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| - (This takes place right after Firestar's Quest.) Firestar: Finally home! I hope Leafstar is doing good. (Turns on TV) TV: Hello! We just witnessed Marty the Magnificent jump 500 feet on a motorcycle! Humans are soooo talented! Stupid cats could never do any better! Firestar: WHAT?! THE DISRESPECT! THE DISHONOR! WE'LL SHOW THOSE STUPID TWOLEGS! (Later, after Firestar gets judges and his own show.) Announcer: She-cats and Toms! Welcome to Cats Got Talent! With the four leaders of the clans! Firestar, Crookedstar, Tallstar and Blackstar! Let's begin! First runner up: Crowfeather! Crowfeather: Hello Nightcloud! Nightcloud: Do good, honey! Crowfeather: And hello Breezepelt! Breezepelt: Go to Dark Forest! Crowfeather: What a joker! I love you too, son! Breezepelt: (Muttering) Why you little... (Interrupted by Crowfeather) Crowfeather: I'll be swallowing swords! Firestar: But it's way too dangerous! Crowfeather: Duh! But I'm a daredevil! (Swallows 8 swords) Tallstar: Amazing! If he plays his cards right, he may get a perfect 10! Crowfeather: See? I've got this under con... OWWW! MY LIVER! OOOOH, THAT'S MY PANCREAS! Crookedstar: Holy stuff! Medics! (Medics rush on the stage.) Blackstar: Well, he's officially off. Firestar: Ew, what's this? Oh. (Walks up to Crowfeather in the ambulance.) Here's your heart, I found it under the judge's table. Crowfeather:(Stammering) Thank... You... Tallstar: Well, that blew logs. Who's next? Feathertail: Oh, me! Firestar: And what will you do, Feathertail? Feathertail: (Getting heavy mountain climbing gear on.) I'm going to be the first cat to climb Mt. Everest. Tallstar:That's crazy! Feathertail: See you when I'm famous, y'all! (Climbs into chopper, parachutes down to Mt. Everest. Crookedstar: This might work... Blackstar: (Snorts) Yeah, right. Feather tail starts climbing. She climbs for hours, eats a frozen corpse, and makes it 1 inch to the top. Feathertail: Before I become famous and win, I think I'll yodel. Firestar:(In slow motion.) N-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O! Feathertail yodels anyway. Feathertail: YODELAYHEEHOOO! (Mountain of snow crushes her.) Tallstar:0.0 ... She's disqualified, even though I would vote for her if the rules allowed it. Crookedstar: NEXT!! Scourge enters Firestar: Scourge! I'll take you down again if I have to! (Jumps out of judge chair and beats scourge to a pulp.) Scourge: Ooooooohhhhh. I feel really bad. Tallstar: He was a contestant, Firestar! Firestar: I know. I hate his guts, though. Darkstar: I hate him as well. Tallstar: You hate everyone. Darkstar: Hey! I have feelings too! Scourge: BE QUIET! Firestar: Dang! You have some pipes! Scourge: Yeah, that's why I'm singing In The End. Firestar: Great! I love Linkin' Park! Scourge: Ahem... ( In the highest and worst voice ever.) I TRIED SO HARD, AND GOT SO FAR... Firestar: UNACCEPTABLE! (Presses button. Scourge falls through a trapdoor.) Scourge: There are spikes down here! What is this, Mortal Kombat?! Firestar: Good idea(Puts on Scorpion mask. Shoots hand spear at Blackstar.)! Get over here! Crookedstar: Hello? 911? Yes, I've got a leader gone bad. You'll be right there? Great(Hangs up phone.). Tallstar: Don't worry, Firestar. The white men are going to take you to the happy hospital! Orderlies come in. Firestar: Stay back! Orderly 1: Don't make me taze you, cat. Firestar attacks and kills the orderlies, and flees the seen. Then, the next day... Anchorman: The homocidal cat is still at large. Back to you, Carry. Darkstar: That sucked. Crookedstar: Agreed. Tallstar: It was never meant to be. Cats shouldn't impersonate humans. AND NOW YOU KNOW. FIN
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