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:Soccer Mom: That's the tenth time today! Nice job orca! Hey, get Moby Dick off the field before he burps up a license plate!
:Peter: Hey-Hey-Hey easy fella that's my kid, now apologize.
:Soccer Mom: Okay, I'm sorry your kid's a brain dead, stinkin' blue cheese fat ass! [Knocks the can of beer out of Peter's hand]
:Peter: Oh-Oh that's it! [Peter punches her and everyone gasps]
:Chris: Way to go, dad!
:Boy: Hey, you hit my mom!
:Peter: No, I hit your dad.
:Man: Whoa! Stand back. Give her some air.
:Peter: You mean, give him some air.
:Woman: Call an ambulance. She's going into labor!
:Peter: You...you mean, he's going into labor. [sound of baby crying] Whoops.
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:Peter: Wait, wait, wait. One last question. If I walk through you, does it mean like we've done it?
:Pawtucket Patriot Ghost: Geez, what's with you and the gay jokes..?!
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:Lois: Oh my God, my baby is drunk! [takes Stewie]
:Peter: No I'm not...oh, him? Oh, y...yeah, he's a real lightweight.
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:Customer: Wow, Lois Griffin! Hey, I love your act. Nice melons.
:Peter: Hey, listen, pal...
:Lois: Peter, I am holding melons.
:Peter: Oh.
:Customer: And the hooters ain't bad either.
:Peter: Now, hang on a second there...
:Lois: Peter, I am holding hooters.
:Peter: Oh, sorry.
:Customer: No problem. Your wife's hot.
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:Peter: Oh, boy, I feel just like Tim Allen. I build stuff and I have a criminal record.
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:Stewie: Shake me! Shake me like a British nanny!
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:Stewie: No no no, you imbecile! That's not talc; that's paprika! Aaahh! [Urinates on Peter] Take that!
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:Peter: [To Lois] You know I spoil you.
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:Stewie: E-flat, Salieri, E-flat!
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:Peter: Lois loves her family! Lois loves her family! Lois and her family sitting in a tree...see now, Lois, the guys would've found that hilarious.
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:Stewie: Silence, you contemptible shrew!
:Lois: Aww, I bet your gums are still sore.
:Stewie: Oh, you're so observant, aren't you? Are you a detective? Yes, my gums are sore!
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:[As Lois performs]
:Quagmire: Now that's a woman! [Camera pans to a man holding up picture cards] That's a house; that's a fish; that's a bee!
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:Peter: Lois is pretty pissed, huh?
:Brian: Yes. Your judgement lately has been rather...well, you have crappy judgement anyway.
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:Stewie: Augh, my teeth!
:Tooth 1: I'm free, free! I claim this mouth in the name of Incisor.
:Tooth 2: I think not!
:Tooth 1: Bicuspid, we meet again!
:Tooth 2: Have at you!
:Tooth 1: En garde! [Both strain]
:Tooth 2: Well, should we bite the tongue, then?
:Tooth 1: On three! One, two...
:Stewie: Aaahh!
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