| abstract
| - Maccadam's Old Oil House Inside, Maccadam's Old Oil House is a chaotic shambles, most of the time. Its main attraction - beyond the fuel itself - is that the proprietors make no distinction between Autobots, Neutralists, and Decepticons. If you can pay, you can stay. However, while the bar will serve anyone, Rocky, the doorman and bouncer, who looks a bit like he might turn into an ape, doesn't seem overly concerned about breaking up fights, unless the bar is seriously imperiled. There is an upper level ringing the main floor, with seating and tables, for patrons who prefer to look down on the rest of the bar from behind the handrails - handrails that would do nothing to stop a determined patron from chucking another patron to the floor. There is a framed pictured on one of the walls of a rather nondescript robot, but aside from that, the bar is fairly sparse in decoration, lacking the kitsch that some bars affect, its purpose clear. There are a number of bartenders, from a burly female in an apron, to protect her from some of the more caustic blends, to a bartender straight out of an old time Western, with a jolly metal moustache. There is an unassuming brown player piano in the corner. Maccadam, the manager himself, is a mysterious figure, rumoured to have been built by Primus himself. Of course, that rumour is probably just nonsense brought on by the exceptionally pure fuel in the drinks. Cheers and toasts fill the air here in Crystal City's most famous and visited watering hole, Maccadam's Old Oil House. Where anyone can get a brewski and rub elbows with the enemy (kinda) without being reprimanded. Where pianobots get pisspounded for playing annoying songs, and where Wreckers beat up the bots who abuse the pianobots.. just for fun. Surely you cannot resist Maccadam's alure.. surely. Seated in a dark corner of the first floor, a brooding Seeker is taking his time with his drink. Tiny sippy cup attachment afixed on the top, the Decepticon air warrior slowly leans the concoction back.. the nozzle allowing the smallest trickle to escape it's container. "So, I have summoned you all here, honorable warriors of the glorious EMPIRE.. to discuss battle strategem and current objectives." Backfire says, with all seriousness, small bit of enerfoam dripping down his chin. Looking from the canine Pretender, to the smaller cassettecons.. the simpleton smiles. Best team-up evar. Slugfest dances around the table that Backfire is at, jumping up to look at his drink. He spies the sippy-cup attachment. "Me want one! Me want sippy cup!" he says. Hinder is standing sedately on the table in front of Backfire, letting Slugfest take up all of the spazoid duties today. She can't help it, though, she has to ask. "Placed summons request with Soundwave, yes?" "No, sippy cup is for MATURE DECEPTICONS only!!" Backfire shouts, making a face at Slugfest and sticking his metallic tongue out at him. "Nyah!" "Summons fummons, he doesn't own you guys ya know." the Seeker shoots back to Hinder, taking another tiny bit of enerhol out of the sippy cup. "Wait, he doesn't.. right?" The first response to Backfire's opening statement is a loud "*BRAAAAAAAAAP*" from Carnivac as he finishes off his first mug of ener-booze already and leans back in the seat. "Strategy meeting in a bar? Best meeting ever!" Lowering the mug, he peers sideways at the Seeker. "No, he doesn't... he -builds- them." Slugfest gets a little more hyper as he's told no. Almost ready to throw a tantrum...until one of the bar waitresses quickly grabs a mug with a sippy cup attachment, filled with Mellow Yellow, for the dinotape. He grabs the sippy end in his mouth and prances around. Carnivac deftly slips the waitress a few extra credits for preventing a crazy stego-saw rampage. "Bah, have your cup of sippy.. I care not." Backfire stammers, when he's defeated by a simple waitress who's not in the mood to listen to the bickering. The simpleton leans forward, resting his elbows on the table top, a more serious look creeping across his face. "Let this meeting begin, what intel have you been able to round up.. each of you!" Backfire shouts, trying to think of what.. if any, intel he's dug up recently. Hinder stares at Backfire for a moment, considering. Then she starts to relate something she learned just yesterday -- that terrans flinging tiny thin sharpened and feather-decorated sticks at another terran carrying an entire tree trunk are likely to turn the tree-wielding terran into a pincushion... flattened under his own tree trunk. Slugfest makes a muffled yay behind his sippy cup. Once he settles down, he hops onto a table to stare at Backfire. "No saw anything," he says, "No got to go anywhere. Just stuck here." "Why you curr, you don't belong in the Legion of Superior Spies!" Backfire shouts at Slugfest, getting up and pointing at him from across the table. "You should be ashamed of your small dino self!!" Relaxing a bit, the Seeker sits and asides quietly to Carnivac. "Who invited him anyway, and what is that other tape talking about??" "Do I look like a spy to you?", Carnivac replies with his usual manic grin as he grabs up another mug. The Pretender is already a lunatic, is it any real surprise he just went ahead and ordered several ahead of time. "Eh. Autobots still busy buzzing around like cyber-bees wanting to rebuild their precious litty city. Bah!" He gives it a dismissive wave as he chugs from his drink. "Don't they realize we're only letting them build it intentionally? Just so we can SMASH it and their hopes all over again?!" Emphasized by slamming the mug to the table hard enough to make it shake. "Maybe it was your not-evil twin Fireback?" He adds to the question, shrugging his shoulders. "Sabotage!" He tries to not start giggling... which being whom he is, is impossible to hold back. "Hehehehehe... he's out to geeeet yoooou~" Slugfest hangs his head. "No is my fault! No was told to!" he says. Yes, a person quite literally has to tell Slugfest what to do. Damn, Carnivac goes ahead and takes the intel Backfire was going to piggyback in on. "Oh, uh.. yes. Those fools, we will ruinate it again and again!!" he chuckles, still racking his head for just one tiny tidbit of recon to report. "Fireback, you mean he's here? When did he arrive.. is he mad.. did he look mad.. Was his shuttle scheduled.. AGAH, Slugfest you dolt.. you should have been watching for him!!" Hinder braces herself against the rattling of the table when Carnivac slams his mug into it, baring her little teeth briefly but managing to not hiss at him. Then she looks at Backfire and DOES hiss at him for scolding Slugfest. "Not his fault, DON'T SCOLD." Carnivac narrows his optics in a conspiratorial manner as he scoots his chair over a bit with a skrch-skrch-skrch sound and then leeeeeans over closer to Backfire, lowering his voice into a 'mock whisper' tone. "I hear he's gunning for your position of most loyalest target ever. Backstabbing and assassination are totally acceptable in this faction for advancement after all!" Brief pause. "As long as it's not against Lord Galvatron, of course." Nodding sagely, he sits back normally to finish gulping down his energon booze. Totally. Not. Helping. "My other other not-so evil twin brother Backstab is with him?!?" Backfire shrieks, optics growing wide and enerfoam still dripping down his chin. "You cannot be serious right now, tell me you're joking.. we banished Backstab to the death pits of El Ahab's seventh moon over ninety meta-cycles ago!!" Turning to face Hinder, "Can't you see I'm having an anxiety problem.. both my not-so evil twin brothers are trying to KILL me!!" Slugfest looks over at Hinder questioningly. "Who him talking about?" His question is of course, muffled by his sippy cup which is now nearly empty. "MOAR!" he clamors to the waitress. Carnivac can't help but rock in his chair with snickering only contained by having a mug to his mouth. The rest of the bar is probably going to just think Backfire is already drunk and delusional or something. Finally he puts the empty mug down, having stopped snickering but still grinning widely as he picks up a third. "Backfire, relax. This is neutral place. And since they're not-evil, they won't try and get you here amongst civlians." Shoves the mug into the simpelton Seeker's hands. "Drink, calm down. You have a meeting to conduct. Worry about getting shivved later." "Oh, right.. very valid points. I knew I made you second in command of the Legion of Superior Spies for good reason!" Backfire relaxes back, taking the drink and tilting it. Only thing is, the Seeker grew accustomed to the sippy cup attachment.. and so, a full mug of strong enerhol is poured down Backfire's gaping maw. "GUGUGURGLGH!" Backfire gurgles, trying to process the extreme amount of enerhol.. all at once. Managing to choke it all down, the simpleton coughs something fierce before slumping forward on the table.. face down. "Backfire *hic* not feel too *hic*.. hot." Hinder just watches everyone quietly, now that Backfire isn't berating Slugfest anymore. She certainly seems far more sane than anyone else at the table. "Nyeehahahahahaha!" Carnivac emits a howling cackle that sounds almost like the hyena-like beastmen of a certain online game as he rocks so hard with laughter than he falls right over backwards, chair and all. This too, is likely to just be assumed to already being drunk. "Not *hic* funny." Backfire groans. The Waitress answers Slugfest's demands and quickly refills the sippy cup from a carafe of energon she's carrying around. He happily yays again, and plugs himself back in to it when it's full. Carnivac climbs back up to the table, not bothering with the chair he tipped over. He just moves over to another unoccupied one and plops down in that instead. "We really need to do something about your tolerance level, hehehehe." Hinder watches the waitress, but her face isn't exactly conducive to expressing her thanks. "ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZz." Backfire is slouched forward, in a drunken slumber by the time Carnivac climbs back to the table. It's only with his plopping, is the Seeker jostled awake. Bursting up in fright, he aims his Hypno-Ray Rifle out in front of him. "WhoWhatWhereWhenHow.. Owwww, my head!" Lowering his weapon, Backfire clutches the side of his helm. "Owie, it's like a massive influx of data.. ARGH!" he shouts, plopping down himself and settling back in his seat. "Where were we?" Slugfest looks over at Hinder again questioningly, looking for all the world like a baby with a bottle. A really big, really touchy temperamental baby. That turns into a chainsaw. Carnivac folds his hands together as he leans on the edge of the table, grinning as always. "Old Mac's, having a meeting, remember?" He answers like nothing had ever happened. "Oh right, first meeting of the Legion of Superior Spies.. thank you vice president Carnivac!" Backfire replies enthusiastically, turning to Hinder. Realizing suddenly he's the only one to -not- give any intel yet, the Seeker nervously starts fidgeting in his seat. "So uhh, my intel. Haha yes, the most valuable information collected in the last vorn!" the simpleton falsely boasts, buying time. Carnivac leans closer with anticipation... granted he may be the only one of the three in the audience even listening. "Yeeeeees? Go on, Backfire, go on..." An unpainted but buffed steel tetajet walks in suddenly. Red optics scan the room, a wing with a purple anodized etched Decepticon band twtiches slightly and slowly the Decepticon heads toward the bar. Along the way he notices a white lil con on a table. He smirks. "Hinder? How did you get here?" Windshear rasps in his broken voice as he pauses in front of the table. "Windy!" Slugfest says, still talking behind his sippy cup. He runs to the edge of the table. "Uhh, oh yes. Right, the intel." Backfire mumbles, looking around. Then Windshear oh so conviently walks into the pub. Oh sweet distraction! "Windshear, you look rather.. pale."" Windshear nods at Carnivac and then looks down as Slugfest comes up to him. He grins, "Well where theres one I knew there would be the other..." he looks over to Backfire then, "Pale?" he shrugs, "I suppose I do, dont I?" he slides a chair back and sits down then motions for a server. Shortly soem non descript server comes up and Windy orders his usual. But what might be unusual he does not prepay and it doesnt seem to be a problem. the server leaves and in a few moments returns with a glass of smoking Blue Energon. The Seeker nods, takes a sip of it and pulls out a cig to light it. He pauses fractionally as the realization that Hinder is there. And quietly he activates his chest fans to blow the smoke away from her as he lights it. "So," Windshear begins, "What brings all of you here?" Carnivac ehs, turning his head a bit when Backfire mentions someone being pale. "... Oooh, that sort of pale. Thought you meant the alien in the corner was going to puke again. Wouldn't be pretty." He turns back to the others, pointing at said alien over his shoulder with a thumb. "Did you know that species has their mouth where their butt is and their butt were their mouth is? Makes it hard to tell if he's pukin' drunk or relieving himself." ... He's gotta be making that up. Windshear's optic widen a bit and he looks over a the alien in question. He stares for a moment and then an airelon twtiches and he starts laughing. "Thats funny.. wrong but funny..." "Him making Intelligence report," Slugfest says. The irony is completely lost on him. Windshear frowns, "The aliens making an intelligence report out of his butt? What?" The Seeker looks at his drink. No that cant be it.. hes barely drank any... he just stares at Slugfest like hes the alien... "The first ever meeting of the Legion of Superior Spies.. and you're late!" Backfire grumbles, having a drink delivered to the table.. with sippy cup attachment on top of it. "Now, where were we.. there is official buisness to be had." the simpleton states with an air of superiority, taking a tiny drink.. making sure the lid is afixed properly. Windshear's attention is drawn from the Stegosaw to the Seeker and his sippy cup attachment... he slowly raises an optic ridge in such a way it would make Spock proud (well that is Windy knew who Spock was)... "Backfire..." he runbles, "Why --?" he stops.. hes not sure he wants to know... "Am I soo ingenius? Ah yes, the answer often evades my intellect as well." Backfire finishes Windshear's statement, taking a long drink from the sippy cup. Passing through the doors, Hook enters the neutral bar, and is pleasantly surprised that there doesn't seem to be many Autobots in here, "Perhaps Maccadam has finally seen fit to banish the Autobots from the premises" he ponders aloud to anyone who's listening. Carnivac starts giggling to himself all over again. "Trust me, Windshear, the stopper top is necessary. Otherwise he passes out at one chug." "It's all the rage nowadays, you cretins are just sporting last cycle's styles!!" Backfire shouts, realizing they're not awestruck by his fashionable and elegant choice of drinking container.. but dumbfounded at his eccentric nature. "AHEM. Order, order! Windshear, do you have any current recon intel to report before our members?" Slugfest is still sucking off his sippy cup, though it's bone dry inside. Windshear takes a long pull from his NON sippy cup drink. He glances at Carnivac, "Well, what is he drinking anyway?" he looks at Backfire's cup trying to recognize it but doesnt right now. His attention focuses up to Backfire's face when he addresses him, "Recon intel? Me? Uhm... its my day off? No paint makes the slipstream feel niiiice..." Carnivac squints at Windshear for a moment, leaning his head to one side. Then the other. And then cracks up again. "Ahahaha! No paint. No polish... He's free-ballbearing it!" That would probably sound even more insane if we didn't already know Carnivac had several screws loose. Hook moves past the table of Decepticons on his way to the bar, and orders a pint of energon for himself. The bartender, cleaning a container with what looks like a dirty rag, asks, "You uh, want it . . ." and he raises his eyebrows, tilting his head towards the group of sippy cup drinkers. Hook turns to follow his gaze, and peers, ". . . no, no." Its rare that lot can get his attention, but he's genuinely curious now. Leaning towards the bartender, he asks, "They haven't been fighting with Dinobots, have they?" "How do you propose to join our illustrious ranks.." Backfire questions, finger pointed out at Windshear. "If in fact, you offer -no- superior intel?" the Seeker continues, leaning back and still nursing that drink. Literally. "Ah well, at least he paid his dues.." the simpleton quietly asides to Carnivac, who's raging about ballbearings. "You have paid your membership dues, haven't you?!" he asks Windy. Carnivac does NOT have a sippycup thank you very much! He's got three empty proper mugs in front of him. That's just Backfire being... well, Backfire. "But don't you see? It's important to have someone without any intel, because then he can't lose any of it when he's captured and hideously tortured." Windshear laughs at Carnivac's comment, "Thats one way of putting it. No paint, no polish, but a nice buffing if you will. Beats the piecemeal always in need of a paintjob look yo--" hes interruped by a finger in his face. He follows the hand back to Backfires face and listend to him. "What am I joining? Sippy cups annonomous?.. wait dues? What dues? I mean yea I paid my dues...." he finishes his drink (hes got no sippy top either) then andmotions for another one. He has no idea what he just lied about but he knows hes about to find out. And as he waits he hears a slurping sound and notices Slugfest is slurping air. When his drink arrives, he takes the sippy lid off, pours some of his concoction into the glass and puts teh lid back on. "There you go slugster." Hinder looks up at Windshear from where she's sitting on the tabletop without any beverage container of her own at all. She's being mostly still and quiet and unobtrusive. "Yes paid my dues! Check is in mail!" Slugfest says, as his cup is refilled. He yays when Windshear shares his drink and wags his stubby spiky tail rapidly.
* slurp slurp slurp* "Oh, right you are Vice President!" Backfire agrees. "He's the voluntary prisoner, if one of us requires capturing.. he'll sacrifice himself. Since he doesn't have any intel! Such a prestigous position you command, Windshear." Standing, the Seeker tucks his hands behind his back and strolls around their table in the corner of the establishment. "But with such an exquisite role in the Legion of Superior Spies, comes responsibility." Grabbing an nondescrip item from subspace, the simpleton continues. "Of course, you do know that we'll have to prevent you from overhearing any intel then.. but fear not, your leader comes prepared!" Backfire juts out his hand, presenting Windshear with an oversized pair of ear-muffs. "Wear these, brother.. with honor."
* thud* That'd be Carnivac backwards on the floor in a fit of laughter all over again. Hook, elbow joint against the bar, pint of energon in his other hand, calls out across the room, "And just who would the Leader of the Legion of Super Spies be, Backfire?" Windshear watches Backfire as he paces, "Yea.. prestigous.. I knew my tolerance for pain would come in handy some da--" he rasps dryly, then sees the earmuffs, "What the slag? Your kidding, right?" hes trying not to laugh. "What could any of you possibly say here that could be that 'delicate'? And really, I could care less ... your secrets are safe with me -- though.. not sure about the sippy cups.." >_> "Your knowledge of them puts your position in GRAVE danger, Windshear. If we were to let just one precious bit of intel loose in your presence, well.." Backfire responds, dramatically posing where sufficient. "I'd rather not imagine the ramifications of such an action!" Pausing for effect, the Seeker stares Windy in the optics. "Is that a price you're willing to pay?" Suddenly a small dirty transformer strolls through, snatching the pair of ear-muffs from Backfire's hand. None the wiser to the theft, Backfire continues.. before Windshear is able to respond. "I'll take your silence as affirmation, and now.. I pass the golden ear-mu.. uhh, didn't I just have a pair of ear-muffs?" he asks the 'members' aloud, looking around. "Anyone seen a pair of ear-muffs?? They're -very- important!! Oh, greetings Hook. Why none other than myself, did you have any doubt?" Backfire answers the Constructicon. "By the way, have you seen my ear-muffs?" the Seeker asks Hook, taking a drink from his sippy cup. Hinder leans and cranes her neck to look across the way at Hook curiously. She doesn't answer him, though, as there are other conversations going on around her. Windshear sees the whole earmuff theft and tries so hard to just fall out laughing but the more Backfire is asking about where the earmuffs went the harder its getting. Suddenly he cant help it anymore and just starts laughing. "How about..." he weezes between laughing, "I just turn my audios ... off?" Slugfest says, "Sippy cups are best ever! Can drink out of and no need hands! And no need leave lying around!" Hook cannot resist the impulse to toy with Backfire, and very seriously explains, "Oh yes Backfire, I saw Carnivac with them just a moment ago." "Oh right, it is the Vice President's charge to pass out the golden ear-muffs.." they weren't even golden, they were grey with pink fuzzy material for the ear parts. "Comrades, I call this first order of the Legion of Superior Spies to a close.. very productive, we've accomplished a -great- deal." Backfire informs the group at the table. "Oh bother, Windshear's audios are off.. aren't they?" the Seeker muses aloud, briskly walking over towards Windy and crouching down. With his hands, the simpleton attempts some sort of sign language communication.. more looking like a lame attempt at charades. All the while, he's shouting.. which makes no sense, if he thinks Windshear's audios are off. "WIND-SHEAR, WE ARE BRING-ING THIS MEET-ING TO A CLOSE. YOU CAN TURN YOUR AUDIO RECEPT-ORS BACK ON-LINE NOW. DO YOU UNDER-STAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH?" Slugfest stares at Backfire, then turns toward Windshear. He taps at Windshear's audio receptor on one side. "Hellooooo, hellooooo, turn back on please!" Hinder cringes and hisses up at Backfire's yelling. A theft! Oh no! .... not that Carnivac really cares about some silly ear muffs, but it's another excuse to harass someone other than Backfire, that's just too easy. He rolls over, but instead of bothering to get up transforms into mecha-wolf mode. Sniffs the air, locks onto the smelly dirt of the mech that walked off with the muffs and bolts after him. "Come back here with those before I bite your aft off!" And chases him right out of the bar. Good thing the meeting was already called to an end... if it ever even began. "Oh dear." Backfire sighs, when Carnivac runs out of the room after the culprit. Taking off after him, the Seeker can be heard shouting. "We're spies.. S P I E S. This is not how you're to conduct yourself, Vice President!!"
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