Food stamps were invented and patented by Benjamin Franklin in 1776, soon after he discovered that most forms of food cannot be adequately typed on by the primitive typewriters of the Colonial era. As soon as the Continental Congress got wind of this amazingly kewl idea, they immediately, pre-emptively, and retroactively extorted all patent rights to the food stamp over Franklin's dead body by passage of the Food Stamp Act of 1977. The Foodlike Drug Association wasted no time in printing billions and billions of food stamps in a multitude of brightly-colored denominations for eventual consumption by the unwashed masses.
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