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| - However, mention beauty pageants and Filipinos open up, resulting in a heated competition, debate and debacle of knowledge of beauty pageant history and trivia. There will be no stopping the Filipinos when it comes to beauty pageants. This is therefore the correct way of ascertaining if you are a married woman wondering if you are married to a bakla. Mention the phrase, "beauty pageant," followed by a seemingly ignorant or totally wrong comment, and see if your husband corrects you. Count the number of words or sentences your husband utters about the subject of beauty pageants, and if he surpasses 20 words, then you can be sure that your husband not only has the tendencies of a bakla, but is actually one. You will soon realize that your husband has something in common with the latest incarnation of SM Shoemart; both have well-maintained façades. At this point, look at him straight in the eye and ask him what his stage name is, what country he is representing this year, and what countries he represented over the recent 5 years. You can also mention "Sharon Cuneta". And if you have observed your husband fawn over Sharon Cuneta, you have just proven that your husband is totally bakla. Or if acting in a cutesy cutesy manner, he is a baklita. This is a totally understandable behaviour for Filipino husbands, which parallels the behavior closeted American men have for Madonna. It has been observed that some Filipino males glamorize their existence by speaking in a "burgis" manner. The ones from Manila would speak "Taglish," a mixture of Tagalog and English, and this has been matched by the Visayan "Ceblish," which is a mixture of Cebuano and English. Mix this with a winning discussion about love and adoration for Sharon Cuneta, and you will witness before you the unveiling of a closeted silahista or bakla. If this happens to be your husband, you might want to celebrate, having just proven a hunch you have been having for a while. Likewise, if you are a girl in school, and you have a male classmate who seems to have mastered Taglish or Ceblish, keep him close to you and realize that he is the one person who will make the most and the best of your school years. You can lose your virginity to him as his consolation prize, as your friend is in a state of curiosity which in later life will manifest towards homosexuality. Whether you get pregnant or not will not be an issue to this future-gay, as you will soon become a mere memory after graduation.
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