| abstract
| - Dave had always wanted to be a chimney sweep, but had always lacked the money required to go to sweep school. Unfortunately, as he was thinking of a way to earn money, he was eaten by a... erm... dragon! Fortunately, inside the dragon's belly was piles of gold and weapons from knights it had eaten previously, which Dave used to kill the dragon from the inside, and escaped much richer, if a litte soggy. Unfortunately, Dragons are now a protected species, so Dave had to use all the gold he found to pay off his fines and was back to square one. Fortunately, the weapons in the grue's dragon's body were used to kill the people who charged him, and he had a £3,957,385,843.95. Unfortunately having a 3,957,385,843.95 note was no use to him at all as only Bill Gates was rich enough to give him change from it when he went to buy something and it was Bill Gates' pet dragon that Dave had just killed. Fortunately, Bill hated that dragon, and rewarded Dave with a mysterious golden amulet. Unfortunately, when Dave tried to rubbing it to access the hidden Djinny to claim his 3 wishes, all that appeared was a large blue cloud with the words "A problem has been detected and windows has shut down to prevent damage to your Djinny." Fortunately, he stole someone else's firefox amulet and rubbed it again. Unfortunately, this time, when the Djinny appeared it started talking to Dave in what sounded suspiciously like Urdu (a language Dave had never been that good at at school). Fortunately, Doctor Who appeared in the area to stop an alien invasion, so the TARDIS translated the Urdu unintentionally into English, Dave's native tongue.Unfortunately it turned out that the TARDIS and the Djinny were ex-lovers, with the TARDIS having done the dirty with the Djinny's younger sister, so the Djinny left crying her eyes out taking Dave's amumlets with it. Fortunately, the TURDIS came after the TARDIS, and restarted translating the Urdu. Unfortunately the TURDIS started translating the Urdu into Yiddish,(which was no good to Dave as he totally flunked that one at school as well), so Dave decided to walk away from the whole sorry situation and look for some other way to make money. Fortunately, the TURDIS was threatened by a grue dragon to translate into English again, so it did, and Dave came back and listened. Unfortunately what was translated "Take 2, three times a day after food. do not exceed stated dose.", was of absolutely no use to Dave in his quest for wealth. Fortunately, it turned out that what the Djinny was talking about was some pills, which Dave then took, which made him intelligent enough to not need to go to sweep school. Unfortunately, although intelligent enough not to have to go to sweep school, Dave had to have the diploma they issued to get his licence to become a chimney sweep. Fortunately, Dave was let off of having to have a diploma, as he was much more intelligent thatn any other grue person who wanted to sweep. Unfortunately, chimney sweeps were not in high demand. Fortunately, the pills made Dave not want to be a sweep any more, and after finding this revelation rose up to heaven and became God himself. Unfortunately, original God was pretty pissed off about this, and smote Dave down, taking his intelligence away while he was at it. Fortunately, God decided to end Dave's life quickly so he didn't have to suffer dumbness. Unfortunately, Satan didn't want him clogging up hell, so he sent Dave to France instead. Fortunately, he met Sam from the unstory sentence version, and they travelled many journeys and adventures. Unfortunately, Sam was down on his luck too, and mugged Dave and took all his posessions, even his shoes. Fortunately, Sam fell comatose and died soon after, so Dave took all of Sam's and his own possesions, and had £2,848,363 in £50 notes.Unfortunately a passing police man saw Dave taking all of Sam's possesions from his corpse and immediately arrested him for murder. Fortunately, that very policeman spontaneously combusted right after making the arrest. Unfortunately the officer had confiscated all of the money beforehand, Dave wept into his silently into his bobble hat as he saw all his lovely dosh go up in flames. Fortunately Dave suddenly gained £infinite in £10 notes, and placed them in his infinate treasury. Unfortunately, it took him infinite time to place the infinite notes in his infinite treasury. Fortunately, he had a credit card, and after that infinite amount of time things were going great. Unfortunately, he realied that after just 100 trillion years the universe had ended, so he didn't exist.Fortunately Dave was an avid Blue Peter fan, so using some sticky backed plastic, some empty washing up bottles and a wire coat hanger, he was able to constuct a time machine and travel back to a time when he did exist. Unfortunately, that time was the time of the Soviet Union, and he was stuck in the middle of it. Fortunately, he transformed into a chicken - in Soviet Russia, Chicken roasts YOU!! Unfortunately, his new Russian-roasting powers started to attract unwanted attention from the Mafia. Fortunately, he roasted the Mafia also. Unfortunately, their roasting released toxic Italian smoke into the air. Fortunately, Dave was immune to toxic smoke. Unfortunately this was toxic Italian smoke and since he was not immune to that, he started ending every sentence he said with Mama mia!, them's a spicy meatballs! Fortunately, everybody liked people saying "Mama mia!, them's a spicy meatballs" at the beginning of sentances. Unfortunately, the only sentances people liked hearing mama mia! them's a spicy meatballs at the begining of were prison sentances, and Dave's affliction made him say Mama mia!, them's a spicy meatballs! at the end of every normal conversational sentance. Mama mia!, them's a spicy meatballs! Fortunately, Dave soon recovered from his ailment and started on his quest to get m¤n£¥$. Unfortunately, money was slowly becoming endangered, being entrusted to wildlife reserves to prevent poachers from capturing it. Fortunately for Dave, he was looking for m¤n£¥, not money, which wasn't endangered nor was in reserves. Unfortunately, it had taken Dave so long to get this far, the currency had changed from money to m¤n£¥, making all money useless. Fortunately, he knew that, and he had an unstealable™ pocket-o'£££® with £100 of m¤n£¥s inside. Unfortunately, though the pocket-o'£££® was unstealable™, this also made it unspendable™, and so he couldn't get the m¤n£¥ out. Fortunately, there was a Vode™ which which could be used for spending it, and only Dave and Perma-Honest© shopkeepers could know it - and Dave did know it, and also couldn't forget it. However, still being stuck in the middle of Soviet Russia, there were no appropriate shops nearby in which to spend said m¤n£¥. Fortunately, in Soviet Russia, Soviet Russia is in YOU! This meant that, in actual fact, Dave was not in Soviet Russia, and walked happily into the sunset. Unfortunately, Dave got less and less happy the closer to the sun he got, probably due to the fact that it had caused him to burst into flames - "Ow!", he cried. Fortunately, he had saved the game just before he walked into the sunset, and started walking the other way next time. Unfortunately, walking in the other direction took him right into the heart of Mongolia, and he didn't have a map to find the right direction with. Fortunately, due to the fact that Ghelæ is not allowed to add anything grue- (and therefore eurg-) related, he was not eaten by a grue or eurg and ended up walking through a portal back home with his m¤n£¥s. Unfortunately the portal was also a time portal, and he ended up home, but 2000 years in the future. Fortuately, life in the year 4006 was an excellent life for Dave, as no money was in use, there was no crime and everyone had everything they would ever need. Unfortunately, he had still not fulfilled his dream of becoming a chimney sweep, and as standards had increased so much by 4006, Dave would have to start school again at the very lowest level. Fortunately, because everyone had everything they ever needed, Dave realised that he didn't need to start school again as he already had the education he needed. Unfortunately, with this newfound knowledge, he realised that 4006 wasn't as good as it first seemed - global warming had taken its course and destroyed the Earth's atmosphere, overpopulation meant that hardly anybody had a house or place to stay, every single animal and plant had been hunted or farmed to extinction, and everyone had AIDS. Fortunately, because everybody had what they needed to have, they had the cure for AIDS and Space Bases existed to support the overpopulation (and about the animals and plants, they had special devices which could ressurrect dead species). Unfortunately, no matter how unneeded chimney sweeps were now, Dave still felt the burning desire to become one - so much so, in fact, that if he didn't become one in the near future he would surely die. Fortunately, because everyone... yadda yadda yadda ...someone needed a chimney sweep, and Dave walked by their house, so Dave became a chimney sweep just then. Unfortunately, it turned out that being a chimney sweep was not to Dave's liking, so he decided to quit. Fortunately, he had fulfilled his dream of being a chimney sweep - The End... perhaps? Unfortunately, Dave didn't know that the story had ended, and kept on going about his life, probably looking for a way to spend all his m¤n£¥, as it was such a shame having so much of it and nowhere to use it any more. Fortunately, being the next editor of the page, Ghelæ told Daave that the story had ended, Dave believed him and had his facts verified by a grue Wikipedia Uncyclopedia, and the story ended this time... for good. Unfortunately, Dave's good friend Joe (who had been accompanying him all along, but was just never written about) was Euthanasian and couldn't understand a word Ghelæ said, and continued with his story, thinking Ghelæ nothing but a madman. Fortunately, Ghelæ learnt of this and said the exact same things that he said to Davem except in Euthanasian and using proper Euthanasian grammar, and he did the same to everyone else in the story in thewir languages using the proper grammar of their languages, so the story ended... for the third time... for good.
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