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| - :Father Donovan: And so we say goodbye to our dear old friend, Walter. Who was also qualified to ride a motorcycle! Amen. [bows his head in respect]
:All: Amen.
:Father Donovan: Now let's raffle off his stuff! First up... [Two church-goers push a paddle-boat into view] ...some kinda crappy little paddle-boat...
:Stan: [excitedly] Ooh, I totally want that! [puts his hands together] Dear Lord, please make my ticket the winner.
:Hayley: Oh, and now you'll win!? Even if there was a God, I doubt he'd run the universe like a vending machine, where you put in a prayer and out pops...
:Father Donovan: [reads out ticket] 641.
:Stan: Yes! Thank you, Jesus! [to Hayley] God is my co-pilot and the virgin Mary is my hot stewardess. Ding! More nuts, Mary!
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:Stan: But I...I gotta have friends! Even child molesters have friends! I mean they're usually other child molesters, but, y'know, they go to lunch and stuff.
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:Steve: You spent all your money trying to win a hat with antlers?
:Roger: [furiously] I do not chose to discuss it!
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:Stan: Dear Lord, if you're not too busy giving the guys at McDonald's new sandwich ideas, I wanted to ask you something.
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:[Steve is being taken by Icepick through the crack dealers' hideout. He notices a crack dealer in convulsion on the floor]
:Steve: Is he fighting invisible dementors?
:Icepick: Shut up! [Pushes Steve through a doorway into a crack lab]
:Steve: Potions class! Did you get all this stuff from Professor Snape?
:Icepick: [furiously] You do not freakin' ask who we got this from!!
:Steve: [gasps] He Who Shall Not Be Named!
:Icepick: This is Hoppy. He knows what to do.
:Steve: You're my Ron Weasley!
:Hoppy: Lávate las manos.
:Steve: Is that a spell?
:Hoppy: Lávate las manos!
:Steve: Lávate las manos.
:Hoppy: Lávate las manos!!
:Steve: Lávate las manos!
:Hoppy: LAVATE LAS MANOS!!!
:Steve: LAVATE LAS MANOS!!!
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:[Stan and Brett are standing on a beach shore, looking out to the ocean]
:Stan: [Inhales deeply] Breathe it in. Just smell it! This rotting whale proves that God exists! [Camera pans out to reveal the two are standing by the decaying corpse of a washed-up whale] For even in death it provides sustenance for the Lord's other creatures. And a pretend jail for me! [Gets behinds the whale's ribs and presses his face between them like prison bars] Let me outta here! [Picks up a squid-like organ] Squidface does horrible things to me after lights out! Unspeakable things!
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:Roger: You would be pissed if I forgot to give you this magic wand. [Holds out one of his chopsticks to Steve]
:Steve: Wow! It's so light! [Waves the chopstick lightly through the air] I can't tell if I'm leading it or it's leading me! [Notices the other chopstick] Cool! Is that another one?
:Roger: No, that's a chopstick.
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:Roger: Oh God! I pooed!
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