About: Kilkeel   Sponge Permalink

An Entity of Type : dbkwik:resource/BwR539UnpA-FkTHNXAgvqQ==, within Data Space : 134.155.108.49:8890 associated with source dataset(s)

Kilkeel is a small town in County Down, Ireland. It is also referred by some as “a black hole”, the meaning being derived from “protestant bastards” Kilkeel is divided strongly between two separate communities – those who know how to gut herons and those who do not. The people who do not are likely to die before adolescence. Kilkeel is a massive tourist attraction, especially on the 12th of July when various bible reading protestants are nailed to wooden crosses and stoned alive by good olde fashion pagans. In recent years, this event has been criticised by local politicians, saying that it is “simply not violent enough and should not be confined to one day per year” The “game” goes in this tradition –

AttributesValues
rdf:type
rdfs:label
  • Kilkeel
rdfs:comment
  • Kilkeel is a small town in County Down, Ireland. It is also referred by some as “a black hole”, the meaning being derived from “protestant bastards” Kilkeel is divided strongly between two separate communities – those who know how to gut herons and those who do not. The people who do not are likely to die before adolescence. Kilkeel is a massive tourist attraction, especially on the 12th of July when various bible reading protestants are nailed to wooden crosses and stoned alive by good olde fashion pagans. In recent years, this event has been criticised by local politicians, saying that it is “simply not violent enough and should not be confined to one day per year” The “game” goes in this tradition –
sameAs
dbkwik:uncyclopedi...iPageUsesTemplate
Nickname
  • Black Hole
Country
  • Éire 32
Name
  • Kilkeel
Languages
  • herrin gutter
Caption
  • what Kilkeel people like
Currency
  • fish
bgcolour
  • #ff9619
Anthem
  • "Don't cha"
general info optional
  • Kippers
general info optional header
  • Smells of
abstract
  • Kilkeel is a small town in County Down, Ireland. It is also referred by some as “a black hole”, the meaning being derived from “protestant bastards” Kilkeel is divided strongly between two separate communities – those who know how to gut herons and those who do not. The people who do not are likely to die before adolescence. Kilkeel is a massive tourist attraction, especially on the 12th of July when various bible reading protestants are nailed to wooden crosses and stoned alive by good olde fashion pagans. In recent years, this event has been criticised by local politicians, saying that it is “simply not violent enough and should not be confined to one day per year” The “game” goes in this tradition – * Stage one – nailed to the cross * Stage two – pebbles and Gaelic footballs are fired at targets from the crowd * Stage three – the town mayor urinates on each individual while bricks are fired from the church tower on Newry Street * Stage four – huge granite blocks are dropped on the “black witches” from a height of 10 feet * Stage five – the candidates are checked for a pulse and “arse to mouth resuscitation” is performed by the town mayor – if they are deceased by this point, they were actually witches and the whole torture themed day was well worth it. Senior members of the IRA are the special guests at the event including Ian Paisley, whom has now came out of the IRA gun closet and sponsors the event in return for some dissident shaft sucking behind the DUP advice centre. TV presenter Eamon Holmes, who regularly anchors the function, said “it’s a good way to show both communities coming together and participating in traditional fun and games.” When asked by local journalist Jesus Black if he thought the games were ever so slightly one sided, Eamon replied “piss off you fucking killjoy” and was then seen running into the harbour, falling into old habits of whale killing.
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