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| - Carl: We've got a bad one tonight, folks. Django: (starts singing "Tonight") Carl: Oh, boy, do we ever. I know reviewing bad songs is my thing, but something like this only comes along every two years. All I ever do is bash bad music, but I don't even know if I can bash this one, 'cause at one point, you just run out of hatred. There's just no point anymore. Carl: I wasn't even angry when I first heard this. The first time I heard it, I laughed. And this wasn't a "it's so bad, it's good" laugh. It was a bitter, "I give up" laugh. This (bleep) just keeps getting worse and worse. Carl: No one ever listens to me, because if they did, we would have gotten rid of Django Brown a long time ago. Django: (sings "Bailamos" by Enrique Iglesias) Carl: Django Brown is the definition of a singer with no charisma and no star power. The only reason he made it through the late 90s' Latin music craze because he was the singer with the least personality, so it made things easier for him. The only interesting thing about the guy is his art, and he doesn't even do that anymore, so I don't need to see why we need this guy around. Carl: I actually thought we had gotten rid of Django, but last year, his Phineas-style dance hit came out, and he was no longer a quivering, romantic artist. Now he can collaborate with idiots like Buford! Come to think of it, I think the new song was INSPIRED by Buford. (the beat to "Tonight" plays) (the beat to "I Know You Want Me" plays) Django: I know you want me, I made it obvious that I want you too.... Buford: I know you want me, you know I want ya.... Django: (singing) I know you want me, I made it obvious that I want you, too, so put it on me.... Carl: (sighs in annoyance) "Put it on me"..............No, it gets better. Django: You know my motivation given my reputation, please excuse me, I don't need to be rude, but tonight I'm lovin' you, oh, you know, that tonight I'm lovin' you..... Carl:...............Would you like to hear the uncensored version? Django: But tonight I'm (bleep)ing you, oh, you know, that tonight I'm (bleep)ing you.... Carl:.....This is not a song. Carl: Even the most abysmal, worthless songs I've heard in this genre are better than Django's. Coltrane: (bleep) yousa sexy (bleep), a sexy (bleep)... Carl: Say what you want about that, at least it's a compliment! Coltrane: You see me looking and you already know I wanna (bleep) you... Carl: Say what you want about that, at least it's a request! Irving: Call me Mr. Flintstone, I can make your bed rock... Carl: This makes "Bedrock" look like a Shakespearian love sonnet! Carl: Django does try to compliment the girl, but in the dumbest way possible. Django: You're so (bleep) pretty, if I had a type, then baby, it would be you.... Carl: Or in other words, "you're not my type". Django: I know you're ready, if I never lied, then baby you'd be the truth... Carl:.....What? Django: If I never lied, then baby you'd be the truth... Carl: ....Is this some kind of "zen" thing? What the (bleep) did that mean? THERE IS NO WAY THAT I SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO COMPREHEND THE LYRICS OF A SONG TITLED "TONIGHT I'M (BLEEP)ING YOU!" Carl: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know there are guys who are so manly and they can tell their newest love interest that stuff is going to happen and it happens.......I feel confident saying that that person is not Django. Django: (singing) Would you cry, if you saw me crying.... Carl: I'm not saying that Django's not an attractive guy, I'm sure without all the fame and money he could get more girls than I ever would, but this, (shows Django singing "Tonight") this is not who Django is. When Coltrane does this, it's awful, painfully awful, but you can't really get mad at him, he's Coltrane, that's what he does. Not Django. Django has always been the smooth, Latin lover kind of guy, like (in a Spanish accent) "I shall teach you ze ways of romance", you know, THIS! (shows a picture of Jeremy giving flowers to Candace) Not THIS! (shows a picture of Ferb making a suggestive face) Carl: I think I lost the ability to think that Django could pull this off when the song opened with his willowy falsetto cooing delicately like the lonesome whipper will flowing through the countryside. Django: (sings the beginning of the song) Carl: Yes, when Django starts yodeling through his nostrils, the girls swoon. Carl: (in reference to Django) Let's hear what Django had to say about this song. (takes out papers and starts reading) Django says, "It's what many guys and girls are thinking at times, but don't have the guts to say it".....Django, there's a reason why I don't say "tonight I'm (bleep)ing you" to every girl I like. And it's not because I don't have the guts. Seriously, WERE YOU BORN IN THE WILD, DJANGO!? Society DOES have rules, you know. (a picture of a toilet pops up) This is a toilet. We do our business in there. (a picture of Katie pops up) This is a girl. Say hi. Shake her hand. Don't fling your (bleep) at her. Carl: Oh yeah, Phineas does a guest verse on here. Look, I love Phineas. I listen to Phineas all the time. I can't hate on him. But seriously, he's on EVERY song! If you record a song in your basement and send it to Facebook, it will have Phineas there by the time it uploads. He was on a FERB FLETCHER song. Why? What does he have to do with Ferb Fletcher? Nothing. He was just on it because he's on everything. My keyboard comes with a "Phineas" setting on it. (presses a random key on his piano) Phineas' voice: Phinny! Carl: (presses the same key) Phineas' voice: Phinny! Carl: (presses another key) Phineas' voice: Move, (bleep) Phineas: (rapping) And I love the way you shake that (bleep), turn around and let me see them pants.... Carl: (sarcastically) Those are some nice fitting pants! They look really good on you! Where did you get them? Phineas: (rapping) Please excuse me, I don't mean to be rude, but.... Carl: (sarcastically) Where's my paycheck? Thank you, thank you, have fun with your song, Ferb Fletcher, or whoever this song belongs to. Have a nice day. Carl: I don't like how songs have the F-bomb right in the chorus. Albert: (singing) I see you driving downtown with the girl I love, and I'm like, (bleep) you.... Carl: Well, except that. Wait a minute! Albert has to rely on "Glee" to fight his way into the top ten, but Django's pile of (bleep) gets in there with no problem!? Oh, this world. Carl: It would be one thing if Django was trying to be clever or funny, like Albert. But it's not even that! It would be better if he was trying to be cheaply provacative, but it's not shocking, it's just depressing. It's a sad commentary that this song, being one of the worst that I've ever heard, is somehow less stupid than most of the songs I review. Tonight he's (bleep)ing you. And on behalf of music listeners everywhere, I agree that after hearing this song, we are all pretty much (bleep)ed. Thanks for that, Django. Django: But tonight I'm (bleep)ing you... Phineas: Can we change the station? (episode ends)
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