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| - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Jesus Christ endorses Obama
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| - This is average formatting here, but it's broken up by the use of tags. I would replace the current tags with the slightly prettier tags or just put all the text in speech marks and make it italic. Otherwise the formatting seems to be pretty standard. There's a good amount of blue link, and a few red ones . Everything is formatted according to UnNews standards and the text is broken into friendly, decent sized chunks of text. Good work. There was one thing I noticed, you were missing commas, in quite a few places. Need to watch that in the future. I've tried to tidy this up in bits. After reading it through again I realised that you were actually quite sloppy in bits with your writing, grammar and sentence construction. This needs a little look at and a bit of a cleanup.
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| - I would give this an 8, because the image you do have is relevant and has a funny caption, however it's too big and disrupts the article. I would scale it down a bit and put another image in. Maybe a picture of Obama looking happy, or something similar? Also, I would put the first picture on the right hand side and the second one, lower down, on the left hand side.
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| - While the race between Obama and Clinton isn't exactly a fresh topic, this new angle you took made it seem quite fresh and quite amusing. Jesus favouring a candidate? Very good. I feel you just need to make a bit more of this idea with the jokes you have in the article. Since the concept is quite strong you can almost get away with average humour - but that doesn't mean that you should get away with it. If you can improve the humour here, you're looking at a very good UnNews piece.
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| - The opening here is quite strong and I loved . That's a very good line. I'm smiling already in the opening paragraph, which is a good thing! Despite the slightly inconsistent grammar and comma-usage your writing was strong . I thought that you could have got a bit more of a joke into and that you could have made quite a bit more of that. God? A democrat? Surely not!
- while this is a well written and expected sentence it looks a bit lonely all by itself in a paragraph of its own. Even still it sort of wets your appetite for what's to come... It makes you feel a great walloping of funny is coming. And the Hillary quote was very good. I like the way that she obviously lays into Jesus, as well as she can, picking at his negative bits and trying to discredit him. I can almost imagine that happening in real life. Of course, if she had been endorsed she would have been praising the Lord and Jesus ...so that bit's very clever.
- was quite nice, with the mislink in it. Found that quite amusing and I smiled, but didn't actually laugh out loud. was quite funny, especially the end bit, even if it was a bit o.O . Again good, funny, but not laugh-out-loud funny. Still your UnNews is so far looking very nice, and quite funny to boot.
- Reading through your UnNews, it can be a tiny bit frustrating at times, but that doesn't mean this UnNews is awful...quite the opposite! You've got lots of little things in here, which are buds of raw humoUr, but you need to add to them and expand on them. I can't go through every single one, but I think I've mentioned a few. What this needs is a good old-fashioned run through with a bit of an expansion to bits you think have potential to be seriously funny.
- Probably the funniest line in the whole thing came with , for some reason I found this hilarious. I don't know why, I can't really explain this slightly random humour, it's just funny. Good work. was a strong, and quite funny, line to end it on, good work. I enjoyed reading that UnNews, but there are definitely things to be done.
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| - You've done well here, and I enjoyed the piece. It isn't, however, VFH ready. It's got a pretty average score, but I really don't want you to give up on this. This article has great potential and I reckon you really need to try and take this all the way. So what do you need to do? Well, first of all you should replace all the tags with tags. Then you need to read the article through and try and tidy up some of the slightly sloppy grammar/writing. Once this is done you then just need to address the few humour issues and...well...make it funnier. Doing this is going to be quite hard work, just like it's hard work to write anything which is really funny. A few one-liners here, some sarcasm and irony there and you should be on your way to making this article excellent. Also I think this article has the potential for a few more satirical jabs at American politics and the two candidates . Good luck! When you think you've made all these changes to the best of your ability I would resubmit your article to Pee Review to see how people think it's getting along. And one more time: good luck!
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