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| - October 26, 2011, 6:22 PM (The Red Guardian Inn, Iacon) --- First Aid looks down the stairs and vents hard before turning back around to walk to the door to the room that Robustus has been residing in since his arrival in Iacon, sending a quiet ping to it to ask for admission. Another guard- not Horizon- is on shift, keeping an eye on the hallway from a chair a few vex away. He looks at Aid, but doesn't question him or stop him from approaching the door. "Coming." comes the older medics voice, then footsteps come up to the door and you hear the locks retract before the door slides open. A surpised look dawns as those silver optics find the younger mech before him. "Good cycle, First Aid, what brings you around here?" asks Robustus. "I wanted to apologize." First Aid says quietly. "Flashover told me what you said and I realize- I can't remember if I thanked you or not. I /am/ grateful- I hope you know that- even if I'm not doing a very good job of acting like it." Robustus stands there quietly for a long moment, then turns away from the door as he says, "Do not apologize for those that you have no control or influence over. The copter mech was drunk but his words rang true." he sits down at a table where a portable computer has been set up for some limited and monitored access to the outside world, "You wish to thank me First Aid? Find out why I've been here so long without one word as to if I'm going to be allowed to leave Iacon or even find out what is taking Lifeline so long to get clearance from Ratchet." he picks up a half drained glass of energon and takes a sip before he continues, "Otherwise I am afraid words alone are hollow and do me no good." First Aid steps over to the table. "I'm sorry. I'll find out. I thought you had it already, but I'm banned from the medbay except for check ups right now. I'll find Lifeline for you." He looks sad. "I'm sorry I can't do more." Robustus levels the younger medic a look that holds a lot of conflicting emotions. "Look First Aid, I have been through a lot since we left Polyhex. I have been accused of being a spy, been threatened, find out that Shred got executed, and basically have had no freedom of my own recognizance since I got here. I may as well be in the prison cell still." he takes another sip of his drink then vents softly, "What Flashover said hurt a lot, and he was right. I could have done more.. done it sooner.. not been involved with the Decepticons at all. But if I had not been there, then I wonder how things would have worked out for you.. for Lifeline.. for your friends and comrades." he frowns a bit, "I wish you would stop apologizing. It is I that must be sorry and beg your forgiveness. Not the other way around. I failed you, as a fellow medic and as a compassionate healer. That is not something I live with easily." First Aid looks down at the table. "I- I still feel bad. You didn't do anything that needs my forgiveness- not about me. Do I wish you'd never joined the Decepticons? Yes. But like you say, you wouldn't have been there, then. You didn't fail me, and I'm thankful for it. I wish I could help with the rest. But I don't know how to. Flashover- Flashover's a whole separate issue. He helped raise us. His bondmate died getting us into hiding, and I don't know if he sees- sees who I am now, not the sparkling he remembers. Anyway, that's not your problem, that's mine- I just... please forgive him, he's just... hurting." He carefully and gently reaches out to pat Robustus on the arm- not generally a gesture he's comfortable making to people he's not quite close to, not right now- and he's not sure how the former Decepticon will react. "The only person who can forgive you is yourself." Robustus listens to what First Aid has to say and looks thoughtfully down at his nearly empty glass. "He is not the only one that lost someone, trust me I know how much that hurts. She may have been one of them, but I still loved her." he looks to the hand that pats his arm, not reacting badly to it. "It can be hard for a caregiver to see their charges as grown mechs and femmes, give him time and he'll come around." his gaze looks up at the younger mechs blue optic band, "I doubt I could right now. Maybe in time... but I don't know. I am wondering if it is even worth it to try to start all over again. It has opened my optics being here. There is hate mongering here just as much as there is in the other faction. Could I truly get away with a new look for long? Somehow I doubt it. There are those in the Con fold that can smell that I am the same mech under the alterations." First Aid shakes his head. "I don't know anything about that, Robustus. I won't try to convince you to stay, I'm sorry people are being hateful to you. I think the Autobots are in the right- but that doesn't make the war itself any less wrong. All I can do- all any of us can do, I think- is our best. For me, that's to support the Autobots. For you? Who knows. Lifeline said, the other time we saw you- said they were making a new identity for you?" Robustus finishes off his drink and nods to the young mech, "No it doesn't." he agrees, "As to your question, you were there when I gave her my proposals for alterations should it be within the scope of what the Autobots are willing to do. Considering how long it is taking I wonder if they are going to try and convince me to stay." he places his fingers on the computer to bring up the images he had on the data pad that Lifeline should still have, "I was hoping to get a scan of this alt mode, its a bit more modern than my current one and should alter my robot mode enough bodily. Then here is the helm and face concepts I came up with that should be easy enough to do. Unfortunately I still have the issue of still smelling and acting like myself. Any Decepticon that compares the new me to current me I'm a dead mech." he sighs and looks the fellow medic in the optics, "You at least have your comrades to keep you safe and a two mentors that obviously care about you. I don't have anyone." "The Autobots will help you with that new identity, I'm sure they will- I just don't know what's going on, since I'm still on medical leave and well, they don't tell me much anyway. I'm sorry I don't have a better answer." First Aid looks at the computer on the table before looking back up to meet Robustus' optics. "You still have friends. You have Lifeline." He hesitates. "You have me, if you want me. Robustus minimizes the files to bring up another one he's been working on, apparently he's been looking for a good location to purchase to set up for a medical clinic. Notations on what sort of medical equipment is in another file with price comparisons for a few vendors still on Cybertron as well as a few off world as well. "She strikes you as my friend does she... that would be further from the truth. Associates yes, friends no. She is not a easy femme to get to know and I don't have the inclination to peel back her layers." then a pause, "As for you, First Aid, it will be difficult to maintain a friendship once I have left Iacon. I doubt they'll let you leave without an escort for a long time coming. You will probably be stuck here." First Aid nods, shoulders slumping in defeat. There's not much he can say to that- Lifeline /is/ prickly, and as for leaving Iacon... well, Robustus is absolutely right, much as it galls First Aid. "I'm still here, if you need me. I'll see what I can find out for you and get back to you next cycle." Robustus moves his hand to place on the younger medics shoulder, "The truth stings. I wish there were a nicer way to say it, but there is not. I find it better to be direct than try to soften the blow at times." he notes, "I shall see you next cycle then. Was there anything else you wanted to say?" First Aid shakes his head, stiffening under Robustus' hand. "No- just... you're doing the right thing- even if it's hard." He looks pensively at the datapad. "Next cycle, then." Robustus retracts his hand and smiles a little. "I hope you are right. Good cycle First Aid." First Aid nods and smiles slightly in return, turning to head for the door with a small wave.
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