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| - Early for me? Mayhaps. But nonetheless! *sits down on couch happily* Isabella: *with a cappucino in one hand* Hey, Poptart. Me: Hey Isabella! Wanna know what I'm do-in'? Isabella: Yes, yes I do. *sits down next to Poptart on couch* What's this whole setup for? Me: Due to the tremondous amounts of it about this wiki, I've made the decision to make my own Q&A! Albert: *runs in with Irving mounted on his shoulders* Does anybody even have any questions to ask you? Me: Allow me to ask you a question, as well—what in the name of all that is holy are you doing? Irving: *with a lightsaber clutched in hand for no visible reason* We came in as a security function. Albert: *brandishes a prop battle axe* YEAH, baby! (beat) Me: How much coffee did they have on the way here? Isabella: Three wake-'em-up specials. All gone before our arrival. Me: Figures. Anyway, we'll have time for that later, buddy. Albert and Irving: Aw! Me: Worry you not! *goes of into a corner and comes back shortly with her own prop axe* I've been aching to use this for a while! Albert and Irving: *squeak with joy* Irving: *hopping off of Albert's shoulders* Care if we jump in on this little parade float? Me: I'd be honored. *scoots over to make him some room. Irving sits down* Phineas: *walks in and stretches* Whoo-oo-oo-oo-oo! Sorry I'm late. Never imagined there'd be that much traffic in the sky! Me: Plane? Phineas: *chuckles* Don't be silly! We travelled by way of a homemade gumball meteorite! Ferb: *walking in from behind Phineas* We like to travel in style. Irving: *squeak!* Isabella: He really is right; we should've gone with you. Ask me how many political radio show hosts we argued with. And by we, I mean Albert. Me: Okay; how many? Isabella: A lot of hosts, Poptart; A LOT OF HOSTS. (sudden shrieking from off-screen. Everyone turns to see Albert dashing in with Candace slung over his shoulder, and Candace actually appears to be trying not to laugh) Albert: CAVEMAN FIND WIFE! Candace: PUT ME DOWN! (Albert complies) Candace: Thank you. So, what's all this? Me: I have decided to open a Q&A session. Please, feel free to join. Candace: Well, okay... Distant, Miles-Away Bob: *snaps fingers* Okay! Albert: *flings himself belly-first onto some of the spare space of the rather large couch* Excellent! Why, wait, where's that strapping young platypus, Perry? Isabella: *trying not to laugh in the same manner as Candace* That's Phineas' line, you know. Phineas: Buford and Baljeet are bringing him, Stacy, Vanessa, and her father in...*takes out a piece of paper from visibly nowhere, as well as a pair of eyeglasses, and squints at the paper*...The BUFORD-MOBILE? Candace: Who's Vanessa? Ferb: *giggles, much to everyone's confusion* Isabella: Hm...I think Stacy said she was on the cheerleading squad with her. (A distant squeaking sound is heard) Irving: What was that? Me: GURGY, IF YOU'RE HIDING IN THE BUSHES AGAIN, I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU WHERE THE KEY IS! YOU'RE WELCOME HERE! (The squeaking sound gets louder, and is actually the squeaking of tires skidding. After another second, a large black van comes crashing through the wall. Buford and all others mentioned hop out, and everybody besides him looks nauseated) Buford: THE BUFORD-MOBILE HAS ARRIVED! Perry: *terrified facial expression—for a platypus* Grchgrchgrchgrchgrrrr... Me: Hm. It took this long for the place to get destroyed? I'm impressed. Isabella: Now what? Me: We wait. (extended silence) Phineas: *begins to sing We're watchiiiin'...and waitiiiiin'... (ping!) Me: Ooh! That was quick! *unfolds envelope* "What is your favorite book?" Hmmm...I love "the Wonderful Wizard of Oz" like crazy. Phineas: I'm partial to "A Cricket in Times Square". Isabella: I LOVE "The Little Princess"! Baljeet: Inversely, I like "the Little Prince". Ferb: "Watership Down". Buford: Uh..."The Hunger Games" had relatable characters, sympathetic personalities, thought-provoking social and fiscal commentary, and a lot of stuff blowing up. Candace: "Shakespeare's Secret", because it saves me a few history classes. Vanessa: I'm going to be totally lame; I like "Chocolate Fever". Doofenshmirtz: Ooh! Ooh! I've been going to Wizard-Con for the past thirteen years! CURSE YOU, LORD VOLDEMORT! (record needle scratch, everybody stares at Doofenshmirtz) Doofenshmirtz: What? Albert: "War of the Worlds", I guess. Stacy: Hm...I like the "Goosebumps" series. (Elsewhere, Gurgy lets out a joyful "squee!") Irving: "Charlotte's Web". Perry: Grchgrchgrchgrchgrchgrchgrrrrr... Irving: That one's good, too. Me: *claps hands* Okay! *another "ping!", unfolds another envelope* "Stacy, do you know how FREAKING CUTE you are?" Stacy: Well, I guess I do now. *giggles and blushes* Me: "Also, do you like chicken?" (Beat, everybody exchanges a glance) Everybody: *in perfect unison* HECK YEAH WE DO! Me: *unfolds another envelope* "Why is Albert being...odd?" Irving: Because he IS odd. Albert: Oh, har de har. Irving: Seriously, though, it's just the way caffeine and sugar works on him. Albert: *sips water* I'm fine now. Irving: And he's also wanted to do that "caveman find wife" thing to Candace for a while now. Albert: ...Silence. Me: "How come Candace doesn't know who Vanessa is?" Wait, did you two meet in "Summer Belongs to You"? Candace: Yes, yes we did. (beat) Phineas: You didn't know? Me: Weeeeeeeeellllllllll, I sorta MISSED that special... Albert: *sips some more water* Oooooh. Someone just earned a public flogging. Me: Pray the fandom doesn't hear that... (Buford walks up from behind, with a pillow raised high above his head) Buford: FLOG! *beats Poptart over the head with the pillow* There we go. Me: *seeing stars* I'm okay..."What WERE Irving and Albert doing?" Albert and Irving: PROTECTING THE HOME BASE! Me: Because a toy axe and light saber are going to do THAT. Albert: DO NOT JUDGE US! Me: Alright...let's see what else there is... (extended beat) Buford: Bored now. Anyone else? Everybody sans Buford: Yes, yes we are. Me: I'm going to go grab the Wii system. Albert: Any chance you have Rock Band of any sort? Me: Lessee..."Epic Mickey", "Wii Sports", "Mario Party 8", "Guitar Hero"...no, no I don't. Albert: UNACCEPTABLE. TO WALMART CLEARANCE WE GO! Me: But my Mom doesn't like shopping at--*Albert grabs her by the wrist and runs out to his car, with her flying along behind him like some sort of flag* WAAAAAH! FERB! YOU'RE IN CHARGE NOW! Candace: *sighs* Him? Really? Ferb: I don't see any moose stampedes or crashed satellites in here, now; do you see any? Baljeet: *snaps fingers* OUCHBURN. Phineas: Questions, anyone? (ping! An envelope falls on the floor. Ferb unfolds it) Ferb: "What are your favorite stores to shop at?" For myself...hm...Barnes and Noble bookstores. Phineas: Have you ever been to Limited Too? Most comfortable jeans EVER! (extended awkward and dumbfounded beat as everyone stares at Phineas with the utmost shock) Isabella: Uh...me too. *leans over to Ferb and whispers* He doesn't know who the store is aiming for?! Ferb: If he walks into Victoria's Secret, he'll barely notice. Baljeet: I very much enjoy spending the day away at HH Gregg... Irving: *pfft* Have you ever been to Best Buy? Baljeet: You are so pretentious about that. Doofenshmirtz: Aaah, Staples. The one place with everything I could possibly need for my -inators collection, AND for my home office! Stacy and Candace: Hollister forever, baby! Vanessa: Hot Topic. Predictably, I will admit. Phineas: And you, Buford? Buford: The food court! (rimshot) Ferb: For Albert--"You shop at WALMART?" Though, she doesn't mean any offense... (Albert and Poptart return at that moment covered with black grease and dirt) Me: That was...hectic. Albert: See, WALMART is the one place on Earth that carries absolutely everything. Isabella: *leans into frame* Except for what you're looking for! *yet another rimshot as she leans back out* Ferb: And for everyone--"Who are your enemies on the show?" Hm... (Brief flashback to Vanessa standing next to Johnny in the park. Ferb is a few hundred meters away, and staring disdainfully at the back of Johnny's head. Ferb's eye twiches as he grimaces) Ferb: One day...a single bird...will have eaten lunch a while ago...and get you right on that stupid, STUPID streak of purple, you lady thieving...grrrrrrrrrr... (End flashback) Ferb: Nobody, really. Phineas: I'm genuinely exempt from this question. Isabella: We're just kids! Are we even expected to have enemies? Irving: Albert is my enemy! Albert: *affectionately patting Irving's head* And you are mine, little brother. Candace: Nope, no enemies. *thinking* Suzy Suzy Suzy Suzy Suzy Suzy Suzy... Baljeet: Buford and I share one— Buford: Isabella's mean-old stinkin' rat-dog! Isabella: *gasps* Pinky is not a rat-dog and he is not mean, nor stench-ridden and elderly! How dare you? Buford: I DARE because that thing chased us out of TOWN last week! Baljeet: *shudders* He slashed our tires...he slashed our tires... Vanessa: Strangely, I have to go with Unknown Guy. Stacy: Why? Unknown Guy: Because I keep coming out of nowhere! Stacy and Vanessa: WAGH! *leap three feet into the air as Unknown Guy promptly leaves again* Stacy: *lands back onto couch* I hate him, too. Doofenshmirtz: There is this ONE platy--*Perry bites his ankle* AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! *runs around set like a headless chicken, with Perry still clenched firmly into his skin* Phineas: Down, Perry! *Perry complies and walks sullenly back over to Phineas* I'm sorry, Mr. Doofenshmirtz. I swear that he's never done that before. Doofenshmirtz: Well, that platypus is my enemy now. (Perry gives a discreet grin to himself) Me: I geniuinely like all of the characters. Now, to plug in the Wii system and answer some more questions. *beat* So, can anybody plug in a cord? Because I can't. (Albert sighs, rests his face in his hand, and takes the console and cord/s from Poptart to set it all up) (ping! Poptart picks up the envelope and unfolds it) Me: "OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THE GREATEST MOVIE YOU'VE EVER SEEN IN YOUR LIFE?" What MiraMax has done to the former masterpiece of "the Thief and the Cobbler" shan't be forgiven. I've seen the Re-Cobbled Cut. MAY THE FORCES OF CARTOON HIJINX SHOW THEM NO MERCY! Albert: Stumbleberr— Me: A real movie, dweeberton. Albert: *pouts* You're no fun...okay, I like the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy. Baljeet: *scoff!* It PALES in comparison to the epic saga of "Star Wars"! Irving: "Wrath of Khan"? Nobody? What the heck? Buford: ALL WRONG! Clearly, you have never seen "Inception"! (Ferb shakes his head as everyone argues like the extreme nerds they are) Phineas: *a-hem* "Back to the Future" trilogy. (Everybody immediately ceases fight) All Nerds: OF COURSE! Vanessa: I have never seen a good movie. Except for...*grimaces and sighs* "Winnie the Pooh and Tigger, Too". THERE, I SAID IT. (Candace squeaks with delight and grabs Vanessa in an extreme bear-hug) Stacy: "Pirates of the Carribean". (record needle scratch) Stacy: Johnny Depp? No love for him? Everybody: Oh. Isabella: I love "the Princess and the Frog"! Love, love, love! Doofenshmirtz: "Harry Potter" is GENIUS, I TELL YOU! Irving: You drank my coffee, didn't you? Me: *pats Irving on the head* YOU didn't need any more. Now, "Albert, where did those dang nunchucks come from?" Albert: Well, once, many summers ago, I trained with Mr. Miyagi and Jackie Chan atop Mount Doom, but that is a tale for another day. They gave me the nunchucks as a token of appreciation before I left. Me: No, really, where did they come from? Irving: Nobody has a clue. For all we know, he's being honest. Me: ...Uh...huh..."Stacy, has anybody told you this week that you are awesome? If so, let me be the first." Stacy: *giggles and blushes once more* Who keeps talking about me? Me: Gurgy. He's NUUUTS over you. Stacy: I want to meet him. Me: Okay! Console is ready! Everybody divide into groups! (Some minutes later) Me: So, Irving, Albert, Buford, and Candace make up "The Fluffy Tacos"--which also happens to be the best name ever for a band, Buford: MY IDEA! Me: And Vanessa, Stacy, Ferb and Phineas make up "The Head Spikes"--which is the second best. Everyone will rotate out singers with each other, me, and Isabella. Baljeet will criticize people he doesn't like. Doof does nothing. Doofenshmirtz: *sighs* Oh well. (ping!) Me: Well, whaddaya know--"What is your ethnicity?" Baljeet: We already know that I am from India. Doofenshmirtz: My little Vanessa and I are Gimmelschtumpian. Me: ...Eh? Vanessa: It exists. Trust me. Isabella: Hispanic. Buford: *sitting at the drum set* DUTCH DRUM SOLO! *starts beating away rapidly at the drums, small applause from others after he finishes* Me: Very nice. I'm part German. Candace: The Flynns are all Irish. Ferb: English. Stacy: Japanese, of course. Albert: Irving and I are Polish. Irving: I disgree. We are Belgian. Me: BELGIALISH! (beat, everybody stares at Poptart) Me: ...Or something? (ping!) Me: Yippee! "What is the WORST movie you've ever seen in your life?" (everybody sighs) Albert: Let's gather 'round, kids; it's story time. Me: Once upon a time, down in the magical land of Midwestern America, every little good boy and girl of this Q&A were spending the day away by browsing the mystical site of wonder known as "TV Tropes". Stacy: We browsed the section known as "So Bad It's horrible" and opened the "Western Animation" file. We came across a small edit about a super animation company in Germany called "Dingo Pictures". Ferb: Curiousity overtook us all. Buford: We fired up the YoutTube search engine and took a look at "the Legend of Pocahontas". And... Everybody: BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH. Me: Hated it. Hated it so. Anyways..."Stacy, I'm so glad you're flattered by my charms." Oh, Gurgy... Stacy: *grins* I'm glad he's glad. Me: "So, what'cha doin'?" Isabella: Excuse me?! Me: Calm down a moment, Izzy. Well, right now, we are playing Rock Band for the Wii console. The Fluffy Tacos may go first. Candace, what are you singing? Candace: "That's What You Get" is about the best for my range. Buford: LAME-O. (Albert smacks Buford on the head with the button end of the guitar control) Buford: Ow. (ping ping!) Me: Sheesh! *unfolds one envelope* "What's your favorite planet"? Earth. (Everybody else murmurs consent) Albert: *whilst playing* I actually support Pluto! Heck with scientists, it is TOO a planet! Me: *unfolds another envelope* To me--"Why did you put Candace on a team with weird people?" Okay, look, nobody here is wierder than anyone else, we don't dislike anybody here in the house of Poptart, and they chose their own teams. Candace: *sung to the tune of "That's What You Get", 'whoa' chorus* They're nice guys. Me: "What shippings do you like?" If I told you, you'd all kill me. Phineas: What's a shipping? Isabella: I don't know. Ferb: Shipping is to support a couple in people. I don't believe we can say these for ourselves and each other as we'd earn some awkward glances all around. Isabella: *sighs* I guess that you're right. Me: "What shippings do you hate?" Well, one, you'd kill me again. Two, the show here is "Phineas and Ferb". It's not exactly romance-driven, is it? Baljeet: *grabs me by the lapels and shakes me* The people deserve to know! Me: *shoves Baljeet* Okay, so what's your least favorite, Kumar? Baljeet: That is offensive. As for your question, I do not care. Me: Exactly. NEXT QUESTION! (ping!) Me: "What are your favorite foods?" *beat* Chocolate. Flipping chocolate. Vanessa: I like that better if there's a cherry under it. Buford: *in-beat with his drum pounding* CHI-MI-CHON-GAS! Candace: Grilled cheese sandwich, duh. Albert: If you can't eat a medium-rare T-Bone with my sort of enthusiasm, I have no respect for you. Irving: I've had flank steak before that's better than...well, Phineas and Ferb. (GASP) Isabella: They have a Cap'n Crunch cereal that's all CrunchBerries. I died when I saw it, and died again when I ate it. Baljeet: *sighs* My mother makes the best grilled vegetable samosa... Doofenshmirtz: Clearly, none of you have ever experienced the magic of almond brittle. Ferb: *calmly chews on a double-stuff Oreo* These. Phineas: I LOVE toaster strudels! They're like Poptarts, except wonderful! Me: WELL! Stacy: Taiyaki is awesome. Irving: Bless you. Stacy: No, no; Taiyaki is a traditional Japanese pastry that is in the shape of a fish, stuffed with a filling like sweet red bean, green tea, or custard, and served while hot. (Oriental gong clangs in the background) Me: "How is Dr. D's dating life going?" Everybody, sans Doofenshmirtz and Vanessa: Oooooh! Vanessa: Ick. Doofenshmirtz: *pulls his collar nervously* Well, eheh, I don't have time for it most of the time because I'm rather busy...with evil inventions and my little sweetheart Vanessa...but...heh...I have gotten some requests from online dating sites this week... (Everybody applauds) Phineas: YEAH! Albert: Go, tiger! Me: Alright, alright, alright--"Has Perry the Platypus been neutered?" (Beat, Phineas checks under Perry's tail) Phineas: Yep! Doofenshmirtz: That's funny, I know a platypus of the same--*Perry bares his teeth and Doof shuts up* Me: "Are there any apartments for rent in Doof's building?" Doofenshmirtz: Several. Especially after last week's--*gulp!*--MACKREL INCIDENT. Irving: Holy swiss cheese! You're responsible for that?! Candace: I had to clean out my gutters with a BAZOOKA thanks to you! Albert: And I had to pogo-stick to school that week! (Doofenshmirtz grins sheepishly while Vanessa rests her face in her palm) Vanessa: Oh, dad... Me: Alright, before we all kill Doof--"What are your favorite bands?" Candace: *giggles* Jeremy and the Incidentals. Everybody else: GAG. Candace: Fine; the Fray. Stacy: What about SmashMouth? Buford: NO! SLEEP! TILL BROOKLYN! Beastie Boys, always on vacation! Me: Urgh, I'm trapped between Pink Floyd and the Smashing Pumpkins. Vanessa: My Chemical Romance. Again, predictably, especially to anyone who has read Tara Gilesbie's universal insult to goths and everything else. Irving: Oasis. Albert: I particularly like Pearl Jam. Doofenshmirtz: Nobody understands the true genius of Hall and Oates anymore! Phineas: Hmm...Sugar Ray. Isabella: Ooh! Me too! Baljeet: Coldplay has wonderful melodies. (Buford clocks Baljeet upside the head) Baljeet: Ow! Ferb: Metallica. (record needle scratch) Ferb: What? (ping!) Me: Yippee! "Do you have any superstitions?" Albert: Well, one of us does... Doofenshmirtz: I think I must've stepped on a thousand cracks on the way here, so I need to call my mom and see how she's doing later when I get a chance. Also, that dang airport needs to fix its metal detector, because I had my retainer in the whole time and it didn't go off. I should probably stop scowling, too, or I'll never stop. By the way, my wrist hurts, so I can't have any more bread today. (Poptart Notes: That last thing about bread is an inside joke.) Vanessa: *groans* Dad, you're nuts. Me: Well, Candace and company have been done for a while now. Head Spikes, move in! Vanessa: *shrugs and takes the microphone* Me: Now, what else? (ping!) Me: *unfolds envelope and sighs* Oh, Gurgy..."Stacy, want to do something later?" Stacy: *ecstatically* Yes, yes I do! Me: Good. Now, you two can sort that out later. WE HAVE A GAME OF ROCKBAND TO PLAY, DANGIT. (ping!) Me: For Stacy--"Did that whole Japan earthquake thing affect anyone you know?" (extended beat) Me: You don't have to answer this if you don't want to. Stacy: The good news is, everybody's okay. The bad news is that my cousin Mitskui kinda broke her leg, and Chinatsu and her children had to go into a boarding house because her little property got thrashed into nothing, and Hinata is living with me now, because the same thing happened to her. Candace: Stacy, that's horrible! Stacy: It coulda been worse. (Phineas snaps his fingers) Phineas: Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today! You go get us a plane, I'll get as much food, water, blankets, tools, and lumber as I can. (Ferb builds a jumbo-jet on the spot. Phineas returns in a few seconds into the shot hailing in trucks packed with supplies) Stacy: Cool. Me: Alright, then...*pauses Rock Band game* Let's go! (One plane boarding later...) (ping!) Me: Here? Seriously? Oh, wait, same guy..."Irving, are you gay?" (Irving's jaw drops. Albert goes into hysterics) Irving: I AM NO SUCH THING! Albert: *in gasps for air* Of course not! He's just Phineas-Sexual! (Albert continues to laugh while Irving fumes) (ping! Poptart unfolds envelope) Me: Alright, if you two ladies are quite finished--"When are your birthdays?" Well, we already know that Candace's is July 11— Candace: Yes, yes it is. Me: --And I'm not inclined to say mine because I don't want anyone to bother to pretend they care. Buford: Hey! Stop harshing the mellow! I was born on November 6. Baljeet: February 24. Irving: May 3. Albert: October 27. I'm in a sugar coma by the end of the month. Phineas: August 2. Ferb: The seventh of January. Vanessa: June 15. Stacy: December 5. Doofenshmirtz: I remember my parents kept lying to me about mine. I just go with July 2, though the last time they talked to me it was September 6. Me: "What are the worst songs you have ever heard in your life?" *sighs* Oh, geeze, we can only give one... Everybody: *sings without any traces of being on-key* FRY-EE-DAY, FRY-EE-DAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRY-EE-DAY, EVERYBODY'S LOOKIN' FORWARD TO THE WEEKEND, WEEKEND, FRY-EE-DAY, GETTIN' DOWN ON FRIDAY! Me: End of discussion. (ping!) Me: *unfolds envelope* Oh, geeze; Gurgy—yet again to Stacy: "Does somebody need a hug?" Stacy: No, but I'll take one anyway! (Candace sighs and rests her face in her palm) Me: We're in a plane, Stace; that's going to be tough. (Stacy pouts. Another "ping!") Me: *unfolds envelope* "Do you like Lady Gaga?" Um, not particularly. I mean, I can listen to her, but...how do I put this...she makes too much of a spectacle out of herself, and that really bothers me. Candace: Heck with you! She's awesome! *Stacy and Vanessa nod in agreement* Phineas: Who now? I haven't had the time to listen to the radio in forever. (Ferb shrugs, symbolizing that he doesn't care at all) Isabella: I don't think she understands the true happiness that love brings. Irving: She scares the crud out of me! Albert: I don't listen to pop. Doofenshmirtz: I adore her work, and I shall one day construct the Lady Gaga-inator, which will use all of her musical sounds combined to make a villainous laser beam, and assist me in taking over the ENTIRE TRISTATE AREA! (dramatic musical sting, beat as everybody gives Doofenshmirtz a puzzled look) Doofenshmirtz: ...At least, that's my plan. Me: ...Fair enough. Anyway, "Stacy,"--this is not from Gurgy this time, by the way--"If you could date anyone, who would it be?" Stacy: Weeelll, Johnny Depp would make some attractive kids, but this Gurgy guy seems nicer... Me: My...LORD, woman, you are strange. Phineas: Hey, look, guys! We're going over the Atlantic! Everybody: Ooh! *looks out their nearest window* (Perry takes this as an opportunity to sneak away from the crowd) (ping!) Me: *unfolds envelope* "Hey you, yeah, you! Why are you taking out part of my messages?" Uh, sorry. Thought it was for the sake of brevity. "Now Stacy doesn't know why I want to hug her--" By the way, Stace, that's because he was very sympathetic for you--"Other than the obvious reasons." He also thinks you're pretty. Stacy: Aww! *smiles* Me: Anyway--"Stacy; Too bad about the plane thing, but why are you not creeped out by me? Why so nice?" Stacy: What's so creepy? He's a nice guy! I have no reason to be scared of him. Me: Aww, that's nice. (another "ping!") Me: "Candace: Why DOES Jeremy like you?" Albert: She's funny and good-looking! Candace: Nice try, yet you get no cigar. (Albert pouts) Candace: Anyway, Jeremy likes me because... (dramatic drumroll) Candace: ...Oh my gosh, I forgot! (pathetic cymbal "tsh!", someone coughs) Me: Well, that was rather lame of you. (ping!) Me: "What is the best thing that has ever happened in your life?" Hmm...*points to the other occupants of the jet* These guys coming into my life might qualify. With them now, I'm just a much lighter person with a broader perspective than what I used to be. Doofenshmirtz: The birth of my Vanessa...it was the first time that I ever held an angel in my arms. Vanessa: For me...well, my dad bought me a Mary McGuffin, and then I lost it, and then I went through a bunch of crazy stuff to get it back, and when I was trying to tear it away from Candace back there—Candace: Hi! Vanessa: --I finally realized what I was doing, and it hit me--"My Dad would go through this trouble for me, wouldn't he?" Doofenshmirtz: *grabs his daughter in a bear-hug* Yes, yes I would. Candace: I remember when Dad was still just Mr. Fletcher...he brought Ferb with him a little bit before he proposed to my mom, and all Ferb did that night was stare at me. Right before he left with Dad, he turned to me and said, "I can't wait for when you're my sister!" Ferb: When we foodfought that first time at the fancy restaurant...it was also the night my Dad proposed. Phineas: When we went to the store, somebody had left a platypus in a box on the side of the road. We kept walking, and when we pulled back into the driveway, we saw that he'd followed us the whole way! Isabella: When I first moved onto the street, I was so scared...and then, all of a sudden, this little red-haired boy hailed me over to his yard. When I got there, he said he wanted to play with his building blocks together. *sighs at the memory* Buford: Aah, I remember the day I found my nerd, sitting in the sandbox with his wet pants. Our eyes locked together, and it was a partnership at first sight! Baljeet: I once played football with Mishti on the city bridge at dawn... (Buford flicks Baljeet on the ear) Baljeet: OW! Stacy: There was when my dad let me piggy-back on him all the way through the mall when I was 9. But it was mostly because he said I'm always going to be his little 2-year-old. He's only said that once. Irving: One time, when I still lived in Minneapolis, these two bigger guys at the park that were my age were beating me pretty bad. Albert was riding over the bike trail that was next to the park and seperated by a gate. When he saw what they were doing, not only did he drive through the gate and break the lock, but he also ran them over. Albert: What I liked better was your stunned expression afterwards, brother. Me: *sniffles* You're all gonna make me cry...wait, where's Perry? That's not a sent-in question, by the way, I really want to know. Phineas: Hm...well, I'm none too sure where he could've gone in the plane. He IS a platypus; he doesn't do much. (ping!) Me: Stacy--"That story was heartwarming." Let's all take a wild guess as to who this is. Anyway--"I'm so glad that you don't find me creepy. I really wish I could just go there and give you a big hug. I really do." Stacy: I really wish that he could, as well. Phineas: We're all perfectly full of hugs! Candace: Not exactly it, Phineas. Me: Oohh, lordy--"Do you even know what I look like? If so, am I okay looking?" Stacy: Hmmm...well, to be honest, no, no I don't. But I'm sure he looks great, and even if he isn't, he probably just IS great! (beat) Me: Stacy, your absolute kindness towards Gurgy is going to turn my soul into mush. Albert: My soul IS mush. *sniffle* Irving: *through his teeth* Drama queen... (ping!) Me: Wow! One just for me--"Do you like Poptarts?" Does Poptart like Poptarts? Oh. Oh no. Poptart is to Poptarts as Irving is to Phineas and Ferb. Irving: I DO have other interests, you know! Me: Poptart is to Poptarts as Hitler is to villainy, purity and dogs, then. Vanessa: Ah! Godwin's law! (Doofenshmirtz takes a shot) (beat) Candace: May I ask where you got that, sir? Doofenshmirtz: I'm the only guy on here who's old enough to have any, and therefore, I do not share any secrets. Me: Candace, just calm down and let Doof have his happy-hour for once. Anyway, for the whole crew--"Do you like penguinz?" (beat) Everybody: *in perfect unison* HECK YEAH WE DO! (ping!) Me: Stacy--"Could you stop teasing me, you little vixen?" *sing-song* Let me guess who this could be... Irving: Pfft..."vixen". Me: Anyway--"I really want to hug you so hard right now." Baljeet: And by "hug", he means- (Buford noogies Baljeet very hard) Buford: BE RESPECTFUL OF THE QUESTIONEERS, NERD! Me: "By the way, there IS a picture of me on the Internet, but don't look at it; I'm ugly." Stacy: I doubt he is. Me: As for Candace--"If things don't work out with Stacy, I'll give you a call!" (Unisonous "ooh!" throughout the cabin) Candace: Ech... Stacy: I'm sure it'll be fine. Albert: Okay, Stacy, you have officially killed me dead. Your kindess towards this Gurgy character has not only turned my soul to mush, but turned THAT mush into mushier mush. You have given me a soul made of pudding. That is what has killed me. (Suddenly, the lights flicker out. Theme music begins to play in the background) Baljeet: Where is that coming from?! Isabella: What happened to the lights? Is the plane okay? (A spotlight shines on one rafter, because I guess the plane has a spotlight and rafters. On this rafter is revealed to be...) Doofenshmirtz: PERRY THE PLATYPUS?! (DUM DUH DAH DUN...) Everybody else sans Irving: *gasp!* Irving: *not looking up from a book that he is reading* Already knew that. (ping!) Me: Aw, we were almost ready to enter an action sequence! Phineas: P-P-P-Perry?! OUR platypus?! Doofenshmirtz: I doubt it, kid; your platypus wasn't NEARLY as cool and suave as this guy. Maybe it's a shared name. (Irving sighs, closes his book, and lightly rests his face on it) Doofenshmirtz: So, my dear nemesis, what brings you to THIS rendezvous? (Agent P shrugs and whistles. Major Mongoram and Carl appear on the rafter behind them) Everybody sans Irving: GASP! Doofenshmirtz: IT'S MAJOR MONOGRAM AND...SOME OTHER GUY! Monogram: We recieved information that there was a Q&A occurring in this area. We weren't certain, so we sent one of our agents, Agent P., to get special intel. And we know now that it's true, so, *ominously* we just have one thing to say to you... Carl: Why weren't WE invited?! (pause, Irving slams his head against the book one time) Me: Uh, join the show...I guess. (Major Monogram and Carl squeak like happy little girls and take their seats) Me: Now, as we were saying--"Phineas, can you build me a sort of teleportation so I can come over there and hug Stacy?" Stacy: Yes, yes he can! Phineas: She's absolutely right. But we should PROBABLY at least get to Japan first. Me: Of course--Hey, one for Irving! "Do you have anything interesting in that scrapbook of yours?" Irving: Oh, yeah, tons! *takes out his scrapbook and begins to rapidly turn the pages* There's one in here that really psyches me out every time I--*a small piece of paper falls out of the scrapbook pages* Huh? Albert: What's that? (Candace picks up the piece of paper) Candace: Is this an original Charizard card?! Irving: *takes the card* Huh...I guess it is. (pause) Baljeet: Irving, WHAT IN THE NAME OF-- (Monty Python "Intermission" Title Card) Baljeet: --WAS AN ORIGINAL CHARIZARD DOING IN YOUR SCRAPBOOK?! Irving: You want it? Albert: Don't just give it to him! (Irving tucks the card back into his scrapbook) Irving: Alright, jeez. (pause) Candace: *points to a page in the scrapbook* Is that a Golden Ticket? (Poptart groans heavily and the Monty Python "Intermission" card reappears) Me: Alright. So, for VERY sufficient reasons that we will keep disclosed, I have confiscated Irving's scrapbook-- (Irving pouts) Me: --And put it on the tallest shelf, which nobody can reach! Doofenshmirtz: I can reach it! Me: Do shut up, please. Anyway, Stacy--"I'm only asking this because my inner fanboy made me: What do you like in a guy?" Stacy: *counts off on fingers* That he likes me, is funny, doesn't care what other people think about him, does what he needs, and is nice to me. Me: Gurgy, Gurgy, Gurgy, Gurgy, aaaand Gurgy. (ping!) Me: Albert--"Do you ever listen to/sing sappy love songs?" Albert: *quickly* No! Irving: *sings* Friday night, I'm goin' nowhere, all the lights are changing from green to red... Albert: IRVING, STOP. Irving: *persists singing* Turning over T.V. stations, situations running through my head... Albert: *groans and sings as well* Turning back through time, you know, it's clear that I've been blind, I've been a fool... Vanessa: Oh, ho-ho! Somebody's not as manly as they were! Albert: *persists* To open up my heart to all that jealousy, that bitterness, that ridicule. (Everybody applauds) Me: Alright, "Babylon" by David Gray. Thought you should know. (Albert groans) Me: "Do you like waffles?" Everybody sans Poptart: HECK YEAH WE DO! (pause) Me: ...Well, not really. Everybody sans Poptart: GASP! Buford: How DARE you, woman? Me: *giggles nervously* Um...Albert! "Why do you hate pop music?" Albert: Where did she hear that? I just don't really listen to it because I like rock better. Me: *muttered* I have a bit of disdain for most of it...Anyway, moving right on! (ping!) Me: I wonder who...Stacy--"Lucky for you, I happen to be all those things!" (Stacy giggles with boundless glee) Me: "Anyway...I'm running out of questions to serenade you with." Naw, really? Seventy-four questions in? "So...how did you get so freaking pretty?" (Stacy giggles again) Stacy: I'm going to admit, it wasn't very easy, but somehow, by miracle, it happened...*softly* he called me pretty! Me: My soul is beginning to quake. Alright, Ferb--"Are you an alien?" (beat) Ferb: Maybe. Me: Fair enough. Albert--"If things don't work out with me and Stacy, you can take her." Oh, wow... Albert: Is that a business proposal? Me: ....Nyeeeehmaybe. Albert: Very well. (pulls his address book and pen from his back pocket and hands them to Stacy, points to a particular line) Sign here, milady! (Stacy writes her address down in the booklet) (ping!) Me: "What is the cutest thing you've ever seen?" (Something suddenly crashes against the windshield of the plane) Phineas: Whoops! Hang on for a second, everyone, we've got to get that thing off... (One undetermined period of time later...) (Phineas walks back into the room, holding Meap) Phineas: Well, lookee who! Meap: MEAP! (beat) Candace: What was the question again? Me: "What is the cutest thing you've ever seen?" Everyone sans Albert: *points right at Meap* THAT. Meap: MEAP! Albert: Actually... Vanessa: Aw, what? Albert: Once upon a time, Irving was four. He wore a kitty costume and chased butterflies a lot. THE END. (Irving tosses his scrapbook at Albert's head, who narrowly dodges) Me: Ho ho ho! Why, IRVING! Irving: YOU, be silent! (ping!) Me: "What do you all want to be when you grow up?" If I have the capacity to get a degree, I'd be a lawyer. Ferb: Alive. Isabella: I want to be veterinarian! Phineas: An astronaut! That way, I can be the first guy to do the Disco on Mars! Baljeet: You could do that right NOW. Phineas: Yeah, but if NASA doesn't recognize it, it's kinda unofficial. Buford: I'll be a wall of meat!...With a Master's Degree in Meat-Walling! Monogram: I strive to be Colonel, myself. And Carl wants to become Major, but, *pft!* He'd never survive...the ACADEMY...*distant look* Carl: *pouting* Could too! Baljeet: Perhaps a Mathematician for a university? Vanessa: I'm gonna be president, baby. Stacy: I wanna be president of Japan! Candace: They don't have a president, Stace. (beat) Stacy: What about Uruguay? Candace: Eh, that works. Irving: Photographer. Albert: Funny, I thought you'd say Phineas and-or Ferb. Irving: What was that, Mr. I'm-Gonna-Rule-The-World-After-The-Zombie-Apocalypse? (beat) Albert: Nothing, sir. Candace: Maybe I should be a professional singer! Doofenshmirtz: *coughUNLIKELYcough* Candace: Oh? And just what do you want to do, sir? (beat, Doofenshmirtz looks nervous, then buries his face in his hands) Doofenshmirtz: Ruurofetrisadeera. Candace: Come again? Doofenshmirtz: Ruladetristarea. Me: Out with it, man! Doofenshmirtz: I WANT TO BE THE RULER OF THE ENTIRE TRISTATE AREA! (extended beat) Candace: Yes, MY dreams are utterly UNREACHABLE. THANK YOU, sir, for showing me what it TRULY MEANS to be attached to the REAL world. (Perry snaps his fingers) (ping!) Me: Whoo, more Gurgy again. He's addressing this one to Willy the Billy of St. Philly... (beat, everyone raises an eyebrow) Me: I mean Stacy, you morons. *a-hem* "You're starting to turn MY soul to mush! Also, shame all on you all for not answering "Stacy" for the cute question back there." Buford: Yes, SHAME ON US ALL for not thinking the way he does. Me: You have to admit, though, she is pretty darn cute. (Everybody looks over to Stacy, who has just picked up Meap. After examining him very carefully for a moment, she sets him down upon her head before turning back to everyone else.) Meap: MEAP! Stacy: *very cheerfully* I've got an alien on my head~! (beat, everyone stares at her) Me: But THAT was adorable. Anyhow--"Also, I ran into another Stacy fanboy the other day, and we had this little contest, and I won, proving I like you more then anyone else." I'd be concerned if he didn't! Albert: WAY TO DEFEND THE HOMELANDS, BROTHER! Me: "So, what's new with you?" Stacy: I have an alien on my head. Me: Brilliant! Oh, and Doof, "So once you take over the tri state area...then what?" Doofenshmirtz: Easy. I'll have lunch with my mother. (Flashback to Doof, in the kitchen of his home, chatting with his mother over the phone as he stirs some soup) Doof: I'll tell you, Mom, I've been perfecting the almond-garlic-steak soup recipe, and I swear, you are going to love it~! It's villainously spicy! You know, that reminds me; we should really organize a lunch date sometime soon. (Doof pulls out a small planner and a pen) Doofenshmirtz: What do you say we meet up at...ooh! How about the Wednesday after I take control of the marketing industry?...Too much?...Alright, then; the Wednesday after I take over the Tristate Area. Sound good?...Great! See you then! (End flashback) Me: ...How...lovely. (ping!) Me: Hey, Albert--"Tell a funny joke!" Albert: Did you hear about the drum set that rolled down a mountain? Irving: No. (rimshot, followed by a beat) Isabella: I don't get it. Albert: It'll come to you in five or so minutes. Me: "What do you all want for Christmas?" Everybody: Hmmm... (beat) Everybody: REAL ESTATE! (ping!) Me: "Everyone--are you cooler than Albert?" (beat) Everybody, including Albert: YES! IT IS SO UTTERLY OBVIOUS! Me: Both of the Dork Brothers--"Have you lived in Danville your whole lives?" Irving: No, we've lived a lot of places. Last place we lived was Minneapolis. Albert: In hindsight, it was none too fantastic... (Flashback to Albert and Irving's previous home, where the lights are off) Irving: And, GO! (Albert flicks on the switch, to reveal Irving lying on the bed. Irving squints at the light.) Irving: Darnit! Albert: Okay, my turn now. (Irving and Albert switch places, Irving flips the light off) (end flashback) Irving: You can imagine why I like Phineas and Ferb's inventions so much. Me: Everyone--"What is something--or someone--that annoys you?" Buford: That is a very complicated question. People have separate interests, thoughts, and even emotions, and that will affect what they deem to be acceptable for society. What is annoying? No true solid answer exists. Carl: *sighs* Except for... (Dramatic beat) Everybody: *singing* FRY-EE-DAY, FRY-EE-DAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRY-EE-DAY! (ping!) Me: Ah, Gurgy again--"Stacy: Okay, first, you and Meap = CUTE APOCALYPSE!" Stacy and Meap: MEAP! Albert: She's killing me back here... Me: Oh, here we go--"So, you think there's a way I could pop in there for a minute, to give you a hug?" Wait until we freaking land! Stacy: *stamps her foot* I want it noooowww... (Stacy pouts.) Monogram: She's actually starting to affect me, now. Carl, block my view of her. Carl: Yes, sir. (Carl gets up and stands in between Stacy and Major Monogram, successfully blocking his view of her.) Me: "Oh, and tell me more about that cheerleading thing from earlier." (Stacy claps her hands together.) Stacy: Well, we have a practice camp during the summers, and I am next to the captain. I have been in cheerleading since middle school, and we wear adorable little green and blue outfits! (In the distance, Gurgy squealing can be very faintly heard.) Irving: What was that? Me: Nothing, nothing at all. Anyway, here's another one from Tpff--"Do you like school?" Everybody Besides Phineas, Ferb, and Baljeet: Ugh. Albert: It's...meh. I wish my intellect was a bit less than it is. Just to be able to speak whatever alien language my peers are delving into. Candace: I thought you went to boarding school. Albert: Yes, yes I did. Did being the key word here. Stacy: So, what happened? Irving: They caught him with a turbo-dynamic-- (Albert claps one hand over Irving's mouth.) Albert: Innocent until proven guilty. (Irving swallows hard and nods.) Phineas: I kinda like it. Baljeet: Are the rest of you MAD?! Hating the beautiful laws and regulations of our wonderful educational system?! You will not be getting into your first choice for a college. Irving: Eh, hardly anyone gets to go to Batman University, anyway. I just wish I didn't get bullied so much. Doofenshmirtz: It's kind of your fault for wearing such stupid pink glasses. Albert: Excuse me, sir, but please do not make fun of my little brother, as that is not only my duty, but also that when you do it, it's petty, pathetic and insulting. Therefore, cease and desist or I will toss you against the fourth wall. (beat) Doofenshmirtz: I wasn't expecting a feeble nerd to suddenly threaten me the moment I made fun of his brother. Albert: As it should...*snaps fingers* uh-be. Me: Hey, don't even BREATHE on that fourth wall. We just cleaned it. Isabella: But the whole concept of this relies on that we HAVE no fourth wall. Me: Silence! (ping!) Me: Hahahaha ohai Gurgy..."God, I want it now too, Stacy. Also, DAT POUT!" Stacy: Huh? *makes a pouty face again* Like this? Me: That's probably it. Unless you can do a wide variety of pouts... Stacy: Oh, I graduated from Pout University last year with flying colors! Wanna see what I learned? Me: Maaaaaaaaybe later..."And MAN, that 'cheer' part makes me want to squee SO MUCH!" Stacy: T! H! A-N-K-S! You have managed to impress! I thank you! Hey! Yeah, I thank you! (Small applause rises from the whole jet. Suddenly, the jet touches down on the ground.) Phineas: We're here! Candace: Ugh, finally. (Everybody gets out) Help Team Crew Member: Good morning, children--hey, aren't you all a bit young to be assisting the Japanese relief effort? (beat) Doofenshmirtz: No, shut up. Phineas: Alright, Ferb, come and help me unload these supplies... Me: As Gurgy was saying..."Anyway, what's your honest opinion of me" SHE SAID IT SEVERAL TIMES ALREADY YOU'RE FUNNY AND VERY SWEET IN FACT YOU ARE THE PINNACLE OF CHIVALRY GOODNESS FREAKING GRACIOUS. *exhales* And there's more... Stacy: Meanie--Oh, I see Kaori! HEY, KAORI-- (Poptart grabs Stacy by the sleeve) Me: NOOOOO, there are questions; you will answer them. Stacy: Okay... Me: Good. *ahem* "Also, since Candy has some woobie aspects, did anything from your childhood or beyond suck?" Stacy: My dad was always working and was never really proud of me because I never had interest in biology. I rarely saw him because my mom divorced him. Also, I've never been taken on vacation. Sometimes when I'm with my dad for the week he goes on one, but he never takes me. Stuff like that? (Poptart is too busy crying onto her sleeve to answer) Stacy: O...kay. Albert: *muttered* No offense, girl, but nobody ever asks about my life... Me: *sniffle* Can it! Anyway...*ahem* *unfolds another envelope* Hey, cool! All of you! "How do you all feel about My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic?" (Irving, Albert, Isabella, Stacy, and Candace squee.) Vanessa: Psh... Me: Hey, your favorite movie involves Winnie the Pooh! Vanessa: HE'S A CLASSIC! Me: I know...anyway, I don't like it. Everyone else sans Vanessa: Huh?! Baljeet: How dare you...HOW DARE YOU? Buford: You don't like it? Me: No, I don't like it...I LOVE it! Doofenshmirtz: 20% cooler. There, did we miss any other memes? Stacy: Let me get a list... Me: "How do you feel about the movie 'Grow Up Ti'"-- *tears the message in half* That's what we feel. Isabella: Haaaaarsh... Me: Stacy again--"Why are you being such a baby?" Stacy: *pouting again* I AM NOOOOOOT~! Me: ...Riiiiight. (*ping!*) Me: Gurgy blah blah blah I love you Stacy blah blah abridged version blah where did you get that bow? Stacy: Oh, this thing? (pulls bow in indication) I got it from a thrift store. It was wrapped around the neck of a bunny rabbit doll, but I had to throw it out because it kept screaming stuff at me in the middle of the night when I tried to sleep. (beat) Buford:...That's not disturbing. Stacy: I think it told me to walk to the edge of of the roof with a baby lamb and a butcher's knife to its neck one time...and then I woke up face-down in the creek that morning. But I was okay. Buford: Yep, totally normal.
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