself. Doug: Well, all my life I've wanted to be somebody. I'm willing to do whatever it takes! Rigby: Hm. Hm. How are you with mowing lawns? Doug: Well, I don't mean to be negative, but it looks to me like that grass is an inch too tall. Rigby: Oh, you're good. Alright, let's get you fitted to your new job! Doug: Thank you so much for this job, Mr. Rigby! Mordecai: Hey dude, Benson wanted me to give you your weeks pay. (Hands the envelope to Rigby and sees Doug.) Who's that? Rigby: Oh, that's Doug. He's my new temp. Mordecai: What? Are you serious?! Rigby: Hey, Dougie! (motions Doug to come to him, who gladly obliges.) Payday! Rigby: Ah, ah, ah! First, I gotta cover the finder's fee! (Rigby takes a huge majority of his pay, leaving Doug with meager change.) Here you go. Doug: Wow, this is the most I've ever been paid! Thanks Mr. Rigby! You're the best boss ever! (He walks off.) Mordecai: (beat) You make me sick. Doug: Wow, this place is huge! Rigby: Yeah, it's pretty cool. This way. Rigby: So you'll crash here. Doug: Woah! (prods the trampoline) On this? Rigby: No, no, you don't just start with the trampoline. You gotta pay your dues. (they head over to the closet) This is where you'll be sleeping. (opens the closet) Doug: (gasps in awe) Rigby: There's some socks in case you get cold. Doug: My own bed! Rigby...wow, Rigby. If you don't mind me saying, you're the best boss I've ever had! Rigby: You know what, Doug? I think this is gonna work out just fine! Rigby: I'm tired, I'm taking a break! (gets up) Keep it shakin' with the rakin' there, guys! (he leaves) Mordecai: (mocking) "Keep it shakin' with the rakin' there, guys!" Doug: (laughs) Nice impression there, Mordecai! Listen to this one! (In Rigby's voice) Keep it shakin' with the rakin' there, guys! Mordecai: (laughs) Dude, that sounds just like him! (laughs) Rigby: What's so funny? Mordecai: Dude, Doug is hilarious! Check out his impression of you! Doug: (In Rigby's voice) Hi, I'm Rigby, and I got me a meatball sub! Rigby: I...I don't sound like that! Mordecai: Dude, it's like, dead-on! Doug: (In Rigby's voice) Hello, I'm, Rigby! Nice to meet you! Rigby: Grrr... Rigby: Dude, that wasn't cool! Mordecai: Haha, you should've seen your face! Rigby: Dude, impressions are the lowest form of comedy. (Poor impression of Doug's voice) "Hey, I'm Doug! I'm easily impressed because I have a small brain!" See? It's easy to copy somebody else. Mordecai: Yo, Doug-ay! Doug: Hey, fellas! (he shakes hands with Mordecai.) Mordecai: Ready for some hoops? Doug: Oh, you know it! Rigby: Uh, wait! Can I come along, too? Mordecai: Oh...well, it's kind of a two-on-two rematch. Sorry, dude. Hi Five Ghost: Cover him! Muscle Man: I got this fool! Mordecai: Over here, over here! Doug: From downtown! (he shoots and scores) Boom-shaka-laka! Mordecai: Yeah-uh! Rigby: Pff, I could've done that. Rigby: (gasps) Hey, that's my haircut! Customer: Two hot dogs, please. Mordecai: Yo Doug, I need some dawgs over here! Doug: Dogs from a dawg! (he launches the hot dogs towards Mordecai, who's already prepared with hot dog buns.) Mordecai: I got 'em, I got 'em! (he catches the hot dogs in each bun.) Uh, ooh! (slams the hot dogs onto the customer's tray) Baam! (to Doug) Way to throw 'em! Doug: Way to catch 'em! Mordecai: Yeah-uh! (walks back to the register) Alright, who else wants some dawgs? Rigby: That's probably not as fun as it looks. Rigby: (gasps) He's holding up his tail just like me! Mordecai: Dude, I love working with you, man! We make a great team. Doug: Yeah, man. That's just me. I love working hard, know what I'm saying? I guess Rigby's just kinda... Mordecai: What? Doug: Uh, I shouldn't say anything. Mordecai: Go ahead, You can say it! Doug: Rigby's kinda lazy. Mordecai: Yeeaah, he is! (they laugh.) Rigby: Grr... Benson: Hey guys, I wanted to come by and thank you! Ultimate Frisbee was a great success! Everybody loved it! Kudos Mordecai! (to Doug) You too, Rigby. See ya! (he leaves) Mordecai: Later! Doug: Yeah, see ya... (He turns around, revealing dark rings around his eyes, just like Rigby's.) ...Benson! Rigby: No! (gasps in terror) Rigby: Dude, Doug is creeping me out! I think I gotta fire him. Mordecai: What? Doug's actually pretty cool. Rigby: He's totally copying me! Mordecai: Dude, you're being paranoid. Rigby: Are you kidding me? The dark circles around his eyes, the lovable scoundrel shtick? CLASSIC RIGBY! Mordecai: He probably has his rings around his eyes because he's working all the time! Rigby: Whatever man, just give me my paycheck so I can pay him to get out of here! Mordecai: Pfft, nice try. Rigby: What are you talking about? Mordecai: I gave it to you two hours ago. Rigby: (eyes widen) What?! Where's Doug?! Mordecai: Upstairs. Rigby: (runs upstairs) That's it! He's finished! (Begins slamming on bathroom door.) DOOUG! DOUG DOUG DOUG! Doug: Oh hey, Rigby. Rigby: Doug, give me my paycheck! Doug: Paycheck? Oh...(takes out envelope)...oh, you mean this one? Sure, take it! (He begins to hand the envelope to Rigby, but takes it back at the last second.) Ah, ah, ah! Gotta cover the finder's fee! Remember? Rigby: Grr! Doug, this has gone too far! You're FIRED! Doug: Fired? You can't fire me! This is the best job I've ever had! I'm finally becoming somebody! Besides...(in Rigby's voice) I'm more Rigby than you ever were...or will be! Rigby #1: I'm...Rigby! Rigby #2: NO! I'm Rigby! Mordecai: Rigby! Both Rigbys: WHAT?! Mordecai: (transfixed) ...Woah. Rigby #1: I'm Rigby! Rigby #2: No, I'm Rigby! Skips: Hmm. (he inspects their faces for a moment, and then turns to face Benson, Mordecai and Pops) Yeah, I can't tell who's who. Benson: There's only one way to solve this. Alright, I'm gonna have you do a couple of things and ask some questions. Whoever gets them right is the real Rigby, and whoever doesn't - I'm calling the cops! Mordecai: They both can't punch very hard. (he punches both Rigbys, making them fall over and whimper.) They both can't take a punch. Video Game: Ultimate fail! Mordecai: They're both horrible at video games. Benson: They're both equally lazy. Benson: Okay, how does Rigby like his BLTs? Rigby #2: No lettuce, no tomatoes, hold the bread and double the bacon! Benson: Correct. What did Rigby get for Pops' birthday? Rigby #1: Easy, nothing! Pops: Oh, it's true! T'was the best nothing I ever received! Both Rigbys: (to each other) Hm. Hm. Hm. Benson: Rigby's high score in Strong John? Rigby #1: Three! Benson: Favorite cereal? Rigby #2: Sugar-frosted marshmallow clusters! Benson: Rigby's greatest fear? Benson: Well? Rigby #2: Amusement park mascots! Benson: Yep, you're Rigby! Mordecai: Hey, dude! Celebratory hug? Rigby #2: Yeah, man! (they hug.) Rigby #1: Fine, fine! You guys wanna hang out with him? Go ahead! See if I care! I just hope you think next time about choosing a total imposter over your best friend, Mordecai! Mordecai: Wait! (points to Rigby #1) That's Rigby! Rigby: Huh? But- Mordecai: I knew it was you, dude. Rigby: What?! But why didn't you say anything?! Mordecai: Heh, I just wanted to mess with you. Only the real Rigby whines that much. Rigby: Hah! In your FACE, Doug! Mordecai: Plus, the real Rigby would never hug me. Doug: Uh... (he bolts off, but Skips tackles him and pins him down. Accepting defeat, Doug transforms back into his normal self.) Detective: Yeah, the perps full name is Doug "The Doppleganger" Shablowski. He's been pulling this scam all over the country! But thanks to you, he can be brought to justice! (he leaves.) Mordecai: (points offscreen) Here he comes! Doug: (in his actual voice) Hey, hold on a sec, I got something to say. Rigby, I want you to know...a guy like me? Ain't got a lot to be thankful for. But you? You got friends, a job, a nice warm bed...you got a good thing going here. Never forget that. Policeman: Okay! Move it along! (The policeman and Doug enter a police car and leave.) Rigby: Wow, what a windbag! I thought he'd never shut up. I can't believe you guys thought Doug was me! You must feel like idiots! Am I right? (Mordecai and Benson are not amused) ...Uh, right? Benson: (turning red) I'm the only one around here who hires and fires, so if you really don't wanna do your own job, I'd be glad to accommodate you. Otherwise, you're on toilet duty for the next THREE MONTHS! Unbelievable! (He leaves.) Rigby: Hey Mordecai, wanna make an easy ten bucks?
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