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| - I tried as much as i could to make a normal conversation with my friend. This is how it went: ME: So...hi, friend. FRIEND: Hey don't call me that. Call me my real name. ME: Okay...er...hi Mr. My Real Name. FRIEND: GAHHH! Try to be normal. Okay, other friend. ME: What lovely weather we are having. FRIEND: You call this lovely weather??? It's horrible! ME: I hope the weather stays the same. FRIEND: You hope the weather stays the same??? What goes on in that head of yours? ME: Thoughts. FRIEND: Thank you, Captain Obvious.' (Captain Obvious bursts out of the ground) CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: No need to thank me. FRIEND: I was making a figure of speech. CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Ah, i see. Just giving a speech. I always wondered how you could actually "give" one away though. FRIEND: That was also a figure of speech. CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Wow! Two speeches! You should be a lecturer. FRIEND: Let's try and make this normal. Goodbye, Captain Oblivious. CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Byes are good?? I thought saying bye to someone who was going to die is not good. FRIEND: I was just saying an everyday word in an everyday sentence. CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Well...i have a train to catch. FRIEND: Do you have a net to catch it with? CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Oh no, i haven't thought of that! I'd best buy a net!! THANKS FOR REMINDING ME!!! (He runs to the net shop) FRIEND: That was....not normal. ME: What was? FRIEND: That. ME: I always thought that was normal. FRIEND: Well...that isn't anymore....do you even know what i'm talking about? ME: How should i know? I am merely a cameraman. FRIEND: You don't even have a job, an occupation. ME" I have an occupation as a student. FRIEND: Shut up. ME: I was only programmed to shut down. FRIEND: You were programmed? ME: No, i was just trying to annoy you. YOU: Who? ME? ME: No, not you, You. Him. HIM: Who? ME? ME: Yes you, Him. Not to be confused with you, You. YOU: Sure thing. HIM: Sure is not a thing, let alone an object. I might state it is like slang even. YOU: Of course, sure is not a thing. Things do not have minds of their own. HIM: Sure does not. YOU: Ah, but it "sure does". HIM: Was that a pathetic attempt at a pun? YOU: No, i was just trying to make the story more exciting. HIM: That cannot possibly work. ME: Ah, but it can. HIM: Hey, do you actually know what i am referring to by "that"? ME: No, but i try. HIM: Trying is not as easy as it looks. ME: Yes, especially since trying does not look. HIM: Yes....i suppose so. Now i must catch a train....with this net. (He literally catches train) ME: So i'm left with you, You. YOU: Yes, you. ME: You are referring to yourself, right? YOU: No, i am referring to you. ME: Which is you, since you are You. YOU: Oh shut up. I'm leaving. ME: You have always left. FRIEND: Can someone tell me what's happening? YOU: I happened. ME: You happened long ago! LONG AGO! YOU: So it would seem if i did not live in a submarine. ME: YOU DO??? YOU: ...This is why i don't try to rhyme. FRIEND: That...was a rhyme? ME: Rhyme time. FRIEND: I got a good rhyme. Why do pigs fly? ME: IS that a question or a rhyme? FRIEND: Both. ME: SO, it's a questyme? FRIEND: No. It is both. BOTH: I am both. Clarify, please. FRIEND: See. He is both. Both, as in both things. Both (himself) and both (questyme). BOTH: No you are confusing me. I am Both as in both. ME: So...as in Both, right? BOTH: No, but as in both. ME: No difference. BOTH: No. One difference. FRIEND: Indifference? BOTH: No. One difference. FRIEND: OH, go away. BOTH: I have gone this way many times. Many times. ME: This is hardly normal. HARD LEE: Who called me? WACHOW! ME: WHAT IS THIS WACHOW YOU SPEAK OF? HARD LEE: Eh? This Wachow is meaty dumpling thing. BOTH: Meaty dumpling thing.... Is that all of them? HARD LEE: No, but a threesome. BOTH: And that would be? HARD LEE: ALL! I AM CORRECT! (he leaves) BOTH: I must part. (he also leaves) (someone shuffles their fingers and clicks their feet) PERSON: Doo-dah-dee-dum-dah-dee-doo. And so....this is not as normal as you think, but rather abnormal? ME: Do you mean as in...my abdomens are normal? No, i mean as in abnormal. ME: I see. BLIND GUY: Well, i don't.
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