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| - :Peter: Where will you two be going on your scummymoon? And can I plan your bridal golden shower?
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:Peter: Your new wife is a human toilet.
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:[After finding out that he could lose everything in a divorce from Charmisse]
:Quagmire: I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up.
:Peter: Let her suck it up, she's the expert. Sorry, keep going.
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:Lois: Welcome to our home Charmisse. Sit anywhere you like. That chair with the garbage bag taped over it looks pretty good.
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:Stewie: Meg you look pretty next to her.
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:Charmisse: Unfortunately I can't have children.
:Lois: Oh, menopause?
:Charmisse: No, I got knifed in the vagina one Christmas.
:Brian: Ah, the holidays are always stressful.
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:Quagmire: I need you to have sex with me while she watches.
:Peter: I have some demands.
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:Quagmire: What the fuck is going on with my life?
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:Peter: I'm not just a poorly cleaned butt. There's a whole man around it you have to please.
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:Charmisse: Look Glenn, you're obviously not gay.
:Quagmire: [stammering] Yes, I am!
:Peter: Well I'm something 'cause I've been at full sail for the last half-hour.
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:Peter: Hey Quagmire, why is the red light blinkin' on your computer?
:[At the Griffin home, the family stares in horror at a laptop screen as Stewie walks in]
:Stewie: What are we watching? Glee?
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:Lois: Peter, breakfast for dinner is anarchy!
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:Peter: Was Beowulf a Teen Wolf sequel with Scott Baio?
:Joe: No.
:Peter: [Sighs] Then I just totally failed that Medieval Lit. midterm.
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:Dr. Hartman: Charmisse, when's the last time you had a pelvic exam?
:Charmisse: When was the Missouri Compromise?
:Dr. Hartman: I think 1821.
:Charmisse: Then I've never had a pelvic exam.
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:Charmisse: I would like to pawn all these clothes for crack money.
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:Charmisse: Hey. Let's do it.
:Quagmire: What, you mean, like, sex?
:Charmisse: Yeah, and we should go now; I just stuffed everything back into place.
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:Charmisse: I haven't gone two weeks without sex since I was in a coma for six weeks.
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:Charmisse: Gay men don't watch straight porn!
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:Charmisse: I'm sorry my urine melted a hole through your toilet.
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