abstract
| - Neil had a challenged up bringing. Living in a one roomed bedsit, he would often have very little material to make useless, inanimate objects from pure junk. Often he'd resort to using raw sewage as a means for glue and used toilet paper for papier mache. Used blown up condoms were often used as the basis of a soon to be dinosaur piggybank. Aged 11, Neil was expelled from his school for accidentally tripping up and covering his teacher in glue which subsequently burnt the skin of the teacher's face, blinding him in the process. Unfortunately the art teacher never recovered and retired prematurely on disability benefits. From the age of 18, Neil enrolled in art college in his native Liverpool where he would meet his best friend and future co tv star named "Head". Typically, Neil was known to have indulged in a hedonisitc lifestyle in college which involved much recreational drug use. Despite such drug use, Neil was well known in college circles for his inventive and at times bizarre use of drugs unlike his friend Head who was a self proclaimed 'insane crack addict'. Neil's friendship with Head led to an unhealthy addiction which culminated in a fixation with custard creams & occasionally Fox's brand of Party Rings. As such, Neil began ignited an underground drug culture upon which he fell into the arms of the law for a string of possession based crimes. During this time he had been arrested for dealing and possessing a variety of drugs including but not limited to: weed, cocaine, skunk, lsds, uppers, downers, inners, outers, poppers, zippers & willy wadge wodgers. He even invented his own drug which he named the Lard Attack which was invented for instantaneously releasing all waste from the body instantly after consumption. Neil Buchannan made millions off this drug exploiting the weight loss industry with devastating impact and proving to be a favourite alternative medicine to cult Everton FC goalkeeper Neville Southhall.
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