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| - I was trapped in the tunnels. No matter which direction I ran, I hit a dead-end. The ground trembled underpaw, and the ceiling shook overhead. Clods of dirt pelted me, and rocks dislodged themselves from the walls and tumbled down, slamming my skull and ribs. Claustrophobia bubbled up in me. I tried to scream, but got my lungs full of dust and started coughing before I could make a sound. Up ahead, white, glistening things moved in the darkness. Bile rose in my throat as I saw what they were. Skeletons. Like the bones that Viperstar had put in the Life-Rock's hiding place, only come to life. The eerie, fleshless forms of cats, bones clacking with every step. The holes of their eyes bore into me, I stumbled back and felt the wall of brambles close around me, tearing at my skin, trying to rip me open. With an almighty roar, the ceiling caved in. Simultaneously, the ground opened up beneath me, and I was falling into a black void. I fell for what felt like eternity, lungs burning, eyes streaming, heart pounding. The midnight hue of my descent started to change to twilight gray. I glanced below me and saw the source of light: the ring of fire. The image that had been haunting my dreams for days: a thin, burning orange circle surrounding a glistening, reflective pit of blackness. This time, there was something else. A voice, hissing and rasping in some unknown language. Or maybe it was my language--just so distorted that I couldn't understand the words. Whatever it was saying, my hackles shot up and my terror increased tenfold. I tasted doom in my throat and felt evil in my heart--this presence, this ring of fire, whatever it hid, was a threat like I couldn't imagine. The voice surrounded me like the coils of an overgrown creeper, squeezing the life out of me, entangling me in despair. I was being sucked down, towards the ring of fire. I opened my mouth to give one final scream-- "HEY!" I wasn't looking at a ring of fire any longer: I was looking into rings of gold, gold irises I knew all too well. "Ryan," I breathed. Concern creased his brow as he helped me out of my nest, which I'd managed to get tangled in, presumably because I'd been thrashing from my nightmare. "Bad dream," I muttered. Morning light was filtering into the warriors' den, bright and illuminating, making my fears look pale, irrelevant and kit-like. I felt my ears go flat against my head with embarrassment. "Where is everyone?" "Out on patrols or guard duty, I think," Ryan said. "Specklenose took Lily and Chamomile out for a hunt." I could see it made Ryan happy that the tom had gone out of his way to make Lily feel included. "I hope Lily learns to like it here." Doubt flashed over Ryan's face, but he nodded. "I hope so too." We stepped out of the warriors' den into the leaf-bare sunlight. Cold air rushed into my face; I sneezed in surprise. Ryan laughed, and I shot him a pretend look of anger. He smiled warmly at me, and I instantly forgot the cold altogether. "Hey, sleepyheads! Over here! Would you hurry your tails up?" Specklenose stood at the camp exit, his tail thrown comfortably over Cammy's back. Lily stood beside them, looking slightly awkward but not altogether miserable. "I thought you guys already left to go hunting," said a puzzled Ryan as we joined them. "We thought about ditching you losers, but then decided that a Vale Squad hunting trip might be nice." Sure enough, Bluebird, Minkears, and Fire were trotting towards us. "You finally get these two out of their own little world?" asked Minkears, giving me an amused look and then flicking her ears meaningfully in Ryan's direction. I scowled at her as Specklenose gave an oblivious chuckle. "Yep. Now let's go, before all the prey dies of old age." "He's only in such a hurry because he can't wait to let us do all the hunting and then eat all the prey himself," quipped Cammy, which earned her a playful swipe on the ear. The two of them made me smile; they'd transitioned from a tentative, shy friendship and sneaking careful glances at each other when they thought the other wasn't looking to being completely sure of their place together. I was happy for them, and I knew I wasn't the only one. Lily ducked her head to whisper something in Ryan's ear, and they both smiled at their fluffy-pelted sister. Lily looked content, as if she was seeing the merit of staying with SpringClan if Cammy was happy; Ryan looked wistful, a small, sad little smile playing at his mouth, and I found myself tearing my eyes away from him quickly, before I could look at him in the exact same way. It was not as easy to forgive and forget as the blissfully ignorant and naive believed. Even if you cared for someone. "It's such a beautiful morning," Fire said, rather unexpectedly. All of us stared at her. She grinned a little. "What, I'm not allowed to be cheerful?" "Yeah, you are. It's just weird," said Minkears bluntly. Fire shrugged. "I feel... lighter. I've told you all everything." "You didn't ever have to lie, you know," I said softly. "We could've trusted you no matter what you told us about your past." She took a shaky breath. "That... hasn't exactly been my experience. After losing Ariel because someone found out she was GreenClan, I wasn't inclined to trust anyone. But I'm glad I told you. I trust the... the Vale Squad." She said the last two words like she was testing them. She shrugged. "It's not so bad. A little naive-sounding, like we're a bunch of apprentices." "We were when we started it," snorted Minkears, expression nostalgic. "We should play a game," said Specklenose. Frowning, Fire said, "Or, we could be quiet and hunt. We don't have to act like a pack of apprentices." Ignoring this, the tom continued, "Question game. Ready? Okay. If you could be any other creature in the world, what would you be?" "Pfft, what kind of question is that? Cats are the most intelligent species by far. Imagine being something else... like... a Twoleg. They have no organized society or sense of right and wrong, no code or law. They can't even talk or hunt for themselves," said Minkears skeptically. "You're no fun," Bluebird told her, bumping his shoulder to hers. "I'd be a lion." "Wow. How modest," she said dryly. I couldn't help but think of Oakstar, harnessing the power of the Life-Rock to call upon LionClan's strength to defeat Claron. Dying because of it. But he was unstoppable for a moment. For a moment, he was invincible, he was the embodiment of the fighting spirit of all felines, big and small. I forced myself to abandon my grief, push it into a corner of my heart and focus on the here and now, surrounded by my best friends. "I would be a great big badger. You can take on anything if you're a badger," said Specklenose. Wrinkling her nose, Lily said, "Wouldn't you get sick of yourself? Badgers reek." "Not as much as skunks. Which is what you'd be," teased Ryan. She rolled her eyes. "You're the one with black fur." "Hey, then Breezeflight would be a skunk too," he pointed out in a reasonable tone. I rolled my eyes. "Please. I'd be an eagle. Imagine, being able to soar forever, never having to come down to Earth. Just riding the wind, away, away, away, into the endless sky." Specklenose looked confused. "If you flew for that long, you wouldn't have time to eat." Everyone groaned. "It's settled: Specklenose would be a pig," said Cammy. Fire reached out a paw, letting it trail along the side of a leafless bush, breaking clumps of ice and snow off the brittle branches. "Don't laugh, guys, but I'd be a butterfly. When Ariel and I were very young, my mother took us to this cove... During the spring, it was filled with butterflies, everywhere you looked. That's one of my happiest memories. I had everyone I loved, and butterflies are so... so beautiful." Her eyes darkened. "So fragile, too. Sometimes, when I'm really lucky, I'll visit that place in my dreams. Walking through the butterflies." No one laughed. We all had those places, those places that we associated with happiness that was so surreal to us now that it became practically a fantasy. For me, it was kithood, growing up with Daisyheart, playing and chasing each other around while Goldenburst and Ivyrose looked on. Innocence and freedom. Ignorance, I now realized. It wasn't like evil hadn't existed before apprenticehood. My parents had been killed by disease. Fuzzears had given up her son. Lilyshade had lost Duskwatcher. Countless more little tragedies, ones that I went blissfully aware of in my kithood, never feeling the true weight of a life where everyone you loved was mortal, every touch and whisper temporary. Cats had always faced suffering and danger, but somehow, the Clan had managed to shelter us kits from all of it. Maybe that was why I felt so protective of Owlkit and Vixenkit. They were too young to have gone through all they had. Viperstar and Odessa had abandoned them, Rabbitfur was dead, Cranelegs and Cloverflower were dead... Hollystrike was doing her best to raise them, but I knew the she-cat was born to be a deputy and a leader, not a mother. "Here's to the Vale Squad," said Specklenose, distracting me from my thoughts. "Here's to innocence," I murmured, looking up at the rays of sunlight, weaving through the interlocked tree branches over our heads till they hit the icicles hanging off the lowest branches, where they split into bursts of rainbow that turned the snow to violet and pink and the palest blue. - - - - "You know, I am truly beginning to appreciate why we're called SpringClan," Flowerpaw said, heaving a gusty sigh as she entered the apprentices' den, shook snow off her paws, and collapsed onto her nest. "I hate the cold." Glancing up at her sister, Brightpaw said, "Where's Gorsepaw? I thought he was out training with you and your mentor." Frowning, Flowerpaw said, "He's probably out--you know how he loves to take walks." A sly grin crossed her face. "Speaking of which, aren't you supposed to be with him?" Puzzled, Brightpaw said, "Me and Gorsepaw? We haven't gone out for a walk in a while; it's been so chilly." "Don't lie to us, sis," scoffed Sleepypaw. "Whenever you go hunting, he waits a few minutes and then leaps up and excuses himself. We know the two of you have been meeting up, going on dates." Glancing between her sister and brother, Brightpaw realized that both of them were dead serious. "Did he tell you that?" she demanded. Taken aback, Sleepypaw said, "No-o, but we assumed..." "Maybe that's what he wanted you to think." She got to her paws, eyes narrowed. "He hasn't been meeting up with me at all." "Whoa, what's going on?" asked Flowerpaw. "I thought you liked him, Brightpaw." For a second, Brightpaw forgot to keep her guard up. "I thought he liked me," she admitted quietly. "But we've barely spoken for days. He's been shutting himself off from me." "That's not what it looked like. He always left the second you left camp. I just guessed that he went to join you," said Sleepypaw in an apologetic tone. So where had Gorsepaw really been going? "I'm going to find out where he is," said Brightpaw decisively. "Right now? Brightpaw, you're crazy. It's going to snow soon." "I'll be back before you know it. Cover for me if Breezeflight comes looking; we were supposed to train today, but that can wait." "What? No way! Brightpaw, get back here," Flowerpaw shouted exasperatedly. "I'm sure Gorsepaw is fine." But Brightpaw didn't respond. She burst out of the camp and did a quick loop around it, locating Gorsepaw's tracks leading away from the western edge. She put her nose to the trail and began to run, not daring to shadowhop in case she lost the prints. Flowerpaw had been right about the weather. Already the wind was picking up, and she could taste the tang of fresh snow on the air. She grit her teeth and pushed on. Gorsepaw. He was such an enigma. She couldn't, for the life of her, figure him out--and Brightpaw didn't like that. She was straightforward, blunt--to the point of being obnoxious, or so she had been told--and reckless. He was more reserved, quiet, thoughtful. But when he did get passionate about something, he was fascinating to watch, the way the flames ignited his intelligent olive-green eyes. His obsession with justice. The way he had turned his back on GreenClan, but still treasured the memory of his brother, Duckpaw, killed in the fire that had ravaged the Order's camp. Unlike the cats Brightpaw had been brought up with, Gorsepaw saw beyond borders and allegiances: his primary concern was right and wrong. So what was he sneaking out of the camp for? She was almost to the western edge of SpringClan territory. In two days' time, Dewstar would be meeting Viperstar at this same spot to negotiate terms for a hostage release. She really hoped all went well; she missed Poolpaw and Petalpaw. The apprentices' den felt empty without them. Squinting through the trees, she saw the huddled forms of three cats standing just outside the border edge. She frowned; she was sure Viperstar and Dewstar's meeting wasn't today. So who could they be? Dropping into a crouch, she hid behind a bush, getting as close as she dared to the group. Two of the cats were facing her; the third was pointed in the opposite direction. The two cats whose faces she could see were GreenClan. One was a hefty black tom with a snaggle-tooth that protruded from his upper lip even with his mouth closed; the other was a smaller blue-gray she-cat. She was talking in an insistent voice to the third cat; by listening with all her might, Brightpaw could just pick up the thread of her words. "... we've got to come up with a plan before then. I've asked to speak with one of SpringClan's warriors, Breezeflight I think is her name, but even if she listens to me and shows up, it might not be enough. They don't understand the stakes. You know how Clan warriors are--GreenClan warriors are the same way. They can't see beyond the code; all they see is their own territory, not the vale. Not all the lives at stake. The Prophecy... SpringClan's doom is coming upon them faster than they know." "I realize that." Brightpaw froze. Every muscle in her body seemed to freeze over. She recognized that voice. She knew who the third cat was. She was so shocked that she forgot stealth; her tail thwacked against the branch of the bush. All three cats jumped at the noise. The blue-gray she-cat bent her head and hissed, "I'll let you know about any new developments. Keep me and Crowtooth posted, okay? Oh, and please let me know if you hear or see any trace of Grayclaw." "I promise," Gorsepaw said. "I don't want to see SpringClan destroyed either, you know. But Seabreeze, you know where my loyalties lie." Brightpaw waited for him to yell his loyalty to SpringClan, to attack these GreenClan warriors. But he didn't. The blue-gray she-cat, Seabreeze, said, "Gorsepaw, haven't you heard what I just said? This is about something bigger than GreenClan. Or SpringClan, for that matter." "Regardless. Give Viperstar my report." Brightpaw couldn't believe what she was hearing. Seabreeze glanced at Crowtooth. "Perhaps this was a mistake." Calmly, Gorsepaw said, "You can trust me. I'm not going to tell GreenClan that you two are traitors--" "Oh, so now wanting to warn SpringClan about death is being traitorous?" "--but I'm not going to give up my position." "As a spy, you mean," she said accusingly. "Do you even know what the Clan you are working for has planned? I dare you to come into the camp sometime. See how they're treating the two SpringClan apprentices. See what they've done to them." Poolpaw. Petalpaw. No! It was all Brightpaw could do to keep from leaping out of her hiding place, shredding all three of these cats to bits. "You know I can't go back to camp," Gorsepaw said evenly. "I'd be covered in GreenClan scent, and then when I went back to SpringClan my position would be revealed." "You're making a mistake. You might survive because of what you've done, but being able to live with yourself is a different thing. Especially you, Gorsepaw," whispered Seabreeze. "What about justice?" "I have always wanted justice. But it doesn't exist. Not on earth. I realized that the night Duckpaw died; it just took me a while to admit it to myself." Seabreeze shook her head. She nudged Crowtooth, motioning for the two of them to leave. Gorsepaw didn't say anymore. He watched as the blue-gray she-cat and the snaggle-toothed black tom padded away. Then he turned and began walking back towards the border. Brightpaw was torn. She could beat him back to the camp and notify Dewstar of his doings. But she had never been the patient type. She was so angry. She burst out of her hiding place, landing right in front of him. He screamed in surprise, stumbling back. "Brightpaw?" "You're a spy." Rage bubbled in her like a fountain. Since she had discovered her power of shadowhopping, she had felt thin and inconsequential, see-through. Now she materialized, her veins fire, her entire body aflame. She was almost scared of herself, except she was too busy relishing the heat of her fury to curl it back. He looked scared too. "What? No, I--I can explain. Whatever you heard." "I heard enough," she hissed. She sprang at him, knocking him back into a bush. One of his forelegs caught in the branches, nearly impaling him but instead snagging in his fur. "What was Seabreeze talking about? What's going to happen to SpringClan?" His eyes flashed with a thousand emotions, a thunderstorm in hues of olive-green. "I don't know." She grabbed his other foreleg and yanked. He grit his teeth in pain but didn't cry out. "I'm not messing around, Gorsepaw. Maybe you think that because I thought we were friends, I'm going to have any mercy." She bent to whisper in his ear. Never had she felt more like a cat with the powers of legend than now. She didn't know where Brightpaw the apprentice, quirky and funny and innocent, had gone, and when this monster possessing her had first taken hold of her. But she didn't hold back. "If you don't tell me, you have nothing to fear from SpringClan or GreenClan, Dewstar or Viperstar. I will rip you apart myself." "I'm sorry." He was on the ground, foreleg still trapped in the bush, fur covered in dirt. Her claws had left marks in his other leg, and pinpricks of blood were beginning to emerge in the gray fur. Pawsteps. Voices. A patrol was approaching. Gorsepaw shifted. She was on him like lightning, slamming him back into the earth. "Don't try to escape. It's no use." Sensing that he was running out of time, he said, "I love you." "If you're going to lie, at least make it relevant," she hissed. "I do. I don't want you to get hurt. But Viperstar... I'm a GreenClan apprentice, Brightpaw. It's justice. It's doing the right thing. I have to be loyal. If I die for it at the paws of your Clanmates, so be it. But I will never regret you, Brightpaw." She would've attacked him then and there, but the approaching patrol appeared. Breezeflight was at the front. Her eyes widened in shock as she took in the scene. Blackheart, Lilyshade, and Flowerpaw fanned out behind her. Flowerpaw let out a squeak. "Brightpaw? Are you all right?" "What are you guys doing here?" asked Brightpaw, struggling to come to terms with what was happening. "I was worried. The weather's getting really bad, and none of us knew where you or Gorsepaw were," said Flowerpaw. As if on cue, the wind picked up. Large flakes of snow started to fall from the sky. Brightpaw's eyes started to water. From the wind. She thought. She looked at Breezeflight straight in the eyes and said in as level a voice as she could manage, "Gorsepaw is a traitor. He's been spying on us for GreenClan." Breezeflight's jaw hardened as she realized the danger her apprentice had been in. Within a minute, she and the other two warriors had Gorsepaw surrounded. They marched him back to camp like a criminal. Flowerpaw hung back. "Are you okay?" she whispered. As briefly as she could, Brightpaw explained what had happened and what she'd heard. "He told me he loved me. Right before you guys arrived." Her voice broke. "Oh, Brightpaw." Flowerpaw leaned forward and let her sister lean into her shoulder. Only when her face was completely submerged in Flowerpaw's soft ginger-and-white coat did she let the tears fall. "Why would he mock me like that? Of all the cruel things to say." "Even sinners can fall in love." "I wanted to kill him." "No, you didn't." "No. I didn't. But I should've." - - - - I stood just outside the camp tunnel. It was dark. It had been three days since Poolpaw and Petalpaw had been taken, and tonight was when I was supposed to meet with the GreenClan she-cat, who was called Seabreeze, according to Brightpaw--and the night Dewstar was going to meet with Viperstar. Brightpaw was fussing like an anxious mother hen. "Honestly, Brightpaw, I'll be fine. The reason I only woke you is because I knew Minkears or Ryan would've worried too much." My apprentice gave me such a disapproving look that for a second I felt like she was Ivyrose, frowning upon one of my many apprenticehood hare-brained schemes. "Seriously. I'll be careful, Mom." "This is not a joking matter, Breezeflight," she said severely. More gently, I said, "I know. I'll come back." "What if Seabreeze turns out to be bad too?" "You told me everything they said. It sounds like Seabreeze and Crowtooth don't agree with what GreenClan is going to do--and we need to find out what that is, what is so bad that even the Clan's own warriors are questioning Viperstar. The only chance we have of doing that is by my attending this meeting." "I can't believe this strange GreenClan she-cat is suddenly more trustworthy than--" Brightpaw cut off, shaking her head. "StarClan, I'm such an idiot." "It's not your fault. He was... He cared for you." "No." Her eyes glittered wetly in the moonlight, but she didn't let a single tear fall. "But he was a beautiful liar." Lies. Fire had lied, too. But she was our friend. She was loyal--if not to SpringClan, then to us. It didn't matter, in the end, truth or lie. We believed what we wanted to believe. Sometimes we feared the truth much more than the lie. The truth was terrifying. Lies could be beautiful. Right now, I didn't want the truth almost more than I wanted it. I was scared of what Seabreeze was going to tell me. I was scared of Viperstar. Claron hadn't scared me this much, nor had Duskwatcher. But after being in those tunnels, twisted and dark as Viperstar's mind, after the nightmares... the fear was almost paralyzing, even now, an omnipresent sour taste in my mouth, a knot deep in my gut. But I had to be brave. Cowardice and courage were two sides of the same thing: fear. I had to choose. "I'm going." "Okay." Brightpaw swallowed. "Bye, Breezeflight." She touched her nose to my ear. I managed a small smile, and then I was running away from the camp before my brain had time to change the course of my paws, running towards the western border and into the darkness of the night. My paws were nearly frozen by the time I reached the designated meeting spot. I was a little early, and it appeared that Dewstar and Viperstar were a little late, because I could see no sign of them. A prickle of unease tickled within. I didn't trust Viperstar in the least. And I was scared for Dewstar. It felt like that was all I had the power to do. Be scared. Worry. Seabreeze managed to startle me; I nearly screamed as she slipped out of the grassy fields beyond the border and said, "Hi." "Hello." "I'm Seabreeze." I almost said I know, but decided not to give away Brightpaw's eavesdropping. "Breezeflight." "I'm sorry I'm a little late." Upon closer inspection, I could see she looked... exhausted. Sad. No, something deeper, more painful. "My brother's missing. His name's Grayclaw." Uncertain of how I was supposed to respond, I said, "I'm really sorry to hear that." "I've been asking around. Other warriors say Viperstar sent him on a special mission a few nights ago. No one knows what it was. I don't think he went on a special mission. I think something happened to him." I had been about to say something to guide her back to whatever it was she wanted to tell me, but at those words, something fell into place. A special mission for Viperstar. I knew her brother. I had seen him. In a nursery, covered in blood--first the blood of others, then his own. I had killed him.
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