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| - ~ ~ Whiteflicker's fur seems to let off an unearthly glow as I wave goodbye with my tail. The setting sun makes me feel a twinge of regret- I've spent my whole afternoon here, when I should be with my squad, planning out a way to help the rebels. Anything to help the rebellion against the Beauty. "Goodbye, Amberfrost." Whiteflicker says, and I turn back to see her eyes blazing. I know she doesn't trust me, and I think she knows, too. Something will happen, and I'll be the one who's blamed. "Goodbye, mother." I say, stifling a relieved sigh when she walks back into her den. As I walk throughout the clearing, the huge variety of emotions threaten to overwhelm me. But right now, everything just feels unnerving. I've never liked going back to Whiteflicker's den ever since I became a Beauty warrior, but she's been more insistent as the day goes on. I feel like she's watching me - as if waiting for me to do something. I just don't know what; what does she want? And why has she become like this? What is she hoping to gain out if watching someone like... me? "Amberfrost?" I look up, narrowly avoiding a collision with Brownhare. At the thought of it, I feel the heat rush into my cheeks, but I mask the emotion from my face. "What happened?" he asks, and it's all I can do to hold myself back - after all, Brownhare and I have no secrets that we keep from each other. We're best friends. "Whiteflicker is just being... herself." I say, making a face, and Brownhare laughs. "She's becoming worse by the day, Brownhare." I sigh quietly. "What am I supposed to do? She'll find out someday - Whiteflicker will just dig around until she knows exactly what she wants. Which is every little secret every little cat keeps." "The best you can do is to avoid her." Brownhare says. I meet his gaze, and his luminous yellow eyes seem to fill me with warmth. All my problems seem to flit away - it's just me and Brownhare, like usual. Best friends. Squad mates. What more can there be between us? You could be lovers, an annoying voice says in my head. I relish the thought for a moment before pushing it away. There's no need to put my feelings - and selfishness - before everything else. Just because I'm the leader of my squad doesn't mean I get everything - just certain privileges which seem even more limited because of Redstar. It's always been the Clan before anything else. That's the way I'll be. "But she'll come and search for me until she figures out where I am." I say, resigned. "That's all there really is to it. I do something incredibly stupid, Whiteflicker finds out, and I get in more trouble than I deserve. Brownhare, how is that even fair?" I ask quietly, reverting my gaze. "Amberfrost." Brownhare says, and I look up at him, meeting his gaze. A wave of sadness and envy passes through me. "Life isn't fair. We have what we have, and that's the end. We learn to bear with the unbearable, and hold on to the little snippets of happiness we have." ~ ~ "I just wish I could find a way to just... get away from her, you know?" I ask him, staring into his gaze. "But she works for Redstar," Brownhare points out unhelpfully. "Unless she does something really bad, she'll probably be kept in her position, and she'll be watching you." "Or, we could do something terribly stupid, and get banished from FireClan altogether." I say, sighing. I revert my gaze, looking around the Beauty. "Let's just keep that as something we're not supposed to do, alright?" Brownhare says, poking me with his tail. I look back at him. "But this is Whiteflicker we're talking about." I snap. "There's probably no one worse than her - except maybe Redstar. Flareheart is a close second." Brownhare laughs again, and I feel more warmth trickle through me, calming down my nerves. "I think I've got someone worse, Amberfrost." Brownhare says teasingly. "What about Shadowfang, or Scarlet?" his eyes gleam as he waits for my reply. "I think Shadowfang might beat Whiteflicker and Redstar. He's probably more intimidating than Whiteflicker and Redstar combined. And as for Scarlet, she reminds me of someone... I just don't know who. It's unnerving." Brownhare and I walk through the Beauty sector, and I remember how we used to be - when everything was so simple, and my biggest problem was having my pelt dirty where every Beauty cat could see. But my whole life seems like a problem now - just endless ones deciding to drop by on my life, and start torturing me; I wish I could go back to old times. "Feeling any better?" Brownhare asks quietly, and I manage a smile. "Don't get too stressed out, Amberfrost. That wouldn't do us any good." "A little bit," I admit, and I notice Brownhare relax a bit. "But I'm still a bit worried." he rolls his eyes. "Just a little bit?" he says. "It's consuming you, Amberfrost. I can tell." he adds, eyeing my expression. "You know me so well. You know that, right Brownhare?" I ask with a smile. "That's what friends are for." he says, meeting my gaze. "We're best friends, Amberfrost. No one can change that." ~ ~ Brownhare and I cross onto the Poor sector, and I choose not to care about the consequences we could face. I already have too many things on my mind - I don't need something else to add to my ever growing list. "Are we visiting Duskheart and Silverfrost?" I ask, already knowing the answer. The unspoken decision seems to hang in the air as we both think the same thing. Let's visit Duskheart and Silverfrost. Let's talk to Rainstorm, and see if she has anything valuable we can use to aid the rebels. Brownhare and I think as one cat, instead of the separate ones we are. It's nice to share that deep understanding with someone - and in my case - someone that I know and love, such as Brownhare. We walk into the den silently, but the happiness that fills the den seems to swallow us whole as Silverfrost, Duskshimmer, and Rainstorm run up to greet us. "Brownhare! Amberfrost!" Silverfrost is unable to say anything else - she's just surprised and happy to see it. I see Rainstorm open her mouth to speak, but no words come out. "Hi Rainstorm." I say, walking over to her - I can see that Brownhare needs some reunion time with his parents. "What has Shadowfang done now?" I study her expression when I mention his name, and it's of anger and disgust. "He's becoming worse than before." Rainstorm makes a face. "I've worked as his messenger for quite a long time, but I still don't know what to make of him. He's too guarded - and I have a feeling that something will happen because of it." I give her a sympathetic look, and she smiles. "He's like Whiteflicker in a way." I shudder a bit when I remember what Whiteflicker was like after I left her den some time ago. "It's like they're always watching us, knowing thinks they shouldn't know, and messing up our lives in general." I say sadly. "That's why we're working for the greater good. FireClan needs better rules." "Which basically translates into 'No Beauty'. I get what you mean, Amberfrost. There's no going back after this." At that moment, Brownhare comes up behind me, and his intimate scent makes me feel calmer. Rainstorm eyes Brownhare with something that makes my blood boil. I don't even know what it is - but all I can register is the jealousy I feel. And I know that I'm being unfair - I can already tell that Rainstorm was meant to be with Hawkpelt. But I start finding it hard to relax as Rainstorm tells us what's been happening with the rebels. "They're planning an attack soon," she says quickly. "But not enough rebels are willing to fight in the battle. Shadowfang is angry because he feels like the fighters are cowards. That's why he's making messengers like me fight." she ends it sadly. Brownhare nods. "We'll the rest of our squad. We can find a way to help you guys. After all, it's the greater good." Rainstorm manages a small smile of what seems like reassurance, and Brownhare turns to me. "Duskheart and Silverfrost want to talk to you Amberfrost." ~ ~ "Duskheart, Silverfrost." I say with a smile, walking up to them. I glance at Brownhare, who seems totally focused on his parents - I can't exactly blame him. He never gets to see them anymore. "How've you been, Amberfrost?" Silverfrost asks quietly, and I shrug. "It's nothing like I imagined." "Is that supposed to be good thing, or a bad one?" Brownhare asks. "Well, what do you think?" I turn to face Brownhare, and he watches me, smiling warmly. I can feel Silverfrost and Duskheart watching us, and certainly disapproving - Beauty warriors aren't supposed to fall in love. Not ever. Stop it Amberfrost, I chide myself. How can you be so sure that Brownhare is in love with you? I turn back to Brownhare's parents, forcing myself not to focus on Brownhare. "It's most likely a bad thing." Brownhare answers quietly. "Is there any information from the Beauty?" Duskheart asks worriedly. Brownhare shakes his head while I answer. "None that we know of. Redstar didn't assign our squad anything." "Did Rainstorm have any information for you guys?" "She said that Shadowfang wants to plan an attack." "But why?" Silverfrost asks us quizzically. "He hates the Beauty, Silverfrost. Everyone knows that." Brownhare answers for me, waving his tail. "But Shadowfang doesn't have enough cats who want to fight, so I don't know how he's going to stage the attack." I say sadly. "Hopefully he doesn't force cats to fight for him. He'd lose many followers that way." Duskheart says. "We'll have to go soon," Brownhare says. "But I'll try to visit soon." "We." I correct him under my breath, and we start walking out of the den together. "Oh!" I turn around, beckoning for Rainstorm. "See if you can get any more information. I can probably get Hawkpelt to stop by tomorrow." At his name, Rainstorm brightens. She smiles and waves. "I'll try my best, Amberfrost. Good luck." ~ Amberfrost and I walk back to the Beauty in silence. I try to focus on what's important – the Beauty, the rebels, Shadowfang, and his new raid. But every time I force myself to focus on these things, I end up thinking about other things. Like Amberfrost. And Rainstorm, Hawkpelt, Snowflare, and Lionclaw. They're important – they're pretty much my whole world – but what I'm thinking about isn't something that I should be thinking about. I see the way Lionclaw and Snowflare always stick together, and how Rainstorm and Hawkpelt are always happier when they're around each other. The images of the two couples together just flood my mind, and I can't push it away. There's Snowflare, glowing when Lionclaw comes and sits with her. Lionclaw, not caring if Snowflare beats him because he knows that things will be alright. Snowflare making witty remarks about him, and Lionclaw laughing at every one of them, unfazed. And then there's Hawkpelt, only happy when he sees Rainstorm. Rainstorm, lighting up when Amberfrost promises that she'll send him over, and I know that she did it just for them. For them to have a chance to find little bits of happiness in the midst of sadness, and grief, and war. The way Snowflare is with Lionclaw, and Hawkpelt with Rainstorm... I've seen it before. In Duskheart and Silverfrost. In the way they laugh together, the way they are always grateful that they are with one another, instead of separate. In the way they're in love. And I feel a new kind of emptiness, like I'm missing something. Something that they have, that they give to one another, and I know that I need someone else in my life. Someone who knows me for who I am, and loves me in the same way. Someone who knows who I really am inside. I need someone like that... … and part of me feels like it's Amberfrost. She's my best friend, the one who I've been with every since I was an apprentice. She trusts me, she's always with me, she'd fight the world for me. I know it – I'd do the same for her. But it just doesn't feel the same – there's no connection. Amberfrost is just my best friend. I look over at Amberfrost, who looks straight ahead. The fading sunlight gives her a faint glow. Her ginger fur is slick and clean. She's beautiful - I won't deny it. Beautiful right here, standing next to me. But something just doesn't feel right. We cross over to Beauty, and she looks up at me unexpectedly. Something in her expression seems to crack, but she manages to hide her face of all emotion. "Amberfrost," I begin, as we walk to nowhere. "What, Brownhare?" "You're my best friend." ~ ~ Amberfrost just stares at me for a second before answering. "Of course." She says with a smile. "You'll always be my best friend, Brownhare. Always." She whispers. "Of course." I nod. "Should we go over and call the rest of the squad?" Amberfrost looks towards where Lionclaw and Snowflare are laughing together. The images from before flash in my mind. "Yeah." I start walking towards Snowflare and Lionclaw. "Let's go." She runs towards them, and I follow her afterward. "Amberfrost -" I call out, and she turns and waits for me. "Go get the others. I'll tell these two." I signal to Lionclaw and Snowflare and she laughs. "Alright, Brownhare. Good luck." She runs off, and I pad over to Snowflare and Lionclaw who are laying down next to each other. "Snowflare – Lionclaw." I wave my tail in their faces until they focus on me. "Amberfrost and I got some important information from Rainstorm." Snowflare nods, but Lionclaw just looks confused. "You went with Amberfrost?" He asks, and I give him a pointed look. "Why were you in the poor section in the first place?" "To visit my parents." Snowflare frowns, and I sigh, exasperated. "Listen – Amberfrost and I went there to see if they were okay, and -" "Brownhare!" I turn to see Amberfrost running towards us, flanked by Hawkpelt, Appleleaf, and Finchwing. "Did you tell them already?" "I was just about to right now." I wave my tail. "You could probably tell the story better, Amberfrost." She nods and runs faster. "So Brownhare and I went to the poor to see his parents, and we got the chance to talk to Rainstorm there." The cats nod, though I can visibly see Hawkpelt's flash of pain before he covers it up. "Was there anything important about Shadowfang?" Finchwing nods, and Amberfrost nods. "I was getting to that. Rainstorm told us that Shadowfang is planning an attack soon." The five of them look at us with blank confusion. "Why would he do that?" Hawkpelt asks, and I decide to answer him this time. "He's getting annoyed with the Beauty, and he -" "Shadowfang doesn't have enough cats to fight for him, which isn't good." Amberfrost cuts me off. "So tomorrow, we might go for a perimeter patrol, just to see what's happening. Oh, and Hawkpelt." She turns to the dark tom. "I told Rainstorm that I'd send you over to get any more information tomorrow." Hawkpelt cheers up instantly, and he nods. "So report anything important back to us, and we'll see what you can do." Amberfrost ends her announcement, and the five of them disband and walk away. Amberfrost turns to me, her eyes shining. "How was that, Brownhare?" I shake my head. "This is why you're our leader, Amberfrost. You're just good at these kind of things." I'm rewarded with her smile. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
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