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| - (The episode begins with the guys all groaning in the house on a hot summer day) Muscle Man: Okay, that's it (takes off his pants) Mordecai: C'mon Muscle Man, not the pants. Muscle Man: If I don't take them off, I can't cool 'em off. Simple science, bro. Benson: Listen up, due to the extreme heat, the park is closed today, work is cancelled. If you need me, I'll be in the shade lying still. (he leaves) Rigby: Alright. Did you hear that, Mordecai? A day off. Mordecai: Too bad we don't have air conditioning, and it's too hot to move. Rigby: Oh yeah. Man, this day off is a scam. Mordecai: We just have to find a place where we can cool off. (Scene cuts to the Coffee Shop) Eileen: So just the free ice water then? Rigby: Yeah, thanks Eileen. (he cools himself off with the ice water) Eileen: (stares at Rigby, wide eyed) Feel better now? (she clears her voice) Feel better now, Rigby? Rigby: No, I'm still hot. (Eileen takes the shirt) Eileen: Mordecai and the Rigbys? Whatever happened to that? Mordecai: We had to break up. Didn't want to end up as British dirtbags, so. Eileen: That's why I quit Mole Scouts too. Well anyway, if you feel like getting back together, there's a Battle of the Bands here tonight. Mordecai: Nah, that was a different time. Rigby: Yeah, things have changed for us. Eileen: First prize is an air conditioner. (Mordecai and Rigby gasp) Mordecai: Where's the sign up sheet? (Scene cuts to the park where Benson holds up a soda to cool himself off, Skips sitting on a hammock, Pops laying on a chair with a fan to cool himself off, Muscle Man and Hi-Five Ghost laying down on a pool, and Thomas laying down on another chair) Mordecai: Dudes, dudes. Guess what? (The guys groan) Mordecai: There's gonna be a Battle of the Bands tonight. Muscle Man: Why should we care, bro? Mordecai: Because the prize is a brand new air conditioner. (The guys are excited) Rigby: And we're getting the band back together. (Mordecai and Rigby are mimicking rock stars who are playing guitars) Benson: Mordecai and the Rigbys aren't a band. Two guys who can barely play guitar isn't a band. Mordecai: Hey, we've been practicing. Rigby: But on your second point, you're right, two guys isn't a band. That's why we need you guys. Mordecai: Yeah. Pops, keys. Rigby: Skips, bass. Mordecai: Muscle Man and Fives, horn. (Mordecai and Rigby are mimicking drummers) Mordecai and Rigby: Benson on drums. And... Mordecai: Uhhh... Thomas: I know, I can be your British manager. Mordecai: What? Thomas: Dude, every band has a mean British manager. (he speaks in British accent) Oi, you lot! (he snickers and again speaks in British accent) We're supposed to play Manchester on half an hour ago! Mordecai: Uhh...sure, man. So, you guys with us? Muscle Man: If it means getting out of this heat wave, then we're in! Guys: AC! AC! AC! AC! Benson: You guys better know what you're doing! (Scene cuts to the garage where the guys are setting up the band and playing music) Mordecai: Guys? Guys? Thomas (in British accent): Hey, listen up you lot, Mordo here has something to say! (He leaves) Mordecai: Uhhh...thanks, Thomas. Now we're all in this together and we all have equal say. No one person is in charge, okay? Benson: Fine! Even though I've actually been in a successful band before. Rigby: Okay, we need a really awesome tune. Anybody have any song ideas? Benson: I'm working on a rock opera! It's a little thing I call: Benson-Phonia! Muscle Man: Benson, no offense but since we're equals now, that sounds totally stupid, bro. No offense! Mordecai: Actually, I've been working on a riff. Pops: Let's hear it! Rigby: Yeah, man! Mordecai: Okay, I'm a bit rusty, alright? Okay, okay. Rigby: C'mon, Mordo! Benson: Stop, stop, stop! Again! One and-a two and-a three and-a four, (Benson and the band plays in unison) Benson: (points at Muscle Man) You're not blowing hard enough! I mean, really blow! And as for.. (Scene cuts at Benson) Benson: You're flat! You're flat! Benson: (plays the keyboard to Pops) See how much better that sounds? Skips, you gotta play on tempo! Benson: (The band plays but interrupted) Again! (The band plays but interrupted again) Again! (The band is interrupted for the third time) AGAIN, AGAIN, AGAIN! Mordecai: Sorry for the weird meeting place, but Benson only allowed one bathroom break and we got some urgent business to take care of. Now, I'm gonna say what everybody else is thinking. We gotta do something about Benson, right? Skips: He told me my bass playing was sloppy. Me, Skips! Pops: He told me my arpeggios don't arpeggi-flow! What does that even mean? Rigby: At this rate, we're never gonna win that AC! And the Battle of the Bands is in a few hours! Mordecai: Who thinks me and Rigby should run rehearsals? (everybody raises their hands) Rigby: (flushes the toilet) Meeting adjourned! Mordecai: Alright! Good meeti-AAAAH! Benson: I came to check up on you guys. I'm the only one taking this seriously and you BACKSTAB ME LIKE THIS?! Mordecai: Uhh... Benson: Well, I QUIT! (throws drumsticks at the ground) Mordecai: Good riddance! And don't come back! Muscle Man: Dude, we need a drummer! Now what? Thomas: One, two, three- Mordecai: Hey, hey guys! I think we're gotta scrap Keepin' It Cool. (They all groan) It'll be okay, though! I've been working on a new sound that the judges are gonna go nuts for. Okay, so it starts off with a child voice saying: You can't tell me what to do! And then it goes: (plays the guitar) Used to be a tom when you had all the power! But these days are more like you are just a jerk! Rigby: Mordecai! Mordecai: ♪And I don't wanna look at your face!♪ Rigby: Mordecai! Mordecai: What?! Rigby: Listen to yourself! It's not a good song! Mordecai: Oh yeah? (grabs Rigby) Then how come this is a song that's gonna take us to the top?! Rigby: Ahh! (pounds on Mordo's fists) Get off of me! Muscle Man: Woah, woah! Cool it! Rigby: You've lost it dude! Mordecai: Good! (spits) I didn't want it anyway. I quit! (then Mordecai and the rest of the band leave) Eileen: (puts down a pitcher full of water) Is everything okay? Rigby: I don't know, Eileen. I mean all I wanted to do is win the air conditioner. And now Mordecai and the Rigbys is dead -- again. Eileen: Yeah, but if anyone can get the band back together, it's you. Rigby: Me? Why me? Eileen: You're the one who came up with the band in the first place. You're the one who kept wearing the t-shirt way after it was cool. You're the one who can keep the band alive. Rigby: Hey, yeah! I can get the band back together! And all I gotta do is lie and say I got free pizza! Mordecai: (He enters the room) Don't get any ideas. I'm just here to eat my free pizza and go. Mordecai: Rigby?! Benson: What's going on here? Muscle Man: Yeah where's the free pizza? Rigby: Okay, look, don't be mad. But there's no free pizza. Mordecai: I'm out! Rigby: (blocks the door) But there's a good reason I brought you all here! We can work this out guys, we can still win! Mordecai: No way, dude! I'm not playing in a band with Benson! (slaps Benson's drum kit) Benson: Don't touch my kit, Mordecai! Mordecai: Or what? Benson: Or.. Or I'll cut your strings! Thomas: (in a British accent) Oy! Just wanted to make sure -- (surprised) krikey. Mordecai: Oh man, what are we doing? Rigby: Yeah, we just broke a bunch of stuff! Muscle Man: I guess I'll never go triple platinum with this baby. (spills soda from his trumpet) Mordecai: Ha! I can't believe we let the heat get to us like this. I'm sorry I quit, dude. Rigby: It's okay, man. This stuff happens when you're in a band. Mordecai: Yeah, but I forgot what was most important. Rigby: Friendship? Mordecai: The air conditioner. You're right though! We can still win this thing. Rigby: Okay, except that was something I said before we broke all our instruments. Mordecai: No! We can still do it! When you're in Mordecai and the Rigbys, the music's inside of you. But we need everybody if we're gonna win. Even the ones we thought were acting like jerks, but are actually pretty good drummers. Auto T.: Next! Eileen: What happened back there? Thomas: Ah, all the instruments are destroyed. Eileen: What?! Eileen: There they are! Man: Hey! Where are your instruments, man? Mordecai: Shut it! Mordecai and Rigby: We are Mordecai and the Rigbys! Mordecai: And we rock so hard, we don't need instruments. Rigby: Hit it! Benson: A-one, a-two, a-one, two, three, four! Mordecai: K-k-k-keeping it cool! K-k-k-keeping it cool! Eileen and Thomas: Wooh! Alright, yeah! Eileen: Man, they sure look gross and sweaty. Mordecai: K-k-k-keeping it cool! (The judges rates them: "Cool".) K-k-k-keeping it cool! (They play until there's a large text above them that says: Keeping it Cool. Then Lord Blizzord gets out of the air conditioner. Mordecai: Lord Blizzord! Mordecai: Huh? We won! Eileen: Actually, you guys collapsed of heat stroke before you even started. Mordecai: (weakly) We don't even need instruments! Benson: One, two, three! (He collapses) Eileen: You actually got last place. Your subconscious must have created a reality where you're really good. You're in a hospital now. Rigby: But dude, free AC! Mordecai and Rigby: Woaaahhhh! (then they shiver because of cold) Mordecai: Can we get some --- extra blankets?
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