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| - :Moses Griffin: All right, listen up. Before we go any further I wanna lay down a few rules, right? Commandment #1: Shut the hell up. Commandment #2: There's nothing I can do about the sun. Commandment #3: There are no more Jolly Ranchers, they're all gone. Commandment #4: When we pass a billboard, please don't read it out loud. Alright? Now come on, let's keep goin'!
:Man 1: Oh, look at that! "Danny Gans, entertainer of the year".
:Moses: What did I say?!
:Man 2: "Hassle-free checking".
:Moses: Dammit!
:Man 3: "Man cow in the morning".
:Moses: Shut up!
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:Chuggs: Hahaha! You're going down, man! [God farts] Aw dude, that is SICK!
:God: YEAH!! UNDEFEATED!! Oh wait-wait, here comes another one. Quick, gimme your lighter.
:[God's second fart results in the Big Bang]
:God: Ahhh. Ya smell that?
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:Brian: What's the matter?
:Peter: That wasn't oxygen, that was a tank of Tony Danza's breath! Ugh, wonder who got my oxygen tank.
:[elsewhere]
:Judith Light: Kiss me, Tony. I want your breath inside me. [turns knob, smooches oxygen tank] Hey!
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:Brian: Peter, what is that? [pan left to a panic room]
:Peter: Well, I got the idea to build a panic room after I saw that movie, The Butterfly Effect. I thought, "Whoa, this is terrible. I wish I could escape where this movie couldn't find me." And then...
:Lois: What the hell are we waiting for?!
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:Peter: But since we're all gonna die, there's one more secret I feel I have to share with you. I did not care for The Godfather.
:Lois: What?
:Peter: Did not care for The Godfather.
:Chris: How can you even say that, dad?
:Peter: Didn't like it.
:Lois: Peter, it's so good! It's like the perfect movie!
:Peter: This is what everyone always said. Whenever they say...
:Chris: Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, I mean, you never see, Robert Duvall!
:Peter: Fine. Fine. Fine actor, did not like the movie.
:Brian: Why not?
:Peter: Did not...couldn't get into it.
:Lois: Explain yourself. What didn't you like about it?
:Peter: It insists upon itself, Lois.
:Lois: What?
:Peter: It insists upon itself.
:Lois: What does that even mean?
:Chris: Because it has a valid point to make, it's insisted!
:Peter: It takes forever getting in; you spend like six and a half hours... You know, I can't get through, I've never even finished the movie. I've never seen the ending.
:Chris: You've never seen the ending?!
:Stewie: How can you say you don't like it if you haven't even given it a chance?
:Lois: I agree with Stewie. It's not even fair.
:Peter: I have tried on three separate occasions to get through it, and I get to the scene where all the guys are sitting around on the easy chairs.
:Lois: Yeah, it's a great scene. I love that scene.
:Peter: I have no idea what they're talking about. It's like they're speaking a different... You know, that's where I lose interest in it.
:Lois: You know what, Peter,
:Chris: They're speaking Italian!
:Lois: The language they're speaking is a language of subtlety; it's something you don't understand.
:Peter: I love The Money Pit. That is my answer to that statement.
:Lois: Exactly.
:Peter: Well, there you go.
:Lois: Whatever.
:Chris: I like that movie too.
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:Joe: Thank God you guys are okay!
:Chris: Wow! You saved our lives, Mr. Swanson!
:Joe: We've captured the burglars.
:Lois: Oh, thank God.
:Joe: Unfortunately, they're pressing sexual harassment charges against your daughter.
:Peter: Well, that was a close call!
:Joe: You know, Meg should probably get a lawyer.
:Lois: [to Peter] Oh, sweetie, thanks for keeping our spirits up with your stories.
:Joe: Your daughter's a sexual predator. If you don't do anything, she could go to jail for a long time.
:Peter: [to Lois] Don't thank me, Lois. Thank my ancestors for living lives of greatness.
:Joe: All right, guys, just take her away.
:Meg: DAD! HELP!! AHH! DAD!!
:Peter: Have fun at the dance, Meg! I hope she does, that kid really deserves it.
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