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| - In a world full of copycats and pretenders to the throne discover the classic franchise that inspired them all by beating our collective ass since the 1980's. Mega Man Experience a series older than most gamers that taught children the meaning of patience, frustration, and earning your victories through the medium of brutal platforming, relentless enemies, and occasional total bullsh!t. Fight the never-ending battles of Mega Man: A spandex boy/robot hybrid stuck in a proxy war between Dr. Santa Claus and his suspiciously well-funded Nega-Einstein that is clearly leading towards a Terminator style dystopia. But for now, plays out as a series of bright colored platforming levels ending in themed boss fights that got weirder the longer the series went on. Until the obligatory showdown with Wily. Whose world domination schemes are both painfully stupid and also probably going to actually happen someday. Okay so maybe we still have a couple years left. Slide your way through the traditional side-scrolling gameplay of Megaman as you blast your way through hundreds of googly-eyed robots while avoiding spikes, bullets, and your own lack of hand-eye coordination until you finally absorb a boss's powers and try to figure out which of the next bosses will have that power as a weakness. Huh, are snakes weaker against needles or ninjas? I don't even want to know what I have to do to beat Hardman. Get equipped with 30 years of the Blue Bomber. A series with so many entries, spin-offs, and side games it's almost impossible to keep track of them all. But we're gonna try. From the classic platformers that were harder than diamond... Man. And the modern sequels that try to recapture the magic. To the edgy X series that turned the anime dial up to 11. All those handheld Mega Men's. The Legends games that blended 3-D action RPGs with a cutting-edge can-kicking simulator. Robot soccer because why the f*ck not? The Battle Network games that mixed Mega Man, cards, and a grid-based RPG because drugs. The handheld Zero series that was the Dark Souls of an already Dark Souls level series. The spin-offs where you play as a horrible human/Mega Man hybrid and as a pirate lady with Lego servants? That one where you kill zombies as a human man. The cameos in other video games. The cancelled games that you wanted but can never get. That wild Japanese stuff that they'll never translate. And finally, now that they're fully out of ideas, the anniversary collections and garbage spiritual sequels that will bum you out faster than an anime fan on prom night. So charge up that blaster and hop your way through some old-school satisfaction that hurts so good, it'll make you shatter your controller. F*cking sh*t! Just like the old days! I'm gonna go punch my dick with a power glove to cool off. Starring: Boyman (Mega Man) Mr. steal yo powers (Mega Man X) Norton AntiVirus man (Megaman.exe) Nathan Drake man (Megaman Volnutt) It's pretty messed up that they gave her a vacuum arm on the cartoon (Roll) Doggobot roll out! (Rush) Weebman (Zero) 2 Kool 3 School (Protoman) Eyebrows on fleek man (Bass) Double gun man (Axl) Doctor good man (Dr. Light) Doctor bad man (Dr. Wily) Evil bald man (Sigma) and more robot masters that you can shake a robo-stick at featuring: Rock beats scissors (Cut man) Machoke (Guts man) Lonely ice climber (Ice man) Bomberman- wait that's taken!? (Bomb man) Burn-ie Manders Nik-Killa Tesla Orange slice Wide mouth Otter pops Genji Bomberma-dammit! Megaman's jerk older brother, Chet Zippo Bic Mctinder Morning wood Porcu-pain Pacemaker's bane Twinsies Husky Rayman Beyblade Snake with hands but somehow not a lizard Roadside assistance Naruto fanfic Edison's pride What was this for originally? Hieroglyphics with hydraulics The drills that will pierce the heavens Sonic's looking for ya The Brave Little Toaster Torpedrone Team skull 3D Doritos Jason Momoa The third little pig's mech Scyther on ice Subtlety sam Thomas the pain engine Warcrimes prime Heisenburg Palette swapped Air man Robot with hair Char-pansez The ol' ball n' chain, my ex-wife. Karen if you're watching, I don't miss you Pollen on a budget Washington Redskins Poof nips Killin 'em Shake-spear Twinkle toes Last-minute effort Bubbles boom boom Sh*t storm Jar Jar Slinks Young Blanka GhOoUuls 'n ghosts Questionably street legal Swordfish bird Katamari dafroggy Invisi-tummy Sega saturn Army of two Crushed r' cubed Bomberma-oh come on! I quit Jason mimosa Traffic cone Oz public transit Ariel 3 plugs in this photo Blood Diamond Bee minus Volcanope Asimo Blade Trinity Artesian well water Mine over matter Chill, man Mareep Pitch, please! Tron Biketron And Melonoma man Astro Boy Y'know Megaman is Rockman in Japan? That's why his sister's named Roll and his friend's name is Bass and his dog... Uh, I guess the developers were just super into rush? I'unno...
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