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| - The great Tupã, Lord of thunder and light, descended upon the earth after his marriage with the fair Goddess, Arasy, with the intention of creating a world that would entertain Them during Their infinitude. He created all the mountains, valleys, animals, trees, rivers and lakes upon Earth, including a hill in Areguá, the exact point where He stood while doing his creation. And after He was done, He started working on his most magnificent creatures: a man and a woman. Tupã searched upon all Earth for the materials he would need. He crafted a paste with a mixture of the finest clay, magical juice extracted from yerba mate, blood from the mighty short-tailed nighthawk, several of the most beautiful leaves of all, and a centipede. He sculpted two statues of His image from the mixture, and left them dry under the sun. And then he instilled life into them. This is how the honourable first inhabitants of my nourishing land: the tupi-guaranis thought the world was created. And this is also how I begin this, that shall be the greatest compendium of the colossal deeds achieved by my most magnificent people. Actually, I have not begun it yet, this was merely an introduction. The beginning would be something more like: "And this was also how Capiota thought the world was created. For Capiota was a tupi. A mighty warrior, and most attuned with the life-giving and life-taking forces of Nature. Capiota held the high ideals of living in harmony with nature highly, like most of the other peace-loving indians." There. That would be the beginning. In fact, that is the beginning, if you didn't notice it yet. Recently, his tribe had moved from their old camp somewhere south from there, and only this week had they finished cutting the jungle trees and burning the remains, in order to plant cassava, a most delicious vegetable that has no particular taste, as their nature-loving grandfathers had done for many ages. Today, 22 of april of 1500, anno Domini, (although he didn't know that) Capiota was escorting a group of women from the village that had left to forage food, since the vile tupinambás were evilly raiding tupi food supplies and kidnapping tupi women themselves. Today the weather was warmer than most, rain probably would come soon. They won't be able to cook the meat from the hunt without fire, so they better take as many fruits as they could, or they would have nothing to eat. And so they went all the way to the coast, looking for fruit. Until they saw strange square clouds on the sky. They thought that was a sign of the gods, so they followed it until a beach, were they found a big wooden canoe far on the ocean and a few people with sandy skin that apparently were making drawings on white cloths. When the people with sandy skin saw the tupis, naked as in the day they were born, (well, except for some vines around their wrists and body painting) they said something that would sound, if said in English, something alike "Holy fricking shit!" Capiota told the women to stay back as he carefully approached the strange sandy-skinned foreigner, that wore strange, hard and bright stuff on their chests and heads. It didn't look like stone, wood, feathers or bone, so Capiota assumed what any sensible human being would assume on the same situation. He assumed those fellows were Gods that came to visit the Land of Man, specially after seeing that some of them had strange, watery eyes. Capiota greeted the Gods in the most formal and humble way he knew, he presented his women and offered fruits to them. The Gods took the fruits and said things in a strange Godly dialect, pointing to a big wooden cross nearby. Capiota assumed the Gods wanted him to see something, so he called the women, sat back, and watched as the Gods went about on their thing. Then some other sandy-skinned God, wearing a weird brown skin tunic -that seemed to be too soft for any animals they knew- went to the cross and, with his back turned to the other kneeling Gods, started speaking in other Godly dialect. "Man, how many dialects do those Gods have?" asked one of the women. "I dunno, I just hope they don't expect to have me as a gift, they look gross," said the other woman, staring suspiciously at the bad-smelling Gods gross skin. "Look," Capiota said, "If those Gods want you as a gift, we'll give you as a gift. Then maybe they'll kill those goddammed tupinanbás." After some time, the weird Godly ritual was finished, and the God with the soft animal skin went to the Tupis, saying something in their weird language. Capiota assumed they wanted the girl as a gift, so he gave her. The sandy-skinned God seemed surprised, but accepted the gift gratefully, and went to the nearby woods. "See?" Capiota said, "Now they should give us some more fertile land. I mean, they better help us, or else..." The other Gods, envious of the one that got the girl, also went to Capiota, saying things in Godly dialect. Capiota didn't hesitate to give the other woman to the Gods, and went to his village, to take some more. After he came back, with all the other villagers and their women, the girls he left behind were trying to get away from the God's grasp, "Hey, get that finger outta my ass!" she said. But, seeing the other women, the Gods stopped whatever they were doing with her, and walked towards the Tupis. After giving their women to the Gods and asking for things like more fertile land, killing tupinambás and more women, the Tupis went back to their village, happily. After eight days, the Tupi men started to want their women back, since life didn't get any better. They came back to the beach and kindly asked the Gods to give them back, while firmly holding their bows and axes. After it seemed the Gods didn't want to give them back, the Tupis started getting angry and yelled at them. The Gods then took their own weapons and yelled back in strange dialect. There was a great battle, twenty Tupis were killed, but they managed to force the Gods into retreat. Seeing the strange things that the Gods used to sail through the water, Capiota yelled at them, "And you better don't come back!"
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