| abstract
| - According to the supreme decree of Allah, the following are the Worst 100* Inventions of All Time. Readers are required to have their sporks to hand. Bob Dole claimed to have invented every invention on this page. See also: Greatest Inventions 100. At Home Incontinence Test Just place it down the back of your pants and wait 4 hours. If it turns brown... 99. Nasal Hair Curling Iron When you want to look your best. Ouch! Feh!!! 98. Spandex It looks great... on the right people... so why do only fat people wear it? 97. "Worst 100 List" Lists For the love of Jebus, why? 96. The Spanish Inquisition Nobody expected them, they may as well have stayed home. 95. Inventions Even fire was a dodgy proposal. 94. Solar Powered Flashlights Unfortunately, it was only useful for peeking into dark holes while the sun was shining on the flashlight. 93. Derek Acorah 92. V-neck Cardigans 91. Democracy It just doesn't work, people. George W. Bush is an example. 90. Dandruff-fortified shampoo Also available in strawberry flavour 89. Sound-activated Alarms Once they go, they just keep on going. 88. Helicopter Ejection Seats Chalk one up for the Belgians 87. Deep Sea Sushi Bars How redundant can you get? 86. Language Responsible for more bloody wars than anything else. He just kept talking in one incredibly long unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic so nobody could interrupt him it was really quite hypnotic. 85. Submarine Screen Door At least it keeps the fish out. 84. Killer Whales Bring back Jonah! 83. Portable Rucksacks Rriighhhhttt, how more obvious can you get? 82. Brain Wash When normal shampoo just doesn't cut it. 81. You I hate to break this to you, but, you were unplanned. I mean, your father and I love you, but.... 80. Ritalin It doesn't work very – look, a squirrel! 79. Books on How To Read You learn from books by reading them. However, if you can't read, you can't learn from books, so you can't learn to read by reading a book that tells how to read. Does this make any sense to you? 78. The Internet Did I say the internet? I meant Bill Gates. What a waste of machinery... I mean life. 77. Wikipedia What an awful collection of utterly useless information. Someone needs to be held responsible for that monstrosity. 76. The Upside-down Upside-down Cake It's a freakin' cake you idiots. 75. Software that emulates an unencyclopedia contributor that has no idea of the title of the article he is editing. Yeah! This software is the BEST man! 74. Repeating numbers Like someone took a big sloppy one and thought of doing this! 73. Correction fluid If you white-out everything that's correct, you'll be left with nothing to read. 72. Myspace A bunch of 15 year olds stealing pictures from Google and pretending it's themselves. Newsflash:Nobody believes you have a 9 inch penis. 71. Handicapped Accessable Web Sites Why not add a wheelchair ramp, or a WAV file that says "Too bad you can't see this" ? 70. Spring Loaded Automatic Hamburger Flippers Number one cause of house fires and burnt infants in America 69. The 69 Position Who really wants a nose full of ass? 68. Boomerang Grenade It seemed like a good idea at the time... 67. Fashion "Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months."~ Oscar Wilde on Fashion 66. Hair Dead skin cells glamorized in an otherwise zombie-hateful world 65. Automatic nappy changers for sheep Need I explain? 64. The Hitler Moustache The most sexually unappealing thing ever, yet it's immensely popular. 63. Motorcycle air conditioners. Only effective while parked in garages. On second thought, that doesn't even work... 62. Impact-activated parachute Not so good in retrospect 61. Seatless chairlifts Preservers of snowfields Image:Spoon.gif 60. Spoon For those of you who haven't seen one, it's just a fork with no holes between the fingers. Nothing new or Nobel Prize worthy. There is no spoon. 59. The Wheel The Egyptians got rid of it, but then someone re-invented the damn thing. 58. Emo Grass Emo grass was invented in Occupied Romania in 1942, by nazi-controlled scientists. It was an attempt to produce genetically depressed grass that would cut itself, thereby leaving more man-hours for combat and general fascism. However, it was so ugly and black, that few people would want to plant it. It also had a nasty habit of curling up in sunlight. 56. Humor Thirteen years later and humor has yet to be funny. 55. Man They just keep dyin' 54. Soap Operas Not once have they had anything to do with soap or the opera. 53. The Number 57 Ten bucks said you clicked on "Edit" before reading this. 52. Keith Richard's Coffin It's never gonna be used. 53. The Vegetarian Steakhouse It's finger-lickin' good if you just give it a finger-lickin' chance! 52. America. What's the point? 51. Student Government Why act like students have power when they really don't? 50. Automobile Overwhelmingly responsible for the majority of accidental deaths in the United States. 49. Air It's polluted and bad for your health. 48. The inflatable dartboard Good for only one game, if that game only has one player....... and one dart. 47. Encyclopædia Dramatica Even worse than Wikipedia! 46. Books Need I say more? 45. Beginnner guides If I can't screw myself over for not seeing it, then your a terrorist. Image:Expletive Deleter.jpg 44. Black highlighter Yes, it marks your text nicely, but you can't read what you marked! 43. The word 'dude' Dude, it's like overused, radical G yo!!! 42. Death Look at comics, when I hit the bucket I'm just gonna turn back time and sacrifice goats like Superman. 41. Dead people Talk about dull.... 40. Heart surgery.... Dick Cheney. 39. Jack Thompson Because we really need more Americans who pull kids off buses and makes them protest violent games they probably enjoy thoroughly. 38. Fat People For God's sake man! How much bloody space do they need? They are just wasting valuable air and food! I say weightwatchers becomes compulsory throughout the country! Death to the clinically obese heathens! 37. Chuck Norris Say no more.... Worst Action Actor in History, he was never acting... 36. Daniel Rotollo Yep.... a freak of nature... 35. Number 36 34. People's sayings "It's always in the last place you look" - Of course it fucking is, if you've already found it why would you keep looking for it? 33. Glass bottom boats "Hey guys, how about we go out and sit in a boat that has a thin pane of glass built in the bottom so we can get a better look at bull and hammerhead sharks in their natural environment?- Note the names of the sharks. Image:Writing-digital-pen-and-pap.jpg 32. Digital Versatile Disk It just goes round and round and round...Totally pointless. 31. People Who Don't Use Capital Letters When Editing Uncyclopedia Articles. 30. People Who Know They Should Change The last Few Lines In Uncyclopedia Articles To Actually Be Funny But Really Can't Be Bothered. 29. The Number 29: Number 28 and 30 just wasn't good enough for you, huh? You just had to squeeze yourself in there, didn't you? You make me sick! 28. Worst 100 lists that only go to 28 and no. 30. What can I say about 30? Really. 27. The Japanese Don't blame god, anyone can make such a mistake. 26. Dehydrated Water in a Bottle Preparation and usage:simply add water and drink. Hey No. 53.... you owe me ten bucks. I'll sue... just you wait 25. Jesus "The Son of God" my ass. He got killed by being nailed to a plank of "Wood"! 23. Firestone Tires... Nuff said. 22. Polar Star The spur is infinitesimally better. 21. Barney the Dinosaur This is exactly why you have mini-jihads sprouting up in your neighbourhood. 20. Waiting in Line Hey No... 24! The end of the queue is back behind the dinosaur and the tires. 24. Cutting in Line *snickers* 19. High heels Lots of money for very little material whose sole (sorry) purpose is to inflict grevious wounds to the wearer, in turn inflicting grevious whining to the partner. 18. Horses Automobiles are much faster and do not poop in the street. Well, except for the Lada... 17. The Wheel Did you know that automobile fatalities have more than quintoopled since it's invention? 16. Automatic Pelican Waxer 15. Reuseable nuclear bomb. This will detonate the nuclear bomb saving the shell which flies away and must be picked up. After that the user has to do is to put another load of explosive material in it to detonate it again. 14. Water. Need we say more? 13. The Number 13 What's the point of this number, really? Strictly speaking, it doesn't even exist. Ever seen a thirteenth floor? Q.E.D. 12. Suede raincoats Self-explanatory, I trust. 11. The universe. Most of it's just empty space. In 100 billion years or less it'll expire from heat death. So what's the point? 10. Cell phones. "HI! I'M IN A BUSY RESTAURANT! I'M YELLING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS EVEN THOUGH YOU CAN HEAR ME JUST FINE! NOW I'M ON A BUS! NOW THE DRIVER JUST CRASHED AND IS BLAMING ME FOR DISTRACTING HIM! JEEZ, SOME PEOPLE ARE SO INCONSIDERATE!" 9. Oscar Wilde
* GASPS* 8 The Saying "O No You Didn't" You saw me do it! Are you blind! By the way O No you didn't to No. 9 7 Lucky Number 7 What made it so special? 6 The "..." Finish the freakin thought! 5 Poeple who think they can dance Discos dead and you will be to if you keep that up. 4 The Clock Without this invention you'd never be late to work! 1 Vaqndalism to Uncyclopedia Just urghhhhhh *vomits*
|
![[RDF Data]](/fct/images/sw-rdf-blue.png)