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| - It was an average day. A man by the name of Richard's alarm went off. It was extremely loud. It happened this way every morning. As he did every morning, he hit his alarm violently, crushing it into a fine powder, and ate it. He wrote "Buy a new alarm clock" on the To-Do list on his fridge, the to-do list that was now so long it wrapped itself around the fridge, making it impossible to open, and extended on to the kitchen floor. He wrote "Start doing the things on your list" on the list before going into the bathroom to brush his teeth. "My tooth is in my eye!!!" screamed Richard.
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| abstract
| - It was an average day. A man by the name of Richard's alarm went off. It was extremely loud. It happened this way every morning. As he did every morning, he hit his alarm violently, crushing it into a fine powder, and ate it. He wrote "Buy a new alarm clock" on the To-Do list on his fridge, the to-do list that was now so long it wrapped itself around the fridge, making it impossible to open, and extended on to the kitchen floor. He wrote "Start doing the things on your list" on the list before going into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He opened up his drawer, and pulled out a pair of large pliers, and used them to yank each and every one of his teeth out, one at a time. He had to ensure that he had sparkly-white teeth, and the only way to do this was to remove them. He submerged them in white paint, then put them in an oven and heated them to 900 degrees C to ensure that all the bacteria on them were dead. Then, he rinsed them in alcohol, sprayed them with aerosol disinfectant spray, and wiped them with a moist towelette, before cramming them all back into their sockets. This was what he had done every morning for the past 8 years, aside from one morning when he forgot to brush his teeth. It was a rough morning. He smiled in the mirror, to ensure that his teeth were perfectly straight. Or he would have smiled in the mirror if he actually had one. He didn't. So he smiled at the blank wall where the mirror had once been, and assumed he was looking good. He then sneezed, and one of his teeth flew out, bouncing off the wall and hitting him in the eye. "My eye." he said. Then he stood there for twenty minutes. Then he realized that getting hit in the eye with his own tooth had actually hurt quite a bit. He started screaming. He immediately ran to his phone to call 9-11. He dialed 9-1-1, and sat there for an hour waiting for the policemen to answer before remembering that the phone wasn't plugged in. He plugged in the phone, and dialed the number again. "What do you want?" said a policeman. "My tooth is in my eye!!!" screamed Richard. "That sounds like a job for CAPTAIN GARGLE!!!" bellowed the policeman, and he hung up the phone.
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